Walking the Talk

These days I've been reading an interesting blog while dealing with the mounting dissertation stress which freezes me completely. It's an interesting read as I find him a mirror image of me. This is for the first time in my life that I'm acknowledging that there's a person out there who's the male version of Cindy. I feel it when I read the criteria of his future spouse. I have my own version which is so similar to his that I felt spooky reading it, unable to believe that this could be true. So I'm not crazy setting such criteria for my future spouse :) That's a comfort definitely.

I posted a comment to him that a heart that seeks God is never a lonely heart... and I'd rather be a fool for God than to end up with broken marriage or a wrong guy beside me by praying for my him. Indeed, these few days I've started my prayers for a godly husband once again after a few years of abandoning the hope of ever getting one, despite my doubt if I would ever find my him. In the depths of doubts, I choose to hold on to Him even when I can't feel him.

I'd need to walk the talk of godliness. For every criterion I have for my future spouse, I too should be able to fulfill the criterion myself. My first criterion is a man after God's own heart. So, the first thing to do on my part is to seek God once again. This morning, I hope I could appreciate Jesus the way Kari Jobe sang "What Love is This" and my relationship with Jesus can once again flourish. Indeed, of all the things in the world, I'd rather be a fool for Christ for it brings joy to my life.

Blessed Birthday, My Friend!

Some 33 years ago, an awesome couple gave birth to their youngest son on 13th March. And today is 13th March and I thank God for the blessing of knowing a man who is after God's very own heart. On this very special day, I pray that God will always bless him with faith, hope, love and joy in life as he does all that God calls him to. He was there as a great support when I was dealing with my dad's illness and passing, and for this, I will always remember the kindness and love he had showered me. I felt less alone with his support then. And so I pray that he will find true happiness doing God's work always. Blessed Birthday and much love from me to you who are thousands of miles away!

Lenten Reflection: 3rd March 2013, Sunday

The Lord is merciful and kind... (Psalm 103:8a)

I'm writing from the desk of my friend in Liverpool, since I am currently outstation to do my sample collection for my masters project. It is indeed a blessing in my life to have met so many wonderful and hospitable Malaysian students here, and their kind assistance to my project is indeed very much appreciated. I just can't help thanking my friend, Neb, again and again for her help to lookup her friends in Liverpool. Indeed, the Lord is merciful and kind...

Today morning, as I woke up from the sleep and went through the whole routine of checking mails, and Facebook notifications, I saw more news on the intrusion of the state of Sabah, Malaysia, by the no-land Sulu "sultanate". This land has been my home for the past nine years, and all my spiritual family members residing in this peaceful land below the wind are currently at the very center of commotion. I am genuinely concerned about the current situation in Sabah when I read the news that five policemen were down during an ambush in Semporna. Since Malaysia was formed in 1963, we barely faced dangerous situations as such, at least since I was born until now. I had lived through peaceful, developing times of Malaysia. I am saddened by the fact of all the chaos which are happening back home while I am in Europe for my studies. There is nothing much which I could do, besides offering my worries to the Lord, and praying for this land and people whom I love back home, and also to relay information of my network to others who may need it in my network. But indeed, the Lord is still merciful and kind...

Many people may say that this is untrue, and rebuke that if the Lord is really merciful, such chaos would not happen. I saw something beautiful in the midst of chaos. More people are praying right now for to regain peace in Sabah. More people are united against foreign forces who are trying to invade the state. More people return to God because of difficult times. Yes, our faith is challenged by all these chaotic situations, and yes, it can be shaken. But this faith of the size of the mustard seed can move mountains if we believe that God will bring peace to His people even in the midst of stormy seas in life. Jesus calmed the sea more than two thousand years ago when the Apostles were afraid and called out to Him. He would be here with us to calm the storms in our lives, if we call out to Him too. And our God is the God of second chances, and He would be merciful and kind if we turn to Him once again.

So let us renew our faith by giving ourselves a chance to believe in God again, and pray for physical and spiritual renewals for ourselves, and for everyone else. And pray specially for peace in the Sabah, Malaysia, in times of trouble like this. Amen.

A Period of Tremendous Blessings

It's been a while that I have ignored myself and everything that's happening around me. The effect of stress maybe? Or the effect of spiritual dryness? Maybe both, working alongside for the explosion of dark night of my soul.

Christmas is around the corner, and it is time to prepare once again to be refreshed by the coming of our Saviour, the Lord and the Servant King. I finally got the Music Hub on my Galaxy SIII working, and loaded the Hillsong United Radio on my favourite radio station. So now Christian music is on roll on my phone! Yay! My friends and I will be starting the 54-day Rosary Novena once again, after the rest of about 6 weeks. Well, it was a huge struggle to finish the novena, especially during the period when I was traveling. In fact, I wasn't sure about starting another round, but I know it will be good for my soul, in this season where I'm placed in a desert of desolation. Though my petitions required a LONG time to be answered, I know that God's blessings are upon those who prayed to Him and asked the intercession of Mother Mary.

Spiritual darkness comes when I fall deeply in sins, in struggles with bondages and being challenged to remain a Christian within me. Yet I know that the Lord is with me always. It doesn't matter how life turns out, but He remains faithful to me. Even when I was/am unfaithful, He remains there. I know I'm never alone, though I struggle with bouts of loneliness at times. Eight weeks into my semester in UK, nine weeks in this country, I'm wondering what I am doing here. Yet I know the only thing I can hold on right now is the fact that He called me and I answered. And that's why I am here, in UK, doing what I am doing. Despite the challenges and struggles, I am here because of the blessing bestowed upon me to receive such a handsome scholarship!

Today is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice in Him! Thus, today is the day for repentance. Today is the day to start afresh in the midst of mistakes, struggles and challenges. For today, my God is going to win the battle for me, as I stand behind His shield.

This is indeed a period of tremendous blessings.

Europe Countdown: Day 49

Another 7 weeks to my Europe trip. Frankly speaking, I am lacking of confidence that I would get everything settled on time. Another 6 weeks in school. I am trying so hard now to forgive those who had intentionally informed everyone in the school, including the students that I am going away. In fact, I don't need such promotions. All I want is some serenity to get things done instead of delaying things because of unwanted questions from everyone. I am just tired of explaining myself all the time.

I left KL with a rather heavy heart. I have friends who are battling with something tough and stressful right now. I could do nothing for them, except prayers to be offered for them daily now. Yeah, I wasn't really a good friend, like what she said, when I told her I felt awkward with the silence. I've never really been good with silence, due to my boundaries issues. I really hope that after a while, things will be alright for her and her family.

Yeah, speaking about boundaries issues, now I know I'm at the peak of it. Or am I in the valley? Either one, it means I am struggling with boundaries. One end of it, I want to just be on my own and I can do my stuffs according to the timing I want. On the other end, I hope I can experience kinder and more considerate people. Perhaps I just want some concern from somewhere that is. I am contradicting myself at the moment.

Today's bible verse for reflection:
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you or forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Living with Christ Daily - Prayer by Blessed Pope John XXIII

What have I done for Christ?

Little, little or nothing.

What am I doing for Christ?

Something, but badly,

like a sluggard.

What should I do for Christ?

Everything, O Lord,

if you do but help me

with your holy grace.

God is all: I am nothing.

Let this do for today. Amen.

~ Blessed Pope John XXIII ~

I Fell, What About You?

Many people said "I failed" and never succeed in climbing out of the failure. How many of us will say "I fell" and stand up again?

Since the Fall of Adam and Eve, men have been conquered by sins. Well, perhaps, "conquer" isn't the exact word to be used, as we know, shortly after that (we have to look into the eternity in God's time), God sent His Son, Jesus, to redeem us from sins and to break the Fall. He (Jesus) is the new Adam. Agree?

So, why then, do we still fall? Simple explanation is devil is still lurking around, grappling at any opportunity he gets to make us stumble and fall. Worse still, we are giving him chances by not giving up all to Him who comes to save us, and died for us when we're still sinners.

I have to admit that I fall, all the times, and I feel bad about it. Confession in Sacred Heart Cathedral, KK is in this week. Time to prepare myself to face the music, and receive His abundant mercy and grace.

Like what Archbishop John Lee said, prayer, fasting and penance are important as preparation for Holy Week. I'm lacking, I finally realize it, and I have to work on it. How about you?

You can fall a million times, but if you're willing to stand up and return to God, all in heavens rejoice for your homecoming.

God bless!

What a Wonderful Christmas!

Photo log is the easiest when it comes to explanation of what happened. I had a great Christmas celebration, though not with 101 friends in a huge Christmas party. But with true friends for sure!

After Christmas mass, taken with Chris and Golo - the Altos.

With Evelina, my student. Her sister, Adelina, is in the choir...

With the brothers, Lionel and Charles. I hope I got his name correct..

My anak Vania... So cute right, she?

Another shot with her. I only get to see her twice a year, during Christmas and Easter, when she comes with her uncle. But I enjoyed every single minute spent with her, though it is short. Hehe! Wish I could spend more time with her, but well... I'm not close to her real family... Wait till she grows up to be a lovely young lady... Oh my... then I will be a real Aunty Cindy eh~ Haha!

Cheryl Chan and Cindy Chan. Hehe.. I think we can pass off as sisters, don't you think so?

Ahah! Kor kor Adrian and me... The bass/baritone in Choir.

Joanna siao mei mei and me! Hehe!

With Mrs. Wong, Ian, and future fadoo Joshua (lama lagi but it is a hope). Hehe!!

Von Teo and me after mass...

Conz and me after mass! Love her yellow dress!

Bishop asked us to reflect on the birth of baby Jesus as the beginning of our salvation. This is the real gift of Christmas. May Christmas begins not only in the crib but deep inside our hearts.

My another anak - Ian Sebastian, and his two front teeth.

While opening present... Ian and mommy - Josephine.

Nice potrait of the year!

With my twin, Irene, in friend's house.

It was a deep reflection time during this Christmas. To have come to where I am now, there were struggles and difficult decisions to be made. I survived, thanks to the Lord who is always there to comfort me. These struggles still exist in my life and there will be more and more difficult decisions to be made as I journey along into year 2010. It will be challenging year ahead, but I know it is also a good year for transformation and changes. And I do hope that showers of blessings will be upon me, if God wills it. Bishop urged us during Christmas eve mass to ask God to cleanse our hearts to be the temple of the Holy Spirit. Then again, on Christmas day, he encouraged us who have received the Light, who is Jesus, to be the light to the world who is dead and in darkness. This is an urgent task, but also a role of all Christians.

I pray that you who are reading here will be the light to the world and radiate the love of God in all that you do. I also pray the person whom I'm waiting to come back is safe and sound while doing whatever the person has to do at the moment.

May God be the centre of your life, now and forever. Amen!

Ask and You Shall Receive

Last night as Tity was giving her talk on Faith during Life Nite, I read the verse after the verse she quoted, taken from the Gospel of Mark:

"So I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
~ Mark 11:24 ~

I find this verse always ever so encouraging, especially when I start to pray and then start to doubt again. In times of doubt and worries, this verse helps by reminding me that prayers work wonders, and it is through prayers that miracles can happen.

I see changes in people that I'm praying for, I see spiritual revival for the people I'm praying for... And all these can happen because God is there, listening to all my ramblings, all my prayer petitions, everything that I say. He's just that understanding and considerate.

I hope that all of you will be encouraged by this verse. Somehow, 24 hours a day for me seems to be not enough. Probably I tend to feel tired more often than not... I'm praying that my thyroid glands are functioning normal, and all these fatigues, swollen glands (visual sign) are just because of my weird food intake where fish is rarely seen in my diet. Gotta change my eating habit. I believe God will heal me if it is His will to heal.

Maybe I worried too much. Ahakz. I still believe ask and I will receive. Amen.

God bless!

Time to Praise God!!

I posted this entry in my personal blog (journal) and it is high time to ctrl-C the entry in order to glorify God's name, despite everything else...

November 22, 2009, Saturday (after Friday Life Nite)

Vision of Baby Presentation by Golden Angel

As we prayed for Felix and Yvonne Teo for their belated wedding anniversary just now, I saw this vision -- There was an angel, golden in colour, carrying a baby angel. The angel placed the baby onto Von Teo's arms and smiled. It reminded me of the Zaccharias and Elizabeth (cousin of Mary), parents of John the Baptist and how God promised that He would give them a son. At that moment, I had a strong feeling that Yvonne Teo will conceive with a child very soon and by this time of next year, there will be an addition to their current family.

A voice spoke to me in my mind, telling me not to tell anybody about the vision I had. In a year the vision will come true, then I can praise God for His goodness and His blessings upon this couple.

This vision seemed to be further affirmed by Von Teo when she said she felt like graduation from the school of marriage when we took photos with her bouquet of lilies. They are married for 3 years, seems timely for "further studies".

I shall be patient and wait until the day when the vision comes true. Then I shall praise God for His abundant blessings upon us all!

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for granting our prayers that stormed the heaven. Amen to the great I am!

Trapped in Warfare

Okay....... This is one of the days where I feel trapped everywhere, and everywhere seems to be like distorted and disoriented, especially in school. Besides, it is as though everything I'm doing is becoming more and more meaningless. It has been happening since I came back from school break... When things started to get from bad to worse...

The Devil is indeed working very hard in this battle. And today I feel totally defeated by anger the first thing in the morning. And it continued until this moment. People, please pray for this only private Catholic mission school in whole Sabah which I'm working in now. The warfare is thickening as the day goes by. Many things are happening, not only to me but to all teachers, principal and the school's management. Everyone is affected but many do not understand. What is the effect of having a non-practising Catholic as the head of the school? Will he be transformed? Will he lead the school further and further away from God? Will this school be infested with worms and locusts? Will this school becomes a gathering of demons and evil spirits? Or will this school be filled with sunshines and rainbows soon? What can we do besides praying?

This warfare is worsen as day goes by... The negativity is building up... I need prayers, we all need prayers and intercessions from everybody who is reading this entry today. Just say a prayer for my school, my students, my colleagues and myself... The management of the school needs to start listening and understanding the plight of the teachers and the students instead of listening to craps everywhere. Who would understand the need of the students if not the teachers teaching them in school? Who would understand the need of the teachers if not the fellow teachers? If we're not being protected, are we not being swallowed by the Great Whites? I don't want to see the school eventually suffers the possibility of closing down due to man-made conditions. The school was started as a mission to evangelise to all and bring people closer to God... Are we doing it right?

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.

Mother Mary, pray for us.

St. Michael, pray for us.

All the holy angels and saints, pray for us.

Please be a prayer warrior today and start praying for my school (and maybe yours too). God bless all and thank you in advance for the prayers!

Light of the Nations

"For this is what the Lord commanded us to do when he said: I have made you a light to the nations, so that my salvation may reach the remotest parts of the earth."
~ Acts 13:47 ~

Where exactly is the remotest parts of the earth? We can find the remotest parts of the physical earth on Wikipedia (click here for link). Physical remotest parts we can still reach on day, what about emotionally remote or spiritually remote? What does the verse speak to you today? For me, I see that our "mission" as renewed Christians is to be the light that shines bright for Christ, enough to bring the lost hearts back to His embrace. I see that the heart is the remotest part of the earth...

"In all truth I tell you, whoever believes in me will perform the same works as I do myself, and will perform even greater works, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."
~ John 14:12-13 ~

I believe what He (Jesus) is calling us to do is, as renewed Christians, to proclaim His Name in deeds and in words, so that God will be glorified by the works of our hands, words of our tongues. Are we a step closer to Him today? If we're two steps behind, look for His support today. Utter the prayer of confidence in Him (Jesus) who is our refuge and our stronghold when things doesn't turn out to be how it should be.

Believe today that you are exactly the one whom He called to be the light to the nations. And all we do is to praise His Name aloud. Alleluia to the Lord of all!

"Yahweh has made known his saving power, revealed his saving justice for the nations to see"
~ Psalm 57:2 ~

Satu Suara - Warisan Bangsa

Whoever who attended Lent Unplugged would know our theme song by Juwita Suwito. I had been thinking what to blog about since after Freedom Camp 2009. I wanted to blog about my experiences during the camp, but it is not the right time yet. So then as I chatted with my net friend, he showed the effort of Malaysian government to unite Malaysians via the song "Satu Suara", and it was then this song was brought to my notice once again. Yes, I pray that all churches in the world will be united as one voice in time to come. Amen! :)

When is the Right Time?

Like how my nights are turning out to be after three days into work in school again... I first posted a few entries to my Bio Blog, then checked my official email, next thinking of what to write on this blog. After stopping the frequent visits to Facebook, I noticed I have more time at hand to focus on many areas in my life, including prayer time, study time (actually is lesson-preparing time), and rest time... With additional time, I checked out my friends' blogs, and noticed one particular entry in one particular friend's blog which acted like a short circuit to my heart... Let's not focus on what she had blogged about... Focus more on what's wrong with me, being all so emo and all... LOL! Narcissistic quality of mine now!

Ever since letting go of leadership, more than once I'm feeling left out by the group whom I used to hang out with. Ever since letting go of leadership... It was as though I'm no longer really a part of anything that happened in their lives anymore. This is the time when all their birthdays whom I used to celebrate for, I'm deprived of even knowing that a birthday celebration took place, unless I go and stalk blogs or stalking in FB (of which I currently don't do). This is also the time when retreat or meetings for leaders are no longer my concern or in my schedule anymore. There was a time when I actually had tears flowing down when I thought of all that. Pretty depressing, isn't it? Okay, I'm not asking that you, my readers, symphatize with my conditions. I'm just expressing how I really am doing right now, as a normal human who let go of practically everything at the moment because I need to focus of seeking God's love. Only now I realize, sometimes leaders are so busy that we forgot to remember about all others things, except for meetings and retreats and birthday celebrations and sharings and hanging outs with other leaders.

I know God is calling me for something even deeper than just this skin-deep depression and murmur on my deprivation of leadership and "keistimewaan" of leaders. I know His plans are just too perfect for my imperfect eyes to see. I know that there are still sunshines and rainbows beyond the grey clouds looming around me (fyi, it's also drizzling now). I'm reminded again and again about His promises, only I have to be patient...

When is the right time that God will bring me back there again? Patience... Patience... Patience...

"Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him; do not fret over those who prosper in their way, over those who carry out evil devices. Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath. Do not fret - it leads only to evil. For the wicked shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land."
~ Psalm 37: 7-9 ~

And as I continued searching on Google for all verses on patience, here's one that struck me:

"When God made a promise to Abraham, because he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, saying, "I will surely bless you and multiply you." And thus Abraham, having patiently endured, obtained the promise."
~ Hebrew 6: 13-15 ~

Now I feel so much better, being assured by God's Word that He's going to do what He has promised to do. And all I can do is to be patient... For His right time is never my right time. His time is better than mine. I know He's watering the seeds He has planted in me these days. Even for a normal plant to start growing, it takes patience, sunshine, water and soil, in waiting for the shoot to sprout from the seed.

Thank You, Lord, for the grace and mercy to all Your children, including a tiny me here. Amen!

A Living Hope

It was the first day of school and everything started anew today... I don't have much time at hand to blog. What I could do for today was to change a new playlist for my blog (yay! some P&W songs which I'd like to intro 2 everyone~) and here's what I can share with you all... The daily reflection for Monday (yesterday) with the links to the readings according to One Bread, One Body. Personally, it was as though an injection to my heart to strengthen me of what is to come. Praise God for His revelations! ^________^ And thank God for listening to my prayers... Indeed, in God alone I hope, in God alone I trust.

Monday, January 5, 2009, St. John Neumann

1 John 3:22—4:6, Psalm 2, Matthew 4:12-17, 23-25
Link to Readings --> http://www.usccb.org/nab/010509.shtml

A LIVING HOPE (see 1 Pt 1:3)

"On those who inhabit a land overshadowed by death, light has arisen." —Matthew 4:16

The Christmas season is a time when a greater number of people commit suicide. Many others are more discouraged than normal because of family breakdowns that intensify at Christmas. At the very time the Hope of the World has come to us at Christmas, greater numbers of people are "without hope...in the world" (Eph 2:12) because they cannot see the light.

Some difficult situations have persisted for so long that it's hard to believe the situation will ever change for the better. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Prv 13:12). We wait so long that we're tempted to be sick at heart, discouraged beyond hope. "But hope is not hope if its object is seen; how is it possible for one to hope for what he sees?" (Rm 8:24)

Jesus comes this Christmas to give us a living, risen hope (1 Pt 1:3) to replace any "dead" hope, which is actually hopelessness. "Hope is the confident expectation of divine blessing and the beatific vision of God; it is also the fear of offending God's love and incurring punishment" (Catechism, 2090). A living hope based on Jesus gives us strength to resist sin (1 Jn 3:3) and expect blessing, even when we are repeatedly faced with difficulties. In fact, in Jesus these constant difficulties and afflictions give us greater virtue and purity, and lead to greater hope (Rm 5:3-4) that overcomes disappointment (Rm 5:5).

"So may God, the Source of hope, fill you with all joy and peace in believing so that through the power of the Holy Spirit you may have hope in abundance" (Rm 15:13).


Prayer: Father, in You I hope; in You I live.

Promise: "Those who keep His commandments remain in Him and He in them." —1 Jn 3:24

Praise: St. John's hope of being ordained was deferred, but God rewarded him with a new vision and ministry for the new world.

World Day of Peace (1st January)

Just now, after cooking dinner, it was just nice for some news on NTV7. It had been a while since I watched any news because of the chaos of the world. It is so saddening to see people protesting over something far far away, burning dolls of some symbolic figures in the world, but they failed to see the economic downturn in own countries, neither these people are doing anything to contribute to their families or the country's economy. Well, except contributing to skyrocketing crime rate as well as additional pollutions to the location of demonstration.

When I saw the news on TV, my heart wrenched for the people who suffer because of war. My heart also wrenched for the families of the people who protested on the streets in different countries of the world. Let's not look too far away... In Malaysia, in some cities, certain groups of people are having protest to boycott U.S. goods, etc. because of the recent Gaza Strip carnage. However, many seemed to fail to see the worrying hearts of mothers of those who are involved in the protests, and many probably see through the eyes of TV broadcasters the chaotic condition of the cities in an already chaotic economic condition. Why isn't anybody doing anything that contributes to the word P-E-A-C-E?

I was browsing through The Star Online to check out what is happening to this country and the world, and noticed a tiny news on "119 lose their jobs in school". Would those who care so much for the war and chaotic conditions in Gaza care about the 119 who lose their jobs, mainly sole breadwinners for their families? Would those people donate the money used on printed banners, kerosene, faked dolls of significant figures, unpaid leave from job, etc. to these group of low-income people who are losing jobs? Maybe this is insignificant comparing to the hu-ha out there in Gaza... But are this group of gardeners and security guards so insignificant comparing to the Palestinians? Both are God's children, both are destined to be born into this world by God, but why are we treating them so differently? Even for the sake of sympathy?

In this weary world, who can save the world from perishing? Who can help us, confused people at the end of time? Who can guide us to the right path and show us some light in the darkness? There's only one person - and His name is - JESUS. Probably all we, commoners residing in this world at the end of ages, only need to say a little prayer, forgive everyone, humbly wash every single foot we see, reconcile truly, all for the sake of the wholeness of peace in the world, peace in our hearts.

I attended New Year's Day mass in Sacred Heart in the morning, and I was so happy to be able to hear the preaching of Archbishop John Lee. What truly struck me was the mention of Pope Benedict XVI's message for World Day of Peace. Bishop said that one of the title of Jesus is "Wonderful God, Prince of Peace" and the theme for this year (2009) is "Fighting Poverty to Build Peace". Jesus brings us hope when He was born of Mary in Bethlehem more than 2000 years ago. This hope is the hope of eternal life, a hope of peace to His people on earth. Are we doubting that He can bring us peace in the world? Are we really doing what He's calling us to do?

What Mary did was so simple, yet so difficult for us to even try to copy her... She said "yes" when she didn't really know what was happening, she treasured and pondered over all the things those shepherds told them when they visited her and her new born Babe in the manger, she let go of her son, Jesus, when He was crucified on the cross for our sake... etc... Look! Is it so hard to do? Of course it is, to accept, not resist, and allow God to be God. But that is the beauty of the whole salvation mystery of Jesus born on Christmas, destined to die a humiliating death for us 33 years later, all because of God's love for us. And what did Jesus do? He said the simple "yes" and allowed God to take charge, trusting every single word that He said.

Let me ctrl-c the first two paragraphs of Pope Benedict's message here that I find it important to share:

1. Once again, as the new year begins, I want to extend good wishes for peace to people everywhere. With this Message I would like to propose a reflection on the theme: Fighting Poverty to Build Peace. Back in 1993, my venerable Predecessor Pope John Paul II, in his Message for the World Day of Peace that year, drew attention to the negative repercussions for peace when entire populations live in poverty. Poverty is often a contributory factor or a compounding element in conflicts, including armed ones. In turn, these conflicts fuel further tragic situations of poverty. “Our world”, he wrote, “shows increasing evidence of another grave threat to peace: many individuals and indeed whole peoples are living today in conditions of extreme poverty. The gap between rich and poor has become more marked, even in the most economically developed nations. This is a problem which the conscience of humanity cannot ignore, since the conditions in which a great number of people are living are an insult to their innate dignity and as a result are a threat to the authentic and harmonious progress of the world community” [1].

2. In this context, fighting poverty requires attentive consideration of the complex phenomenon of globalization. This is important from a methodological standpoint, because it suggests drawing upon the fruits of economic and sociological research into the many different aspects of poverty. Yet the reference to globalization should also alert us to the spiritual and moral implications of the question, urging us, in our dealings with the poor, to set out from the clear recognition that we all share in a single divine plan: we are called to form one family in which all – individuals, peoples and nations – model their behaviour according to the principles of fraternity and responsibility.

<Click here to read more - Message of the Holiness>

As much as I can write articles like this on my blog, I also have to admit that with my own strength, there is practically nothing I can do to contribute to world's peace, not even the courage to protest against the government. Yet, in my own tiny ways, I hope my call according to Him will be made an instrument to educate more people, so that in future, the world can be a more peaceful place to live in.

My apologies for the readers who felt offended with my entry or think this is a long entry (like what happened to the previous ones), but somehow I feel the need to write something more constructive tonight, just before my holidays end and I return to the rightful position of working young adult in an education organization.

I'd like to end this entry with a writing I took from a prayer booklet, "Heart Speaks to Heart", written by Cardinal Newman:

God has created me
to do Him some definite service;
He has committed some work to me
which He has not committed to another.
I have my mission --
I may never know it in this life,
but I shall be told it in the next.
Somehow I am necessary for His purpose --
if indeed I fail, He can raise another.
Yet I have a part in this great work:
I am a link in a chain,
a bond of connection between persons.
He has not created me for naught.
I shall do good, I shall do His work;
I shall be an angel of peace,
a preacher of truth in my own place,
while not intending it,
if I do but keep His commandments
and serve Him in my calling.
Therefore I will trust Him.

Daily Mass or Penitential Service?

Yeah... I had been wondering which one should I attend? I've attended confession on 12 December 2008, but somehow sins accumulated in abundance since then... I've decided to attend penitential service instead in preparation for Christmas... I truly want to be cleansed by God and restart this life which God has given so that I may live in the fullest (John 10:10) so I'm going to reconcile with Daddy God.

*smiles* God is good all the time!

I read something which I'd like to share with you all from this website called Circle of Prayer on Forgiveness...

Here's a lovely little prayer about forgiveness:

PRAYER FOR HEALING

When we pray this prayer, Our Lord gently and gradually removes layers of emotional scar tissue while we sleep, allowing us to be happier people.

HEALING PRAYER AT BEDTIME

Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit, go back into my memory as I sleep.
Every hurt that has ever been done to me. ...heal that hurt.
Every hurt that I have ever caused to another person. ...heal that hurt.
All the relationships that have been damaged in my whole life that I am not aware of. ... heal those relationships.
But Lord, if there is anything that I need to do. ...if I need to go to a person because he is still suffering from my hand, bring.to my awareness that person.
I choose to forgive, and I ask to be forgiven. Remove whatever bitterness may be in my heart, Lord, and fiIl the empty spaces with your Love. Thank You Jesus. Amen

'If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive'. - Mother Theresa.

30 Minutes before Stepping onto a Journey of Faith

Excitement is looming in the air. Last night sms-ed Edmond and he was telling me that things are getting kinda excited over there in KL. Somehow, things are also getting excited for me here in KK too. In another half hour or so, Von Koh will be fetching me and we gonna have lunch (that's exciting as well, ok?) then send me to SHC to wait for Uncle Serjius. Brenda and myself will be following him to Bundu Tuhan...

Alright, time to go... Von Koh is on her way... Please pray for me and all others who are attending the retreat... Pray that my heart will be open to what God wants to heal and may I be able to receive the joy and peace of God through the retreat. Amen!

Parts and Parcels of November 19, 2008

Morning
I was in Tshung Tsin to invigilate LCCI exam. Met Miker, one of my dance class classmates. Haha! I never knew he is studying there until today. LOL! Then after the exam, I met another friend of mine... Annie Voo, a teacher in Tshung Tsin now... OMG! I actually got to know her three years ago in St. Simon's Church just because she was sitting next to me and that particular Sunday the commentator actually made us say "Hi" and introduced ourselves to the person sitting next to us. So that's how we met... And now, she's married with a son who is already 7 months old.

Afternoon
Had lunch in one of my favourite shop with Simon and also my colleague Wilson. We went for ngiu chap in Damai, sadly... We didn't get to eat it. I guess we would have to go there early morning or with the right individual to get that very-the-sedap ngiu chap which I've been missing since July -_- But the asam laksa and the ever-so-sedap Teh-C special with cincau (recommended by some1 over two years ago) made me contented. Period. The conversation was great... It was about Simon's experience as a guest DJ in VFM. Haha! I'm thinking of trying that out... *Crossing my fingers here for the right timing...*

After lunch I was suddenly inspired to pay UMS a visit. A sudden i'm-missing-my-life-long-ago wisp. So I called a friend of mine and told her I was coming over. Dropped by at BRI and said Hi to vidarita (gosh, I never realize how much I was missing everyone!!!) and then down to Biotech Research Lab to say Hi to some seniors and junior. Then I drove all the way to Pasca office to have a chat with my beloved Dr. Zaleha, ever so bubbly and cute. Gosh! She's just so nice and wise to be my beloved lecturer. How I'm missing Ms. Teoh here also... T.T Currently Ms. Teoh is in UK for her PhD studies... What Dr. Zaleha really inspired me this afternoon as I shared with her my thought of furthering studies in future was this: "Think of what you really want before you make any decision." There is a hole which requires soil to fill in, and I know that soil is God's love. Then only I can think about furthering studies or anything else...

Evening
Went to evening mass in St. Simon's. It is one of my favourite time of the day now. Somehow, it becomes a highlight of my day... How it ends would be the mass itself. Maybe some might say I'm a fib, faking it out, what-so-ever... This is how I feel tonight... And I just want to write out loud. The more I know about the mass celebration, the more significant I feel everytime I receive the Eucharist... The communion with Christ. That feeling of sealing an agreement. That feeling of leaning on Him when all things fail. His death of the cross just because of me, a sinner?! Some people might think "ppoohhh! you think you are worth that much for the Saviour to die for you meh? dun be so stupid la... you are the worst person i've ever seen!" At this moment, yeah, I do believe Christ died for me out of love and I believe if I want (and yes, I am wanting this moment with Him), I will be healed when I call out loud for Him to save me. Well, Jesus saved Peter when he got distracted by the wind as he walked on water towards Jesus, didn't He? Though He scolded Peter as "man of little faith", He didn't leave him to sink and be consumed by the water and who-knows-what-kind of fish in it. I had a vision after communion just now... Sorry but I can't share with you all now... Later on la...

Rewind a bit... Noves parked her car by my side, but I didn't see her, so as I turned to unlock my car door, I saw a figure standing next to me and I was like "whoah~ who's that?!" look (I hope not). We went for mass and subsequently a dinner (thanks Noves, I always like to have companions for dinner) before returning to church for readers/commentators formation by Fr. Cosmas.

Night
And of course... I was late by few minutes (the most, I hope), because the food was late. LOL! Ok, fine, an excuse. A truthful one though. The whole session was great... God speaks, we respond by saying Yes, God speaks, we say Hi to Him as Jesus speaks, then we respond again by saying the Nicene Creed. Interesting. Then sealing our agreement by the Eucharist. Then as children of God, we ask via Prayer of the Faithful and then get His blessing through the priest and go forth to spread His love. Ok, please add for me, you readers who attended to session, if I miss out anything.

One thing that really amused me was how the Word can be "slaughtered" during mass. Yeah, no kidding... As we mumble our way without knowing the context of it nor understanding of the Word nor living it out ourselves... We "murdered" the Word. When we read with charism, we can move the world to Christianity perhaps... (My interpretation without any notes...) Please take note my audio skill is so bad that I normally have a hard time trying to recall what the discussion was about.

Near Midnight
Here I am blogging about my eventful day. So filled with emotions. So thankful that God allows me the chance to see so much more than I see. I even get to catch up with my coursemate, whom I'll intimately refer her as Lai. Gosh... Only God knows how long connection was being cut off... Only the Lord knows what we had been going through then and now. May God be in the midst of our lives and friendship ^_________^

Now I've something to tell someone... Kinda emo, and perhaps causing certain scrutiny of skeptical people of who I'm refering to. I plead to you all, readers, please don't speculate. Just continue praying that I can solve my jigsaw puzzle in life now. Let God be my judge, let God be our Formator. He knows what's my heart's desires best. God still knows me best...

To whom it may concerned (name withheld to preserve anonymosity):

I'm sorry if me being oblivious to your presence in front of me hurts you.

It hurts me as much as it does to anybody else for me to ignore you completely.

To pretend I don't see you when I feel your presence there without even looking at your face.

I'm not angry with you.

I don't hate you for saying all that you said to me though it hurt me much.

I hope you don't hate me too.

God knows how much I cried after hearing what you said, after reading what you said.

I just need to remain focused on what I should focus on now.

We both need this time of silence and solitude with the Lord alone.

When time comes, I still hope and believe we'll be more understanding and patient towards each other.

When time comes, God's glory will be restored and we'll reconcile.

I believe in God's plan for us.

I still believe in God who believes in us so much that God gave His only begotten Son to die for us.

The Mystery. His Love.

Good night everybody. Time to rest.

God bless!

P/S: My verse today is Revelation 4:11 "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created."

P.P/S: I'll share about my short trip to Karambunai tomorrow if my line is ok in the afternoon.

Happy Birthday, Uncle

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, UNCLE!!!

Perhaps the clouds between us had gotten too dark,
perhaps this silence is required now,
perhaps our relationship ain't that perfect,
perhaps our forgiveness becomes limited,
perhaps our patience has left us empty,
perhaps our strength has gone for vacation,
perhaps our hope has been disappointed,
perhaps this is another starting point for us,
perhaps one day I can say to you face to face again,
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Uncle!"


BUT FOR NOW,
I'll just pray you have a blessed birthday,
a day to remember,
a day to never forget.
May your days be joyful,
may your days be hopeful,
may your days be pleasant,
may all you do is according to the Father's will.
God loves you so much that He's putting you through the tests you're going through,
all because He knows you can go through them all,
by His strength,
by His grace,
by His word.
Amen.

Jesus loves you, so do we all here...

What's the difference between 2008 and 2007?

Shorter hair?
Fairer skin?
Lovelier cake?

The difference is...
You made a difference in our lives.