Lenten Reflection: Wrestling with God

Currently I'm at Beringgis Resort's main lobby after morning walk at the beach... And I read out loud the readings by the seaside. What a calm, cool and clear morning, listening to peaceful whispers of the ocean!

Here's the reflection I have done of today's 1st reading taken from the book of Jonah, chapter 3, verses 1 to 10....

Everyone has a time when they wrestle with the Lord so that they can do what they think is the best for them. The thing is God doesn't need to wrestle with us, but He will allow us to do what we like, because of the free will He gave us. Yet, there will always be a time when we will realize that what we have chosen is the path we desire. This is not necessarily a path that leads to a full and complete life. And, second chance is always given to us free by God. Again, it's up to whether we want to be obedient this time or still remain stubborn and self-sufficient.

I had my time wrestling with God when it comes to my future planning. I wanted so badly to stay where I am now that I gave up the offer that GIST's professor presented to me in the middle of my internship. If I had taken the route, I'd have gotten my Ph.D by now. Yet, the Lord is once again presenting me with this chance of furthering my studies. Like Jonah who was obedient to the Lord (c.f. Jon 3:2-3), this time I am certain I must go - be it GIST or other places. Not only that I have to give up all that I think I possess here for now, like the king who took off his robe, put on sackcloth and sat down in ashes (c.f. Jon 3:6).

How I wish there is an easy way out of this! How I wish I can retain all these! Yet, I know things will change. The only thing that remains constant is change.

At the same time, I'm wrestling with God about a person... This person knows God too, and me, he knows well. And he refuses to see me, to keep in touch for whatever reason. And when he's like that, I know there is no possibility to see him, except by divine intervention. Yet, I badly want to follow God's timing... When it's time according to His watch, I'm certain God will let us see each other again...

Messed Up and Confused?

I have to admit that I am rather messed up these few days. Badly lacking of rest for my brain, I started having difficulty to sleep when it is time to sleep and difficulty to wake up when it is time to wake up.

And my emotions... Haha! Erupted like a volcano - wrong time, wrong venue, wrong person. And then, I had to remember the teaching on meekness of Jesus and apologised to the person, though it was only half my fault that emotions eruption occurred. Well, who wouldn't, if being shouted like a child being scolded by an abusive father in a working environment? Talking about professionalism. Maybe I should post an entry on professionalism soon!!

I was so tired mentally that my emotional health, spiritual health and physical health seemed to be giving way. Almost paid deposit for a property which could be troublesome to solve the legal issue. Then suddenly, a voice reminded me what my coach told me before - "Never make any decision when you're down." This is so true, and thank God for the reminder. And always consult God on any decision, big and small ones. He will lead us to the right people, right situation, right time. I finally am appreciating the amount of professional friends I have around me, with a sound mind, wise judgement. Definitely better than my "dumb bimbo" mind on certain areas. Thank and praise God for the gift of friendship!

I guess everybody has a "dumb bimbo" area and it is ALRIGHT to be. Well, that's how and why we need different people in our lives. Like how the Body of Christ consists of different members with different giftings.

"Now you are the body of Christ, and each of you is a part of it."

~ 1 Corinthians 12:27 ~

Time to go home. It is almost 5pm. It was a long day outside of the comfort of airconded environment. Phew! Hope the puppies will cheer me up more.

Guard Your Hearts

There is a light shining through in my terms with darkness, and these two verses reflects exactly why the light shines through:

"Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
~ Philippians 4: 6-7 ~

There is this man whom I was attracted to for the past few months, whom I was waiting for to return, and there are these friends who advised me to let him know that I was waiting for a certain period of time. I wasn't sure of this urging from them, but after praying and asked for His guidance, I decided to let him know I'm indeed waiting for him because of how I've been attracted to him. It wouldn't hurt to take that risk, because either way, I would lose him, since I had made it clear to myself I would stop waiting if he doesn't come back on the particular date I have set for myself. I'd rather be in knowing position than not knowing.

And in his responsible, clear and honouring manner, he responded to my "information" via our only channel of communication. In a very respectful manner, I was told the feelings are not mutual. For once, I'm not embarrassed nor ashamed to share with you who read my blog about this, because this is a part of me whom you have to know. I am saddened by this loss of hope in forming a lasting relationship with him, but my heart is guarded and there was no anger nor disappointment against this brother in Christ. He, too, has guarded my heart in our friendship with each other.

What more, I have to thank God for allowing me this opportunity to experience such a friendship with a man who respects me as an individual, honours me as a lady and loves me as a sister. I can be certain and assured of this. And it is very responsible for him to let me know and stated very clearly his decision without leaving any empty space in between.

How many men would leave some empty spaces so that if any other relationship they have with other women doesn't work out, they would still have a "spare tyre" who may be waiting for them? Definitely more than this rare case of godly man.

Though I'm sad because I've been rejected, but I feel thankful that I finally met a responsible man who rejects my feelings of admiration for him in a way which honours and respects me. And our friendship still stands valid. God is our Witness in Heaven for sure. I trust that God knows what I need best and not what I desire most. If my desires match His designated plan for me, they will be granted. If it is not good for me, I know He will protect me from all harms and dangers. That is my God. By His grace, I will be healed. I shall take my time to mourn over my loss. It is important that I do, because this knowledge is also a liberation for me. Thank You, Lord God.

Boyfriends on Sales in Shopping Mall

In conjunction with the recent Valentine's Day and my conversation with a friend on FB, hence the post.

Many people may think that I'm attached to some guy out there, and even if I tried to explain in lengthy details that I am NOT attached but AM very single, nobody ever really believed me. Perhaps that explains why no man ever approaches me romantically for fear for hearing, "Sorry, I'm not interested." or "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." from me. This is funny, but it is true that males do have issues with the word "NO" most of the times. However, I also have to admit that females also have the similar issue with the word "NO".

Back to my topic of the day. My friend was telling me to go and find a boyfriend, which leads me to think and review my life as a single, working young adult. Throughout my teenage years and these few years working, of course I have met some interesting male characters who stayed in my life for a while as a faithful male companion, and I did take interest in them at that time. However, somehow, it didn't work out. The recent male companion decided to go abroad rather suddenly, and now I'm in the mode of waiting until the end of March.

Many people think it is important to have a relationship and then move on to marriage, etc. Well, I think so, too, no matter how strong from outside I look like. However, another thing which I love and find it important at this moment, is to be really single and embrace singlehood properly before being in a relationship. This is probably my weakest link at the moment, but I am learning to embrace singlehood and enjoying every moment of being single.

As for being available for relationship, I have to admit sincerely that I would like to be truly available, but I'm not exactly there yet. But if the right man comes and approaches me, I trust that the Holy Spirit will stir me from within and a sense of peace and security will come unto us to trust each other and to want to know each other deeper and better.

As for now, I truly believe that I have to be complete in Christ Jesus. I desire to be complete in Him and I pray my future spouse will also be a man after God's own heart who is also complete in Christ. When there is a secure relationship independently with God, two persons will be drawn nearer to each other. That's the concept. And I believe that the "he" who really is interested in me will approach me when it is the right time.

As for the boyfriends on sale in shopping mall theory, I guess I don't quite get it. I trust that boyfriend/spouse is a gift from God and I have to know the Giver properly and completely before I can enjoy the gift without turning my back against the Giver. Like what struck me in today's first reading:

"But if your heart turns away, if you refuse to listen, if you let yourself be drawn into worshiping other gods and serving them, I tell you today, you will most certainly perish; you will not live for long in the country which you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess."
~ Deuteronomy 30:17-18 ~

It is important that we know our God and set our hearts on this God who loves us so much that He sent His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to save us by death on the cross. If we are not cautious about this and we don't take heed from the Word of God, we will end up worshiping the very gifts that God gives to us in order to fulfill His plan in our lives. Then the good plan will take a longer time to be fulfilled and our lives may probably have more disastrous issues than we want. So we must always remember God in all that we do, and put Him first in our hearts. One of my favourite verses is:

"Take delight in the Lord alone, and He will give the desires of your heart."
~ Psalm 37:4 ~

Yet, we must also remember that God, in His mercy and by His grace, knows what we need most and will give us what we desire and is good for us, but not what we desire which is bad for us. He definitely will be in terror if we ask for a person whom He knows will be abusive to us in future. Or we ask for a car which He knows will eventually cause a terrible accident and maim us for life. No father on earth would do that, so our Father in heaven will even more not do that. Therefore, we must first learn to find delight in Him first and allow Him to take His time to give us what's the "bestest" for us!

So, come what may!

Perseverance Unlimited

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. What is YOUR plan for tomorrow?

What I know it is a day of fasting and abstinence from meat. A day of obligation. The start of Lenten season. Some people do 40-day fast in this season of preparation for Easter. What about YOU?

As for ME, I do plan to only have one full meal a day. Will it be heavy lunch but no dinner? Or should it be heavy breakfast, no lunch and moderate/light dinner? Perhaps the latter. I still have a day to consider my fasting/abstinence plan. Maybe I should follow my puppies' diet of rice and fish only. They seem happy eating that day-in day-out. I know that the road to happiness is to be contented with what we have. Enough is good and sufficient is grace from God.

Planning is great, as always. But will I be persevering in this 40-day plan of fasting/abstinence? How many times we plan great things, with full of desire and passion, but end up limping because of lack of perseverance? Today when I opened my copy of The Light (daily readings), it struck me that the Church is preparing God's people for the season of Lent which will start tomorrow.

"Blessed is anyone who perseveres when trials come. Such a person is of proven worth and will win the prize of life, the crown that the Lord has promised to those who love him."
~ James 1:12 ~

Indeed, it is also written some down the chapter that,

"Everyone is put to the test by being attracted and seduced by that person's own wrong desire."
~ James 1:14 ~

During Lenten season, we're still living our normal lives. The difference is this season is with the knowledge that we must remember the road that Jesus took in order to redeem us from our sins; in order to save us, He died the scandalous death. Are we going to just sit here and do nothing about it? Or instead, are we going to wait for His resurrection at Easter by dying daily to our sins and carry our daily crosses, yet remain joyful with trials and cling onto the Rock when tempted to go astray? We can be easily tempted because of our own desire. Sometimes, passion and desire can blind us.

James wrote that "by His own choice He gave birth to us by the message of truth so that we should be a sort of first-fruits of all His creations" (James 1:18) as the end of today's reading. God has given us, by His choice, His message of truth. As we are all children of the Father of all light, we receive His truth and hence should be the salt of the earth, light of the world (cf. Matthew 5:13, 14).

You can decide how you want to lead your life. Pray more? Pray less? Your decision.

May the grace and love of God be with you all on the 3rd day of CNY. May perseverance in prayers be your strength when in darkness and may the light of Jesus be the direction of your lives.

God bless!

Called to Worship by Vernon M. Whaley

Called to Worship: The Biblical Foundations of Our Response to God's Call, written by Dr. Vernon M. Whaley, is a must-read for all those who are new to worship, as well as a refresher for those who have been worshiping God since they come to know Him as their personal Saviour. In this whole book, the author brings us to a tour of how people from Old Testaments all the way down to New Testament worshipped God. The very essence of thus book is probably this: "God yearns to establish relationship with us, His created ones".

I was in a season where worship became difficult and complacent when I finally received this book. Reading this book challenged and transformed my worship and prayer life, encouraging me to seek God deeper than ever.

I really liked how Dr. Whaley explained about the worship styles of different era, individuals and situations, according to the chronological order of the bible. One can follow easily, even if we're unfamiliar with the bible. It also encourages us to read our bible as we read on. Besides that, there is always a summary known as "Principles of Worship from this Chapter" at the end of the chapter which helps us to refresh our memory after reading the chapter.

One important point that he had conveyed was it is okay to be imperfect, and still worshipping the God who is perfect in every way. He pointed out the imperfections of the biblical characters mentioned in the book and how God still longed for their worship and blessed them abundantly when they returned to God. Even in modern days, we can still return to the God who yearns to establish relationship with us ever more by first being obedient to Him and start worshipping Him once again.

This is a book suitable to be used for personal devotion, small group material as well as teaching material for the topics of biblical worship.

What is Your Top Ten List?

Dear Tech Support.

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simple crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

===================================================================

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command C:\ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Reading Newspaper 7.0, or Watching Sitcoms 6.1. Please keep in mind that Watching Sitcoms 6.1 is an annoyingly disruptive program that will create SnoringLoudly.WAV files.

DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the operating system.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance its system performance. I personally recommend Marriage for a Lifetime Seminar 3.0 and Marital Intensive 4.5 combined with such applications as that old standby... Lingerie 5.9 (which has been credited with improved performance of its hardware).

Good luck.

Tech Support

......................
Hope you enjoy the story and gain wisdom from it. Taken from the book "More than a Match" by Michael and Amy Smalley. Blessed weekend ahead!! ^^

I'm Flawless, So Are You!

I finally fell asleep this morning at about 7 am after reading today's daily reading... But eventually what really comforted me was this verse:

"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you."
~ Song of Solomon 3:7 ~

For the past ten days I was struggling in the desert, wandering around hoping to see hope but eventually realised that hope is in my own heart, when I start believing without doubting the God who created me and called me to life. This verse reminds me that He created me beautiful, and He loves me so much that all my imperfections are nothing to Him. He sees no flaws in me. This is our God, Emmanuel.

This love that God showers upon me (us) is affirmed through the verse in today's gospel reading:

"And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her by the Lord."
~ Luke 1:45 ~

This verse encouraged me to continue believing in His promises even when I seem to be walking in darkness at this moment. I shall trust in the Lord who saves me and loves me. May you be encouraged by the verses too!

Hope and Purpose, in God alone

"We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose."
~ Romans 8:28 ~

As I read in Romans Chapter 8... I find this particular verse struck me. Sometimes I don't understand things that are happening to me these days, but I certainly know that all things that happened, no matter good or bad, are under God's control. All I need to do is to love Him and be loved by Him. That's all. And St. Paul in his letter to the Romans put it very clearly that those who love God and who are called according to His purpose, somehow things that happen to them will patch up like a jigsaw puzzle which eventually turn out to be good. That is my understanding of the verse as I prayed on...

It is never easy to focus on Jesus when we're in darkness, but that is when He is nearest to us. That is when he is carrying us on His back (as per the Footprints story by an unknown author). In my darkest hours, He was there, quietly being by my side. Nobody is perfect, neither am I. I'm experiencing so much of "down the 'emo' lane" these few days, and I know all the tears I shed, He cups them with His palm. In these darkest times, the path in front of us may seem dim and unclear, or sometimes, even remain unseen to us... I read in Romans again that "in hope we were saved". It takes up a lot of patience for sure, but this hope in God brings new life. I shall continue trusting the God who saves me all the time, for I know all things work together for good for those who love God...

"For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what is seen? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."
~ Romans 8:24-25 ~

-----

Yeah, I know, I should be burying my head continuously inside the deep pile of exam papers instead of being here. Yet, I am here to celebrate the achievement so far - I'm done with the fifth formers' papers... Now left with the non-SPM class...

Ask and You Shall Receive

Last night as Tity was giving her talk on Faith during Life Nite, I read the verse after the verse she quoted, taken from the Gospel of Mark:

"So I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
~ Mark 11:24 ~

I find this verse always ever so encouraging, especially when I start to pray and then start to doubt again. In times of doubt and worries, this verse helps by reminding me that prayers work wonders, and it is through prayers that miracles can happen.

I see changes in people that I'm praying for, I see spiritual revival for the people I'm praying for... And all these can happen because God is there, listening to all my ramblings, all my prayer petitions, everything that I say. He's just that understanding and considerate.

I hope that all of you will be encouraged by this verse. Somehow, 24 hours a day for me seems to be not enough. Probably I tend to feel tired more often than not... I'm praying that my thyroid glands are functioning normal, and all these fatigues, swollen glands (visual sign) are just because of my weird food intake where fish is rarely seen in my diet. Gotta change my eating habit. I believe God will heal me if it is His will to heal.

Maybe I worried too much. Ahakz. I still believe ask and I will receive. Amen.

God bless!

So What If I'm Fat?

Some real life situations ignited my intention of writing about this topic. Many people are struggling with this issue of being overweight, fat, obese -- self-image. Males, who use their visual instinct to judge beauty by nature, assess females based on their "checklist" of fatness in different parts of female body.

Hence the real topic behind the title is: What is the worth of physical beauty?

Personally, physical beauty is the first impression of one individual towards another. For example, I find men with straight nose and broad shoulders more attractive than the rest of the men. However, I find that what appeals me to continue befriending these men with possible straight nose and broad shoulders would be their personalities and characteristics. If they are good looking but their characters kanasai-ed (kana = like, sai = sh*t), would you continue being attracted to them?

What I truly believe is the nature of Christ to those who know Him will be within the individuals, no matter they are flat or round or tall or short! In 1 Corinthians 11:1, St. Paul encouraged the people in Corinth by these words: "Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ." What I understand is all of us must imitate Christ and His nature, just as how St. Paul imitated Christ. If we want to follow Jesus, we must die to our old-self and embrace the new-self... Like what's written in Galatians 2:20, "and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

So, the issue of physical beauty is void if we see each other in a deeper level, where Jesus becomes the Person we see in our brothers and sisters in the Lord. Well, to end this entry, I have to admit that I am also struggling with self-image and self-esteem. I have finally come to senses that God loves me no matter how round, how fat, how tall, how short, how thin I am. He loves me for who I am, and accepts all my flaws. Without those flaws and cracks in my life, how would He be glorified then?

May God's holy name be glorified, now and forever. Amen!

Pax et bonum.

Can I Have A Glass of Water?

In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus said these two verses to His disciples:

"If anyone gives you a cup of water to drink because you belong to Christ, then in truth I tell you, he will most certainly not lost his reward. But anyone who is the downfall of one of these little ones who have faith, would be better thrown into the sea with a great millstone hung around his neck."
~ Mark 9:41-42 ~

Have you ever offered a cup of water to a little child? Or have you done enough damage to one? I have to admit there are times when I should have used better phrases against my own students (who supposedly to have fragile heart syndrome due to hormonal influences), but somehow I, too, fall to this trap of the Satan... to get irritated and eventually become sarcastic and angry. Yet, what JC (acronym of Jesus Christ) taught us to offer more than what we have to others because in every other person we come into contact with, there is Christ dwelling in them. So it is fair and square when JC said that he who offers a cup of water to the one who belongs to Him will not lose his reward (whatever that may be).

Besides, in v.42 JC warned His disciples (did you know that includes US too?) that if we jeopardize one's faith or cause downfall to the people with child-like faith for God, we will also receive punishment. He would love us, His followers, to live with a heart of compassion for everyone and offer all that we can give to those around us. And that is how we can pass on the faith by expressing faith through love (cf. Galatians 5:6).

What are you thinking right now? Are you doing what you think you are doing? Or are you in tune with what God is calling you to do? Fr. Stan touched my heart deeply and stirred my heart to serve His people when he sang the song "Here I am, Lord" during the two-day Youth Rally in Foo Chow Hall, KK in his last session. And the song's chorus sounds like this:

Here I am, Lord! Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if You lead me,
I will hold Your people in my heart.

Have you answered His call tonight? Have you done what He asks of you tonight? Do you have fears to plough through the darkness, not knowing what is the next thing God has in plan for you? No worries, you're not alone in this journey. I also share the same issue about taking steps of faith, no matter how tiny it may be, in order to answer that call that He has shown me since I was a teenager. I have done what I can for the past one year, and God is asking for more (I think maybe God likes to drink Pepsi - you know, Ask for More!) than just what I have been doing. It is going to take me great courage to swallow huge ego and lotsa pride in order to voice out my desire to the rightful "authority" on earth so that I can plough through my plains in His light.

May His everlasting light shine upon us as we sleep through the night and work through the day (or study). God bless all. Pax et bonum.

P/S: Comments are always welcomed. The more the merrier! :P

Ephesians 5:19

The readings for today are taken from Proverbs 9:1-6; Psalm 34; Ephesians 5:15-20 and John 6:51-58.

What struck me most this weekend is from the second reading, Ephesians 5:19-20...

"As you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, singing and making melody to the Lord in your hearts, giving thanks to God the Father at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (New Revised Standard Version)

"Sing psalms and hymns and inspired songs among yourselves, singing and chanting to the Lord in your hearts, always and everywhere giving thanks to God who is our Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (New Jerusalem Bible)

These two versions are similar, yet to me, a bit different... From what I understand of verse 19, there are two roles we have to play when it comes to worship... First one, in community, we have to always remember to sing songs inspired by God (spiritual songs) and hymns and psalms, a.k.a. Praise & Worship session... Second part, when we're alone, when we're not with our community, we still have to remember to sing to our Lord in our hearts... This act of worship doesn't stop when we leave our community gatherings. Instead, this act of worship goes on and on until we meet again during the next gathering...

Most churches, including our Catholic church, have prayer meetings, community gatherings, Life Nites (specially for Lifeline and Lifeteen)... Once a week. So what do we do from the P&W session of that week until the next week?

Yes, we worship the Lord with songs and melody in our hearts... But how? Make it a point to at least do one of the things listed here, or more: Listening to scripture-based, or God-inspired worship/praise songs more than listening to worldly music, pray daily, do daily readings (Catholic church we have a set of daily readings, other denominations may follow some other weekly devotions), attending daily masses, praying the rosary... and so many other ways where we can worship God in our daily lives.

As for me, I set aside 30 minutes a day to attend daily mass, as my daily walk with Christ. Through the Eucharis, I have received numerous healings and forgiveness. And I know the Real Presence of Jesus is in the Eucharist... It is not merely symbolic, but He is indeed truly present in the Eucharist. And as you progress with your walk with Jesus, you'll realise how insatiable He is.

Like what Mary said in Luke 1:46-48,
"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour; because he has looked upon the humiliation of his servant..."

Indeed, God is worth all our proclaimation of His goodness and especially, His Salvation, because He came down and saved us all even when we're sinners. He loves us all so much that He who has no sins died for our sins.

I thank God for everything, and in everything, I would like to encourage you all to make worship a lifestyle.

Have a great week ahead. God bless!

Time to Praise God!!

I posted this entry in my personal blog (journal) and it is high time to ctrl-C the entry in order to glorify God's name, despite everything else...

November 22, 2009, Saturday (after Friday Life Nite)

Vision of Baby Presentation by Golden Angel

As we prayed for Felix and Yvonne Teo for their belated wedding anniversary just now, I saw this vision -- There was an angel, golden in colour, carrying a baby angel. The angel placed the baby onto Von Teo's arms and smiled. It reminded me of the Zaccharias and Elizabeth (cousin of Mary), parents of John the Baptist and how God promised that He would give them a son. At that moment, I had a strong feeling that Yvonne Teo will conceive with a child very soon and by this time of next year, there will be an addition to their current family.

A voice spoke to me in my mind, telling me not to tell anybody about the vision I had. In a year the vision will come true, then I can praise God for His goodness and His blessings upon this couple.

This vision seemed to be further affirmed by Von Teo when she said she felt like graduation from the school of marriage when we took photos with her bouquet of lilies. They are married for 3 years, seems timely for "further studies".

I shall be patient and wait until the day when the vision comes true. Then I shall praise God for His abundant blessings upon us all!

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for granting our prayers that stormed the heaven. Amen to the great I am!

Light of the Nations

"For this is what the Lord commanded us to do when he said: I have made you a light to the nations, so that my salvation may reach the remotest parts of the earth."
~ Acts 13:47 ~

Where exactly is the remotest parts of the earth? We can find the remotest parts of the physical earth on Wikipedia (click here for link). Physical remotest parts we can still reach on day, what about emotionally remote or spiritually remote? What does the verse speak to you today? For me, I see that our "mission" as renewed Christians is to be the light that shines bright for Christ, enough to bring the lost hearts back to His embrace. I see that the heart is the remotest part of the earth...

"In all truth I tell you, whoever believes in me will perform the same works as I do myself, and will perform even greater works, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."
~ John 14:12-13 ~

I believe what He (Jesus) is calling us to do is, as renewed Christians, to proclaim His Name in deeds and in words, so that God will be glorified by the works of our hands, words of our tongues. Are we a step closer to Him today? If we're two steps behind, look for His support today. Utter the prayer of confidence in Him (Jesus) who is our refuge and our stronghold when things doesn't turn out to be how it should be.

Believe today that you are exactly the one whom He called to be the light to the nations. And all we do is to praise His Name aloud. Alleluia to the Lord of all!

"Yahweh has made known his saving power, revealed his saving justice for the nations to see"
~ Psalm 57:2 ~

100 Roses for My God

Cheers for my 100th Entry to Time Flees, Love Stays! And many words of thanks to my readers for still checking me out even entries become few for the past few months. And every single entry I want to present it to my God who allows me to have skills in typing, writing and thinking (oh... yeah... not forgetting teaching and nagging too... LOL!), and most importantly, a heart that still beats despite all that are happening in my life!

Why these two images instead of roses?
Why "Coyote Ugly" and "Nick Vujicic" at the start of my entry today?
Special reasons of course...
Now let me bring you into the pea-brainy thoughts of mine...

Firstly, Nick Vujicic was the highlight of the Lent Unplugged 2009 talk we had last night in Room F7, illustrations and further explanations given by Mr. Derek Chong. I'd say that the session was filled with 101 feelings for myself. But I was caught by the life of Nick. And obviously, about significance in life. Am I where I should be at this moment? This was the only question running on my mind these days, ever since the night I found out about how people may be less supportive when I'm not doing what they think I should do. But again and again, God affirms me and comforts me that He's in charge of my life. That's why this entry is dedicated to no one but You, Daddy God! Hehehe...

Let's see what else I have on my notes... Derek mentioned about Psalm 139, especially verse 14 which says this: "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well." What he was relating to is this: No matter how we are, how we looks like, how we fare in work or studies, how we relate with people, when God sees us, He'll always say, "You're simply great!" That's how important, how significant we are in His eyes. And praise Him for His love for us! Besides that, God is also not satisfied with giving us just good stuffs, but He wants us to have the very very best. From the videos about Nick Vujicic and Derek's talk, what I picked up from there are these: "There are so many reasons to give up, BUT, there are also A LOT OF REASONS why we should NOT give up." and "It matters not how we might fall, but how we finish it, whether we'll finish it strong." And God still sees me as "simply great" even I could be "simply the worst person ever alive on earth". And because of that, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Now, about Coyote Ugly... A movie I watched right before entering roman letters that eventually form words which will gradually form an article on my blog. This movie was made in 2000. Almost 10 years ago. It is about this girl from a small town wanting to be a songwriter in the big city of New York. Started out as someone who was nervous, low self-esteem, always saying "no" to things she could do but decides she couldn't do it before she even tried, to become a coyote who danced on the bar, singing with the jukebox, capturing crowds with her voice and dance and self. Seeing growth in a low self-esteemed individual to become a confident individual willing to step onto the stage to sing her own song to the crowd, and eventually getting her song sang by LeAnn Rimes.

Why am I talking about this movie together with Nick Vujicic? One is just a worldly movie with entertaining elements and fun, another is a pastor who motivates people with his life. Both shared the same element - the significance of life and the purpose of living it. The main character in Coyote Ugly lived out her dream by seeking it even when she got down-trodden. Nick Vujicic never gives up his life or be depressed having no limbs. It is an affirmation to me that everyone can live out their dreams, everyone has the equal rights of choosing the lives they want to live, and we are precious in the eyes of God. No matter what happens, God will cradle me with His fatherly love in the form of motherly hands. And He will never ever forsake His people. And He gave us JESUS to be the light of our world, the lamp unto our feet.

The Holy Week in the Catholic Church calendar starts from this evening, or tomorrow morning - Palm Sunday. As we prepare to experience the Lord's Resurrection in our lives through His passion as the week goes down to Good Friday, let us all reflect upon the love of the Father who gave us His only begotten Son because of the love He has for His people on earth, and anyone who believes in Him will not perish but may have eternal life (refer to John 3:16). Not only that, when Christ came with the mission to save us, He came with another mission so that we may have life, and the life given is to be lived to the fullest (refer to John 10:10). And so, all you who are reading, be happy that the Lord is our Saviour! Amen!

Pray for Palestinians in Gaza Strip

I was watching news on NTV7 just now and the latest updates on the bombing in Gaza Strip was on. Please, my dear readers, please pray for ceasefire in Gaza Strip and peace of the world. People got too greedy with what we have until we fail to see the treasure of life given to us from God. Please, please, pray for the victims. Pray for a change of heart of the U.S. government so that they will use their veto power to stop the war instead of opposing peace in the world.

Thanks and God bless!!!

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
~ John 14:27 (NIV) ~

His Grace is Sufficient for Me

This post is in fact a follow-up of my previous entry... I'd say God works in miraculous ways and never ever say never to anything because we'll never know how things will turn out in the end. God is greater than just this, thus it is hard to fathom His steps and plans. Yet, His plans are always to bless us, to give us joy, to love us. Even at times when He performs disciplinary actions on our wild and erratic behaviours. That's our God.

Today is the Feast of the Baptism of Jesus, and I had been looking forward that our first Life Mass of the year would be celebrated by Archbishop John Lee since like Thursday... Thank God for answering my needs and desires! He was the one... Hehe! I was more than happy not to serve in worship but to sit quietly in the VIP seat of frontest pew. If we refer to Joanne's entry, the title for Archbishop is His Lordship... One point of his homily truly affirmed me of my fear and my uncertainty about the path I should take as I continue serving my students in the form of teaching them Religious Knowledge... He mentioned that our mission is to go out and tell the whole world that Jesus is the Son of God.

"Seek the Lord while he may be found, call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake their way, and the unrighteous their thoughts; let them return to the Lord, that he may have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon."
~ Isaiah 55: 6-7 ~

His Lordship also gave an explanation on these two verses which struck me in the form of affirmation that He is with me in this situation I'm facing in school now... He mentioned that many have gone far away from God and thus we should "seek the Lord while He may be found" because there will come a time when He'll not be found. Also, regarding "let the wicked man abandon his way" is a call for us to conversion and new direction in our lives. We have to know our mission to live in this world... It seemed that as I continue seeking the Lord as this is my season to seek God first above all things, I too have to seek a new direction in the things I'm assigned at this moment. I see it as a sign of affirmation that changes should be seen to with regards to the RK teaching for MN students.

The second affirmation came from Derek when we met him after mass for breakfast... I was listening to his conversation with Joannes about knowing our calling from God... He mentioned about writing down things that give us joy in our lives daily and what areas that cause our anger... The joy in our lives is what God is calling us to, and also God will always call us in a way that will prosper us and not harm us. It affirms me of my calling, which I seemed to just know as a teenager years back. As about faith formation for youth, he mentioned about connecting with them, building relationship with them as the first importance. Syllabus and reference are also important, but we also need to understand that all that we do must eventually lead this group of youth closer to God. We ourselves also need to reflect in our lives the presence of God, our relationship with God.

The third affirmation came when Mirina, Von Koh, Jocey and myself went shopping in Karamunsing. God is so amazing and He made me speechless and filled with joy in Salvation Bookstore. It was direct answer to the dilemma I had on my mind since my first clashing with the "Baby Boomer Generation" of RK teachers. It was a book entitled: "Be the Change: Your Guide to Freeing Slaves and Changing the World". Not that I've never experienced God's direct answers, but I still am filled with awe and amazement of how He affirms us, His beloved children.

After three affirmations on the same day, I'm happy and joyful to know where I am led to by the Spirit of God with regards to this "worry". Thus, His grace is indeed sufficient for me...

"Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."
~ 2 Corinthians 12: 8-9

The Real World at Real Time

"Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD."
~ Psalm 31:24 ~

I guess the phrase "do not be discouraged" is more appropriate for me at this moment. Something happened this morning that caused me to be late to school today. I arrived in school at 11.50 am. Another mistake made when I saw the principal... It was super late and I felt very bad missing class with my F5 students. I hope none of my students have my blog url, but I'd just like to apologize to all who were affected because of my absenteeism this morning. I guess I need to go for confession soon~~~

Yet, this phrase seems to comfort me. Knowing that God is still with me even I made a huge mistake here. As I searched for the verse online (wished my bible has such an index like a search engine at that moment), I was given so many verses on the keywords I used. In fact, another verse which helped to pacify my uncertain emotion is from the book of Tobit...

"Do not be afraid, my son, because we have become poor. You have great wealth if you fear God and flee from every sin and do what is good in the sight of the Lord your God."
~ Tobit 4:21 ~

For once, I really want to be the teacher God calls me to be at this moment. I don't know where He's going to lead me next, but if He's asking me to stay until further notice, He must have a plan that will prosper me, helping me to be who He's preparing me to be in future. I can only continue trusting in Him who created me in my mother's womb, cradle me when I'm in fear, hug me when I'm discouraged, love me when I feel unloved.

"I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
~ Joshua 1:9 ~

I pray that you who read my blog will not lose hope in this God who sometimes we think play a fool with our lives, because He does it right so that we can learn to be disciplined, well-behaved, loving children of His.

"Sanctify yourselves; for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you."
~ Joshua 3:5 ~

CG Retreat - God is with Us (Psalm 46)

My CG, Whispers of Wind (WoW), went for our 2nd annual CG retreat at the residential campus of Montfort Youth Training Centre in Kinarut from 27th to 28th December 2008. I'm happy that 14 said "yes" to the retreat, but Maxwell couldn't make it due to wedding reception this weekend. Anyhow, here are some snippets of what happened and how God showed His grace and mercy to His children - us.

Last year WoW was in Alvin Voo's chalets behind his house, which was a blessing for us. We had our very first CG retreat with Salt of the Earth (SotE) somewhere in December as well. The retreat was focusing on Psalm 13. This year, our theme for CG retreat was "God is with Us" after discernment by our CGL, Denis Tsen. My part of discernment came up with the verse taken from Psalm 46, verse 10... Be still, and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth. Only during the retreat when I borrowed Denis' bible to make comparison between versions that I realized that the "title" of this psalm in Good News Bible is "God is with Us". Praise God for His plans, revealed for His glory, in His own wondrous ways!!!

Basically we planned for a free & easy retreat, where we get enough time to bond, rest, have fun with God and among ourselves. Not only we achieved building relationship bonds among us, we also achieved the purpose that God has for us, to venture into a journey with Jesus. In our very different ways, God touched each of us, all because we are all very special children of God. Thanks be to God, our Father! Amen!

What did we do? The activities started when we arrived Montfort about 10am... We were "residing" in the rooms of St. Gabriel's Annex in the residential campus of Montfort Boys. Upon arrival, we sent our bags to respective rooms, ensuring everybody had a place to stay was in fact my duty as the HR personnel for the retreat. Somehow it became mine after I've decided to assist CGL with that role. After that, I toured around the annex and showed the way to the room for Marcel and Jacinta (the married couple in our CG). Our chef of that weekend was Joanne's mom, Aunty Theresa. She was preparing our meal when we arrived. Thank God for her willingness to help us with the food... If not I guess my members would have to bear with my cooking~~ LOL! (Did I hear some "oh nooooo!!" somehow? I hope not.)

After everybody had enough acclimatizing time, we gathered everybody and had our first session of games in the hall, conducted by Joanne. Thanks to Joanne, we all had fun during the first 1.5 hours of arrival in Montfort. As everybody was getting hungry and Joanne's mom "beeped" us that lunch was ready, thus all of us sort of rushed back to dining area for our lunch... The yummy Nasi Lemak with sambal prawn, boiled egg and fried chicken. My goodness, it was so delicious that I wanted a second round of rice, but I didn't because I still have to take care of my carbo intake. But I had second helping of sambal prawn with cucumber slices. Everybody was given time to rest and unpack after lunch until about 3pm. Due to my dance class in KK, I had no choice but to leave everybody and headed down to Foh Sang for class. By the time I arrived it was about 5.20pm and they were playing balloon games outside the annex.

Remembering that all my stuffs were practically frozen and uncooked and dinner was about 1.5 hours away, I kept my stuffs into the room and "conquered" the kitchen until Jon Wee came in to fry bananas for the rest who finished games and kinda hungry. Thank God for the fried bananas, if not they would be complaining that dinner was served late. We only started our steamboat dinner at about 8pm, instead of the original plan of 7pm. Sorry guys! Praise and thank God also for the great help of Jacinta, Joanne and Denis, who helped in their own ways, especially Jacinta, without her, I doubt we could get the soup done by the time we prepared everything. I gotta learn more the art of cooking from moms.

The dinner was great, I guess the happiest moment for me was to see everybody whipped off practically everything on the table, including the fried nasi lemak with sambal prawn, as some of the members had to eat rice and the only thing I could provide them was the left over lunch. I guess that's the joy of it. I finally got my share of prawns when everybody slowed down and there were a great amount of prawns left. Knowing that CGL loves prawns as much as I do, I did share with him whatever that was left. Haha! Look! How kind I am!! (Ok, I know, minta puji a bit bit here... LOL!) I'm just joking~~

After dinner and washing up, we finally entered the conference room for our session. There wasn't any photo taken because I was busy crying. (HAHAHAHA!!!) Well, that was true, but I guess the real reason is this: the session shall remain as a mystery of love from God, which touched our very own lives in God's very own ways for us. Of course, I can share what we did... Firstly, we had the session of "washing of feet". Two thousand years ago, Jesus washed the feet of His disciples in the upper room before the passover meal (Do refer to John 13 for more info.) It wasn't His job to wash the feet of His disciples, but this act that Jesus had done shown great humility, servant leadership and most importantly, His forgiving heart... It also shown us the grace and mercy of our Lord who died for us on the cross a few days after He washed the feet of His disciples, including Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus. The first person to start was our CG leader, then me next... A few of us had the priviledge to wash everybody's feet... Towards the end of this session, the members were only asked to wash the feet of their neighbours due to time constraint. The next session was a Christmas Devotional session, where readings, reflections were interluded with Christmas Carols. Quiet, reflective and deep mystery of God's love - the birth of His Son, Jesus on earth to Mary. Because of Mary's willingness, a Saviour was born to us. That's the greatest mystery of His love for us...

After the session, some of us stayed back in the conference room to continue singing carols. After everybody left, I had a short discussion with CGL on the next day's plan. One thing I learned that night was the sessions conducted by leaders, many-a-times were done because the leaders (we) needed it more than the receivers of the sessions. Basically I was fretting over the morning prayer session. Though not all of what CGL said went into my head, but I still thanked God for the discussion. Nothing could be revealed about it... But it was something important for me, at least. Many might not know, but the last time I had spoken to CGL properly, one-on-one, about spiritual stuffs was about 5 months ago. I thanked and praised God for all that we had gone through, all that we are going through since July 2008 until now. I've to admit I had been a "man of little faith" like how Jesus scolded Peter when he was walking on water and sunk. God really slapped me hard enough the next morning when I saw Joanne's mom bringing the speaker right before our morning prayer session...

After discussion, I sat outside the room for a few moments of silence with God. All I knew was my strength came from God and only through Him things will be done. If He wanted a session without the speaker and the song, He would have it done that way. All I could ask was that I'm being used as His instrument of love. With peace at heart, I finally slept until the next morning. Probably I cried too much and my eyes were swollen when I woke up, I couldn't even open my eyes when I somehow managed to find my way out of my room to the toilet. When I finally opened my eyes, they were bloodshot eyes and swollen. Haha!

God was being so kind to me that morning. He had given me great joy of reconciliation, and a greater joy to know that He is God... Indeed, the verse "Be still, and know that I am God!" was exactly the verse for me throughout this retreat. Everytime when I let go and allow Him to take control, He made wonders out of me. I'm no super woman, but my God is a super God. Literally, "be still" has the meaning of keeping quiet, being silent, to listen. Biblically, if you had been following my blog, you'd know that I ever posted something on Psalm 46:10, "be still" has the meaning of to slack, to let drop, to be disheartened or weak. Thus, the moment when I acknowledged I couldn't do it without Him taking charge of it, He made all that was planned happened, despite the fact I doubted it. Not only I received grace, I also received mercy from Him. He had forgiven me even before I realized it. One part of that previous entry that I liked was this:

It is “God’s past” that provides calm for “our future.” Know that he is God! Know it, not merely intellectually, but practically, spiritually, and emotionally. He is your God. He is the ruler of kingdoms of this earth and the all-powerful Creator of the Universe.

Thus, the morning prayer session happened, and it happened to me specifically... The gospel reading, the psalm, the song which lyrics we reflected upon (This is Our God w/ What Child is This by Travis Cottrell) all spoke of the same theme - the grace and mercy of this little Babe who saved the world because of His great love for us. Indeed, God was made man and dwelt among men on Christmas. And as Christians, Christmas happens everyday to our hearts.

After the morning prayer session, we had to pack up and have our lunch because last minute Bro. Francis informed us he would not be in and thus would locked up. Not forgetting we sang him a birthday song because it was Bro. Francis' birthday on 28th December!! So instead of having our sharing session, we packed and cleaned up. After that, we had lunch and headed back to KK. Since we would be attending mass together, we hang out in TATU Cafe of Tanjung Aru Beach Hotel (Thanks to Marcel and Jacinta for the treat!!) and had our sharing sessions, brothers and sisters apart.

Indeed, God's promise is beautiful and far greater than what we expect Him to give us. Truly, this retreat brought me to a realization of how important is to wait patiently and seek Him fervently. The verse that Matthew written in his gospel... Matthew 6:33 Seek first the kingdom of God and its righteousness, and all will be given unto you... It is real, like how real it is to pinch ourselves and we feel the pain of the pinch. That's how real it is.

Thank and praise God for this opportunity to share all these on my blog. Thank and praise God for such a wonderful retreat! Thank and praise God for the mass and the homily that was said by Fr. Cosmas in St. Simon Church... I realized God's plan and timing truly is different from mine. And all I can do is to obey and wait patiently. I guess eventually everybody, except myself, Denis, Karen, Joanne, Jonathan Wee and their mom, attended mass in Stella Maris. Hehe!

Here are the pictorial descriptions of the retreat:

Entrance of Montfort Retreat Centre in Kinarut (Taken some days before as I didn't have the time to stop and take on the day itself...)

Our Chef, Aunty Theresa

Them at the swing (Denis, Ester, Karen, Mathida, Jacinta, Brenda)

Another shot of them... Umm... What are you guys doing, Denis? Hanging like monkey on the swing... Haha! Indeed, the tale of monkeys of MN came from you~~~

Jonathan Lee and Marcel nearby, chatting... I wonder what they talked about? Hehe! It's their secret... For them to know, for me to pray for them.

The statue of the patron saint of Montfort - St. Louis Marie de Montfort

Joanne, our games mistress giving explanation to the first game

Another shot of her! (Joanne, I couldn't decide which one is nicer, so I put both, coz I think both also equally nice!)

The member listened attentively!

The only SS photo I took this time... Background got Ray, Ah Boon and Jon

Denis: Kidz, make sure you all concentrate properly in discussion ahhh!! (Actually I have no idea what he was telling them... LOL!)

Lovely Mathilda about to be "blinded" with newspapers.

Self-explanatory! It's pay-back time!!!! Hahahahaha!!! Who asked him to design such a surprise for my birthday??? LOL!

Haha! Karen was trying to find where others were... She really couldn't see...

Mathilda grabbing the rafia string to pass to Ah Boon

Hehe! Another photo of them with me!

*smiles*

The Holy Family at Montfort hall... I didn't see a baby in the crib, you know why??? Because the Babe was in the arms of Mary!!!!!

After games, heading back for food~~

Queuing up for "fat rice" (nasi lemak)

Jon waiting for his turn with plate ready

Ray, smile! Click! Orait... continue whatever you are doing... :P Yummy food...

Denis finishing everything when everybody left...

Me with cucumber slices...

Preparation for steamboat dinner... My advisors, Jacinta and Joanne.

Tom yam soup base ready to be served. Yay!!!

Ah Boon, Ray and Jon found durians... There are several durian trees behind the Gabrielite brothers' house. And Bro. Francis said we could eat the durians we found I think...

Yeah... Dinner time...

I'm so happy the tom yam was popular~~

Everybody waiting for the food to cook in the pot~ I heard the word "hungry".

Yes, can eat already!!

Ah Boon... Help us to take please???

Oh! The durians that we found last night... Hopefully later dessert after lunch???

What they do before lunch???

Denis and Jon in conference room to teach and learn guitars...

Joanne transferring photos in Aunty Theresa's room

Ester and Mathilda napping in room...

Guys camwhoring in their room... Jon was the model, Ah Boon dressing him up and Ray taking photos... Umm... Hi-tech la, you guys!

Then Denis and Jon reading the Montfort newsletter in dining area...

So I took the chance to take photos with them... First with Joanne...

Then with Denis...

Next with Jon...

Finally with Brenda and Karen...

The guys started complaining their fingers were painful because of playing guitars...

Camwhoring with Joanne... Lovely shot~

Brenda doing sign language of her name

Jacinta made milo for Marcel~ Lovely couple~

Lunch time!!!

Jon said I had been taking photos but not being taken photo, thus this shot~

Jon Lee: Can I have the durian please?

Jon Wee: Aiyah! Just use your hand to press the skin, then the durian will buka!

Jacinta: I also want to try one~~

Our group photo... All from left to right - Front: Ray, Jacinta, Karen, Brenda; 1st row: Mathilda, Ester, Marcel, myself, Joanne, Jon Wee; 2nd row: Jon Lee; last row: Denis, Adrian Boon.

The sisters' sharing (Denis, the photo is blur la! Your hand shaking ka when taking the photo???)

The brothers' sharing

Alright, that's the end of my entry... Thank and praise God for this two-day retreat! I hope I could serve as a leader again when God calls me back to serving. As for now, all I want to do is to sit at the feet of Jesus to listen to Him and learn from Him.

Till the next entry, Pax et Bonum.