Walking the Talk

These days I've been reading an interesting blog while dealing with the mounting dissertation stress which freezes me completely. It's an interesting read as I find him a mirror image of me. This is for the first time in my life that I'm acknowledging that there's a person out there who's the male version of Cindy. I feel it when I read the criteria of his future spouse. I have my own version which is so similar to his that I felt spooky reading it, unable to believe that this could be true. So I'm not crazy setting such criteria for my future spouse :) That's a comfort definitely.

I posted a comment to him that a heart that seeks God is never a lonely heart... and I'd rather be a fool for God than to end up with broken marriage or a wrong guy beside me by praying for my him. Indeed, these few days I've started my prayers for a godly husband once again after a few years of abandoning the hope of ever getting one, despite my doubt if I would ever find my him. In the depths of doubts, I choose to hold on to Him even when I can't feel him.

I'd need to walk the talk of godliness. For every criterion I have for my future spouse, I too should be able to fulfill the criterion myself. My first criterion is a man after God's own heart. So, the first thing to do on my part is to seek God once again. This morning, I hope I could appreciate Jesus the way Kari Jobe sang "What Love is This" and my relationship with Jesus can once again flourish. Indeed, of all the things in the world, I'd rather be a fool for Christ for it brings joy to my life.

Lenten Reflection: 3rd March 2013, Sunday

The Lord is merciful and kind... (Psalm 103:8a)

I'm writing from the desk of my friend in Liverpool, since I am currently outstation to do my sample collection for my masters project. It is indeed a blessing in my life to have met so many wonderful and hospitable Malaysian students here, and their kind assistance to my project is indeed very much appreciated. I just can't help thanking my friend, Neb, again and again for her help to lookup her friends in Liverpool. Indeed, the Lord is merciful and kind...

Today morning, as I woke up from the sleep and went through the whole routine of checking mails, and Facebook notifications, I saw more news on the intrusion of the state of Sabah, Malaysia, by the no-land Sulu "sultanate". This land has been my home for the past nine years, and all my spiritual family members residing in this peaceful land below the wind are currently at the very center of commotion. I am genuinely concerned about the current situation in Sabah when I read the news that five policemen were down during an ambush in Semporna. Since Malaysia was formed in 1963, we barely faced dangerous situations as such, at least since I was born until now. I had lived through peaceful, developing times of Malaysia. I am saddened by the fact of all the chaos which are happening back home while I am in Europe for my studies. There is nothing much which I could do, besides offering my worries to the Lord, and praying for this land and people whom I love back home, and also to relay information of my network to others who may need it in my network. But indeed, the Lord is still merciful and kind...

Many people may say that this is untrue, and rebuke that if the Lord is really merciful, such chaos would not happen. I saw something beautiful in the midst of chaos. More people are praying right now for to regain peace in Sabah. More people are united against foreign forces who are trying to invade the state. More people return to God because of difficult times. Yes, our faith is challenged by all these chaotic situations, and yes, it can be shaken. But this faith of the size of the mustard seed can move mountains if we believe that God will bring peace to His people even in the midst of stormy seas in life. Jesus calmed the sea more than two thousand years ago when the Apostles were afraid and called out to Him. He would be here with us to calm the storms in our lives, if we call out to Him too. And our God is the God of second chances, and He would be merciful and kind if we turn to Him once again.

So let us renew our faith by giving ourselves a chance to believe in God again, and pray for physical and spiritual renewals for ourselves, and for everyone else. And pray specially for peace in the Sabah, Malaysia, in times of trouble like this. Amen.

Will You Follow Me?

A friend from the UoL Christian Union shared this on the ULCU Facebook page, and I think it is an awesome reflection for Lent. It stirred my heart into answer and action. What about you? Will you follow HIM?

Happy 2nd Sunday of Advent 2011

Blessed 2nd Sunday of Advent! I haven't written much these days - been a bit occupied with negative thoughts due to the coldness I face in where I am living. How I wish we're using normal room heater rather than central heating!!! I have to bear for another 3 months and LIBRE!!!! Yes, all these pent-up emotions have found their ways to kill my joy of awaiting Christ's coming this Christmas. So today, I want to prepare the way for the Lord to enter into my life once again. Even when it is tough, but my Jesus is tougher than the enemy.

So, my friends, let us prepare for Christmas together, even if it means we have to move mountains and cross oceans to clear the path to our hearts for Christ.

Yes, the TRUTH (JESUS) PREVAILS.

Feast of Christ the King

Today marks the final Sunday before Advent, which means in less 40 days we'll be celebrating the coming of this King who came down to earth to gather all His sheep in the form of a little Babe. Am I prepared? Are YOU prepared? Personally, I have to admit that I am not prepared to receive Him for my stable is empty and dirty. What about yours? 

Spring cleaning ought to have started when I started with my new chapter of life. But I procrastinated as always. Though I said I started a new chapter in life, but I brought along with me a heavy baggage - emotional baggage - which I should have worked out before I left Malaysia. For the past three months in Europe, I struggled with 101 things, the first of all struggles is being Christian. Many-a-times I was and am tempted to not go for mass for the fear of being teased as religious. People questioned me, "Why are you so conscious about what others think about you?" and I'm dumbfounded. I do care and and I wish I care not of what others think.

Many had expressed that I am weird, strange, awkward etc. All these brought hurt to my inner child, who wants justice to be done and impartiality in the world. The yearnings I have for an impartial and just world sometimes hurt me. Oh, I am being too ideal! That makes me weird. Being overly friendly makes others uncomfortable being around me. Respecting people with knowledge and enjoying my time spent with them causing me to be labeled as strange. What is the best option for me then?

Today, the feast of the King, my Savior Jesus, and I still commit a sin against the temple of the Holy Spirit, in my thoughts, in my mind, in what I've done, in what I've failed to do... And how is it that I should await joyously for the coming of my King? Yet, I know that every single thing I do, every single mistake I've done, God knows and all I need to do is to repent and return to His embrace. And He will embrace me tightly, telling me I'm loved no matter how much I have grieved Him.

This year is the first year after my renewal in 2006 that I am not taking part in serving the mass nor caroling. The separation I felt from my community drives me to tears so often as Christmas draws nearer. I know this is not from God that I should feel this intense loneliness, and it is self-seeking that I should feel this way. This year's theme is The Light of the World, and knowing that His Word is a light unto my path, I shall walk with certainty in this bleak world. One day, I will know the reason beyond this separation, and rejoice that I have pulled through this dark time.

Till then, I will have to hold on to the hope that He is my Shepherd and there is nothing I shall want (c.f. Psalm 23:1).

64 Days to Christmas

There are 64 days to Christmas and I am still struggling with everything in the world. I lose sight of my original vision and frankly speaking, sometimes I wonder if what I am doing right now is really what I am called to do. I came with a certainty that this is where God is calling me to be, but Europe is large enough to question myself, "Where exactly in Europe?" The place I want to be might not be the place I'm called to be. Only God knows. Sometimes I feel like the cross on my shoulders is heavy and there's a temptation to leave the cross and walk off into the world... But these few days the readings have been about mission in life, about perseverance. It was the feast day of St. Luke the Apostle some days ago, and I was reminded by the story that Luke stayed with Paul when everyone else fled. And it's almost a reminder for me to hang in there. More an encouragement than a reminder I'd say... I'm hopeful for the next two semesters, in Lisbon then in Lincoln. The thought of attending English Sunday masses keeps me going for now, though I'd like to gain enough knowledge in Spanish language to be able to understand a little bit of what the parish priest of Iglesia San Salvador y Santo Domingo is saying weekly during masses and before Adoremus. It's a pity because I know he's saying something really beautiful to God's people in church...

The biggest question these days is "Am I ready to receive Baby Jesus when He comes on Christmas?"

Well, are you ready?

Lord, we thank you for having died on the cross for us.Most fortunate is the person who walks by the way of Calvary, following Jesus our redeemer, for if we suffer with Christ now, we shall reign with Christ in the glory of the Father.Those who suffer tribulations, suffering, persecutions, and are despised for the love of God are helping Jesus Christ carry his cross. If they persevere, they will be partakers of his glory in heaven.Let us be glad when we are afflicted and the cross is most heavy on our shoulders, because then if we suffer with the patience of Christ we will begin to be his disciples.

- St. Paul of the Cross -

Prayer Walk with Jesus

This is the building where I have my classes...

Today I woke up a minute before the alarm clock rang. It amazed me more than anything to be able to be awakened before the alarm clock. So I got ready, even had breakfast of salami with cheese spread sandwich and a cup of milk before leaving the house. Slowly I waited for the bus and then arrived the campus half an hour before class starts. I slept late last night, so I walked to the library to get a cuppa coffee from the coffee vending machine. Yummy coffee from the machine more than the freshly-brewed coffee. Haha!

As I walked back to the class, I had a chat with Jesus. It has been a long while since I walked and talked to the Lord as my Friend, my Companion. The steady and faithful companion, I'd say. It was beautiful, to see the birds in the air, awakened by the daylight and started their daily lives of finding food and flying freely in the air. Today's readings are about the theme "Be not afraid". Apparently there are 365 verses of "be not afraid" in different versions in the bible. Each day, God is comforting us to not be afraid but be strengthened.

Today's Gospel is taken from Luke 12:1-7, but what really struck me is verse 12, "But even the hairs of your head are all counted. Do not be afraid; you are more value than many sparrows". This is how much we mean to God. I am encouraged by this verse to persevere when things get tough here in Cordoba, especially when it comes to not knowing Spanish and have to attend masses in this language. It sometimes drives me nuts.

The lecturer is here. Time to start working smart :)

May God bless the world and that they will know who Jesus is!

Europe Countdown: Day 47

Another day has passed without a trace. As time draws near, every single day becomes precious. I'm still feeling a bit way too exhausted since my KL trip. I know the next trip is coming up very soon and I would have to replenish my energy prior to my trip. Gosh... I wish and I pray that my cert of good conduct will be issued soon. Then at least I can proceed with the visa application and be more restful at night. I've been worrying way too much. When will the date of completion be? I hope it's exactly by the time I fly to KL next month...

I'm so getting sick with the heat and all. I can't really concentrate at work and tend to miss out details which are important. This is so unfair for the people whom I'm reaching out to....

I was supposed to watch X-Men this afternoon to unwind, but I ended up watching a real cool sci-fi movie - Green Lantern - because I made a mistake on the time of the show. Well, knowing nothing about the movie, it was unexpectedly good. In fact, it reminds me of Inception and Avatar. Yeah, I believe it'd be more awesome if it's in 3D format, but I didn't want to spend extra monies on 3D. I bought a nice bag which I will use for traveling, and some cheap cotton socks. It was RM13 for 3 pairs of cotton socks in F.O.S. with 20% discount. So I bought like 6 pairs of the same kind... It shall last me for two years (fingers crossed). I'd need woolen socks if it gets too cold for sure, but that I will get it later on.

Time to rest. Tomorrow onwards I shall try my best to attend daily masses. It becomes so easy to skip mass after a period of time of absence from daily mass.... I am spiritual, charismatic, and yes, religious because I go to church and I believe the teachings of the Church are in accordance to Jesus' teachings, but our eyes are always filled with logs but we could see the tiny speck of dust of another.

God bless all!

Europe Countdown: Day 48

Tick tock! Tick tock! Time is drawing nearer each day.

There are another 47 days before I fly to Europe. Let's recount my day 48 in Malaysia. I went out for an hour to pick up Mel and then headed down to ATI for Erasmus Mundus Association networking meeting. However, we were disappointed because the college staffs informed us that they never even heard of this program, let alone the networking and promotional meeting. Of course, Mel and I had a good catching-up session for about 15 minutes before I drove back to school for my lesson and work. We had part II of the catching up after work though. I am hearing a lot about the negative side of being a Catholic in Europe, a region once sent missionaries to our country and spread this religion of love to our people. Why is the scandals of the church becoming the reason people no longer believe in religion? If religion is used to control the minds of the people, then Jesus must had been the most successful mind controller. Yet, He has always been giving us freewill, to believe or not to believe. He still loves us all the same... How can we be spiritual and not religious? And why these two entities are separated? Penny for my thoughts....

I'm currently having a dull headache. I guess it's the heat in KK. I'm going to miss the humidity and weather for sure. Well, enjoying every single moment of it now, since it won't be long before 48 becomes 8. Yes, I am both excited and worried if I can get all things done, while working at the same time. Of course, I need every single cent of my last two months of salary. My July salary is already being deducted due to my visits to KL. It shall be deducted again middle of July. It's probably one of the worst news, but I know God will still provide somehow. I still have my PAMA foundation (papa-mama foundation that is).

Some of my current students sort of know that I am leaving for studies soon. It's always hard to say goodbyes, but I know it won't be as tough as it would have been if I left two years earlier though. I like the 2009 batch most, perhaps it's due to the fact that they were my first batch of students, and we went through a lot together. The one and only form 5 Compassion class was memorable to me. Not only they remembered me during Teachers' Day and surprised me with the 2-kg-yummy-looking yam cake, but also their golden hearts. I'm glad to see them all (batch 2009) doing well in whatever they are doing. Ah-hah, and the self-proclaimed favorite student of mine. I stayed back until they graduated. And now they had graduated, time for me to spread my wings and fly~

So I shall continue sleeping. Perhaps taking a dose of panadol will help with my headache. I shall let the cat out of the bag soon. When day 40 comes.

God bless all!

Europe Countdown: Day 52 (Part 02)

Just now I attended daily mass in St. Francis Xavier church in PJ. The priest preached with fervor and charisma, I'd say. He said that it's only in moments of weakness that we would come to recognize that God is in control. In fact, God is always in control. So, we need to have a new way of seeing things, and to recognize that we truly need God in moments of weakness, because God is essential to our lives.

Yeah, I have to admit I need Jesus so much right now. Like I said, it's also very hard for me to walk the talk of being Christ-like. My family relationship isn't so great after all. The patience wears thinner than with new people or at work place. It's harder to love when rejections are norm; judgmental and critical statements are usual. It's even more painful to accept that my family members were the only one who don't congratulate me or even know what I will be doing within these coming six months when I have obtained something which will cause a person to "Wow! It's so good to know that. Congratulations!!" Yet, Jesus said, love one another as I have loved you. And forgive, and you shall be forgiven. Only Him can help me now. Indeed, I am in such a need for Him to help me now!

One of my favorite verses was in the gospel reading for today... What is the treasure which you keep inside your heart? What is the direction which you refer to when you make important decisions in life?

Today's bible verse for reflection:
"For wherever your treasure is, there will your heart be too." (Matthew 6:21)

Europe Countdown: Day 57

I am leaving on 8th August 2011. Today is 12th June 2011. There are 57 days left, including today. I shall try to blog as much as I could, counting down the everyday I have in Malaysia. I never thought I'd leave my homeland, but I have always yearned to know how it is like to live in another foreign country.

Indeed, God is good and He answers to our prayers. It is a prayer answered, though I have no inkling of what challenges are waiting for me after 8th August 2011. In fact, I don't have an idea what lies beyond today, or beyond this very minute. It sounds a bit depressing, but I know beneath the depression I'm experiencing right now, there is bubbling excitement. I am spending a lot of time alone this year, the loneliness is beyond comprehension at times. But it is also a time for me to wonder the reason of me being placed in such a condition. Did I choose to be alone and isolated? Or my mind has chosen to reduce the pain of leaving this place?

Gosh. Nine years ain't a short time. My youth I spent wandering in the desert of hope and love. Yet, I know I have been strengthened, even when I thought I did not change a single bit. Last night I met up with some friends whom I did not see for years. We moved on in our arena of lives, and we seem to live well without one another. Then, we were all linked together in a vicious cycle for three years or more, by one single person who wanted to conquer the best of both worlds. Yet, this person collapsed in the end and lives now in an automated world of making money as the sole purpose of life while being married to a lady who loves him like maniac. The other one is in his own imaginary world in a foreign land, while the two of us found Jesus respectively as we journey along the path of healing. We changed, for better or for worse. Definitely we no longer belong to the same vicious cycle. Thank God for the catching up, knowing that this friendship remains, but lives go on.

In less than 24 hours, school reopens and I have to ask for 3 days off from work because of my future plans. I can't really tell out loud, because it is not yet the time. Yet, those whom I am close to in real life I hope I have informed properly of the good news which also brings heartaches. Both side of the same coin, I kept reminding myself...

Happy Pentecost!

Today's bible verse for reflection:

"For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Just Another 30 Days to 2011

It's been a LONG time again since my last post, and thousands of apologies to those who look forward to reading my rambles. Life's been UP and DOWN, as usual, though not as "dramatized" as it used to be. Thank God!

I have some plans for next year, but it is not the right time to disclose what exact plans are they, but it is definitely a step, or maybe steps, forward. I really hope my plans are according to His great plan for me. Now I'm taking things step-by-step, hoping that all will fall into the right places at the right time.

It is the 2nd week of my school holidays, as a teacher, but I'm still craving for a time of rest. It had been a whirlwind even before the school year ended two weeks ago. There were school graduation night, meetings for Protem Committee of Learning Center, minutes of meetings, various odds and ends to tie up before the school year ends (and I still have stuffs to do tomorrow at school!!!), planning for Youth Alpha "crash" sessions (to fit the schedule, due to bad planning!! :( my bad!), executing my steps to the life-changing plan in 2011, etc. In between I had movie outings, dinner outings... Umm... The whole October, I was outstation practically every weekend (I realized that I love my lazy weekends!!) for spiritual retreats. Come to think of it now, I wouldn't be able to go through all these without Him supporting me all the way. My God is awesome!

I've been missing daily masses (apologetically...) and I wish I can spend more time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, at least when I attend daily mass. With the holiday season, and all the activities, it is definitely a challenge for me to drive to church for mass every evening. I have to make my list of priorities!!!

Well, food and movies have been a constant companion to me, as usual, and I have a new group of friends to eat with. Thank God for the companionship He provides me with. Sometimes I do miss hanging out alone. Crazy, but true. I guess I'm heading towards singlehood with a better perspective these days. Thank and praise God!! And yeah, I'm still learning to balance between quality time spent alone and quality time spent with friends... I am still swinging from one extreme to the other, like a pendulum. Haha.

One good thing that is going to happen is a paid vacation to Northern Vietnam with my mom this coming mid-December. I heard about the winter (without snow!), and the need for warm clothings. I had been hardworking in researching the weather and all... Hopefully the trip will be fun, fun and more fun!!

I'm excited to let the whole world know that the Youth Alpha in BM that we are running in Youth Prep Centre Alamesra just passed the Holy Spirit sessions (a benchmark that we are finishing this first round) today. It went on great. Though there are only 7 youth joining the YA in BM sessions this school holiday, we're very happy for them that they received the Holy Spirit during prayer ministry. Praise God for His good works. We do hope to run more rounds of YA in BM in YPC Alamesra in future to come!

Photos will follow after my trip when I have time to edit them. Oh yeah, I got myself a Casio Exilim Z90 recently. Pretty decent compact digital camera!

Time for a clay mask and beauty sleep.

May the love of Christ be with you always. Amen.

THANK YOUs

Thank you to all who remembered my birthday and sent me wishes via text messages and also Facebook. My birthday was a great one, though not a blast in the sense of the world. I was away for a spiritual retreat deep in the mountains with some teachers from our sister school of the complex and it was a wonderful experience to know them and to love them all (Fenny, Clare, Bian and Boo). The ladies are considered my new friends, while the men have been my friends since 2006. The bonding was awesome. Though there was no mobile reception there in the retreat center, it was totally alright for me.

The best experience was the individual blessing by the priest with the Blessed Sacrament. The moment Jesus was nearing to where I was sitting in the chapel, I was in awe of Him, totally. I wonder with amazement how could Jesus, the Son of God, came down on earth, and now, right in front of me, wanting to know me, love me, be with me, forever. The highlight was when the priest blessed me with the Blessed Sacrament, I was filled with bliss of being at the feet of my beloved Christ. That is "the moment".

I got home about 4 something in the afternoon, played with my neighbour's Snowy and Browny (the pups) and then dropped down to sleep until choir practice. After practice, I had a simple dinner at Upperstar while waiting for John, my friend, to meet me up. Yesh... the nearest to birthday cake was Coffee Bean's cheese cakes. LOL.

After All Saints' Day mass yesterday evening, we went to Sailors' Cafe in Grand Millenium. It was awesome, the food was great and the company was even better...

Jason and Jeremy had a number of dishes, ranging from soup of the day to meatballs of the size of a golf ball, salad, chicken wings. Fabian had NZ lamb shoulder while Tity had creamy pasta. I had fish and chips. The deco was lovely too; I like the black wall with chalk writings and photos from the places the owner visited in the past. Here are some photos taken there...

Jason's soup of the day

Bian's NZ lamb shoulder

My fish and chips

Tity's creamy spaghetti

Meatballs

Two Weeks of Holidays..

It's the first Tuesday of the mid term + Raya break, and it feels like I've been having holiday forever. I'm currently blogging from my bro's old Dopod 818 Pro which I brought back with me to KK. A totally fabulous hand-me-down item I'd say, something comparative to a mini netbook, minus the keypad. It comes with wifi, and bluetooth, and infra red devices. Definitely something rare back in the year this phone was produced. Without a simcard, i can still access to internet on the newly installed opera mini. Kinda like it, but there are some errors in this system which requires some aid. High chance the phone has to undergo major brain surgery to get its Windows Mobile reformatted. Now that's tricky..

I'm supposed to be volunteering for the Archdiocesan Youth Festival (PBK) but I realize that things aren't right in my own life. I'm not going to bore you with details of what has gone wrong though. Let's see put it in simple format: God, work, relationships with others. The only thing that's alright and stable is family. Just got back from a weekend in Kluang for my dad's 1st death anniversary (25-29 August), things are ok at home, mom has the company of my relatives, especially my aunty, whose late husband was my mom's brother. So she's doing alright there. My bro's alright too, has a daytime job and some side business in collecting collector's shirts...
So what's with my relationship with God? I need Him more these days, but I sorta become mute after a meetup with a dear friend on National Day. I am put to test when he said I don't know what is real Christianity, and the truth of Salvation. So now I'm on the quest of truth and love as per Jesus' teachings. The 'self' is weak, often tempting me to care for 'self' instead of others. But my deliberate isolation from the previous group of people I used to hang out with is for the sake that I may see clearer of things in life without being judgemental and overly harsh on myself. My previous group of friends are certified good people, but I was crushed by their opinionated suggestions on how I should lead my life and what decisions I should make. So I take leave of the circle but still loving them all the same.
In this new phase of work, I've been tested all the time! From a simple complaint of a teenager leading to the mom's wrath upon me and the head of the school doing nothing but allowing his own staff be humiliated in front of him, to the shock of finding out how much certain individuals are trying to make me leave my workplace. It's no longer a place of joy. Yet ministering to the teens is such joy! Complicated and mixed I have here about my job, really. I do wonder why adults are so complicated! If only we all have the simple faith of a child of 3 years old, completely trusting our Father for protection. Instead, we tend to rely on our ownselves (self-reliance) and enjoy gossiping away our days. Backstabbing too. We do all these out of fear of losing our earthly treasures - position, money, etc. But what do we gain? A sure place of condemnation in hell if we don't repent.
God is love and all about placing us in His plan of salvation. Yet that doesn't mean He will not punish us for our wrongdoings. He sent Jesus to die for our sins, and by His resurrection we are saved. Yet again, our sins committed daily drag us away from Him who saves the world! So daily repentance is required. Our hearts are hardened by sins so sometimes it's hard for us to comprehend His love and the need for repentance plus discipline from God as we are His children. It's all for love...

So this is where I am at.

Pax vobiscum.

P/S: JOANNE, I miss your presence here. I'm glad you update your blog always. Have a great time in Melaka. God bless!

ROOT CAUSE

I wrote this story for a beloved friend of mine, a friend who has walked with me at the point of my dad's death a year ago. He has proved that a friend in need is a friend indeed. I hope he is well there, whatever that keeps him busy at the moment...

ROOT CAUSE

One day, as Snail crawled along the trail he takes daily to the Old Tree, he saw a tiny worm by the side, resting. Wormie, the tiny worm, looked exhausted, so Snail asked: "What have you been up to all night that you look as though you had worked so hard in the mine?"

Wormie smiled quietly and answered, "Oh, nothing special, just doing what I can do best."

Snail continued his journey towards the Old Tree, where his friends and him gather daily. When he arrived his destination, he saw his friend, Torita, the tortoise, weeping woefully. Not knowing what to do, Snail sat next to Torita until she stopped weeping. In between the sobs, Snail gathered that something seems to be wrong with Old Tree, and nothing could be done. Snail was perplexed but there was nothing he could do at that moment, but to wait.

Robbie the rabbit came hopping, and in tears, exclaimed, "OH NO! OLD TREE IS DYING!! WHAT SHALL WE DO?? OH NO!"

Now, Snail finally got the whole picture. Their beloved Old Tree, the gentle giant in their community, is dying. He is the stronghold of this whole community of animals. Snail was worried about his friends, but he had to get to the Old Tree as soon as he could. Many others were weeping together to mourn for the still-standing-tall Old Tree, and nobody was doing anything. Snail was in a confusion, but he went away to the side, and remained silent, occupied with his thoughts.

"Old Tree looks fine to me. There is no browning of leaves, no branches falling off. How could he be dying? What is happening?"

Snail went to the back of Old Tree where it was quieter to listen. In quietness, he heard a gentle shh... shh... shh... sound. He searched for the sound but he could not find the source. Torita and Robbie joined Snail, and when they started talking, the shh-shh sound disappeared. So Snail brushed it off his mind, as he thought he was thinking too much.

"So what shall we do now?" asked the still-sobbing Torita.

"We need to find a new place for our daily gathering. Old Tree would have to be abandoned," Robbie said decisively. But Snail would not agree to the idea of abandoning their Old Tree.

Morning came. Evening came. Time to return home to rest. All the animals dispersed and went back to their respective homes. Snail was the last one to leave. Taking one last look at Old Tree, he muttered quietly, "Tell me what happened, my friend."

Wormie was crawling towards Old Tree when Snail left. Although Snail was curious, but he was too tired to ask.

The next morning, Snail found Wormie sleeping under the rose tree by the side of the trail. As exhausted as the previous day. Snail couldn't help but to ask, "Wormie, what have you been up to the whole night?"

Wormie, with a gentle smile on his tired, said, "Nothing much. Just doing what I can do best, as usual."

Snail continued his journey to Old Tree, where lesser animals gathered. Some had left for the expedition to find another place of gathering led by Robbie. Torita was serving coffee to those who gathered around when Snail arrived. As what he usually did, he went to the back where he heard the sound yesterday. Sitting quietly, he heard the sound again, somewhere under his feeler. And he could feel vibration. Calling out to Torita, he asked, "Who told you that Old Tree is dying?"

Torita answered, "Wormie."

Rushing towards Wormie, Snail asked in urgency, "How did you know Old Tree is dying?"

"There is a group of nasty termites refusing to leave his roots for they need food for the Queen. I tried to persuade them by bringing them food every night, but they feast and make merry with the food I brought. Still they refuse to leave every morning. Oh... I don't know what else I can do! I am so exhausted!"

Wormie burst into tears after telling Snail.

"Wormie, you have to tell others about this, maybe somebody will have a way to chase them away!" exclaimed Snail.

"But... I'm afraid they will not believe in me," answered Wormie.

"Don't worry, I am with you. Trust me." Snail comforted Wormie.

Together, they crawled back to the Old Tree, and spoke to the animals who were gathered there about the root cause of Old Tree's foretold death. Polly, the Porcupine has a distant cousin, a giant pangolin, Giga, who worked as a bug controller. Polly went off immediately to invite her cousin over to assist them.

After a series of negotiations, the termites still insisted that Old Tree belonged to them. So Giga had no choice but to exterminate them with his special tool.

All the animals cheered and celebrated when Old Tree was fully restored to health, and thanked Giga for his kind assistance.



Sometimes, our lives are like Old Tree, we fall sick, get hurt, and unable to function as who we are called to be. God gave us people around us, to minister to our hurts. God wants to heal us so He sent us His Spirit as our Guide. And as we find the root cause of our pain, we will be healed if we allow God to go deep enough to touch the part which hurts us the most. It is painful, but in His time, our mourning will turn into dancing, our sorrow into joy.

Many times, we keep silent, thinking that we will be able to solve the problem eventually, just that it will take us a longer time (Wormie). Sometimes, we wail and cry and hope that something will happen (Torita). Sometimes we run away, moving forward from one place to another, thinking time will help us to heal (Robbie). Yet, as we move forward, or so we think we are moving forward, we are taking three more steps backward. Into our comfortable nutshell of darkness. Healing comes when we sit quietly, and we bring the hidden part of our hurting self to God, reach out to the people around us for help (Snail).

Nobody is perfect, and though we're called to be perfect for God is perfect, our perfection comes when we finally see God face to face. Being a child of God, totally loved and cherished by Him, to the point He willingly sacrificed His Son for us, we have to look beyond and celebrate the hurts we go through. For in all these, He will be made known, He will be glorified. Yes, we are afraid, we are weak, but Jesus promised that He will be with us until the end of time. He promised that His grace is sufficient for us. So, be not afraid.

All glory and honour and praise be to Christ, our Lord and Saviour. Amen.

Kuching Alpha Conference 2010

I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to meet Nicky Gumbel, Pippa, his wife, Tim Hughes, Al Gordon and Jamie Haith from Holy Trinity Brompton Church. It was really a great experience to hear from the pioneer of Alpha course, Rev. Nicky Gumbel, and also his team members. The above photo was taken with Nicky Gumbel and Pippa. Nicky is a very good and funny speaker, and his wife is a very gentle and demure lady. It was really a blessing to have the chance to know them. Besides them, we were also blessed to have Tim Hughes as our worship director during the two-day conference. Jamie and Al also gave good sessions.

Not only I got the opportunity to see these people who work full time to spread the Good News through Alpha, I also found joy in meeting new people, and a priest, Fr. Simon Poh from St. Joseph's Cathedral. I met him years ago when I went to Kuching for YCS Encounter 3 in Dec 1998. That was almost 12 years ago! All the photos were uploaded to my Facebook. I will try to upload them here. Currently the internet is crawling slowly at its own pace. Argh!

The whole conference really opens a new arena for me to consider - the evangelizing part of our faith as Christians. Alpha is a non-threatening evangelistic tool, and indeed, we are witnessing the conversion in so many individuals around us. It was a blessing from God, truly, for me to attend this conference, and my eyes are opened to the possibility of spiritual renewal through Alpha. Do I want to serve in this area? I would love to speak to youth (be it teens or young adults), but am I called? I may be called. But... Am I invited?

I'm going through a desert phase in my spiritual life right now. But I know that Jesus, the Living Water is building clouds over my desert, so that He can rain down His Spirit unto me after this phase. I'm not ashamed that I am going through phases like such, because I'm made of flesh and I do have struggles. Many times I see people pretending they are alright when they are not. They seem spiritually high, but they are not even managing their lives properly.

I may be deafened by the noises around me for a moment, but I believe that I will eventually walk towards the voice of Jesus, like how Paul, whose eyes were blinded, was healed and converted.

Like what I shared with a student yesterday, it's all about the willingness to receive from Jesus. If there's nobody who was willing to offer his five loaves and two fishes to Jesus, would there be a great miracle to feed 5000 men? I am willing to allow Him to work through me. So I pray that He will use me the way He finds me deem fit. He knows what I can do best, though sometimes we think we know ourselves better.

And you out there, do you want to offer yourselves willingly to Jesus so that He can do His wonders in you and through you?

Worship the Lord

What are we created for, my friends?

To please others, to make others "feel good" and that's it? Or is there anything more than just being a people-pleaser. I read it somewhere that when we try to please everyone, everyone else is pleased, except ourselves. So, what are you doing right now? Trying so hard to please others, or trying harder to please God?

I was browsing through blogs, and am encouraged that people are moving closer to God, and some are doing very well in their careers. These were the people whom I called friends. Now that they are doing really well in whatever they are doing, I'm glad I was a part of their lives in the past. People indeed move on, and unfortunately, I'm no longer a part of their new lives. I, too, moved on. Though this path I have chosen is a bit lonely, but I know well that my Lord is guiding me.

Yet, here I am, telling you a story on my blog. We are created to worship the Lord. Nothing else but that. Stop pleasing people if you are doing so in order to be accepted. By the power of the Cross, we have been redeemed. Jesus chose to die for us all, in order we're accepted into the Kingdom of God when it is time. What else do we need?

Last Full Day of Lent 2010

Wednesday, March 31, 2010, Holy Week

Isaiah 50:4-9, Psalm 69:8-10, 21-22, 31, 33-34, Matthew 26:14-25
Link to Readings --> http://www.usccb.org/nab/033110.shtml

THE CELEBRATION

"I am to celebrate the Passover with My disciples in your house." —Matthew 26:18

Jesus states His intention to celebrate the Passover and the whole Paschal mystery in our houses, families, communities, and lives. We must prepare for the celebration of Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Vigil, and the fifty-day Easter season. We prepare by:
* doing what Jesus orders (Mt 26:19),
* letting Jesus open our ears morning after morning (Is 50:4),
* not rebelling against the Lord (Is 50:5),
* suffering for love of Him (see Is 50:6),
* letting zeal for God's house consume us (Ps 69:10),
* praising "the name of God in song" (Ps 69:31).

Today is the last full day of Lent. We pray that our almsgiving, prayer, and fasting have prepared us for the Triduum and the Easter season. Let's bring Lent to a close by repenting of all sins, forgiving all who have hurt us, and giving our lives totally to the Lord. "Let us celebrate the
feast not with the old yeast, that of corruption and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth" (1 Cor 5:8).

Prayer: Father, may my observance of Lent 2010 be what the Holy Spirit wants in these crucial times.

Promise: "See, you lowly ones, and be glad; you who seek God, may your hearts be merry! For the Lord hears the poor, and His own who are in bonds He spurns not." —Ps 69:33-34

Praise: Praise Jesus, Rock of our salvation. "To Him be glory forever" (Rm 11:36).

Lenten Reflection

I had been engaging this particular Lenten Reflection from 66 Love Letters by Dr. Larry Crabb and I find it is an exceptionally good one today.

Lent Day 25: The Book of John

God says, in the world you now inhabit, communion with Me is not defined by an experience of Me. Nor does it depend on blessings from Me.

To really live is to release My Son's life through yours, in any circumstance, no matter what you feel; to relate as He related, giving when no one gives back, loving when no one returns love, forgiving when no one deserves forgiveness, suffering in the place of those who should suffer.

Understand this: to commune with Me in this life is to live like My Son with His life alive in you.

Believe this: communion with Me leads to an eternal experience of Me and unimaginable blessings from Me. You will get a taste of them now—as My Spirit chooses—and you will enjoy the banquet later when you see My Son.

Know this: heaven's reality has invaded yours. Prepare to live a new way.

Real life, the surprising route to joy, is within reach.

(from 66 Love Letters: A Conversation with God that Invites You into His Story by Dr. Larry Crabb, ©2009.)

I Fell, What About You?

Many people said "I failed" and never succeed in climbing out of the failure. How many of us will say "I fell" and stand up again?

Since the Fall of Adam and Eve, men have been conquered by sins. Well, perhaps, "conquer" isn't the exact word to be used, as we know, shortly after that (we have to look into the eternity in God's time), God sent His Son, Jesus, to redeem us from sins and to break the Fall. He (Jesus) is the new Adam. Agree?

So, why then, do we still fall? Simple explanation is devil is still lurking around, grappling at any opportunity he gets to make us stumble and fall. Worse still, we are giving him chances by not giving up all to Him who comes to save us, and died for us when we're still sinners.

I have to admit that I fall, all the times, and I feel bad about it. Confession in Sacred Heart Cathedral, KK is in this week. Time to prepare myself to face the music, and receive His abundant mercy and grace.

Like what Archbishop John Lee said, prayer, fasting and penance are important as preparation for Holy Week. I'm lacking, I finally realize it, and I have to work on it. How about you?

You can fall a million times, but if you're willing to stand up and return to God, all in heavens rejoice for your homecoming.

God bless!