Reykjavik, Iceland

Just a short post before sleep. I went for a vacation with some Malaysians to Reykjavik, Iceland. Freezing indeed but a beautiful country nevertheless. Breathtaking sceneries of wintry wild I'd say. The centerpiece of the city is the Lutheran church. The chamber choir was absolutely fantastic. One of the best I've heard. Angelic music. The Golden Circle is a must to visit, and I was there with Edgar. My brain was frozen to the max! But it was really good. Saw the serenity of winter, spurting geyser, cracks of moving tectonic plates of Europe and America, the amazing Gullföss, aurora borealis, Icelandic horses.. that was an experience of a lifetime! We walked on water literally when we were standing on the frozen pond in front of the city hall. We even ate at the hot dog stall where Bill Clinton ate!. Thank God for everything that happened, wonderful experience and sweet memories created.

Mr. Polar and me... :P

The group whom I traveled with. (L-R: Chong Chong, Timmy, Jing, Erik, Edgar and myself)

Proud User of Samsung Galaxy SIII

I guess I have yet declared my love for this new piece of toy, the Samsung Galaxy SIII in pebble blue colour. It's been almost three months since I started my long-term relationship with THE phone, and I'm loving it more and more each day. I have yet discovered everything about the phone, but the increased knowledge of the phone makes me love it more. Now, to find a nice sports band for the phone will be perfect for my gym sessions :) Yeah, started gym as part of my plan to get fit as I turn 30 recently.

Let's see... battery life, basic knowledge for all smart phones users, doesn't last long under heavy usage. Screen clarity, awesome, untill I got the nice screen protector which is matte and darker in colour. Elegance, pretty much slim and nice to hold, without feeling edgy and all. "Made for human" slogan, pretty much achieved - I can call the contact of the text message by just lifting the phone to my ear. Kinda cool. Camera, 8MP, clear. Not the best if compare with a digital camera, but it's good enough for printing quality I think... Took tonnes of food photos!! Love the ability to focus on details when in macro mode. Ability to take panorama shoots is also something I really appreciate. Basically, I love my phone :)

Signed off as,

Proud User of Galaxy SIII

A Period of Tremendous Blessings

It's been a while that I have ignored myself and everything that's happening around me. The effect of stress maybe? Or the effect of spiritual dryness? Maybe both, working alongside for the explosion of dark night of my soul.

Christmas is around the corner, and it is time to prepare once again to be refreshed by the coming of our Saviour, the Lord and the Servant King. I finally got the Music Hub on my Galaxy SIII working, and loaded the Hillsong United Radio on my favourite radio station. So now Christian music is on roll on my phone! Yay! My friends and I will be starting the 54-day Rosary Novena once again, after the rest of about 6 weeks. Well, it was a huge struggle to finish the novena, especially during the period when I was traveling. In fact, I wasn't sure about starting another round, but I know it will be good for my soul, in this season where I'm placed in a desert of desolation. Though my petitions required a LONG time to be answered, I know that God's blessings are upon those who prayed to Him and asked the intercession of Mother Mary.

Spiritual darkness comes when I fall deeply in sins, in struggles with bondages and being challenged to remain a Christian within me. Yet I know that the Lord is with me always. It doesn't matter how life turns out, but He remains faithful to me. Even when I was/am unfaithful, He remains there. I know I'm never alone, though I struggle with bouts of loneliness at times. Eight weeks into my semester in UK, nine weeks in this country, I'm wondering what I am doing here. Yet I know the only thing I can hold on right now is the fact that He called me and I answered. And that's why I am here, in UK, doing what I am doing. Despite the challenges and struggles, I am here because of the blessing bestowed upon me to receive such a handsome scholarship!

Today is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice in Him! Thus, today is the day for repentance. Today is the day to start afresh in the midst of mistakes, struggles and challenges. For today, my God is going to win the battle for me, as I stand behind His shield.

This is indeed a period of tremendous blessings.

Life in Lincoln So Far...

It's been a while since I posted any entry on this public domain of free expression, and suddenly, a hyper me after a super sweet cuppa Costa coffee feel like penning something.

Yes, I'm in the UK right now, in the 4th week of the third semester of my masters program. So far, it has been interesting the semester in Lincoln, despite the exhaustion and cold I felt last week when we were out there in the field in Riseholme campus. Beautiful place, but definitely COLD is in the dictionary! Hahaha!

Simulated mass grave which we digged out last week in Riseholme College

 

 

I was in Cambridge two weekends ago and it is a perfect tiny little university town which holds one of the prestigious universities in the world. I had the opportunity to walk around the campus/town and find it intriguing if I were to study there. Lovely river Cam which runs in the city, and definitely beautiful gardens surrounding the campus and residential colleges. Queen's College was my favourite. The serenity within the college itself is undescribeable. And yes, the pristine state of life there brings peace to my heart :)

 

Last Saturday, which was just two days ago, I took the courage to drive from East Midlands to West Midlands to pick up my luggages in Vanessa's and Eva's homes (separate districts). First time is always adventurous and yes, I did it!!! I picked up my clothes and all other things which I don't really need to survive yet I have them out of vanity of life previously. Beautiful drive and God has been merciful to bless me with almost perfect, non-rainy weather throughout the drive to and fro Lincoln. Then I realize that Lincoln is home right now. The relief of going home when I finally arrived in Lincoln yesterday morning was something I never expected yet I am at peace with right now :)

 

I have class in 30 minutes, so it's time to gobble some home-made Mexicana cheese sandwiches. More coffee? Haha. Maybe not, if not I wouldn't be able to stop talking all together ;)

 

Oh yeah, another exciting moment is going to happen end of this week. I'm going to London for Les Miserables in the Queen's Theater!!! It's going to be an awesome outing, I pray, with a nice cheerful lad. May God be with us as we travel from north and south to meet in Central London on Saturday morning. Amen!

Academic Year 2012/2013 in Lincoln, UK

The term has started. Summer vacation had ended. Classes resumed. Life abroad once again.

I guess the best phrase to describe how I am right now is "in a limbo". I'm still dreamy, sleeping and eating a lot. In other words, "pigging". I know that it takes time to get over the vacation mode and all but with the upcoming classes and project preparation, I have no idea where all these are leading me to. Sheer exhaustion, maybe? I know I am blessed, in the nation where international students complain that fees are exorbitant and not enough chemicals in the lab to go around for their projects and lacking of support blah blah..., I'm fully sponsored by Erasmus Mundus for two whole years (a year had passed since) to study and get a short research project done by end of July 2013. How blessed can one get? I can only have God to thank and rely on for this abundant grace.

The potential for a month in Malaysia during the December-January winter break is definitely tempting... Yum yum... But chances of me staying in Europe/UK after this are slim enough for me to consider touring some of the European countries which I haven't stepped my foot on... Travel or home?? Travel? Home?? Both are equally tempting!

Some of my coursemates commented without thinking much that I worry too much. I am a born planner. Used to be a worrier. Yet right now, despite anxious in trying to plan my way around, I worry of nothing much really. Yes, I felt challenged and upset when people carelessly trying to "assure" me not to worry too much. I learned one thing, it is good to have plans, though sometimes plans DO change greatly. Been there, done that. Yet, I still enjoy the changes which take place in my life though these changes, too, wrecked my plans. This is growth and experience that money cannot buy. So, why not plan first? Why not plan ahead? Being flexible with a plan is better than choosing to be so flexible that there is no plan ahead. So yes, I AM PLANNING what should happen after I'm done with my EM Masters in Forensic Science. If I want to get a good stipend for a Ph.D position somewhere, I need to start planning ahead. And with a lot of prayers and trusting that God is the Author of my life, I'm sure I'll be somewhere He has in mind for me. So, yes, PLAN. And please, people who think I worry too much, get out of my life, for goodness sake!! LOL. Not that they are in my life anyway, except those times when I become a useful tool to them.

Alright, time to get ready. I'm blessed by God with good friends here in Lincoln... One would be accompanying me to visit Riseholme College in the countryside for a couple of hours and few will be gathering for Asian dinner later. How great Thou art, my Lord and my God!!!

Surprised by Oxford - Carolyn Weber

I requested to review this book a year ago when I started a new chapter of my life in Europe. It took me a year to read this book. By taking it slowly, the testimonial of Carolyn Weber made a deep impression within me. I am encouraged by her choice despite being 'different' as in being a Christian in the world. This book will definitely give an impact to anyone who finds it hard to accept the existence of God, newly-baptized Christians struggling to 'fit in' as well as for those who have been Christians their whole lives. Also, she entwined within her conversion story another story of how God comes first in all relationships and how she met her husband. This is definitely a book which I will recommend to everyone.

Disclosure of Material Connection:I received this bookfree from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com [...] book review bloggers program. I was not required towrite a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255[...] :"Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

God the Joker

When people said our God is a joker too, it was pretty hard for me to imagine. But indeed. He plays funny jokes that bind people together. The decision to stay in KK for vacation which I made was kind of unplanned, uncertain, unsure. Yet, I have decided to trust that He will provide me with means of transporting myself somehow.

This is part of Him being the Joker...
I went out this morning to Kingfisher without knowing how will i be going home later. my final meeting was with Aunty Agnes who had a meeting in church so I tagged along so as to meet Jesus in Blessed Sacrament. Also to figure out how to go home later. i thought i saw my friend's car so i texted her. By the time I entered the chapel, i told God to provide to my need. a message from my friend... Gues what?! she is right there in the chapel!

This made us laughed until tears formed in our eyes. It has been a while since a divine joke happened to me for sure. It was a direct practical of 'walk by faith, not by sight' (c.f. 2 Cor 5:7). What I truly believe is He provides all that I need, though not always according to my wants. and always... in His good time..

Weekend Away to Cardiff

I'm on the last weekend prior to my 6-week vacation in Malaysia (plus the craziness of visa application). I'm very blessed to have met awesome Sabahan friends who are residing in UK right now :) We're on a road trip to Cardiff this weekend to watch the London 2012 Olympics women's football match between Great Britain and Cameroon. Definitely blessing from God to have the golden opportunity to be a part of Olympics in my lifetime. Despite the fact that an unfortunate situation happened to one of us just yesterday, she has decided to go ahead with our plan. I'm proud of being her friend, and admire her ability to cope with composed mind. I see how God is working in her life.

Going to Cardiff is like tracing path of a dear friend to me. This person used to be there for quite a bit yet I can never fully understand the conditions of the place this person used to live. Stepping my foot there perhaps may lend me a helping hand to better understand my friend.

This whole year, God is my Pillar of Strength when I'm weak and my Hope when all hope seemed lost. Never once did He abandon me despite my frequent delinquency. Instead He remains there until I decide to let Him out from my invisible pocket of life. Nothing is greater than His amazing love for us. Wrapping up this academic year in Europe and a new journey starting in the UK in September, I really hope and pray that God will continue being my center of life and may all the friendships I share with people from all walks of life be according to His plan which is to prosper and not to harm me (c.f. Jer 29:11).

I find that God calls me to be His witness despite my imperfections and shortcomings. I can never justify my past, but through the death and resurrection of Christ Jesus, my body becomes the temple of the Holy Spirit. Hence, it's my honor when God calls me to His witness to spread His good news to the ends of the earth. Whatever He has in mind for me, I trust it's the best for me.

"Here I am, Lord, is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if You lead me,
I will hold Your presence in my life."

Assumptions AREN'T Truth

In case you assume you have never assumed something, then you must be God. I'm not God, and I assume too many times too. Imperfect! Horrible! If Cindy does it, then Cindy is big bad guy. But when others do, well... it's normal apparently. ROFL!! I must be some stone age personality in museum!

Yet, I know and have been reminding myself to not assume, because I know assumptions are not truth, no matter how old or how "grown up" we are. Take it lightly or seriously, frankly speaking, none of my business.

Assumption no. 1 people always make is grownups don't forget easily and manage their lives awesomely. We must be a pendrive if that's the case. Even pendrive sometimes loses the data and requires reformatting of its system. A reminder will not kill, seriously. Even adults messed up. Open any news site and you can read a recent report of Colorado shooting where 24-year-old guy shot people to death in cinema. And how HIV is still being transmitted despite people having the knowledge of how it transmits. Call that grownups. Yeah. Grownups indeed. A bunch of kids playing Montessori playgroup games.

Assumption no. 2 people usually make themselves believe is this: individuals are how they want themselves to see, and not who these individuals really are. Not truth but just a fantasy of their minds and all the gossips and judgements they assume of the someone. We might as well become fishes in the aquarium and let "visitors" assume we are what they think they know.

Stop assuming what you perceive as truth, and start seeking the real thing. Why use a fake leather bag when you can afford a real deal? I started to try to seek truth about people whom I know. Why people still wander in the desert when they can stay in the oasis? No se. Locos? Maybe.

Blessed day.

It's Time to Say Goodbye

Time flies. Love stays. Truly. Indeed.

Swiftly 5 months passed me by without me realizing. My final module here in Portugal ended last Friday. Reality jolt. I'm leaving Lisbon, a city I have grown comfortable to for the past few months. Another two days and I'm heading to Madrid to gather with Malaysians living in Spain, and the flight to UK. It is harder than I imagined to bid farewells, to the senior citizens I met in Igreja Corpo Santo's Irish Dominican parish, to my two Malaysian friends residing in Lisbon, and to the foreign friends I met in church..

I said goodbye to my Slovakian friend after mass over light lunch, hoping one day our paths will cross again. Earlier I bade goodbye to Gosia from Poland, then Agi from Hungary, promising we'll meet during summer. Plans changed and I'm going home earlier than I planned. There's UK visa application to submit and administration work to complete prior to my proper summer vacation home.

I have come to love colourful Lisbon and it's a huge pity that I didn't even visit Porto nor Coimbra nor Faro. I will try to make it to caveman's "Disneyland" Sintra before leaving. I will be back next summer for sure, to cover places I didn't cover. Though the banking system sucks and education system was far too relaxed for my likings, life is good here. Especially spiritual nourishment to feed my spirit man. It is appreciative that I went for pilgrimage to Fatima. GOD called me to Europe as a witness for His church. I hope I have been doing my part of witnessing despite being a woman of imperfections.

Meeting a special virtual friend who carves his name on my prayer list this early June too is a blessing from God. My almost daily encounter with him made me realize my needs are more important than my expectations and God will fill in my needs according to His time. My expectations and desires instead may not be healthy for me. Nobody would say McD is healthy food but everybody craves for it once in a while. Also, the need for me to be honest with myself and with God about how I feel. It's a daily challenge for me, for living in denial is always a more comfortable option for me. So facing this virtual friend, I'm brought to the level of being completely honest with him for once. I have no idea if we would ever meet but I look forward being still completely honest if we could become true friends in real life.

Two more days to go. Plenty to pack before DHL picks up my luggage... Adios!

Guarding Your Heart... From What?

Today's first reading was taken from Hosea chapter 2. I saw this article on my Google Drive but the link was dead. I managed to find back the article from someone's blog, and find that it is a good reminder to myself, and perhaps to you who are reading too. Being afraid to get my heart broken, being afraid of all the commitments and responsibilities, being afraid that nobody can handle my idiosyncrasies, probably I have closed my heart to the possibility of deepening relationships with people around me. To enter into deeper relationships means taking risk of having my heart broken, taking risk of commitments and responsibilities, taking risk of having a person who may actually handle my idiosyncrasies with smile and amusement to his own. I'm not a risk-taker at this point. I guess, at this point, I need to let God lead me instead of me telling God what kind of person I desire to be with. My needs may not be met by a person with traits I desire anyway.

And so, here's the article. Enjoy!


Guarding Your Heart … From What?
by Lindy Keffer 
Some of us become so intent on "guarding our hearts," that we may be missing out on some things that God has to teach us. Lindy discusses the idea that protecting ourselves from possible hurt may not be the best way to go about our relationships.


What was God Thinking?Apparently, God didn't read Finding the Love of Your Life1  before commanding His prophet Hosea to marry Gomer the adulteress. If He had, He would have known that a propensity for prostitution is not something a man of God should look for in a wife.


Is it just me, or does anyone else's sense of moral outrage flare up over Hosea's story? I mean, come on. This doesn't sound like Passion and Purity.2  Not much I Kissed Dating Goodbye3  going on here. Not only did Hosea fail to guard his heart, he ran headlong into a relationship full of pain. And he did it at God's command.


When I first heard Hosea's story, I had a difficult time swallowing it for a couple of reasons. Obviously, it's heart-breaking to watch the prophet give himself to a woman who repeatedly betrays him in the beds of other men. But as hard as that is to stomach, it turns out to be a beautiful metaphor for God's insatiable love for His unfaithful people. The bigger wrestling match in my mind was over what this story has to say about human love. Sure, I know that the book of Hosea isn't intended as a marriage manual. But I also know that God never commands His servants to do something that falls outside His plan, and that includes His plan for marriage.


So how do we reconcile the fact that, while God's command to Hosea can't possibly go against His design for marriage, it sure seems to fly in the face of the advice given in Christian relationship books?


I Don't Hate I Kissed Dating Goodbye
First, let me say that I wholeheartedly agree with Christian authors who counsel believers to stay pure, honor marriage and make wise decisions in choosing a spouse. Likewise, I detest the worldly idea that we should use one another to gratify our own lustful desires without a thought of lifelong commitment (or even a second date). For the most part, I think Christian relationship books were written to encourage us to live toward and within marriage in a way that honors God's design for it.


But, I also think that Christian culture has turned relationships into a formula — do it this way and you will arrive at the altar with the ideal spouse and without emotional scars. We talk about "guarding our hearts" and avoiding "emotional prostitution." We set conservative physical boundaries — sometimes deciding to go no further than hand-holding and hugging before marriage. But do these things really get at the point of Christian courtship? I say no, and here's why…


On Guard
When we talk about guarding our hearts, we usually mean being super careful about how much personal stuff we disclose to someone in whom we're romantically interested. We think of it as a way to save our emotional intimacy for our future spouses. There's only one problem with this idea. It's not actually biblical. The phrase "guard your heart" comes from Proverbs 4:23. Read in context, it's clearly talking about guarding our hearts against sin, not people.4 


As usual, the Bible calls us to a standard higher than the ones we construct for ourselves. Guarding our hearts against sin includes much of the wisdom that's already built into the Christian dating culture: It causes us to choose our company carefully, steer clear of physical activity that arouses our sexual passions, and factor the lifelong nature of the marriage commitment into our interaction with potential spouses. It also asks us to dig deeper — to go beyond the neat boundaries outlined in books and lectures and wrestle with God regarding our own sin.


So, rather than deciding that purity means not kissing before engagement, we have to ask, "When is physical affection selfish rather than self-giving?" or "At what point am I giving in to temptation and violating my own conscience?" And we must be willing to forsake anything that doesn't measure up to these standards, even if, at times, it's something as seemingly innocent as hugging.5 


For those of us who once felt safe and justified living within the Christian dating box, the demands of righteousness can come as a shock. Suddenly, it's not about checking all the boxes on the list, but about being intimately attuned to the Holy Spirit, even as we are growing closer to another person. Sometimes we are surprised at the unexpected places where sin lurks in our hearts. And that's not the only tough thing we encounter when we stop guarding ourselves against people and start guarding against sin.


Take a Risk, Take a Chance, Make a Change
As hard as it is to fully expose my heart to God, I find one thing more difficult: exposing my heart to other humans. That's probably because I have known God for as long as I can remember and have found Him completely trustworthy. Humans — not so much. I think this is the hardest part about dating and marriage. In order to get to the point of making a lifelong commitment to love someone, we must open ourselves up to (at least one) sinful person who will hurt us. Somehow, I think we've taken the Christian relationship books to mean that if we follow all the steps, we can avoid the hurt, but it just isn't so.


I don't number myself among those who believe that God takes a risk in loving us. But because we lack His sovereignty and omniscience, I think we necessarily take risks when we imitate His sacrificial love. Or, as C.S. Lewis puts it in The Four Loves, "There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken ... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."6 


Conventional church wisdom sometimes tells us otherwise: Do not invest yourself too deeply in anyone until you know that person is "The One." I know, I know. To anyone who hasn't dated within Christian culture, it sounds absurd, but many Christian singles have bought this line. They're the ones who say, "I only want to date the person I marry." They live in fear of accidentally giving an irretrievable piece of their heart away to someone they might not wed.
Certainly, marriage is undermined when we have given our hearts and bodies away haphazardly to those we didn't end up marrying. But at the other end of the spectrum, the desire to "save everything for my future spouse" can translate into practical paralysis — we are simply unable to move forward in a relationship where the end is not known.


Who's Guarding Your Heart?The problem with this approach is that it demands that God give us a guarantee of "happily ever after" before we ever become vulnerable with someone we care about. But because marriage is always between two sinful people, it will always be a leap of faith. And for two God-followers considering the possibility of marriage, there will often be fears, misgivings and hurts as we grasp what it means to be an imperfect person who deeply loves an imperfect person. And this, I think, is the core of the heart-guarding issue. We may say we're guarding our hearts to honor God, but if we're really honest, we're trying to keep ourselves from getting hurt.


Instead, we ought to see dating and courtship as a time of trusting uncertainty. We find someone who could potentially be a godly spouse. Sparks fly — hopefully for both people — and somehow or another (depending on which books we've read), we become intentional about getting to know each other.


If we guard our hearts against sin, we save ourselves loads of pain and regret should the relationship end. But at some point, the road to marriage requires making ourselves vulnerable to someone we have not yet committed to marry. That's a scary thing, but at that point we have a choice — guard our own hearts, and, in our self-protection, lose our ability to really love. Or, let God guard our hearts, trusting that even if we are abandoned by humans, He will hide us under His wings and make us whole again.


Pain is Productive
The Christian dating culture seems to rebel against the idea that God might lead us down the relationship road far enough to get hurt, but not so far as marriage. We will go to great lengths to avoid this excruciating state of limbo. But what if this pain is fully within God's plan for us?


It's like the blind man in John 9. He didn't suffer because he sinned. He suffered so that Jesus would have an opportunity to glorify the Father through his healing. So, if you wind up investing in a relationship that doesn't lead to marriage, don't see it as a moral failure (unless you have actually failed morally). Don't see it as the thwarting of God's plan for your life. It could be that God is refining you with His fire, painfully burning away your impurities — bringing healing to you and glory to Himself as He does so.


I'm sure Hosea wondered many times why God would ask him to go through the pain he suffered in his marriage. But he honored the marriage covenant, made himself open to his wife and trusted God with his heart. Because of his obedience, we have some of the Bible's most tender words from Christ, the bridegroom, to us, His bride:


I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness ... (Hosea 2:19-20, NIV).


What better safety could our hearts find?

A Day in the Oceanarium

"All the earth will declare that Your love is everywhere,
the fields will exalt, seas resound,
hear the trees joyful cries,
praising You and so will I,
a new song I'll sing,
Lord, I will glorify and praise Your Holy Name!"

This is a song which means a lot to me, the very first few praise songs I learned in Lifeline worship team. Today I finally rewarded myself for the completion of the Forensic Botany module and the report -- with a trip to Oceanario de Lisboa. Indeed it's one of the finest oceanarium I had been so far. I was in Aquaria KLCC and Oceanarium of Barcelona. They too are good with quality collection of marine life but the open sea concept of this oceanarium is just innovative! I went round and round yet not one side is the same as the other. Ample of space for everyone to have a good look at the sea creatures. The marine life is well taken care of. This is definitely something Portugal must be proud of! All descriptions are bilingual - Portuguese and English.  I wished I have seen the one in Valencia too... I heard that is awesome too.

I thank God for the few months in Lisbon. It just feel like there are so much Lisbon has to offer that my plate is constantly full! Another few weeks before I fly home.. I still have yet seen Sintra which was described as magical by some. I want to see what someone had seen so that I know what he went through... and the zoo of Lisbon also is in my list. Not forgetting Porto too...

There are just so much... yet time is limited :) The best is the church community whom I have come to know... and starting to serve in liturgy of the Word. That's God's goodness in my life..

Sacred Heart Feast Day

"My heart is restless until I find rest in You."

I think it's a famous quote of a saint.. but I don't quite remember whether it's St. Augustine or St. Jerome.. Indeed, my heart has been restless for the past one week battling with my human nature. Only God knows the amount of pain I experienced in this wrestle. Yet, all the dark nights of my soul led me to this conclusion: that I am nothing without God. And it's by His grace that I am where I am now.

I can't ask that anyone should change for my sake neither should I change for the sake of anyone. Yet, it's within the broken  human nature to please others and be who they are expected to be.

God loves me as I am, no matter how imperfect I am. I rejoice to be called His beloved daughter. His plans and visions are beyond the comprehension of my limited mind. All I ask is He leads me to where He finds best for me to be, to my beloved whom He finds favour in, whoever that may be.

In Jesus I trust.

All of My Days

All of my days I will sing of Your greatness,
All of my days I will speak of Your grace,
All of my days I will tell of Your wondrous love,
Your love in my life... Your Love...

I have been in an emotional roller coaster since yesterday and the heavy heart is once again set within me. For the whole of yesterday everything seemed to be so blinded and so suffocating. I thank God for a friend or two who acted as His angels to walk me through the intense loneliness I felt last night. God's wondrous love ministered to me by the most unsuspecting one. He uses the most unlikely person in His time as His instrument of love. I pray this person receives as much comfort as he has given.

God is always the glorious One and when morning came, the sun rose and my heart warmed up to the sun. I rewarded myself by purchasing online in Apple Store Portugal a blue iPod Shuffle 2GB. And yes, personalized by engraving my full name on it. It's kinda weird, as initial thought was to engrave Psalm 37:4 on it. Never got around engraving such important message anywhere :/ Then running errand to the bank. Gee.. I have to run to the bank again :( The account number had an extra number.. I hope there's no transaction at the moment!!

Afternoon spent leisurely downloading praise & worship songs for gym. Planetshakers and Hillsongs of course. To prepare for the arrival of my latest addition to my gadget family :p I'm excited for his arrival the day after tomorrow bearing imprint of my name on him. Yep, my iPod shuffle is a guy. Hahaha!!! It's like tattooing my new fling. Ok, I had been loyal to my gadgets.. ermm.. somehow *chuckles*

I had been thinking a lot about how I have reacted towards some people, and what brings joy to me. Can I bring real and true joy to him/her/them through my words and actions? Or am I using him/her/them to selfishly feed my void? Even initially I had pure intention to reach out to a lost brother or sister, sometimes I lose sight of my intention, mission and ministry. I lost sight of God.

Tonight I was reminded by a dear sister, Annel, of the words from Isaiah, chapter 55, verses 8-9...
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Indeed a tight slap on my face. I have used a wrong method to minister and an even more wrong intention. Out of curiosity our friendship started. I forgot sharing life is a story of a lifetime, not a mere one, two-week short-term flings. I thank God He showed me once again the way that leads me to Him. Though a narrow gate, but a bright and shiny one, because He stands there in His righteousness.

Pax vobiscum.

Short-lived Friendship

Long time ago... someone told me about people whom we met who leave footprints in our hearts.. Some will stay just for a moment, some for a season, and some for a life time.

Recently, I met a person on virtual space whom I find very interesting to get to know. Slowly I'm getting to know the person, but through the conversations, I seem to discover a little of myself too. Perhaps constancy is not a strength of neither me nor the person... Or maybe that person has too much on the plate which has to be shared with many more in the person's social circle. Or maybe I just got bored for some reason or another. Nobody knows where this virtual friendship will cease to non-existence, as all my previous virtual friendships had faded away. Only few important ones remain... they are considered as my lifelong friends. Two of them bore a son last year, and they asked me to be his godma. That's the reward of lifelong friendships - to see each other grow old.

I do hope this is not just another short-lived friendship, though our lifestyles are completely the opposite of each other. Preferences and what we are looking for in life, too, are completely two worlds apart. What I am amazed is how God placed the person in my life. So I thank God for this challenging friendship... and seeking to know His will for placing this person right here right now.

Continuation of the Series of Unfortunate Events

As I cook my last bit of Kum Kee original chicken soup on the stove, I guess I should post a bit here. Some probably will laugh out loud and says "serves her right" when they read this, but I'm glad I'm so influential to affect their emotional stability!

Let's start with what happened today.. I got up at 530am to get ready and grabbed the 648am tram to take the 7am train to another town, Setubal, to get my residence card application submitted. Hahaha! A first world joke. The foreigners department office was experiencing visa information system breakdown. Everything seemed to be broken down there. Our appointments were undetected and we waited for 930am to see if the system would regain (which it didn't). So we were asked to go back there tomorrow. Good thing, bad thing? Nobody knows. What I know is I had to skip an important class this morning, miss another class tomorrow prior to the excavation practical on Wednesday. Now I'm blinded by the goodness of it.

It's a exhausting day to travel without purpose and miss class. I'm wondering if staying silent my whole life is the best thing to do. In response to an unpublished comment which hurt me a lot, I start wondering if I'm ever good enough at this point. Thank you, 'friend'. That's not what true friends would do though - to degrade me by saying I'm exactly the kind of person one would avoid and keep away from. I'm no longer angry, just very sad how stones are finally overturned to find the corpse hidden beneath. I may be attention seeker and imperfect and annoying, but I'm sure somewhere deep inside I have something good in me. Why is it so hard to see me in brand new unstained glasses instead of stained glasses of the past? It's an expensive lesson learned. For 10 days of my life I was feeling sorry/guilty I made everyone waited for me with the delay and flight cancellation and missed buses and spent £345 and euros. I cherished all the good times I had with many people I met, but it's hurtful to recount this part of my travels at the moments. Today I want to throw the guilt I feel for those people involved into the dump. Enough of feeling sorry.

I just returned from Fatima yesterday. I went for weekend pilgrimage with the English speaking church here. It built me up, reminding me that God is merciful and Jesus seeks not for the righteous but for the sinners. I know Jesus is seeking for me. I want to be found. I want to hurt no more because of negative insignificances like such. I want to win the battle with devil by the strength not mine but of Jesus. I'm weak and full of weaknesses. But I know God still loves me.

Judgment

Who am I to judge? For I'm constantly judged. I can only tell you what I am going through, who I am and things or situations which I had been. An anecdote here and there. I never meant any harm but too dark was my past which I know will never leave me because it's a part of me. Yet it will also be this darkened past which will be used to attack me.

I can't be what everything to everyone. All of you can choose to see me with the coloured spectacles of my past or look beyond find the real me. Im just blessed with many stories to tell. Im just blessed with eloquence of words. Im just blessed that I have many achieved dreams. Yet I'm never better than anybody because everyone is equal.

In the past I had to try very hard to find topics to make people look at me. I was insecure. Now if I find they aren't interested, I just need to step away because I don't need to try so hard. I learned. But I can't help being friendly to people. It's just me being me.

Judge me as you like. It's free of charge anyway since I don't charge any fee :) Happy judging!

End of My English Vacation

It has been a week of trials and temptations though I had enjoyed most of this break. Meeting new Sabahan friends and their spouses, learning new social dance, eating out like there is no tomorrow.

I can only give credit to God who has been showering me with friends and random people who have been so kind to me. Every tear I cried He wiped it away. Every worry and sorrow He turned into joy and happiness. Indeed God is the One I can depend and trust 100%.

There's a short anecdote which reminds me of my old self. I was a jealous person, and unable to share my friends and things with others. Recently I encountered someone who is like the old me. Now I can understand the helplessness people felt when they tried to handle the issue which stemmed from a root cause deep within me. Today I felt helpless too when I didn't know how much I should fade out so that this individual can have every attention to himself. Yet I also know that I have all rights to build friendships with anyone I meet. I can give way but doesn't mean I have to give up my right to befriend friends of my friends. This becomes an important lesson to me.

Books..

This is an element that never left my side when I travel. For once, I had no reading materials which I brought along on this trip. All those extraordinary experiences told me in a tiny but persistent voice that I will meet God in a reading material.

As I browsed in WHSmith in the airport aimlessly after getting my UK sim, I saw an interesting book which speaks about Dinah, the daughter of Leah and Jacob. She's mentioned briefly in the book of Genesis where she was raped by a foreign man. It's categorized as fiction, but I know God speaks in so many different ways and methods. Im on page 15 right now.

I would continue reading at the coach station rather than sitting here in the terminal 1 of Manchester Airport...

Touching Down in Manchester Airport

It was a moment of relief when I finally boarded the plane, only to find out 20 minutes later that my flight was delayed due to multiple reasons. First there was missing passenger then the unloading luggage and finally some sort of technical error of the plane. I kinda got worried that my plane wouldn't take off again! There was nothing I could do and only could leave everything in the hands of my Lord Jesus. I sought intercession of Our Lady via Rosary, a pretty messy one though. The miracle is the plane started moving at the 4th decade!! Praise God!

Now another moment of relief that I'm FINALLY here in the UK for my English vacation. Of course, the next thing which really shook me was... I missed my bus to London despite being there two hours before. The bus let its passengers down and drove off without me. Perhaps it was partially my fault for not waiting right outside at the stand too. The bus driver too, as he didn't wait. So I saw the bus drove off without me. I managed to get some help from the nice station manager and I called the customer service and they managed to get me a seat to London after midnight.

Now I'm camping in the airport terminal. Im going to get my meal and then a book. I will stay alert this time round.

Thank God for all His grace and mercy!! Im glad He's with me. If not, I probably would have given up and gone home. Now, I expect anything to happen at anytime but with God I will be alright somehow. This is the most optimistic me this year so far.

Dear God, what are You trying to tell me??

An Unexpected Turn

I was supposed to be on a plane heading for my English holidays of 10 days, BUT I'm blogging here in Novotel Lisbon right now from my mobile...

The story goes like this... I was informed yesterday there is an air traffic controller strike in Lisbon airport and I was hoping that I would be able to fly to Manchester despite the strike. First, it was rescheduled to earlier time, so I was in the airport earlier. Then as the time approaching, there was an announcement saying that our flight was delayed until further notice which would be given at 3pm. At 2pm, the flight was canceled. Then the confusion and waiting for what's next started. LOL. The airline is supposed to provide us with food and lodging. So here I am! Novotel Lisbon. It's quite good place to stay. Finally I'm lying on a king size bed watch AXN. Thank God! Hopefully tomorrow we will fly on time to Manchester as I have a lot to catch up my trip..

Ugly but Striking Luggage

It'll be a joke if u miss this bag anywhere! LOL

Officially, Vacation!

I slept very little last night. I guess the packing and all sorta overwhelmed me. This is my third trip to the UK and I am still awfully stressed about it somehow. Perhaps the difference of temperature kind of frozen my already-frozen brain (?!). Oh well... Enough of the negativity. Let's look at the brighter side of things. I have RICE for breakfast. Haha. And I am planning to start my journey to the airport at 9 am (in fact, as early as I can). With the air traffic controller strike going on in the airport, I suppose it will be quite confusing, and furthermore, I have NEVER been to the airport here in Lisbon.

I better do the last bit of dishes and go off earlier. It's 840am now.

Checking out from Lisbon now :P Gonna be in four places in a single day today. Interesting Friday. May the Lord bless and guide me :)

May Movie Day: The Avengers (3D)

Those who know me very well will know that it's a miracle I survive for more than 6 months without watching movies in the cinema. I considered myself a movie buff some months ago, when my favourite past time after work was to go for movie marathon in 1Borneo Hypermall, whenever I have extra time and cash of course. Well, with all the dubbed version of the movies in Spain, and the more expensive tickets, I have not watched a proper movie since last August. I don't remember which movie it was, but my last was a movie outing with a friend who lives in KL the eve of my flight to Madrid. That was 8th August 2011, about 9 months ago!!

Gosh, the feeling of watching the Avengers (3D) was "WOW! So this is how watching movie in the cinema feels like." Ok, writing this phrase gave me a feeling that I was living in a cave for the past 9 months *chuckles* and I am supposedly living in first world countries since August!!? Oh well, I thank God that the ticket price in Lisbon is slightly cheaper and so I could take a little off my scholarship allowance for a once-a-month movie treat I guess. They accepted my university gym card as my student card, so yeah, I got a cheaper student price of 5.70 euros, well, plus 2.20 euros for the real 3D glasses and 0.75 euros for 3D show tax. Definitely more expensive if I were to convert to MYR, but without conversion, the price is VERY reasonable, considering that it is original voice movie with Portuguese subtitles. No dubbing effect. NICE!!!

One thing which gave me a culture shock was the 7-minute interval which the cinema had. They CUT the Avengers into half literally, and my movie excitement and enjoyment into half too... T.T I thought they had some power or movie play failure which sometimes GSC experienced (from all my movie outings...)

I had that "WHY IS THIS SO RIDICULOUS??!!!" question playing again and again, as though it was the biggest joke on earth, to cut Thor's action into half. Sigh!! It was a good movie for a laugh with a mashed up super heroes of Marvel comic. A lot of CG and actions, with lots of heroes. Not the lovey-dovey, kissing here and there sort of movie. But it was completely fun, oh well, minus the interval of course.

And yeah, I tried on two dresses in Zara which I like a lot and thought of bringing them home to call my own. Now I'm still considering if I would wear them often enough to buy them home..... 

And I fell in love with Samsung Galaxy Note just now. I think that little gadget fits me perfectly. Being such an intelligent and cute thing. I wish I can bring home all!!

Well, after serious consideration, I might get the Note back home in Malaysia.... I just might!!!

Blessed Engagement to my beloved friends, Babara and Jeremy!

First of all, blessed engagement to Bab and Jer, my two lovely friends who got engaged recently. I wasn't directly informed, but I somehow was told by Facebook, the worldwide social networking tool. It's a pity I'm away... YET, as long as the couple is happy and obviously they are very happy, I am happy for them too *big smile*

I have been friends with the both of them since 2006 I think. I'm not sure if Jeremy came into the picture later, but I'm very sure that I met Bab in 2006 Freedom Camp. It was a blessing and still is a blessing to have know this couple as personal friends. Right before I left KK, I owed both of them a HUGE favour, which I have yet settled the money part with Jeremy, and the sisterly friendship with Bab. Thank you both for the support you gave me when I was in uncertainties and needed help yet strong-headed enough to not ask for help until the never super last moment. I really appreciate it a great deal. I miss you both a lot!

May the love of God be with you as you prepare to share your lives as one. I will bring this as a petition to Fatima when I go this Pentecost. Love you lots.

Month of May, A Leisure Month

The last time I blogged felt like a thousand years ago. This is a very slow month, with about 14 days of holidays for me coming up soon next week. How could a packed Masters course be so vacant? I have no idea. Perhaps ill combination or poor time management from the authorities. However, it happened so. I have planned 10 days of vacation in the UK, and this will be my 3rd trip there. I enjoyed my previous two trips a lot, despite the rain and gloomy days, especially during the winter break.

Everybody has wants and desires. Being human, I, too, have wants and desires. A desire for a final year project which I am passionate about, a want of tech-savvy gadgets, a dream which I want it to come true. The other day I was chatting with a Malaysian friend living in Lisbon at the moment about my dreams. Yeah, I come to realize that I have a lot of big dreams, and at the same time, by God's grace, many dreams are coming true. Living in this world as who I am for almost 30 years now, and to have many big dreams coming true, indeed, heaven is on earth!

Counting my dreams which are coming true:

1. Being paid to travel - I hold a scholarship given by European Union right now, enough for me to live, study and travel without worries.
2. Living in Europe for at least a year - This program is a two-year program in three different European countries
3. Studying Forensic Science - I have always wanted to study Forensic Science...
4. Furthering my studies to Masters and PhD (yet to come true at this moment) - I am studying Masters now, completing first year in July...
5. Traveling to Rome - I was in Rome for 4 days last summer
6. Attending World Youth Day - Last summer in Madrid was the WYD, and I was there with my team from Sacred Heart Cathedral, Kota Kinabalu. Thank God!!
7. Pilgrimage to Fatima - I have signed up for the pilgrimage in May organized by the Irish Dominican Parish whose church I'm attending mass on Sundays. Thank God!

I may have more dreams which are coming true but I have overlooked as I write... Now it's time for priorities setting. I want a DSLR since forever! And a tablet, and a i3/5/7 dual core, anti-glare lappy... I actually am able to afford all three if I don't consider every other factor. So priority goes to keeping my "children" in the bank and seeing them grow... This is for the sake of my unknown future. Being a planner by nature, and visionary too, I want to paint a nice picture for my future, be it as a single or married person.

Serving with God's people... At the moment, I feel I am doing nothing much. And I truly look forward to spend more than 6 months with the Christian Union students in Lincoln, praying and praising together with a community of believers. And serving God's people. Everytime I think of this future, I miss my team in KK. It had been a wonderful time, through thick and thin with them. Though there were moments which drew me apart from the community, I was blessed, and am still is blessed by those who hold on to me even when I pushed them aside. For this, I thank God with my whole heart. They are my spiritual family indeed. Now I'm praying very hard for divine intervention for the project I desire. And the thought of knowing somebody out there is always with me in prayers comfort me a lot. Not only one somebody, but many of them. Thank God!

Monument of Cristo Rei, Almada

Discovery tower in Belem

Famous Portuguese egg tarts, Pasteis de Belem

The front of the famous Portuguese egg tart cafe

Ponte 25 de Abril

Wall of Castelo de Sesimbra

Castelo de Obidos, with Agnes from Hungary whom I met in church :)

Mobile Blogging Test

I know I'm lagging in using the technology I have with me to update my blog. I update twitter and foursquare often enough but my blog is left half abandoned. Let's see if this works ^^

Pharmacology Exam in 8 hours

I just realized I did not blog for more than a month! That is a long time. I wasn't too busy this month in fact, yet I realized I had not achieved anything significant too. The crushed dream of traveling during Easter sort of hurt the planner pride in me, thus no plans at all! Though I have purchased a return flight to England in May. Somehow I managed to get the flights. Other than that, nothing, again.

Oh well, I have an exam on Pharmacology in about 8 hours time. I spent almost the whole day to try to study, and successfully making notes only for 4 types of drugs before my fingers called quit. Of course, my usual doses of k-dramas intermittently, not forgetting distractions like Facebook, blogger (!), Twitter, Dramabeans recaps.... Even GMail became a distraction. And yeah, my 101 excuses that I should have my meals. Now I'm munching down some raisins while studying Cardiovascular Drugs and blogging (?!)

I was just writing a comment to my ex-student from Korea about getting rid of distractions if losing concentration in studies. And I am also doing it. Better continue walking the talk. Like the present my students gave me two years ago for Teacher's Day celebration: A great teacher inspires. As much as I'm currently studying to be a forensic scientist in future, my past 3.5 years of being a high school teacher lingers around, with my ex-students around the globe. Well yeah... Up to date, the count of my ex-students studying in UK is increasing (not decreasing). I'm so surprised when I started counting. Haha. One is flying to Plymouth next month, on the day I fly in to UK for my well-deserved vacation (?!).

Tomorrow's plan is to check out Sesimbra, and Anthia Dive Center there for my SCUBA refresher course, or maybe an Advanced Adventurer course? Hmm... I had so few diving experiences since I got my license about 9 years ago. My goodness, how time flies!!!! Well, I would love to blame on the low paid jobs I had and the expensive price for diving, but I know that where there's a will, there's a way. So it wasn't really the fault of anybody that I wasn't diving. Hopefully all things go well tomorrow, as planned. Oh well, unless it rains.

Hopefully I will remember what I'm studying during exam.....

Oh yeah, I'm in the midst of Novena to St. Jude for a special intention. St. Jude is the patron for helpless and  desperate cases. I do have some seemingly helpless situation here right now. Click on the link to access the prayer.

I'm going to Fatima for a pilgrimage after my UK vacation on Pentecost weekend. Anyone with petitions can email me.

Have a blessed day wherever you are!

Lisbon, officially.

I'm officially in Lisbon, but due to the hectic schedule during weekdays (and not-so-hectic during weekends), I haven't really had time to sit down and ponder over the happenings of these few weeks. The ups and downs are causing my body to give out frustrated signals to people around me, making me someone hard to deal with. I really appreciated that my group mates are sort of understanding ones. Oh well... I have to sort out how I feel inside asap as it is going to be "inhibiting" my studies progress.

Lisbon - the Portuguese metropolitan capital city. I love the city public transport, and the fact that many shops and tourist attraction spots are opened on Sundays. It's like returning to normality, after 6 months being in a place where everything is closed on the day that I have time to travel or explore. I was frustrated that I couldn't do anything, visit any places or just to buy food in the supermarket because the supermarket was closed on a Sunday too. I like the professors there, but the living condition ain't what I like, and being 29 turning 30 this year, I discover that I have preference of what kind of living environment I want to put myself in and the preference influences my hostility towards the place. Despite not knowing Portuguese, I still like the new city I'm being introduced to live in at the moment.

It isn't easy being the only few Asians in the campus... It's obvious I'm different from the rest - besides the age factor - all other factors too. Yet, I know what is important now is to obtain as much knowledge as I can though now everything seems so disorganized and too many researchers are teaching us the same subject at the same time. Some are really good lecturers too, but some are terrible on imparting knowledge in their brain to people who know nothing about their deep wisdom of their subject. Teaching is a gift, and not everyone possesses the same gift from God. That makes life interesting by the diversity of human race. Yet, it is important to discover what we're good at, and ideally, work in the field which we excel and passionate about. For the professor who doesn't really impart knowledge to me, maybe I have goldfish memory, and that I'm not interested in the field he's trying to teach, hence my lack of luster in his part of the subject. Apologies. I probably would learn better if I understand him better. Hopefully he will improve...

The spiritual part of me is still in crisis, and yeah, I need a great deal of prayers. It's Lenten season now, and 3 weeks into Lent, I'm still unprepared for Christ's resurrection on Easter. I'm in a limbo condition right now, and there seems no one whom I can share spiritual stuff who is near enough. I feel alone journeying in the darkness right now, though I know Jesus is near. I miss going to cell group, bible sharings, and worship sessions. I need to learn to pray once again, from deep within my soul and not just lip service on Sundays...

Time to return to the journal paper I'm reading... Time to do something concrete.

Last Friday Night in Cordoba...

My elongated European travel is coming to an end in the this Spanish land. By next Monday afternoon, I'd greet one of the first colonial explorers of Malaysia - the Portuguese. It is very strange, and thank God, I survived and will continue surviving. In fact, many have told me I live the dream of many. Yet, I am but a subject of God, seeking and looking for His will be done. My part in Spain is considered done. I had my share of witnessing Asian church with some young people. Though not many, I pray someone's heart was touched by Christ like how He has touched mine.

With packing to be done tonight, and tomorrow morning, I'm getting nervous about moving. Would I be able to finish packing on time before my friend's visit this weekend? Where will I be for my final semester? Yet, an assurance in my heart that His will be done unto me. As much as I'd love to be where my heart would like to be, whatever that happens, it always happens for a reason. All the ugly stuffs which happened to me this semester, all the past uncomfortable experiences with individuals... All have gone with the north wind to somewhere beyond my knowledge. With a new chapter of my life starting in Lisbon, Portugal, I pray that I'm closing this chapter of my life beautifully. I have bade farewell to people who matter to me starting early this week, been on a trip to Malta and Madrid and Granada to visit various people, done all my exams and did pretty well for some of them... All these "doing" parts, I have completed. It is time to settle down and start with the "listening" parts.

With the start of Lenten season last Wednesday, carrying the promise that I am an ambassador and soldier of Christ, a promise which I have made solemnly before the Bishop of Malacca-Johor diocese then during my Confirmation, I pray that I will go forth and witness for Jesus with the aid of the Holy Spirit. May the Lord shines His perpetual light upon me and everyone out there. Amen.

Final Month in Cordoba, Spain

Yups, this is the weekend when the cold North Wind starts to blow  (finally!). This year, apparently, it is late, for some reason, the north wind was trapped in Arctic due to the "sibling" of El Nino/La Nina. Oh well, those who know me would know how glad I am that this winter isn't too cold. It is weekend, so I can hide inside my rather cold apartment for the whole few days, going out only when necessary. Anyway, I would have about 13 days to walk around, spend time with people who matter and checking out new places before I leave to Lisbon, Portugal.

Wow. Final month in Cordoba, Spain. Having been here for around 5-6 months, I wouldn't say that I won't miss this place when I leave, but I think I would miss the people whom I have come to know more than the place itself. When I bade goodbye to KK, I knew that the reason I call KK my home is the people whom I left behind to climb the staircase of studies.

The North wind stopped howling outside my window since this evening. It means that Cordoba will return to the normal 18-20ish degrees Celsius winter-spring weather. Then when March comes, it shall be summer once again. Strange place, really, weather-wise. I've experienced only few times of rain since I arrived. Only once I got drenched here. Comparing to Malaysia... Oh well.

I could not sleep because I probably had too much of Pepsi. And yeah, as I tried to sleep just now, the autopsy report kept ringing in my head. I've finally completed around 80-90% of it. Now I feel less restless. Time to sleep I guess.

Signing out at 6.02 am. (What?! It IS morning already!!!) Day 22 counting down to Lisbon.

Have a blessed Sunday, my friends!

Forensic Pathology Class

Strange enough, I actually enjoyed attending Forensic Pathology class even the human anatomy class gave me headache when everybody seemed to be so confident of themselves. I could go extra miles just to find out more about the assignment I have been assigned to do. It is a similar feeling when I did assignments related to molecular biology, genetics and DNA topics. For once, I know my strength of being passionate about these areas.

I can't deny that I care a lot about a comment someone made when I expressed that my passion lies within these areas of interest - molecular biology, genetics, DNA, phylogenetics etc. - that even if I like these areas and want to do a project on these areas, that doesn't mean I'd get an opportunity to work on a final masters project on these areas. Sounds too much like a warning that I don't get what I wish for, and there are many others who are more worthy than me to receive what they want. At that moment, I felt like killing him, tearing his mouth into pieces. That surge of anger surprised me, I'd say. Yet, it was also very clear to me that some people just have to protect themselves. Like how my defensiveness caused anger in me.

I'm pretty messed up recently, with all these analytical chemistry subjects to tackle I know I'm not performing the way I should be. I just hope I can pass through these challenges, and have a better 1.5 years ahead of me. Never mind that cold and heartless comment that person expressed when I shared my dream. I hate to see people crushing my dreams, but this is life in a blind and self-absorbed world. So I shall work for the sake that what I do will glorify God. I am certain I don't need people like this in my life, making me feel small about myself. It is enough that I was brought up this way. Time to break free from this bondage which caused me not to believe that I have equal opportunities as others.

If it is meant to be, I will get the project I want.

P/S: Can someone please shut up the radio that is broken nearby? It's a literal translation of I'm tired of listening to humming and singing when I need to concentrate in studying in my room without needing to plug my ears with earphones. I don't need noise pollution.

Excellent Sunny Day in Radcliffe, United Kingdom

I'm currently in Radcliffe, UK, visiting my friend's ex-director since Friday evening. There was no snow, but definitely lots of rain. Yet, by God's blessing, today has been a wonderfully sunny day. We decided to go for a walk to the water canal nearby and there were a family of swans swimming us by. Look at the pic! The daddy and mommy swans swam ahead of the 3 ugly ducklings.

Daddy and Mommy Swan leading the babies...

Teenage ugly ducklings :P

I visited Barcelona too. It was great to have a lot of sun there, so warm that I could visit the seaside again and again during the 3 days there...

Here's how it looked like to be going to the beach during winter...

Cold wind but sunny day and blue Mediterranean sea as background.

Indeed, the Lord has been gracious to me, to allow me this opportunity to visit Europe in a leisure manner, not squeezing everything in a tight schedule.