Walking the Talk

These days I've been reading an interesting blog while dealing with the mounting dissertation stress which freezes me completely. It's an interesting read as I find him a mirror image of me. This is for the first time in my life that I'm acknowledging that there's a person out there who's the male version of Cindy. I feel it when I read the criteria of his future spouse. I have my own version which is so similar to his that I felt spooky reading it, unable to believe that this could be true. So I'm not crazy setting such criteria for my future spouse :) That's a comfort definitely.

I posted a comment to him that a heart that seeks God is never a lonely heart... and I'd rather be a fool for God than to end up with broken marriage or a wrong guy beside me by praying for my him. Indeed, these few days I've started my prayers for a godly husband once again after a few years of abandoning the hope of ever getting one, despite my doubt if I would ever find my him. In the depths of doubts, I choose to hold on to Him even when I can't feel him.

I'd need to walk the talk of godliness. For every criterion I have for my future spouse, I too should be able to fulfill the criterion myself. My first criterion is a man after God's own heart. So, the first thing to do on my part is to seek God once again. This morning, I hope I could appreciate Jesus the way Kari Jobe sang "What Love is This" and my relationship with Jesus can once again flourish. Indeed, of all the things in the world, I'd rather be a fool for Christ for it brings joy to my life.

Boyfriends on Sales in Shopping Mall

In conjunction with the recent Valentine's Day and my conversation with a friend on FB, hence the post.

Many people may think that I'm attached to some guy out there, and even if I tried to explain in lengthy details that I am NOT attached but AM very single, nobody ever really believed me. Perhaps that explains why no man ever approaches me romantically for fear for hearing, "Sorry, I'm not interested." or "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." from me. This is funny, but it is true that males do have issues with the word "NO" most of the times. However, I also have to admit that females also have the similar issue with the word "NO".

Back to my topic of the day. My friend was telling me to go and find a boyfriend, which leads me to think and review my life as a single, working young adult. Throughout my teenage years and these few years working, of course I have met some interesting male characters who stayed in my life for a while as a faithful male companion, and I did take interest in them at that time. However, somehow, it didn't work out. The recent male companion decided to go abroad rather suddenly, and now I'm in the mode of waiting until the end of March.

Many people think it is important to have a relationship and then move on to marriage, etc. Well, I think so, too, no matter how strong from outside I look like. However, another thing which I love and find it important at this moment, is to be really single and embrace singlehood properly before being in a relationship. This is probably my weakest link at the moment, but I am learning to embrace singlehood and enjoying every moment of being single.

As for being available for relationship, I have to admit sincerely that I would like to be truly available, but I'm not exactly there yet. But if the right man comes and approaches me, I trust that the Holy Spirit will stir me from within and a sense of peace and security will come unto us to trust each other and to want to know each other deeper and better.

As for now, I truly believe that I have to be complete in Christ Jesus. I desire to be complete in Him and I pray my future spouse will also be a man after God's own heart who is also complete in Christ. When there is a secure relationship independently with God, two persons will be drawn nearer to each other. That's the concept. And I believe that the "he" who really is interested in me will approach me when it is the right time.

As for the boyfriends on sale in shopping mall theory, I guess I don't quite get it. I trust that boyfriend/spouse is a gift from God and I have to know the Giver properly and completely before I can enjoy the gift without turning my back against the Giver. Like what struck me in today's first reading:

"But if your heart turns away, if you refuse to listen, if you let yourself be drawn into worshiping other gods and serving them, I tell you today, you will most certainly perish; you will not live for long in the country which you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess."
~ Deuteronomy 30:17-18 ~

It is important that we know our God and set our hearts on this God who loves us so much that He sent His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to save us by death on the cross. If we are not cautious about this and we don't take heed from the Word of God, we will end up worshiping the very gifts that God gives to us in order to fulfill His plan in our lives. Then the good plan will take a longer time to be fulfilled and our lives may probably have more disastrous issues than we want. So we must always remember God in all that we do, and put Him first in our hearts. One of my favourite verses is:

"Take delight in the Lord alone, and He will give the desires of your heart."
~ Psalm 37:4 ~

Yet, we must also remember that God, in His mercy and by His grace, knows what we need most and will give us what we desire and is good for us, but not what we desire which is bad for us. He definitely will be in terror if we ask for a person whom He knows will be abusive to us in future. Or we ask for a car which He knows will eventually cause a terrible accident and maim us for life. No father on earth would do that, so our Father in heaven will even more not do that. Therefore, we must first learn to find delight in Him first and allow Him to take His time to give us what's the "bestest" for us!

So, come what may!

When 2009 Bade Goodbye and 2010 Said Hi!

My testimonial is dated 31 December 2009, Thursday, 18:05 @ Secret Recipe, 1Borneo. I wrote on the only piece of paper that I could find since my journal was left at home.

"This is the last day of year 2009. To recount what had happened in my life, it'll be an exhausting task, and with the limitation of paper now, I wouldn't want to waste by recounting every single event. There were ups and downs, so much of sorrows and joys in the whole year, so much of realization and painful times. But indeed, it is the year of the Lord. Nothing but God could have brought me through the events that happened. Letting go of ministry leadership, realizing that God has a better task fo me, ending the whole "hoping" process of a friend, getting help from Life Coach to sort out my life, to learn to love again, to have met a really sweet person, my dad's death, starting the sisters CG finally...

Only God could have led me through the darkest nights of my soul. When I felt totally lost, abandoned and rejected, He brought me people who strengthened my innermost being. Not only that, He brought me angels who love me for who I am, never letting me go and keep on praying for me when things were harsh and I became neurotic, cranky and all. When I was broken, He came straight to me, held my hand and led me straight to the wooden bench under the tree where He would cradle me and loved me with His gaze and His Word. He will always tell me He loves me and will be with me when things are tough and I seem to be not able to go on. He never lets me down. I love Him so much not because of the gifts He has showered me or the things He has done for me. I love Him because He loves me. Yes, just because He loves me to the ends of the earth. And I'm secure in this love relationship that will last forever because He promised me that, and I know He never breaks His promise.

Again and again I was tested into unbelief and into the world of doubts which brought darkness into my life. But, again and again He made things real enough so that I can come out from the world of unbelief into the world of truth - sanctified truth. And because of this, I'm set free from my chains of lies and untruths. God really made all things possible and He's continuing this project to transform me to be the wonderful woman He wants me to be, whether I like it or not.

I cherish every moment of my life with Him in it, because that part of my life becomes unexceptionally special. That is really a magical moment when He leaves His footprints in that path of mine. More often than not, I could not understand and I was blinded by tough times that His grace was not the thing I saw. Yet, very often, in fact, every time, when I sit back and looked through my journals to see my struggles with life in life, He was there, so obviously present. And that's when I sobbed real hard because I could contain no more the grace He has poured out into my wretched life!

Who am I that He should move mountains and empty the ocean for me! I'm His beloved. In His eyes, I'm flawless. And I, in moments of gratitude for Him and love from Him, am softened and I know I'm glowing in love because I'm secure and I've finally found the One who makes me feel complete."


I'm just an ordinary girl who has an extraordinary God who loves her completely and unreservingly. And I hope you, who has found Him waiting for you and accepted His love, also finds hope in Him who loves you abundantly, even when things are difficult and many important decisions to be made. And you who are still searching for Him and finding that the burdens of the world are bringing you further and further into the swirling darkness, I pray you'll meet Him by first letting down your guards about Him.

Disclaimer: This is edited from the version I emailed to my friend.

It's Time... Timely... Timeless...

Time. Whenever I think of this word, I think of endless "busyness" that kept us from being love. We often say, "I have no time" and "I'm busy at the moment". How much time a day have you stopped, reflected, and perhaps just breathed in the air to experience life? A busy life kept us from thinking, probably helped us from facing some difficult moments in certain areas of our lives. But are we living at present time? Are we living in God's time for us? Do we have time for Him? Even if it means sacrificing five minutes from whatever things we do?

Timely. Sometimes we say, "Oh, the promotion was timely". Sometimes we exclaimed, "How timely you come!" When is the right moment that is "timely" for you to meet God? Have you ever pondered whether God has been exclaiming the same thing over and over again whenever we meet Him in prayers, "Oh great! How timely you've started talking to Me! I've always been waiting!!"

Timeless. Sometimes we hear that what-and-what is absolutely timeless. For me, the only relationship on earth that is timeless is my relationship with Jesus. He stays faithful for eternity. What does that mean? His faithfulness is timeless. No matter how long it takes for us to turn from where we are to face Him, finally, He remains there, waiting for us with open arms. And what is that all about? That His love for us lasts for eternity, and it's timeless.

So, what I can do is to link these three words into a sentence -- It's a timely time to have a timeless relationship with a loving God who is waiting for us to return Home to His embrace.

Have a blessed Sunday. God bless and good night, my dear readers.

Movie: Papa Giovanni XXIII (Pope John XXIII: The Pope of Peace)

Last night I watched the movie about Blessed Pope John XXIII in SHPC Room F7 with the rest of the Alpha group. It was a really touching life story of Blessed Papa Giovanni XXIII. He struck me as a man of prayers and peacemaker of God. It really inspires me on the area of prayers and communication with God and men. His most important work which brought renewal to the Catholic Church is the Vatican II council. Thank God for such a wonderful man of God whom He had called to know, love and serve Him as the Pope eventually. The bibliography of Pope John XXIII can be read here. What touches me were his great heart for the people, his humility and his works in world peace (Encyclical Pacem in terris is mentioned in the movie as a part of the outcome of Vatican II council). Do correct me if my info is inaccurate. Thanks!

Here's a youtube clip I found about the movie (practically the only one I could find so far) which I would like to share with you all here.



This is the greatest movie of the year for me!

Happy Valentine's Day

Mathematics of Love

Only God knows the useful approach in the mathematics of LOVE.

~ 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a ~
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious of boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.


Who Loves You More?

God loves us more than anyone on earth. Rejoice for God loves you so much!

~ John 3:16 ~
For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.


Love is a Decision, not Emotion

What is our decision today? To love God or love the world?

~ Psalm 43:3 ~
O send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling.

May this Valentine's Day be a special time for you and God because He first loved us even before we love Him, so He, our ultimate Lover, deserves the best time with us.

Choose God, choose life, choose love.

Happy Valentine's Day, my love!

BONES

Have any of you ever seen "Bones" on TV? Sadly speaking, I've only watched the first season of Bones and I loved it so much that I'm re-watching it for the second time. Yeah, that's me, watching the dramas, animes, movies that I like for more than one time. One thing that struck me as I watched the episode was this thing called "social awkwardness" that this fictional Dr. Temperance Brennan has...

Then I stumbled upon a blog as I keyed in the phrase "social+awkwardness+define" in Google, and I find myself in awe of how many people in the world face this problem of social awkwardness. I have to admit that I am at many times "socially unacceptable" and face the problem of "social awkwardness" although I seem to be friendly, easy-going, all smiling and nice. Being socially awkward at times, I tend to react abnormally, comparing to other normal human beings. In fact, there's a word used to describe nerd... Geek. I probably am a geek at a level of humanity. LOL!

Today, I faced a situation which I became socially awkward and probably made a few new enemies. I was totally imprudent and rude and impolite and socially unacceptable. When I realized what I did was totally unacceptable to the norm of the society, it was way too late to salvage the situation, except a deepest regret and sincere apology. I was known to be a "faked person", a "hypocrite" to some people, no matter how true I was at that moment to the other person. So many times in life, I have a few friends, who care enough and remain patient despite abnormal outbursts of emotions. Thank God for that! Having said so, it didn't change the one fact - that I am still loved by God who created me to be me. Some of us might think I'm just deluding myself into believing that in a tiny part of the world, somebody still want to befriend me, but I truly believe and feel that God loves me enough to see pass this imprudent me and see the tiny little hope that I'm worth of His love for me.

I don't know what's going to happen to my life after this incident with my colleagues, but I know that God knows and He's my Comforter in the midst of loss and darkness. After all, the bible says that Jesus came not for the righteous but for the sinners (refer Matthew 8:13). This verse allows me this assurance that God still loves me though I've done such a thing so unacceptable socially.

Suddenly I thought of people who are socially unacceptable, who are shunned by many, sometimes including me, because what the person says or does cause people to feel annoyed, irritated and becomes irrational with thinking. I am one of them, but why am I doing things that people do unto me? It reminds me of Felix who serves with his wife in the young adults ministry I'm in... His humility is at this level that he receives and welcomes everybody in the ministry, even the "marginalized" because of their social awkwardness. Because of both him and his wife, I felt comforted when I was placed in a situation where I could no longer hang out or talk properly with the group of people I used to be with. Thanks a lot! Will I be able to emulate this humility which is being passed down to Christ? Will you?

"Can any of you by worrying add a single house to your span of life?"
~ Matthew 6:27 ~

Reflection: Psalm 139: 13-14

Do you know God loves us? Do you accept His love? Do you love Him? Do you want to be loved by Him? Do you accept Him? Do you allow Him in your life? Reflect upon it... Seeking God is a journey of a lifetime. Make that decision to start NOW! God Bless!

His Grace is Sufficient for Me

This post is in fact a follow-up of my previous entry... I'd say God works in miraculous ways and never ever say never to anything because we'll never know how things will turn out in the end. God is greater than just this, thus it is hard to fathom His steps and plans. Yet, His plans are always to bless us, to give us joy, to love us. Even at times when He performs disciplinary actions on our wild and erratic behaviours. That's our God.

Today is the Feast of the Baptism of Jesus, and I had been looking forward that our first Life Mass of the year would be celebrated by Archbishop John Lee since like Thursday... Thank God for answering my needs and desires! He was the one... Hehe! I was more than happy not to serve in worship but to sit quietly in the VIP seat of frontest pew. If we refer to Joanne's entry, the title for Archbishop is His Lordship... One point of his homily truly affirmed me of my fear and my uncertainty about the path I should take as I continue serving my students in the form of teaching them Religious Knowledge... He mentioned that our mission is to go out and tell the whole world that Jesus is the Son of God.

"Seek the Lord while he may be found, call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake their way, and the unrighteous their thoughts; let them return to the Lord, that he may have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon."
~ Isaiah 55: 6-7 ~

His Lordship also gave an explanation on these two verses which struck me in the form of affirmation that He is with me in this situation I'm facing in school now... He mentioned that many have gone far away from God and thus we should "seek the Lord while He may be found" because there will come a time when He'll not be found. Also, regarding "let the wicked man abandon his way" is a call for us to conversion and new direction in our lives. We have to know our mission to live in this world... It seemed that as I continue seeking the Lord as this is my season to seek God first above all things, I too have to seek a new direction in the things I'm assigned at this moment. I see it as a sign of affirmation that changes should be seen to with regards to the RK teaching for MN students.

The second affirmation came from Derek when we met him after mass for breakfast... I was listening to his conversation with Joannes about knowing our calling from God... He mentioned about writing down things that give us joy in our lives daily and what areas that cause our anger... The joy in our lives is what God is calling us to, and also God will always call us in a way that will prosper us and not harm us. It affirms me of my calling, which I seemed to just know as a teenager years back. As about faith formation for youth, he mentioned about connecting with them, building relationship with them as the first importance. Syllabus and reference are also important, but we also need to understand that all that we do must eventually lead this group of youth closer to God. We ourselves also need to reflect in our lives the presence of God, our relationship with God.

The third affirmation came when Mirina, Von Koh, Jocey and myself went shopping in Karamunsing. God is so amazing and He made me speechless and filled with joy in Salvation Bookstore. It was direct answer to the dilemma I had on my mind since my first clashing with the "Baby Boomer Generation" of RK teachers. It was a book entitled: "Be the Change: Your Guide to Freeing Slaves and Changing the World". Not that I've never experienced God's direct answers, but I still am filled with awe and amazement of how He affirms us, His beloved children.

After three affirmations on the same day, I'm happy and joyful to know where I am led to by the Spirit of God with regards to this "worry". Thus, His grace is indeed sufficient for me...

"Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."
~ 2 Corinthians 12: 8-9

Time Flees, Love Stays

I wonder if I had a similar entry when I first started this blog... Well, this is just another of my ramblings before nesting in my dog nest. Anyway, tomorrow is Epiphany!!! Although it is the end of Christmas season, but it is the brand new start for us. Hence, this entry symbolizes a brand new start of the year... So MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY EPIPHANY!!!

Year 2008 brought me great joy, great sorrow. I wouldn't say I didn't receive the same amount of blessings as everybody did from God, but I would say this road had been a real tough one. I lost so much, gained as much too. This year (2009) is another year of the Lord. I don't know what lies ahead of me, but I know who holds all the tomorrows I have on His hand. Yups, beautiful Lord, wonderful Saviour. Sometimes it is hard to believe in His real presence, but at this moment there is no way I can doubt His presence in my life. Though great sorrow after great joy, I know the love that He brought to me will never change. People may not be able to understand what I had gone through or what I'm going through, but He knows me best. All that are happening is according to His will I hope.

I pray that you who read my entry at this moment will be blessed with a year of love, joy, hope and peace in the Lord, and that all that you do is according to God's holy will... The peace we receive in our hearts is the greatest treasure that one can keep within us. I pray that year 2009 will be a year to remember for us. Just like how year 2008 was. I know, time will pass, memories will be created, but this love that's been given to us from God, it will stay forever. And all I can do is to continue believing in Him, trusting that He will bring me to where He wants me to be, and to continue to grow deeper with Him. Amen.

Purity Ring

I remember there was an entry written by my sister in Christ, Nova, about purity ring some time ago in her blog... At that moment, I didn't really understand what she meant by that... After doing some research today, here's what I found... Do digest what I've ctrl-c-ed from another website... I used to wear rings on my right hand third finger, until people started questioning me if I were engaged to anybody whom I never told them... Well... Erm... NO! I'm still very much single and available... I just liked wearing rings then... So to avoid any further misunderstanding and even lengthier explanation, I just stopped wearing it... Last night, I just found back the silver ring my friend gave it to me some years back... Hehe! This time I'm wearing it as a reminder of being chaste and to consecrate my life to God before the man of my life pursues me the way I ought to be pursued as per God's will for us in future. Besides, it's more than just this... To remind myself that I'm building relationship with God properly first before anything... People, remember what the bible says on Matthew 6:33? Yups... That's so simple, yet so profound. Alright, without further blah-blah-ing... here's the article on the Concept of Purity Ring (based on Bibical verses also...)

1 Timothy 5:22.."Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be a partaker of other men's sins: keep thyself pure." These are words to live by. To better understand what Paul is telling Timothy, you must first read Chapter 3:2-13, giving special attention to verse 10. In the book of 1 Timothy, Paul gave Timothy, an evangelist, the charge of raising up leaders in the church in Ephesus and delegating duties. The qualifications for positions of leadership are found in verses 2-13. This transfer of authority was done by the laying on of hands. Paul is cautioning Timothy not to be rash in these ordinations because some men's sins are not immediately evident but become so later. Verse 10 states that these men should first be proven and then allowed to occupy these offices of leadership. In ordaining certain men, Timothy was attaching himself, unknowingly, to their sin. Timothy's focus on his responsibilities may have been impaired by a preoccupation with his often infirmities of verse 22.

You ask, "But, how does this relate to me?" Simply put, the whole Bible teaches the concept of sowing and reaping. Throughout our lives we are constantly attaching ourselves to either people or things. As we do so, we reap back either in a positive or negative way. If we attach ourselves to people or things that glorify God, we reap positively. If we attach ourselves to people or things that do not glorify God, well……you tell me? Are you endangering your eternal well-being by people, things, or practices you have attached yourself to……or become involved with……or in?

Three areas of our Christian walk:

Justification
Consecration
Sanctification

If you have received Jesus Christ as your own personal Savior and made Him Lord over your life, then you have been made justified by what Christ Jesus did on the cross. You have also been consecrated, or set apart, for God's purposes.

Sanctification is what The Purity Ring is all about. This is the area wherein you will now spend the rest of your life….being sanctified, or purified. You have heard the expression, "You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy." Well, consecration is God's taking the boy out of the country. Sanctification is God's taking the country out of the boy. This purification will take the rest of our lives. Upon becoming a Christian, we often find ourselves starting to avoid particular habits and practices that were once very commonplace in our lives. Can you think of some? Other habits, practices, ways of thinking, etc., take longer to eliminate. Some will take a lifetime! However, we have God's word that He will complete the good work He has started in us. Take this time to think about your own habits and practices. What habits and practices do you need to eliminate? Remember...abstinence doesn't produce purity, but purification will produce abstinence! Ask God to purify your heart in all areas so that your life will glorify Him.

The Purity Ring serves as a constant reminder of the sanctification God is doing in our lives. It also reminds us that we are not yet perfect, but with a lifetime of purification, we will be! Until then, however, remember that Christ Jesus not only paid for our sins at the cross, but also our sinful nature -- that is, all those things deep within us that we are capable of committing! Isn't that good news? This is what is so frustrating to satan. As satan....or our own sinful nature....leads us into sin, we cannot be separated from God if we remember to stand in faith on 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (NIV) Remember now...this is not a license to sin! So…get out of your comfort zone and allow God to use YOU to bring the good news of Jesus Christ to others! Don't focus on your weaknesses, temptations or shortcomings, but focus on God's forgiving nature, the strength of the Holy Spirit, and show them that what Jesus has done for YOU He has done for everyone.

Blessed Christmas to all my readers and loved ones! ^___^

Winter Solstice 2008, 21 Dec 2008

Yesterday was Winter Solstice, a celebrated Chinese festival... So I've decided to cook... Me cooking? Yeah... I do know how to cook, but had been too lazy to cook... I've been cooking often these days... It'll get better, the taste and presentation... I'm assured... Hahahahaha!!!

For lunch, I had this egg fried with radish, then cooked with some oyster sauce and garlic to make it gravy-ish...

Here's how it looked like with my white rice... Tasted quite ok... No stomachache, nothing... So my cookings are safe for consumption!! Yay!!!

After lunch, I drove to church to meet Adrian Boon who would be my guide to Area 21 for our paintball game... I didn't know the way because I had been following someone there all the time... Now that things changed so drastically, I can't follow that someone until further notice...

Here's Jocey and me at paintball field...

My usual SS self... LOL! ^___^

I bet Chris was praying hard the pellet won't fly out of the net as we were playing since he would be a full-time spectator this round... With him were Lionel n Simon...

Greg, one of our finest players... Experienced and swift.

In the net, planning for strategy???

After paintball, I managed to whip some dishes out for dinner... I invited Tity to share my dinner with me... and left some food for my housemate whose girlfriend went back to Sandakan too.

Not bad huh my cooking? I had egg fried with radish, fried sawi, chicken with mushroom... Plus white rice also la!

After dinner, we rushed to choir practice... It was our final practice before Christmas eve, so stayed at church from 8pm till almost 11pm... Everybody was exhausted by the end of the day... We were supposed to join Yvonne Teo and the rest of the sisters for a drink, but since our practice ended late and they were about to leave when I texted them after my practice, we all went back home to rest...

Nothing special to add, just thank God for the meals and the companionship... *smiles* God, You are just sooooooo wonderful. Love You much! Muahxxxx~ Hehehehe!