A Social Network Christmas

May you be prepared to receive the Child Jesus on Christmas. Amen.

Just Another 30 Days to 2011

It's been a LONG time again since my last post, and thousands of apologies to those who look forward to reading my rambles. Life's been UP and DOWN, as usual, though not as "dramatized" as it used to be. Thank God!

I have some plans for next year, but it is not the right time to disclose what exact plans are they, but it is definitely a step, or maybe steps, forward. I really hope my plans are according to His great plan for me. Now I'm taking things step-by-step, hoping that all will fall into the right places at the right time.

It is the 2nd week of my school holidays, as a teacher, but I'm still craving for a time of rest. It had been a whirlwind even before the school year ended two weeks ago. There were school graduation night, meetings for Protem Committee of Learning Center, minutes of meetings, various odds and ends to tie up before the school year ends (and I still have stuffs to do tomorrow at school!!!), planning for Youth Alpha "crash" sessions (to fit the schedule, due to bad planning!! :( my bad!), executing my steps to the life-changing plan in 2011, etc. In between I had movie outings, dinner outings... Umm... The whole October, I was outstation practically every weekend (I realized that I love my lazy weekends!!) for spiritual retreats. Come to think of it now, I wouldn't be able to go through all these without Him supporting me all the way. My God is awesome!

I've been missing daily masses (apologetically...) and I wish I can spend more time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, at least when I attend daily mass. With the holiday season, and all the activities, it is definitely a challenge for me to drive to church for mass every evening. I have to make my list of priorities!!!

Well, food and movies have been a constant companion to me, as usual, and I have a new group of friends to eat with. Thank God for the companionship He provides me with. Sometimes I do miss hanging out alone. Crazy, but true. I guess I'm heading towards singlehood with a better perspective these days. Thank and praise God!! And yeah, I'm still learning to balance between quality time spent alone and quality time spent with friends... I am still swinging from one extreme to the other, like a pendulum. Haha.

One good thing that is going to happen is a paid vacation to Northern Vietnam with my mom this coming mid-December. I heard about the winter (without snow!), and the need for warm clothings. I had been hardworking in researching the weather and all... Hopefully the trip will be fun, fun and more fun!!

I'm excited to let the whole world know that the Youth Alpha in BM that we are running in Youth Prep Centre Alamesra just passed the Holy Spirit sessions (a benchmark that we are finishing this first round) today. It went on great. Though there are only 7 youth joining the YA in BM sessions this school holiday, we're very happy for them that they received the Holy Spirit during prayer ministry. Praise God for His good works. We do hope to run more rounds of YA in BM in YPC Alamesra in future to come!

Photos will follow after my trip when I have time to edit them. Oh yeah, I got myself a Casio Exilim Z90 recently. Pretty decent compact digital camera!

Time for a clay mask and beauty sleep.

May the love of Christ be with you always. Amen.

THANK YOUs

Thank you to all who remembered my birthday and sent me wishes via text messages and also Facebook. My birthday was a great one, though not a blast in the sense of the world. I was away for a spiritual retreat deep in the mountains with some teachers from our sister school of the complex and it was a wonderful experience to know them and to love them all (Fenny, Clare, Bian and Boo). The ladies are considered my new friends, while the men have been my friends since 2006. The bonding was awesome. Though there was no mobile reception there in the retreat center, it was totally alright for me.

The best experience was the individual blessing by the priest with the Blessed Sacrament. The moment Jesus was nearing to where I was sitting in the chapel, I was in awe of Him, totally. I wonder with amazement how could Jesus, the Son of God, came down on earth, and now, right in front of me, wanting to know me, love me, be with me, forever. The highlight was when the priest blessed me with the Blessed Sacrament, I was filled with bliss of being at the feet of my beloved Christ. That is "the moment".

I got home about 4 something in the afternoon, played with my neighbour's Snowy and Browny (the pups) and then dropped down to sleep until choir practice. After practice, I had a simple dinner at Upperstar while waiting for John, my friend, to meet me up. Yesh... the nearest to birthday cake was Coffee Bean's cheese cakes. LOL.

After All Saints' Day mass yesterday evening, we went to Sailors' Cafe in Grand Millenium. It was awesome, the food was great and the company was even better...

Jason and Jeremy had a number of dishes, ranging from soup of the day to meatballs of the size of a golf ball, salad, chicken wings. Fabian had NZ lamb shoulder while Tity had creamy pasta. I had fish and chips. The deco was lovely too; I like the black wall with chalk writings and photos from the places the owner visited in the past. Here are some photos taken there...

Jason's soup of the day

Bian's NZ lamb shoulder

My fish and chips

Tity's creamy spaghetti

Meatballs

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/cindyckx

What a Day!

Monday barely started, yet I can feel the heaviness looming around me. My workplace environment doesn't help much in elevating my heaviness. In fact, the suffocating feeling I have probably generated at work -_-"

I just found out that half the teachers who had registered for the teachers retreat this weekend had pulled out. Out of 12, only 6 sort of confirmed to attend. This is a big hurdle for me. Nothing can be done, but I do feel disappointed how these teachers took things for granted that it is ok to pull out last minute. Perhaps having the organization to fully sponsor the retreat cost is a bad move because employees will not be committed to attending.

I hope the day will turn out better than now. There is still hope.

God, help me!!!!

Living with Christ Daily - Prayer by Blessed Pope John XXIII

What have I done for Christ?

Little, little or nothing.

What am I doing for Christ?

Something, but badly,

like a sluggard.

What should I do for Christ?

Everything, O Lord,

if you do but help me

with your holy grace.

God is all: I am nothing.

Let this do for today. Amen.

~ Blessed Pope John XXIII ~

what do u do when you get monday blue?

what do u do when you get monday blue?

Answer here

What do you do on a sunny Sunday?

What do you do on a sunny Sunday?

Answer here

My New Baby

Yeah, that's what I have been fiddling all week long. I finally received my HP Mini on 24 September 2010 (Friday), after a long wait of almost a month, plus a few trips down to TM Point to track it. Thank God for the Pakej Jalur Lebar dengan Netbook Percuma (Broadband package with free netbook) from Streamyx, I finally gotten a new netbook to cover the duties of my faithful Dell Inspiron 4150. I still love my Inspiron, it's just that it is a big deal to get it started and running smoothly these days. Maybe tomorrow I'll have to run a movie on it to ensure it's still operating well. I have my memories stored in it... Inspiron had gone through a great deal with since I started off uni...

The netbook that I'm currently using is powered by an Intel Atom N475 on Windows 7 starter with 1GB of RAM and a HDD of 250GB. I sort of screwed up when I installed a couple of software causing it to get into the fits of not wanting to shut down. After a good consult from a colleague, I did system recovery and returned to its origin, before I installed any program. So far so good, thank God.

Haha. My colleague has a HP Mini 210 before I got mine, and when I finally got hold of mine, I thought that I too were having the same. Well, it's just illusion! I am a proud owner of a HP Mini 110-3004TU. However, due to the illusion during the previous weekend, it gotten me to buy a "laptop skin" to stick onto the cover, just to customize it. Not too bad, but I'd prefer it plain...

One fun thing I did this weekend is to install PPS.tv on the netbook, and now I can watch some drama series which I really like when I'm free. If you don't see me around too often, high chance I'm at home watching PPS.tv. LOL.

I'd give this netbook a 4/5 stars for now - mainly contributed by the matte screen which was the main criterion I had to get a notebook/netbook. I'm really glad this netbook comes with matte screen :)

"Most" The Movie (The Bridge) Music Trailer Video*

A very inspiring short foreign film from Czech Republic. Enjoy!

Don't get personal..

With regards to my previous blog entry, I make no apologies of expressing my response towards the entry which I chose in the first place not to name the individual, neither will I publish the person's comment about my previous entry.

The entry was meant for everyone regarding the issue of unity in the nation. And I want point out that point No. 7 of my entry is to all those who have nothing better to do but to bicker and cause unnescessary dissension in an already chaotic nation. The use of twitter, facebook and blogs became their channel to spread harmful comments that poison the mind of people... A disclaimer here is I was referring to a general point, and not specific individuals. And if certain individuals felt I am personally attacking them, my apologies.

I'm more concerned that people laugh and tease those who have less than them, or might not have the abundant blessings as they have, no matter how harmless it seems like. Yet, I'm not referring to any specific person. I was once a person who didn't know how to be happy/excited for another person's blessings in their lives but to always think I deserve more than them. Hey, I'm not perfect! But the lesson I learned from the past few years is it's happier to say something positive about someone, or to think positively about one. If I continue choosing to see the negative sides of individuals, I will not see that they have a good heart in them. And counting blessings with others made me see how good God is.

So I'm ending this entry by saying that I was not attacking specific individuals on blog but to remind ALL others that the harmless comments on sensitive issues of a multiracial country like Malaysia can cause more problems in unity.

A Respond to Happy Birthday, Malaysia

As a non-bumi in the land of Malaysia, I find that the most important and cherished culture of Malaysians is the ability to live among all other cultures, not only surviving, but living well together.

This is an excerpt of what I find offensive about:

Therefore, I dedicate this post as a tribute to the things I disfavor in my fellow countrymen:

1. They believe that there are more odds of getting lucky through a lottery ticket than through getting off one’s ass

2. They think good things can come easy, cheap, and quick

3. They say, “sure”, “yeah” and “of course” without meaning it

4. They talk more than they could ever walk

5. If something bad happens to them, it’s always the other person’s fault

6. They think the government owes them a big bungalow and a Ferrari

7. If someone else is successful, it’s because they’re lucky / robbed a bank / fucked their boss

8. They wonder why they haven’t become rich—while spending all day on their butt cracks

9. If they don’t do well in school, it’s the teacher’s fault

10. If they’re fat, it’s genetics

11. If they’re poor, it’s because of something their grandma did in her past life

12. If they marry an asshole, it’s jodoh

13. If they stumble once, it’s not meant to be—tak ada rezeki

14. If they’re asked to walk 3 miles, they’d be pleased to have walked 2

15. If they get something they worked hard for, they won’t let you forget

THERE IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM HERE: SOME HUMAN BEINGS DECIDED THAT WRITING ON A BLOG DON'T REQUIRE ANY RESPONSIBILITY!

I feel very distasteful towards people who write on their so-called personal "public" blog without using their brain (I wonder they have any leftover after tonnes of waxes poured onto their skin).

Solutions which I am proposing in order to take precautionary measures over this type of SERIOUS problem are:

1. Be content with what we have, and work for the glory of God.
2. Stop looking at what others have done unto you, and start looking at the way you behave towards others more than ever.
3. Take responsibility of what you release on social media.
4. We live in a multiracial country, we have to learn to give and take with other races. This country should NOT have different treatments for different races, but since it has been like this, the Malaysians (especially younger generation) should be aware that above all things is peace and harmony in the nation.
5. No name-callings, and start living as civilized human beings.
6. Go through the moral values you learn in school. If you think you can't live that up, no worries, nobody is perfect. But strive to live out the moral values, because it is impossible to live with a person who pretend to live out the moral values but talk bad about other races/religions etc.
7. Stop bitching on twitter, facebook and blogs PLEASE.

Thoughts to ponder.

GOD BLESS.

Two Weeks of Holidays..

It's the first Tuesday of the mid term + Raya break, and it feels like I've been having holiday forever. I'm currently blogging from my bro's old Dopod 818 Pro which I brought back with me to KK. A totally fabulous hand-me-down item I'd say, something comparative to a mini netbook, minus the keypad. It comes with wifi, and bluetooth, and infra red devices. Definitely something rare back in the year this phone was produced. Without a simcard, i can still access to internet on the newly installed opera mini. Kinda like it, but there are some errors in this system which requires some aid. High chance the phone has to undergo major brain surgery to get its Windows Mobile reformatted. Now that's tricky..

I'm supposed to be volunteering for the Archdiocesan Youth Festival (PBK) but I realize that things aren't right in my own life. I'm not going to bore you with details of what has gone wrong though. Let's see put it in simple format: God, work, relationships with others. The only thing that's alright and stable is family. Just got back from a weekend in Kluang for my dad's 1st death anniversary (25-29 August), things are ok at home, mom has the company of my relatives, especially my aunty, whose late husband was my mom's brother. So she's doing alright there. My bro's alright too, has a daytime job and some side business in collecting collector's shirts...
So what's with my relationship with God? I need Him more these days, but I sorta become mute after a meetup with a dear friend on National Day. I am put to test when he said I don't know what is real Christianity, and the truth of Salvation. So now I'm on the quest of truth and love as per Jesus' teachings. The 'self' is weak, often tempting me to care for 'self' instead of others. But my deliberate isolation from the previous group of people I used to hang out with is for the sake that I may see clearer of things in life without being judgemental and overly harsh on myself. My previous group of friends are certified good people, but I was crushed by their opinionated suggestions on how I should lead my life and what decisions I should make. So I take leave of the circle but still loving them all the same.
In this new phase of work, I've been tested all the time! From a simple complaint of a teenager leading to the mom's wrath upon me and the head of the school doing nothing but allowing his own staff be humiliated in front of him, to the shock of finding out how much certain individuals are trying to make me leave my workplace. It's no longer a place of joy. Yet ministering to the teens is such joy! Complicated and mixed I have here about my job, really. I do wonder why adults are so complicated! If only we all have the simple faith of a child of 3 years old, completely trusting our Father for protection. Instead, we tend to rely on our ownselves (self-reliance) and enjoy gossiping away our days. Backstabbing too. We do all these out of fear of losing our earthly treasures - position, money, etc. But what do we gain? A sure place of condemnation in hell if we don't repent.
God is love and all about placing us in His plan of salvation. Yet that doesn't mean He will not punish us for our wrongdoings. He sent Jesus to die for our sins, and by His resurrection we are saved. Yet again, our sins committed daily drag us away from Him who saves the world! So daily repentance is required. Our hearts are hardened by sins so sometimes it's hard for us to comprehend His love and the need for repentance plus discipline from God as we are His children. It's all for love...

So this is where I am at.

Pax vobiscum.

P/S: JOANNE, I miss your presence here. I'm glad you update your blog always. Have a great time in Melaka. God bless!

ROOT CAUSE

I wrote this story for a beloved friend of mine, a friend who has walked with me at the point of my dad's death a year ago. He has proved that a friend in need is a friend indeed. I hope he is well there, whatever that keeps him busy at the moment...

ROOT CAUSE

One day, as Snail crawled along the trail he takes daily to the Old Tree, he saw a tiny worm by the side, resting. Wormie, the tiny worm, looked exhausted, so Snail asked: "What have you been up to all night that you look as though you had worked so hard in the mine?"

Wormie smiled quietly and answered, "Oh, nothing special, just doing what I can do best."

Snail continued his journey towards the Old Tree, where his friends and him gather daily. When he arrived his destination, he saw his friend, Torita, the tortoise, weeping woefully. Not knowing what to do, Snail sat next to Torita until she stopped weeping. In between the sobs, Snail gathered that something seems to be wrong with Old Tree, and nothing could be done. Snail was perplexed but there was nothing he could do at that moment, but to wait.

Robbie the rabbit came hopping, and in tears, exclaimed, "OH NO! OLD TREE IS DYING!! WHAT SHALL WE DO?? OH NO!"

Now, Snail finally got the whole picture. Their beloved Old Tree, the gentle giant in their community, is dying. He is the stronghold of this whole community of animals. Snail was worried about his friends, but he had to get to the Old Tree as soon as he could. Many others were weeping together to mourn for the still-standing-tall Old Tree, and nobody was doing anything. Snail was in a confusion, but he went away to the side, and remained silent, occupied with his thoughts.

"Old Tree looks fine to me. There is no browning of leaves, no branches falling off. How could he be dying? What is happening?"

Snail went to the back of Old Tree where it was quieter to listen. In quietness, he heard a gentle shh... shh... shh... sound. He searched for the sound but he could not find the source. Torita and Robbie joined Snail, and when they started talking, the shh-shh sound disappeared. So Snail brushed it off his mind, as he thought he was thinking too much.

"So what shall we do now?" asked the still-sobbing Torita.

"We need to find a new place for our daily gathering. Old Tree would have to be abandoned," Robbie said decisively. But Snail would not agree to the idea of abandoning their Old Tree.

Morning came. Evening came. Time to return home to rest. All the animals dispersed and went back to their respective homes. Snail was the last one to leave. Taking one last look at Old Tree, he muttered quietly, "Tell me what happened, my friend."

Wormie was crawling towards Old Tree when Snail left. Although Snail was curious, but he was too tired to ask.

The next morning, Snail found Wormie sleeping under the rose tree by the side of the trail. As exhausted as the previous day. Snail couldn't help but to ask, "Wormie, what have you been up to the whole night?"

Wormie, with a gentle smile on his tired, said, "Nothing much. Just doing what I can do best, as usual."

Snail continued his journey to Old Tree, where lesser animals gathered. Some had left for the expedition to find another place of gathering led by Robbie. Torita was serving coffee to those who gathered around when Snail arrived. As what he usually did, he went to the back where he heard the sound yesterday. Sitting quietly, he heard the sound again, somewhere under his feeler. And he could feel vibration. Calling out to Torita, he asked, "Who told you that Old Tree is dying?"

Torita answered, "Wormie."

Rushing towards Wormie, Snail asked in urgency, "How did you know Old Tree is dying?"

"There is a group of nasty termites refusing to leave his roots for they need food for the Queen. I tried to persuade them by bringing them food every night, but they feast and make merry with the food I brought. Still they refuse to leave every morning. Oh... I don't know what else I can do! I am so exhausted!"

Wormie burst into tears after telling Snail.

"Wormie, you have to tell others about this, maybe somebody will have a way to chase them away!" exclaimed Snail.

"But... I'm afraid they will not believe in me," answered Wormie.

"Don't worry, I am with you. Trust me." Snail comforted Wormie.

Together, they crawled back to the Old Tree, and spoke to the animals who were gathered there about the root cause of Old Tree's foretold death. Polly, the Porcupine has a distant cousin, a giant pangolin, Giga, who worked as a bug controller. Polly went off immediately to invite her cousin over to assist them.

After a series of negotiations, the termites still insisted that Old Tree belonged to them. So Giga had no choice but to exterminate them with his special tool.

All the animals cheered and celebrated when Old Tree was fully restored to health, and thanked Giga for his kind assistance.



Sometimes, our lives are like Old Tree, we fall sick, get hurt, and unable to function as who we are called to be. God gave us people around us, to minister to our hurts. God wants to heal us so He sent us His Spirit as our Guide. And as we find the root cause of our pain, we will be healed if we allow God to go deep enough to touch the part which hurts us the most. It is painful, but in His time, our mourning will turn into dancing, our sorrow into joy.

Many times, we keep silent, thinking that we will be able to solve the problem eventually, just that it will take us a longer time (Wormie). Sometimes, we wail and cry and hope that something will happen (Torita). Sometimes we run away, moving forward from one place to another, thinking time will help us to heal (Robbie). Yet, as we move forward, or so we think we are moving forward, we are taking three more steps backward. Into our comfortable nutshell of darkness. Healing comes when we sit quietly, and we bring the hidden part of our hurting self to God, reach out to the people around us for help (Snail).

Nobody is perfect, and though we're called to be perfect for God is perfect, our perfection comes when we finally see God face to face. Being a child of God, totally loved and cherished by Him, to the point He willingly sacrificed His Son for us, we have to look beyond and celebrate the hurts we go through. For in all these, He will be made known, He will be glorified. Yes, we are afraid, we are weak, but Jesus promised that He will be with us until the end of time. He promised that His grace is sufficient for us. So, be not afraid.

All glory and honour and praise be to Christ, our Lord and Saviour. Amen.

Are You Suffering Too?

Here's what Prophet Jeremiah said in the book of Jeremiah (Jer 30:1-2, 12-15, 18-22) about suffering and God's response...

The word was addressed to Jeremiah by the Lord: The Lord, the God of Israel says this: Write all the words I have spoken to you in a book.

Yes, the Lord says this:

Your wound is incurable,

your injury past healing.

There is no one to care for your sore,

no medicine to make you well again.

All your lovers have forgotten you,

they look for you no more.

Yes, I have struck you as an enemy strikes,

with harsh punishment

(so great is your guilt, so many your sins).

Why bother to complain about your wound?

Your pain is incurable.

So great is your guilt, so many your sins,

that I have done all this to you.

The Lord says this:

Now I will restore the tents of Jacob,

and take pity on his dwellings:

the city shall be rebuilt on its ruins,

the citadel restored on its site.

From them will come thanksgiving

and shouts of joy.

I will make them increase and not diminish them,

make them honoured, and not disdained.

Their sons shall be as once they were,

their community fixed firm in my presence,

and I will punish all their oppressors.

Their prince will be one of their own,

their ruler come from their own people.

I will let him come freely into my presence and he can come close to me;

who else, indeed, would risk his life

by coming close to me? - it is the Lord who speaks.

And you shall be my people and I will be your God.

When the Rain Comes, Will Sunshine Trails Behind Too?

A child holds an umbrella under the heavy rain looking towards the long road he has traveled to find his father in the farm. His father was no where seen, but he knows his father is around. All he has to do is to continue walking, and maybe he will find his father somewhere down the road working to shoo the cattle into their shed. The heavy rain makes the road muddy and difficult to tread, and yes, there seems to be lightning and thunder too. There is fear in the child's eyes, there is a heart pumping way too fast. Tears stream down his tiny cheek onto his already soaked shirt. And then comes his father, running in the rain for his little child. He picks the child up and gives him a warm embrace. And the child feels safe and comforted once again.

2010 FIFA World Cup Finals

This is the first time I'm blogging using Opera Mini browser on my E71. Seems pretty interesting. For once in history, I'm actually interested in watching the FIFA finals, but many of my friends are opting out because it's a school/work day and yes, their teams had lost earlier on. Haha. As for me, I started off late... Took me the match between Germany and Argentina to finally find meaning of '22 men running around the field chasing a tiny ball of black and white'. It was worthwhile to understand the whole emotion-filled situations one sees during the whole 90 odd minutes of one's time.

Hopefully a friend of mine will join me in watching the match in McD later. It kinda scares me to go there alone. Haha. I probably will pretend I'm buying late night supper if there are a large crowd later..

I gotta sleep now.. I hope you also will enjoy the finals of 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa! It's definitely a once in a lifetime experience!

Regain Connectivity

I haven't written a single post which is counted significant since ages ago. Apologies to my blog readers. There are many good things happening in my life, mainly of work and ministry. And yeah, no progress on human relationship though. Being single is something worth celebrating definitely. Many are called to vocation as married couples, as for myself, it is yet to be revealed. And I'm glad I'm taking time to be single. Haha.

I got myself a new baby middle last month - a smart phone, Nokia E71. And yes, I love it to bits! Especially its wifi and 3G function which enables me to go online whenever I want to, provided there's wireless access point! I have yet to explore the means of blogging online. Not forgetting its QWERTY keypad. Although it's not a touch screen phone, I'm totally at ease with it. I'm not exactly a touch-screen phone person, so I'm alright with it. However, due to the fact that I spent a sum of my money on this new baby, I have no choice but to postpone my plan of getting another laptop to aid my ailing a-gong laptop which has been my faithful companion for the past 8 years.

Something happened end of last month which cost me the old modem, and my LAN on the laptop. So I bought a new modem today. Haha. I have to "ikat perut" this month, because of the sudden death of the modem. And I have yet to solve some of my laptop's issues... Including the password-encrypted network which my network card doesn't seem to be able to connect to. Hopefully next week there will be some divine intervention.

I shall update more soon. I want to wake up at 2 plus for FIFA Finals later. Haha. To think that I actually watch football? I never thought I would, but I AM! Maybe I should watch "The Blindside" by Sandra Bullock during dinner, and then sleep early about 8pm. Hopefully my weird housemate is not parking his car behind mine, if not I shall knock his door until he gets pissed off with me. Haha. It's as though he isn't already pissed with me. I'm constantly testing his patience, as if he doesn't test mine! Sigh! If only I have a higher salary which entitles me to get my own tiny place to stay!!!

Matt Maher: Adoration

This weekend is the Feast of the Body and Blood of Christ. It is also the start of the 40-hour adoration in Sacred Heart Cathedral, Kota Kinabalu. All faithful are encouraged to spend time in the Blessed Sacrament with our Lord Jesus who is truly and really present in the Eucharist. He, indeed, is the Lord of all.

All glory and honour and praise to the King of kings, Priest of priests, and the Saviour of all.

Josh Wilson: Before the Morning

Do you wonder why you have to

Feel the things that hurt you?

If there's a God who loves you, where is He now?

Maybe there are things you can't see

And all those things are happening

To bring a better ending

Someday somehow you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe?

That you still have a reason to sing

'Cause the pain that you've been feeling

It can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light

Press on, and just fight the good fight

Cause the pain that you've been feeling

It's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends

You know where you're going

You just don't know how you'll get there

So say a prayer

And hold on, 'cause there's good for those who love God

But life is not a snapshot

It might take a little time but you'll see the bigger picture

Once you feel the weight of glory

All your pain will fade to memory

It's just the hurt before the healing

Oh the pain that you've been feeling

It's just the dark before the morning

Finally, END of the 5-day Break

The whole of Sabah is celebrating Kaamatan Festival (Harvest Festival) on 30th and 31st May annually. This year Wesak Day fell on a Friday, while Kaamatan started on a Sunday, hence an additional day on Tuesday. It's a super long break - all the way from Friday to Tuesday. I never really planned what to do, hence the BOREDOM set in by Sunday. This is indeed the worst break I've ever had since I started working so far. Like I said, I should have planned ahead of time. But I can't cry over spilled milk, can I?

Phew. Finally my friends are here. I've been anticipating the meet up with them since like forever!!~~~ Haha. We're in Upper Star Lintas, the latest hang out place for lovely food here.

Catholic Charismatic History

COME HOLY SPIRIT

Come, Holy Spirit, fall on me now

I need Your anointing, come in Your power

I love You, Holy Spirit, You're captivating my soul

And everyday, I grow to love You more

I'm reaching for Your heart

You hold my life in Your hand

Drawing me closer to You

I feel Your power renew

Nothing compares to this place

where I can see You face to face

I worship You in Spirit and in Truth

Veni Creator Spiritus

This is a very old hymn sung to invoke the Holy Spirit. Together with this hymn are Veni Sancte Spiritus and Come Holy Spirit.

From Autistism to Inspiration - "My Name is Khan"

This is a movie calling to mind that all religions in fact teach us to love and to care, and not to be judgmental nor presuming others without knowing them. It is a good movie, and worth checking it out. Watch not with religious point of view, but with love point of view. 9/11 had left a deep impact on the Americans, and all around the world. Terrorist attacks became a worldwide concern after the attack on World Trade Centre. Everyone was affected, and is still paying the price of its aftermath effects. This is another viewpoint of the whole event.

Enjoy the movie. And may the love of Christ be with you all. Amen.

House Season 4

I haven't written much these days. I didn't think that it matters really to write up things which any other person can write, or things that people don't read. People may not read and comment to me that it's boring, but most people read, and probably gossip and think behind me. It wasn't that much of good experience about people anyway.

I'm pretty much sensitive at the moment due to the Who Am I? Seminar I'm sitting in this weekend. Another electrical jolt on "Who am I?" really. Another arena to explore and inviting God to heal. But this is not what I want to write about.

I just finished watching House M.D. season 4. It is the shortest season, only 16 episodes, but one of the most touching finale. I didn't get to watch the 3rd season's finale so I didn't know how emotionally triggering it was after Foreman left, Cameron resigned and Chase was fired by House. In season four's finale, Amber (Wilson's on-screen girlfriend) died of bus crash because she went out to fetch drunken House home. And House went way out to save Amber's life, went into a seizure after discovering that certain flu meds which Amber took right before the crash caused her definite death as her kidneys were destroyed at the accident. Her body was unable to naturally filter out the chemical in the flu meds.

What really touches me is how frail life is, and what we would do in order to preserve it when we suddenly find ourselves in the position where life is slipping away fast. We're no longer in control of our lives, that's when we would badly want to be in control of any other thing which we could. Young people nowadays, you and I, like routine so much because we are afraid of losing control of the few things which we think we have full knowledge of. Some people would avoid at all cost of not knowing certain facts, certain directions, even God's invitations to know ourselves deeper, just because we're afraid of going through the pain of knowing and losing control of the "wonderful life" we thought we have.

If we really think God is great, and why do we think we are not great? The formula given is "if God is great, then a great God can only create great beings. If we're created by God, and we acknowledge that God is great, then we must be great too." So if anyone who says we're not great, we're not good, then he must be telling us lies. The Scriptures taught us that the devil is the father of lies, so this must be the work the devil that we think we're not as great, or we're just some plain, boring beings.

Young people these days have this issue of not being great, and just being ok is enough, because it is safe. Great things are for others and not for ourselves. Time for us to move toward reclaiming the very fact that we can be great because the God who created us is great, and we are created to be His mirror image.

That's it. House M.D. is just a messed up imaginary images of everybody who is afraid of acknowledging and befriending themselves. That's why everybody likes House M.D. and this medical drama is one of the highest rating series in the States.

'I'm Alive' - Jonathan Tse (Official Music Video) New Single 2010

I'm Using Google Chrome

This is interesting. I downloaded Google Chrome version 4.1.249, another alternative internet browser, and like what Google UK website said about this browser: "Google Chrome runs websites and applications with lightning speed".

The three "FASTs" they used to promote the browser are: Fast START-UP, Fast LOADING, and Fast SEARCH. Well, I tested the theory with my laptop of 8 years: 256 MB of RAM, running on Intel Pentium IV mobile processor with 16MB of graphic card... And I'm happy with the start-up and search. As for loading, there is always another limiting factor, the speed of my internet and also the amount of other applications I'm running.

They also mentioned on Google UK that "it's free and is installed in seconds". Umm... I agree on the "it's free" part, but with my computer, it took MINUTES instead. I know, the age of my laptop is another limiting factor.

Yet, there is a downside which I have yet to find the solution... When I add a photo to my blog, I could not adjust the size like how I can using Mozilla or IE. This is something which I don't really like, as I do blog quite often, when I find I have things to share about.

However, all other things compensate this tiny flaw, which I hope will improve as time goes by. Maybe they have improved it, but I just don't know it yet.

You can read more about Google Chrome on Wikipedia here.

Glee Cast - You Can't Always Get What You Want (HD) [FULL SONG]

This song reminds me of a conversation with a friend on my birthday eve. Haha. I discovered this song as I was watching Episode 01 of House M.D.

Returning to Our Origin

As every other teacher is busy with the upcoming mid-year examination, I am occupied with coordinating the upcoming Holy Spirit Weekend for both the upper and lower forms, and the CF Camp, and the St. Simon's Day Mass Celebration, and everything else under the sun.

It is fun to be working as both an administrator at some level, and also a teacher. I probably am the worst teacher on earth, as proven by the "no-incentive-for-me-because-my-students-said-i-am-not-a-good-teacher" condition on my evaluation, but I just don't care anymore. I detest office politics, and I know that this doesn't help the non-profitable organization which I am currently working in. I enjoy liaising with people, and am happy when I see people receiving one thing or another.

It's a constant struggle for me at the moment, as I'm not perfect when everybody expects me to know what they want. And it is worse when people do not cooperate but complaining constantly about stuffs. For the past few weeks, my weekends are all taken away. How "wonderful" that is!!! And of course, this becomes extremely lonely, as I go against the flow of the world. I finally understand how tough it is for the salmons to swim against the current from the ocean back to where they were born just to lay eggs and die. I think it must have taken them so much energy and effort to just continue swimming to the origin. Us, as human, are we doing the same thing? Returning to where we really belong to? Or do we continue swimming in the vast ocean, hoping our original home will come to us like a droplet of raindrop?

As we live our lives, have we ever thought that there are more than just this? If you do, I'd like to invite you to ponder further. Is there more life than this? Are you willing to swim against the current to where your origin is?

Kuching Alpha Conference 2010

I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to meet Nicky Gumbel, Pippa, his wife, Tim Hughes, Al Gordon and Jamie Haith from Holy Trinity Brompton Church. It was really a great experience to hear from the pioneer of Alpha course, Rev. Nicky Gumbel, and also his team members. The above photo was taken with Nicky Gumbel and Pippa. Nicky is a very good and funny speaker, and his wife is a very gentle and demure lady. It was really a blessing to have the chance to know them. Besides them, we were also blessed to have Tim Hughes as our worship director during the two-day conference. Jamie and Al also gave good sessions.

Not only I got the opportunity to see these people who work full time to spread the Good News through Alpha, I also found joy in meeting new people, and a priest, Fr. Simon Poh from St. Joseph's Cathedral. I met him years ago when I went to Kuching for YCS Encounter 3 in Dec 1998. That was almost 12 years ago! All the photos were uploaded to my Facebook. I will try to upload them here. Currently the internet is crawling slowly at its own pace. Argh!

The whole conference really opens a new arena for me to consider - the evangelizing part of our faith as Christians. Alpha is a non-threatening evangelistic tool, and indeed, we are witnessing the conversion in so many individuals around us. It was a blessing from God, truly, for me to attend this conference, and my eyes are opened to the possibility of spiritual renewal through Alpha. Do I want to serve in this area? I would love to speak to youth (be it teens or young adults), but am I called? I may be called. But... Am I invited?

I'm going through a desert phase in my spiritual life right now. But I know that Jesus, the Living Water is building clouds over my desert, so that He can rain down His Spirit unto me after this phase. I'm not ashamed that I am going through phases like such, because I'm made of flesh and I do have struggles. Many times I see people pretending they are alright when they are not. They seem spiritually high, but they are not even managing their lives properly.

I may be deafened by the noises around me for a moment, but I believe that I will eventually walk towards the voice of Jesus, like how Paul, whose eyes were blinded, was healed and converted.

Like what I shared with a student yesterday, it's all about the willingness to receive from Jesus. If there's nobody who was willing to offer his five loaves and two fishes to Jesus, would there be a great miracle to feed 5000 men? I am willing to allow Him to work through me. So I pray that He will use me the way He finds me deem fit. He knows what I can do best, though sometimes we think we know ourselves better.

And you out there, do you want to offer yourselves willingly to Jesus so that He can do His wonders in you and through you?

Walk Like You Have Somewhere to Go by Lucille O'Neal

This is THE life story of Lucille O'Neal, a mother of four, grandmother of 14, of her life from the day she was born into the O'Neal family to this point of being the mother of NBA Star. Not only that, this book tells of her struggles in life, being a wife to a husband who barely communicated with her inner needs and desires, being a mother at the age of 17, being a woman who was grounded in faith and yet committed a sin with a heavy outcome. Looking at these situations, she could have just given up hope and stopped struggling to survive, rather than what Lucille chose to do - to keep on living, even when she was against all odds.

One thing which struck me was what Lucille remembered of her pastor, Rev. Hartsfield. "Lucille, walk like you have somewhere to go." This is something which we can learn from. I'm also born with the tall genes which cause me to be taller than many of my peers, here in Asia. It's no fun being a tall lady, where generally, men are shorter in this region. I had my share of inability to accept and love who I am, though not to the extend of Lucille, still, I could imagine how it felt to be "out of place" during our teenage years. I'm very much encouraged by her light-hearted way of sharing her life to all, with the hope of encouraging others. I also noticed that Lucille took note of the social ills occurring in the States especially, and how she is hoping for a change in the culture of young adults and younger parents, and their attitude towards their children.

I may not have experienced, and probably will not experience half the things Lucille had gone through in her 56 years on earth at the moment, but I'm truly inspired by her will of never giving up, and being a good mother to her children, silently enduring the non-communicative lifestyle as a wife to a military husband. As much as I'm inspired by her life and her want of being free again, I still have the firm stand that once married, should try to work out the marriage. Perhaps 10 years ago, it may not be so possible. Now, with the increasing awareness of the high divorce rate around the world, there is also an increase of marriage counselor, both in church and outside church, to assist married couple with domestic issues which may lead to divorce.

The 40 bible verses in the epilogue of the book are a plus point to this book. They serve as comforter, for the Word is always our Comforter. I'd definitely recommend this book to all women, and men too!

Disclaimer: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed as my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsement and Testimonials in Advertising."

Worship the Lord

What are we created for, my friends?

To please others, to make others "feel good" and that's it? Or is there anything more than just being a people-pleaser. I read it somewhere that when we try to please everyone, everyone else is pleased, except ourselves. So, what are you doing right now? Trying so hard to please others, or trying harder to please God?

I was browsing through blogs, and am encouraged that people are moving closer to God, and some are doing very well in their careers. These were the people whom I called friends. Now that they are doing really well in whatever they are doing, I'm glad I was a part of their lives in the past. People indeed move on, and unfortunately, I'm no longer a part of their new lives. I, too, moved on. Though this path I have chosen is a bit lonely, but I know well that my Lord is guiding me.

Yet, here I am, telling you a story on my blog. We are created to worship the Lord. Nothing else but that. Stop pleasing people if you are doing so in order to be accepted. By the power of the Cross, we have been redeemed. Jesus chose to die for us all, in order we're accepted into the Kingdom of God when it is time. What else do we need?

Joe Loy - Hope

This is a nice new song by Joe Loy, a local artiste. This is the theme song for the Alpha Kuching Conference this coming 16-17 April 2010 in Trinity Methodist Church, Kuching. I can't wait to hear it live and worship together with everyone else!

Joe Loy - Hope

P/S: I can't embed it, so please click link to go to the youtube video. Thanks!

Reflection for Blessed Good Friday

Lent Day 38: The Book of James

God says, by faith you are already saved from an eternity without Me. You are justified before Me by faith in My Son, not by living well.

As My child, you will inherit a place in the kingdom, a seat at My table, a dance card for the party. That's My gift to you. It's guaranteed.

When you were justified before Me by faith and guaranteed heaven as My gift, My Spirit made you alive to Me with the life of My Son. He regenerated you. He gave you a new heart, a new and potentially consuming desire to love Me and others at any cost to yourself.

Justification makes you My child.

Regeneration provides the power to live like My child.

And because justification is always accompanied by regeneration, every justified person's way of relating will evidence the presence of divine life though that evidence may be visible only to Me.

When your faith leads to a consuming desire to love Me and others at any cost, when your faith is accompanied by a consistent pattern of good works, your life in this world will not be wasted, and your life in the next world will be uniquely blessed.


(from 66 Love Letters: A Conversation with God that Invites You into His Story by Dr. Larry Crabb, ©2009.)

Planet Shakers - Evermore

I was discussing with a friend on Christian music groups, and this song came up to our discussion. This is a beautiful song. I pray this Lenten season has been a fruitful one for you and this Easter is a new life for you. God bless. Amen.

Last Full Day of Lent 2010

Wednesday, March 31, 2010, Holy Week

Isaiah 50:4-9, Psalm 69:8-10, 21-22, 31, 33-34, Matthew 26:14-25
Link to Readings --> http://www.usccb.org/nab/033110.shtml

THE CELEBRATION

"I am to celebrate the Passover with My disciples in your house." —Matthew 26:18

Jesus states His intention to celebrate the Passover and the whole Paschal mystery in our houses, families, communities, and lives. We must prepare for the celebration of Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Vigil, and the fifty-day Easter season. We prepare by:
* doing what Jesus orders (Mt 26:19),
* letting Jesus open our ears morning after morning (Is 50:4),
* not rebelling against the Lord (Is 50:5),
* suffering for love of Him (see Is 50:6),
* letting zeal for God's house consume us (Ps 69:10),
* praising "the name of God in song" (Ps 69:31).

Today is the last full day of Lent. We pray that our almsgiving, prayer, and fasting have prepared us for the Triduum and the Easter season. Let's bring Lent to a close by repenting of all sins, forgiving all who have hurt us, and giving our lives totally to the Lord. "Let us celebrate the
feast not with the old yeast, that of corruption and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth" (1 Cor 5:8).

Prayer: Father, may my observance of Lent 2010 be what the Holy Spirit wants in these crucial times.

Promise: "See, you lowly ones, and be glad; you who seek God, may your hearts be merry! For the Lord hears the poor, and His own who are in bonds He spurns not." —Ps 69:33-34

Praise: Praise Jesus, Rock of our salvation. "To Him be glory forever" (Rm 11:36).

The Vertical Self by Mark Sayers

Am I a person who cares of the horizontal self or the vertical self? This question got stuck with me as I read The Vertical Self by Mark Sayers. This is a book which explains in a light 'n' easy tone on the identities given by the world to the individuals living in it, and how all these are linked together causing one to lose oneself even more because of the horizontal self image. Aside to that, Mark Sayers also carefully orchestrated the three types of social self in the life of young people especially. However, this is not meant to be dwelt upon forever, as he also proposed a future self to these people who had been living the identity of horizontal self - yes, the vertical self. Looking into how God wants a relationship with us, and how personal holiness is possible in our modern life.

Personally, I like the way Mark Sayers written the book - it connects to our daily life as a young person. As a young working adult living in an Asian country, I saw that the Western culture is seeping into the lives of young people in Asia, and issues described in the book somewhat is already in Asia. So it helps me, when he recommended in the book to share this vertical self concept to others. However, as a Catholic, I would suggest that he requires more in depth research on the lives of the saints. Like what the book says, holiness is for everyone living on earth. Yet, I find that the book did not really point out directly on how Christianity and personal holiness can aid a person whose identity had been based on horizontal self.

I will still recommend my friends reading this book, and yeah, I do have people asking me to borrow them the book already.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

My Story @ Starbucks

Recently I attended this My Story - Tales of Local Talent event in Starbucks, 1 Borneo. It was a night of fun and laugh and definitely good music from local talents. This round we had Meteor Crates, JADE Sisters, Atama and Moses De Silva featuring Alvin MY. It was a blast for the crowd. And the atmosphere and temperature in the 2nd floor of Starbucks that night, just one word - HOT!!!

A talented writer, Joanna Funk, has done a writeup on this event on Bandwidth Street Press, and the funny part is I never thought some of the photos I took using my Casio Exilim 1.2 mp could be used as a part of her writeup. Smiles...

Here's the link to her article ("My Story #5" at Starbucks in 1Borneo is a massive HIT (also in Bandwidth Street Press online edition, March 2010)
Note: Pictures #3 and #5

Do check it out. Have fun!!

Lenten Reflection

I had been engaging this particular Lenten Reflection from 66 Love Letters by Dr. Larry Crabb and I find it is an exceptionally good one today.

Lent Day 25: The Book of John

God says, in the world you now inhabit, communion with Me is not defined by an experience of Me. Nor does it depend on blessings from Me.

To really live is to release My Son's life through yours, in any circumstance, no matter what you feel; to relate as He related, giving when no one gives back, loving when no one returns love, forgiving when no one deserves forgiveness, suffering in the place of those who should suffer.

Understand this: to commune with Me in this life is to live like My Son with His life alive in you.

Believe this: communion with Me leads to an eternal experience of Me and unimaginable blessings from Me. You will get a taste of them now—as My Spirit chooses—and you will enjoy the banquet later when you see My Son.

Know this: heaven's reality has invaded yours. Prepare to live a new way.

Real life, the surprising route to joy, is within reach.

(from 66 Love Letters: A Conversation with God that Invites You into His Story by Dr. Larry Crabb, ©2009.)

I Fell, What About You?

Many people said "I failed" and never succeed in climbing out of the failure. How many of us will say "I fell" and stand up again?

Since the Fall of Adam and Eve, men have been conquered by sins. Well, perhaps, "conquer" isn't the exact word to be used, as we know, shortly after that (we have to look into the eternity in God's time), God sent His Son, Jesus, to redeem us from sins and to break the Fall. He (Jesus) is the new Adam. Agree?

So, why then, do we still fall? Simple explanation is devil is still lurking around, grappling at any opportunity he gets to make us stumble and fall. Worse still, we are giving him chances by not giving up all to Him who comes to save us, and died for us when we're still sinners.

I have to admit that I fall, all the times, and I feel bad about it. Confession in Sacred Heart Cathedral, KK is in this week. Time to prepare myself to face the music, and receive His abundant mercy and grace.

Like what Archbishop John Lee said, prayer, fasting and penance are important as preparation for Holy Week. I'm lacking, I finally realize it, and I have to work on it. How about you?

You can fall a million times, but if you're willing to stand up and return to God, all in heavens rejoice for your homecoming.

God bless!

Inspiration Zero

These days I'm suffering from a weird disease of "inspiration zero", hence the inability to pen down anything which makes sense.

Gotta recharge myself this holiday season and will come back strong.

HUGS!

Ironic!

I'm ANGRY and I have to cool down because I felt humiliated by a fellow colleague in front of OUR students.

Messed Up and Confused?

I have to admit that I am rather messed up these few days. Badly lacking of rest for my brain, I started having difficulty to sleep when it is time to sleep and difficulty to wake up when it is time to wake up.

And my emotions... Haha! Erupted like a volcano - wrong time, wrong venue, wrong person. And then, I had to remember the teaching on meekness of Jesus and apologised to the person, though it was only half my fault that emotions eruption occurred. Well, who wouldn't, if being shouted like a child being scolded by an abusive father in a working environment? Talking about professionalism. Maybe I should post an entry on professionalism soon!!

I was so tired mentally that my emotional health, spiritual health and physical health seemed to be giving way. Almost paid deposit for a property which could be troublesome to solve the legal issue. Then suddenly, a voice reminded me what my coach told me before - "Never make any decision when you're down." This is so true, and thank God for the reminder. And always consult God on any decision, big and small ones. He will lead us to the right people, right situation, right time. I finally am appreciating the amount of professional friends I have around me, with a sound mind, wise judgement. Definitely better than my "dumb bimbo" mind on certain areas. Thank and praise God for the gift of friendship!

I guess everybody has a "dumb bimbo" area and it is ALRIGHT to be. Well, that's how and why we need different people in our lives. Like how the Body of Christ consists of different members with different giftings.

"Now you are the body of Christ, and each of you is a part of it."

~ 1 Corinthians 12:27 ~

Time to go home. It is almost 5pm. It was a long day outside of the comfort of airconded environment. Phew! Hope the puppies will cheer me up more.

Where's God in My Loneliness? | Kyria

Where's God in My Loneliness? | Kyria

Guard Your Hearts

There is a light shining through in my terms with darkness, and these two verses reflects exactly why the light shines through:

"Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
~ Philippians 4: 6-7 ~

There is this man whom I was attracted to for the past few months, whom I was waiting for to return, and there are these friends who advised me to let him know that I was waiting for a certain period of time. I wasn't sure of this urging from them, but after praying and asked for His guidance, I decided to let him know I'm indeed waiting for him because of how I've been attracted to him. It wouldn't hurt to take that risk, because either way, I would lose him, since I had made it clear to myself I would stop waiting if he doesn't come back on the particular date I have set for myself. I'd rather be in knowing position than not knowing.

And in his responsible, clear and honouring manner, he responded to my "information" via our only channel of communication. In a very respectful manner, I was told the feelings are not mutual. For once, I'm not embarrassed nor ashamed to share with you who read my blog about this, because this is a part of me whom you have to know. I am saddened by this loss of hope in forming a lasting relationship with him, but my heart is guarded and there was no anger nor disappointment against this brother in Christ. He, too, has guarded my heart in our friendship with each other.

What more, I have to thank God for allowing me this opportunity to experience such a friendship with a man who respects me as an individual, honours me as a lady and loves me as a sister. I can be certain and assured of this. And it is very responsible for him to let me know and stated very clearly his decision without leaving any empty space in between.

How many men would leave some empty spaces so that if any other relationship they have with other women doesn't work out, they would still have a "spare tyre" who may be waiting for them? Definitely more than this rare case of godly man.

Though I'm sad because I've been rejected, but I feel thankful that I finally met a responsible man who rejects my feelings of admiration for him in a way which honours and respects me. And our friendship still stands valid. God is our Witness in Heaven for sure. I trust that God knows what I need best and not what I desire most. If my desires match His designated plan for me, they will be granted. If it is not good for me, I know He will protect me from all harms and dangers. That is my God. By His grace, I will be healed. I shall take my time to mourn over my loss. It is important that I do, because this knowledge is also a liberation for me. Thank You, Lord God.

When Things Are Difficult...

What do you do when things become difficult?

I'm no saint, it is obvious. And I'm human, even more obvious. Definitely I'm not a bot which operates the laptop and starts writing long entry for blogs. Hence, I have emotions and sometimes, uncontrollable, because of the events occurring in my life. So what can I do about it?

I have choices. I can choose to sweep it under carpet (which many people do) and pretend I'm alright all the time. Or I can choose to display it and scare people off. Or I can keep to myself and simmer it like a pot of stew. I can also choose to get away from situations and keep to myself and safe people around me. Or I can choose to tell it out to safe friend and get healed with their support.

Some people choose to pretend they are alright when they are not. This is the way of the world, telling others they are alright when things are messed up in their own lives. By living a life of plasticity, maybe others will think they are fine and well off in whatever they are doing. However, when deep inside is badly messed up, one is not whole, nor complete.

Will you fast according to the Law or will you do what is according to God? Will you choose the way of God instead of the way of the world? Again and again, books and articles often quote Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of yours minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God -- what is good and acceptable and perfect." This is a reminder from Apostle Paul about the difference between God's way and the way of the world. Which one will eventually be our choice? God gave us freewill to choose. Are we going to choose wisely?

Today's reading from Isaiah struck me at these verses:

"Is not this the sort of fast that pleases me: to break unjust fetters, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break all yokes? Is it not sharing your food with the hungry, and sheltering the homeless poor; if you see someone lacking clothes, to clothe him, and not turn away from your own kin? Then your light will blaze out like the dawn and your wound be quickly healed over."
~ Isaiah 58:6-8 ~

I have to admit, I'm no saint. Last night I had a terrible time on the phone with my mom. Not verbally, but inside my heart, I died of multiple hurts and abandonment. There was anger, and I never wanted to talk about it. This reading struck me like lightning rod. I called her back today. Told a white lie, but she feels good. I died, but He will raise me up. What I'm left is the hope I place in Him, because He knows best all that I'm going through. Yes, I'm no saint. But I know God calls me to be holy as how He is holy (cf. 1 Peter 1:16).

So whoever you are, judge not and you will not be judged.

Boyfriends on Sales in Shopping Mall

In conjunction with the recent Valentine's Day and my conversation with a friend on FB, hence the post.

Many people may think that I'm attached to some guy out there, and even if I tried to explain in lengthy details that I am NOT attached but AM very single, nobody ever really believed me. Perhaps that explains why no man ever approaches me romantically for fear for hearing, "Sorry, I'm not interested." or "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." from me. This is funny, but it is true that males do have issues with the word "NO" most of the times. However, I also have to admit that females also have the similar issue with the word "NO".

Back to my topic of the day. My friend was telling me to go and find a boyfriend, which leads me to think and review my life as a single, working young adult. Throughout my teenage years and these few years working, of course I have met some interesting male characters who stayed in my life for a while as a faithful male companion, and I did take interest in them at that time. However, somehow, it didn't work out. The recent male companion decided to go abroad rather suddenly, and now I'm in the mode of waiting until the end of March.

Many people think it is important to have a relationship and then move on to marriage, etc. Well, I think so, too, no matter how strong from outside I look like. However, another thing which I love and find it important at this moment, is to be really single and embrace singlehood properly before being in a relationship. This is probably my weakest link at the moment, but I am learning to embrace singlehood and enjoying every moment of being single.

As for being available for relationship, I have to admit sincerely that I would like to be truly available, but I'm not exactly there yet. But if the right man comes and approaches me, I trust that the Holy Spirit will stir me from within and a sense of peace and security will come unto us to trust each other and to want to know each other deeper and better.

As for now, I truly believe that I have to be complete in Christ Jesus. I desire to be complete in Him and I pray my future spouse will also be a man after God's own heart who is also complete in Christ. When there is a secure relationship independently with God, two persons will be drawn nearer to each other. That's the concept. And I believe that the "he" who really is interested in me will approach me when it is the right time.

As for the boyfriends on sale in shopping mall theory, I guess I don't quite get it. I trust that boyfriend/spouse is a gift from God and I have to know the Giver properly and completely before I can enjoy the gift without turning my back against the Giver. Like what struck me in today's first reading:

"But if your heart turns away, if you refuse to listen, if you let yourself be drawn into worshiping other gods and serving them, I tell you today, you will most certainly perish; you will not live for long in the country which you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess."
~ Deuteronomy 30:17-18 ~

It is important that we know our God and set our hearts on this God who loves us so much that He sent His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to save us by death on the cross. If we are not cautious about this and we don't take heed from the Word of God, we will end up worshiping the very gifts that God gives to us in order to fulfill His plan in our lives. Then the good plan will take a longer time to be fulfilled and our lives may probably have more disastrous issues than we want. So we must always remember God in all that we do, and put Him first in our hearts. One of my favourite verses is:

"Take delight in the Lord alone, and He will give the desires of your heart."
~ Psalm 37:4 ~

Yet, we must also remember that God, in His mercy and by His grace, knows what we need most and will give us what we desire and is good for us, but not what we desire which is bad for us. He definitely will be in terror if we ask for a person whom He knows will be abusive to us in future. Or we ask for a car which He knows will eventually cause a terrible accident and maim us for life. No father on earth would do that, so our Father in heaven will even more not do that. Therefore, we must first learn to find delight in Him first and allow Him to take His time to give us what's the "bestest" for us!

So, come what may!

Model Christian

Any idea what a model Christian is like? Recently a concerned individual reminded me that the eyes of all my colleagues are on me because I've been appointed as the Religious Knowledge Coordinator of my school, hence I'm expected to be a "model Christian teacher".

Who am I to have such an honour that all my colleagues must have their eyes on the way I behave myself in front of these people? And all these whiles, I thought that everybody who is a Christian (doesn't matter Catholics, Orthodox, Evangelical Protestants, Adventists, etc.) has the same role to play -- to be a role model to the world base on the Christian values which we are supposed to live out. So what exactly was the intention of this concerned individual to remind me of these eyes who have been staring at me since the first day I received my new job description?

Today is Ash Wednesday, the start of Lenten season. The first day of the 46 days before Easter. A day of fasting and abstinence from meat. The gospel reading today (Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18) in fact answers my question of the "model Christian" issue which had been bothering me for a few days. St. Matthew in his gospel spoke about how we should behave when we give alms, pray and fast. And all was summarized here:

"Be careful not to parade your uprightness in public to attract attention; otherwise you will lose all reward from your Father in heaven."
~ Matthew 6:1 ~

It is a call to learn meekness and humility from Jesus through His life on earth. It is a call to spend time with God. And God sees all our actions and thoughts, whether we like it or not. Yet, with His love, all our flaws are forgiven. In fact, He sometimes uses our flaws as His tool to shine His light to the people around us. Let God use us to the fullest in this season of Lent.

As for me, yes, I will work on being a model Christian, and live my life for Christ's sake, but I'd also invite everyone else who profess he/she is a Christian to do the same, instead of criticising how another Christian should live his/her life. Like what Jesus said, "Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." (cf. John 8:7)

Perseverance Unlimited

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. What is YOUR plan for tomorrow?

What I know it is a day of fasting and abstinence from meat. A day of obligation. The start of Lenten season. Some people do 40-day fast in this season of preparation for Easter. What about YOU?

As for ME, I do plan to only have one full meal a day. Will it be heavy lunch but no dinner? Or should it be heavy breakfast, no lunch and moderate/light dinner? Perhaps the latter. I still have a day to consider my fasting/abstinence plan. Maybe I should follow my puppies' diet of rice and fish only. They seem happy eating that day-in day-out. I know that the road to happiness is to be contented with what we have. Enough is good and sufficient is grace from God.

Planning is great, as always. But will I be persevering in this 40-day plan of fasting/abstinence? How many times we plan great things, with full of desire and passion, but end up limping because of lack of perseverance? Today when I opened my copy of The Light (daily readings), it struck me that the Church is preparing God's people for the season of Lent which will start tomorrow.

"Blessed is anyone who perseveres when trials come. Such a person is of proven worth and will win the prize of life, the crown that the Lord has promised to those who love him."
~ James 1:12 ~

Indeed, it is also written some down the chapter that,

"Everyone is put to the test by being attracted and seduced by that person's own wrong desire."
~ James 1:14 ~

During Lenten season, we're still living our normal lives. The difference is this season is with the knowledge that we must remember the road that Jesus took in order to redeem us from our sins; in order to save us, He died the scandalous death. Are we going to just sit here and do nothing about it? Or instead, are we going to wait for His resurrection at Easter by dying daily to our sins and carry our daily crosses, yet remain joyful with trials and cling onto the Rock when tempted to go astray? We can be easily tempted because of our own desire. Sometimes, passion and desire can blind us.

James wrote that "by His own choice He gave birth to us by the message of truth so that we should be a sort of first-fruits of all His creations" (James 1:18) as the end of today's reading. God has given us, by His choice, His message of truth. As we are all children of the Father of all light, we receive His truth and hence should be the salt of the earth, light of the world (cf. Matthew 5:13, 14).

You can decide how you want to lead your life. Pray more? Pray less? Your decision.

May the grace and love of God be with you all on the 3rd day of CNY. May perseverance in prayers be your strength when in darkness and may the light of Jesus be the direction of your lives.

God bless!

How Does It Feel?

As I was browsing FB photos and reading blog updates (I do have a few blogs which I check regularly), I started wondering how an individual dating someone public would feel. "Someone public" includes celebrity (locally/internationally known), pastor/church leader, politician... (the list can be rather endless, anyway, so I shall end it before I get too long-winded!)

Just some questions that popped into my mind...

• Will it be easy to always have the relationship be in the limelight of the public?
• Will it be easy to see the boy/girlfriend always working alongside with the opposite gender?
• Will it be easy to have a committed relationship where most of the time the public one has no time for the other?
• Will there be doubts on the social circle of the opposite gender?
• Will the partner be ever secure of the commitment level of the public one?
• Will it be awkward being stared at when they go out on a date in public place?
• Will they actually have time to date?
  

Well, it just dawns to me that it seems difficult to date somebody who is a public figure. It really will train a person to practise 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 forever... Is it possible? Ok, with God it is possible, but we're mere mortals who fall.

So what say you?

Jason Mraz - Lucky

I like the tune...


"Lucky" Official Video With Colbie Caillat

Jason Mraz | MySpace Music Videos

Sorry

According to The Free Dictionary, the word "sorry" has THREE meanings:

1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I'm sorry I'm late.

2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.

3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development.

But in Malaysia, you probably will find the FOURTH meaning.

Now let me tell you an encounter I had this evening which describes this particular definition of the word "sorry".

Location: W Store in 1Borneo, Workers A & B of W store and me.
Me: Excuse me, do you have any more stock of this (referring to Colgate toothpaste which has special discount, buy 2 twin packs for RM16, and there is only one twin pack left on the display shelf)?
Worker A: Umm... It's out of stock (after worker B checked out the store).
Me: It's alright then.

Disappointed, I decided to pick up my usual Fresh 'n' White toothpaste which can last me long enough until I go to Servay to pick up my twin packs (I'm an economist when it comes to buying toiletries).

While waiting to pay at the counter, Worker D decided to pay for her purchase (the exact same twin pack which I was looking for). Very loudly, here's what I could hear while standing behind her.
Worker D: Sorry ler, sorry ler. Apa boleh buat? Lambat. (Translate to: What to do? Late.)
Worker A: Dia tedi sedang cari tu (refering to the twin packs that Worker D was paying for // Translate to: She was looking for it just now).
Worker D: Sorry ler, sorry ler...
(In order to avoid direct unpleasant circumstance with that loud Worker D, I walked off to the other paying counter of Worker C).

Me: Umm... Lain kali minta pekerja kamurang jangan cakap macam itu, very impolite. (Translate to: Next time please ask your workers not to talk like that.)
Worker C: Ya... Ok...
Me: Seriously, it will ruin the image of W store. It is actually really very rude.
(I walked off from W store with my paid item after thanking Worker C feeling ridiculous at the ill-behaviour Malaysian workers are displaying to their paying customers. I know it is unfair that Worker C had to listen to my complaint about this, but I hope she will help to "correct" this kind of behaviour in her workplace)

That's how the word "sorry" is used in Malaysia by some of those individuals who felt smug by outwitting others in purchasing discounted products. It is definitely a victorious moment to be the last to get the special discounts, but it is bad for company's image if you happen to be wearing company's uniform and act like a smug in your own workplace in front of a customer, chiding the customer.

I am really disappointed with the ill-behaviours of Malaysian employees in many service outlets. FYI, I've decided to "assist" in the improvement of the W store by filing a proper complaint via their webpage.

I'm not angry, just felt ridiculous how people can use the word "sorry" to act like some ridiculous, uncivilized people from the jungle, just because of two twin packs of toothpaste with the cost of RM16. I pray that the company will do something to train their staffs to be more aware of their behaviours which may improve or deteriorate the business of the company which pays their bills at home (indirectly).