Life, These Days

My life these days has become extremely simplified. Besides the bugging knowledge that I have to produce some "results" to pass this 6-month hurdle, I'd need to pack enough knowledge to even start producing something. The pressure is helpful, but sometime can be derogatory and keeps me away from being productive. I need to channel this pressure in the more productive manner and start helping myself to help the man above to understand me. Right now, I'm kinda stuck with "the boss" who probably has difficulty to help me help myself.

Sorry, boss. My bad for not helping you to understand my learning habits.

I guess the best way is to produce a Gantt chart to help him understand why I am doing what I am doing and when I am doing it. I know I am still on the right track for now, but I am unsure if he knows that I know what I am doing and when I am doing it.

Source: http://www.docstoc.com/docs/52576338/Project-Timeline%C3%A2%E2%82%AC%E2%80%9DGantt-Chart---DOC

Weird Encounter

Just some fancy creative writing on a slow-mo day at work... Do let me know if you like the story I whip out of boredom.

A girl met a boy. They liked each other.

Boy asked Girl to go out with him.

Girl liked Boy, so she agreed.

Issues arose from daily conversations.

Girl found herself unable to "complement" Boy's demands.

Nor could she be at peace with being who she is.

Incompatibility of lifestyles became topic of argument.

Girl decided to call quit, and told Boy.

Boy got into erratic mode.

One moment Boy hurled names at Girl.

One moment Boy asked forgiveness and wanted to be friends.

So short-lived a friendship, a pity indeed.

Yet, Girl found the liberation of being herself.

Decision was made, no regrets.

Boy continued with name-calling, despite having asked for forgiveness from Girl.

Girl wondered if Boy was merely faking it out.

Girl moved on, despite being disturbed.

Boy remained angry and name-calling.

A bad story to end.

With new beginning to look forward.

A prayer indeed.

A hope indeed.

http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/full/comics-channelate-guy-girl-761625.png

Overwhelmed Yet Precious

Tick tock! Tick tock! Tick tock!

My last entry was last year, before Christmas. And today is officially April Fool's Day. It's been ages, indeed. Many people posted wondrous entries on Facebook in conjunction with this day. I had a peek at Wikipedia and I liked this part...

In Chaucer's Canterbury Tales (1932), the "Nun's Priest's Tale" is set Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two. Modern scholars believe that there is a copying error in the extant manuscripts and that Chaucer actually wrote, Syn March was gon. Thus, the passage originally meant 32 days after April, i.e. 2 May, the anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia, which took place in 1381. Readers apparently misunderstood this line to mean "March 32", i.e. April 1. In Chaucer's tale, the vain cock Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox. (source: Wikipedia's "April Fools' Day")

Many people are joking about their relationship status. One posted that he's officially dating someone, another posted he's getting married. I wonder if it would be a true event (worth celebrating), or a big joke pulling everyone's leg. One of my ex-student who decided to drop out of the university last year joked about being accepted to MBA program. As much as I knew he was joking, still at a point I thought it was real. Indeed, April Fool's Day and its jokes!

A little updates on my life since I returned to the UK...

Officially, I graduated with Erasmus Mundus Masters in Forensic Science and won the school prize for Best Overall Performance for the program in University of Lincoln. Graduation ceremony was held in Lincoln Cathedral on 22 January 2014

A photo with the coordinators and lecturers: (L-R: Dr. Jose, Dr. Ruth, myself, Dr. Mark and Dr. MariPaz)

The two darlings, Joyce and Eden, who hosted me during the times I was "homeless" in Lincoln and during my graduation trip back to Lincoln. The backdrop is the Lincoln Cathedral, where the ceremony was held.

Not forgetting Nick Wong, who traveled all the way from Southampton to Lincoln just to attend my graduation ceremony. It was an honour to have met him through another dear friend of mine last year. When we met up, there would always be an Amazing Race. Thanks for being there, Nick!

The next chapter in life for me started upon my return to Cambridge from the graduation ceremony. It was a period of discovery and settling down. Met new friends, started and ended a short-lived phase of life, more settling down, and finally, a jumpstart into my PhD project.

The Scripture meditation group at St. Edmund's College nearby to my college. A good assortment of graduate students coming together to meditate on the Word of God together weekly. Their friendships with me would be one of the precious ones I'd cherish my entire life. Hopefully more good times will come, spent with these people in the coming years.

Another precious group would be the Cambridge University Malaysian Society graduate students (also known as CUMaS Plus). We had our formal dinner at Fitzwilliam College last month to bid farewell to the graduates who are returning home for their fieldwork, as well as to celebrate the end of Lent term. More good times to come I pray...

Finally I experienced punting at Cambridge. This is the Bridge of Sighs of St. John's College. Legend has it that this bridge was connecting the college accommodation to the exam hall, hence students who walk over the bridge for exam will let out sighs on the bridge. Interesting time spent.

A good sunny day last Saturday, so I went out with the bunch of CUMaS Plus to Grantchester for some clotted cream scone and tea in The Orchard.

So far, so good. Social life at Cambridge can be colourful and amazing, but sometimes a distraction to what I'm here for - my PhD project... I wouldn't say I'm performing at my optimal condition for now. Let's just continue praying and walking towards the ultimate goal that I can complete the PhD by Dec 2016. Many would say it's a wishful thinking, but I'm more hopeful that if God is with  me, who can be against me? I am trusting in the God of impossibles, and as long as I work towards the goal, I will eventually arrive at the checkpoint.

http://stayfitbeactive.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/20140224-160406.jpg

The Time of the Year Again...

A day to the last day of July, and my heart is crushed to ashes. Will it ever be healed? Will I ever have the courage to be close to people again? I tried to trust, and I trusted fully. Yet, the friendship was heading to doom right from the start. I thought maybe if we give it a try by compromising and tolerating each other, perhaps this friendship can be saved. After all, we had nothing to lose by trying.

To YOU: 

After countless visits, two musicals, two oversea trips with friends, a movie, endless chats, I still have to prepare my heart to let you go, because I have defined you as my close friend and now you want to walk away because you don't want to be fit into my definition of close friends. I read it as "if I am me, then I am not good enough to be close to you". Yet I know, this will take me a long time, because our memories aren't written in carbon, so I can't just erase it. Nor were they saved in some *.docx files, which I can press "delete" and they will be gone forever. Everyone else was worried that I'll burn myself, but I trusted you that you wouldn't be like every other friend I had who would leave me because I am me.

From ME.

Right now, I'm indeed in the darkest time of my life. A person whom I thought know me well enough told me that he'd walk away from me just because of my definition of close friend and he doesn't want to be defined as my close friend. A bleak future because I have no job opportunity anywhere and scholarship for Ph.D. in Cambridge doesn't seem to have any news. My masters is completed, and I have another two weeks before I have to evacuate from this room, with no plans ahead. My mother had been asking me for the past two years if I have a boyfriend, and NO, I don't have and nobody is pursuing me, so going home will be a pain. Everyone else is married and attached and seems to know what they want in life, while I am just lagging behind, knowing I want to get another degree because I have no commitment, no one who is looking forward to have me closer, no one wants to be with me.

Perhaps, it is time for me to admit... Yes, I am single, and perhaps, desperate. I just want someone who would care if I had eaten, or where I have been, or what do I want to do, or how do I feel this morning, or just any little detail which doesn't seem to matter to anybody really. Someone who would care to listen when I'm being defiant and destructive like Stitch. Someone who would hold on to me when I can't hold myself together because I am sucked into the whirl of depression or confusion. Someone who would appreciate me for being me, and would do anything he could to stop me from evolving into someone I'm not just to please others or himself. Someone who would tell me it's okay to be sad because we have to be apart from each other and would comfort me even from afar. Someone who allows me to share my deepest desires and darkest thoughts, and lets me talk about God and spiritual stuffs without telling me it is too deep for him to handle. Someone who would compliment me even when I am at my worst self, and complement me by being the sunshine and rainbow when I'm not. I promise I will try to be the same for this someone too.

I bawled my heart out to God just now because of the text message which crushed me. If not because of Jesus, I guess I'd have died a thousand times. I know eventually I will be alright, even though I can't see how I can carry on living right now. No plans, no future, nothing. Even if I made mistakes, I know God doesn't. There is a reason for every season.

I guess many people pretend they are okay when they are not. The society forms the pressure of needing to be at our best and people are only accepted when they are "normal" according to the world. I am not okay, so it's best for me to get away from the world and into my own tiny comfort zone. Can I just run away to a place where I can be me? I ran away thousands of miles from home so that I can find me. I found me, but I am still rejected for being me. Is being me such a horrible crime?

Some Pensive Reflections About Myself...

As the night ages on, the emotions tend to be stronger. That's why, when it comes to sharing inner thoughts, heart talks, feelings, night time is the best. At least it is for me. I'm a WOMAN, so I CAN sit and talk all day. This has a lot to do with my major love language, which is SPENDING TIME..

(Source: http://1catholicsalmon.com/2012/03/02/sharing/)

I've followed Pray More Novenas for exactly a year now. I started with the novena to St. Anne, who is known to intercede for those who are looking for spouse. Norah, my friend's mother, introduced this website to a few of us who used to hang out at her place in Cordoba, Spain. The annual cycle has completed and this is the second round of novena to St. Anne for me. Many times, I wonder if the Mr. Right would ever appear, but I know that giving up is a cowardly act too. Even if he doesn't come, I'm fine being single. Yes, perhaps more often than not, having meals alone can be daunting, especially when I feel like having dinner at some posh-looking restaurants. I do have tendency to buy takeaways rather than having meals outside because it is odd to go alone. On the other hand, I do enjoy dining alone in the restaurants once in a while. It's something I picked up over the years, to be less self-conscious of some nosy waiters and staring eyes of fellow diners. It's not a crime to have meals alone.

These days, as I continue discovering myself, I do find that I am a picky girl indeed. Besides nobody took the challenge in approaching me, I did some selections subconsciously too. Haha. Which girl doesn't, right? This is a personal reflection which I wrote on my private blog: I am fully aware that the man God has for me would not need me to prove my worth. He would find me as I am, and he will know I'm the princess of God whom He has prepared for him and I, too, would find him adequately matching me in all things. This may sound like fairy tale to all who hear, but to me, it matters most. A God-centered relationship is a relationship which will last a lifetime. I trust that God will prepare him well, and myself too, to complement each other in all things.

A Tale as Old as Time, featuring Penelope Cruz

(Source: http://www.marieclaire.co.uk)

This will be the first time that I'm revealing the list of criteria which I had prayed before some years back. Nobody will fit 100%, but God knows who will have the capacity to achieve them...

I wouldn't mind if he's not a Catholic, but I do hope he can accept me being a Catholic whose spirituality is more towards charismatics. Physiques is a plus, but I'm not anywhere close to slim or hot. Furthermore, external looks do fade away as time passes by. And oh... I'm trying to live by the teachings of the Church, which means no pre-marital sex, no abortion, no divorce, etc. So, if it is you God is calling to take the challenge to complement me in life, take note of this, whoever you may be. Besides that, there's this issue which requires some physical and mental strength...

(Source: http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-A-Wall-Around-My-Heart/1228180)

Well, yeah. This is me. The hopelessly romantic me who tends to write emo-stuffs at night :)

Life is... Love is.... Wonders of My Mind.

The titles were the three old blogspot blogs which I've closed down. I'm supposed to either sleep or write my dissertation, I know, but I'm doing neither right now. Back to the blogs.. I sort of read through what I wrote, especially about the past pseudo relationship I had with this one guy some years ago back in 2005/06. I thank God that we didn't work out though I was very hurt back then. What I wrote was absolutely idiotic! What in the world was I thinking????!!! Thank God nothing really happened between us. I guess everyone went through the period when we go gaga over some unworthy individuals who treated us like thrash. Ok, maybe not everyone. Some end up marrying them and be unhappy spouse. Some chose to divorce them. Some stayed because they have no where to go. As for me, I thank God I'm where I am right now. It'd have been crazy if God didn't intervene. I met Jesus right before I told myself I had enough and slowly though painfully, we drifted away from each other. I'll wait for the him to appear. By then, probably I'll know and I guess he'll know too if we are meant to build a life together. For now, my own journey continues. Yeah, live the life of a dreamy wanderer, running after the God who aligns my desires to His mission for me :)

My Idea of Romantic

This post is inspired by someone whom I chatted with this morning... I have no idea how the issue of being a romantic came into our conversation. But, here's what I have to say...

My idea of what romantic is all about... Being mooneyed for someone not based on their looks but based on who they truly are. These days, many of my friends are getting hitched and starting new relationships. Being the one single lady wandering around searching for what God has in mind for her ain't that special anymore. Friends are highly compassionate, always telling me that the one would eventually appear. Being here in European grounds, they are encouraging me to find an "ang moh" instead, then I can have cute babies. However, despite what they said in effort to comfort me, I do think that unless this someone could appreciate me despite my "beast" appearance and still love me, there's no way one would draw near. Sometimes I wonder, do I have what it takes to build a relationship? Of course, when I wonder out loud, my friends will answer YES. Such kind friends I have!!

If you are one of my compassionate friends, then pray for me that the one God has in mind for me, He'll prepare him well to be a man after His own heart. A man who loves God will love who God places in his life. This is what I believe in. And pray for myself too, that I can be a woman after His own heart, and be trained to be the helper to the man in all areas of his life, while being who I am called to be.

Walking the Talk

These days I've been reading an interesting blog while dealing with the mounting dissertation stress which freezes me completely. It's an interesting read as I find him a mirror image of me. This is for the first time in my life that I'm acknowledging that there's a person out there who's the male version of Cindy. I feel it when I read the criteria of his future spouse. I have my own version which is so similar to his that I felt spooky reading it, unable to believe that this could be true. So I'm not crazy setting such criteria for my future spouse :) That's a comfort definitely.

I posted a comment to him that a heart that seeks God is never a lonely heart... and I'd rather be a fool for God than to end up with broken marriage or a wrong guy beside me by praying for my him. Indeed, these few days I've started my prayers for a godly husband once again after a few years of abandoning the hope of ever getting one, despite my doubt if I would ever find my him. In the depths of doubts, I choose to hold on to Him even when I can't feel him.

I'd need to walk the talk of godliness. For every criterion I have for my future spouse, I too should be able to fulfill the criterion myself. My first criterion is a man after God's own heart. So, the first thing to do on my part is to seek God once again. This morning, I hope I could appreciate Jesus the way Kari Jobe sang "What Love is This" and my relationship with Jesus can once again flourish. Indeed, of all the things in the world, I'd rather be a fool for Christ for it brings joy to my life.

Guarding Your Heart... From What?

Today's first reading was taken from Hosea chapter 2. I saw this article on my Google Drive but the link was dead. I managed to find back the article from someone's blog, and find that it is a good reminder to myself, and perhaps to you who are reading too. Being afraid to get my heart broken, being afraid of all the commitments and responsibilities, being afraid that nobody can handle my idiosyncrasies, probably I have closed my heart to the possibility of deepening relationships with people around me. To enter into deeper relationships means taking risk of having my heart broken, taking risk of commitments and responsibilities, taking risk of having a person who may actually handle my idiosyncrasies with smile and amusement to his own. I'm not a risk-taker at this point. I guess, at this point, I need to let God lead me instead of me telling God what kind of person I desire to be with. My needs may not be met by a person with traits I desire anyway.

And so, here's the article. Enjoy!


Guarding Your Heart … From What?
by Lindy Keffer 
Some of us become so intent on "guarding our hearts," that we may be missing out on some things that God has to teach us. Lindy discusses the idea that protecting ourselves from possible hurt may not be the best way to go about our relationships.


What was God Thinking?Apparently, God didn't read Finding the Love of Your Life1  before commanding His prophet Hosea to marry Gomer the adulteress. If He had, He would have known that a propensity for prostitution is not something a man of God should look for in a wife.


Is it just me, or does anyone else's sense of moral outrage flare up over Hosea's story? I mean, come on. This doesn't sound like Passion and Purity.2  Not much I Kissed Dating Goodbye3  going on here. Not only did Hosea fail to guard his heart, he ran headlong into a relationship full of pain. And he did it at God's command.


When I first heard Hosea's story, I had a difficult time swallowing it for a couple of reasons. Obviously, it's heart-breaking to watch the prophet give himself to a woman who repeatedly betrays him in the beds of other men. But as hard as that is to stomach, it turns out to be a beautiful metaphor for God's insatiable love for His unfaithful people. The bigger wrestling match in my mind was over what this story has to say about human love. Sure, I know that the book of Hosea isn't intended as a marriage manual. But I also know that God never commands His servants to do something that falls outside His plan, and that includes His plan for marriage.


So how do we reconcile the fact that, while God's command to Hosea can't possibly go against His design for marriage, it sure seems to fly in the face of the advice given in Christian relationship books?


I Don't Hate I Kissed Dating Goodbye
First, let me say that I wholeheartedly agree with Christian authors who counsel believers to stay pure, honor marriage and make wise decisions in choosing a spouse. Likewise, I detest the worldly idea that we should use one another to gratify our own lustful desires without a thought of lifelong commitment (or even a second date). For the most part, I think Christian relationship books were written to encourage us to live toward and within marriage in a way that honors God's design for it.


But, I also think that Christian culture has turned relationships into a formula — do it this way and you will arrive at the altar with the ideal spouse and without emotional scars. We talk about "guarding our hearts" and avoiding "emotional prostitution." We set conservative physical boundaries — sometimes deciding to go no further than hand-holding and hugging before marriage. But do these things really get at the point of Christian courtship? I say no, and here's why…


On Guard
When we talk about guarding our hearts, we usually mean being super careful about how much personal stuff we disclose to someone in whom we're romantically interested. We think of it as a way to save our emotional intimacy for our future spouses. There's only one problem with this idea. It's not actually biblical. The phrase "guard your heart" comes from Proverbs 4:23. Read in context, it's clearly talking about guarding our hearts against sin, not people.4 


As usual, the Bible calls us to a standard higher than the ones we construct for ourselves. Guarding our hearts against sin includes much of the wisdom that's already built into the Christian dating culture: It causes us to choose our company carefully, steer clear of physical activity that arouses our sexual passions, and factor the lifelong nature of the marriage commitment into our interaction with potential spouses. It also asks us to dig deeper — to go beyond the neat boundaries outlined in books and lectures and wrestle with God regarding our own sin.


So, rather than deciding that purity means not kissing before engagement, we have to ask, "When is physical affection selfish rather than self-giving?" or "At what point am I giving in to temptation and violating my own conscience?" And we must be willing to forsake anything that doesn't measure up to these standards, even if, at times, it's something as seemingly innocent as hugging.5 


For those of us who once felt safe and justified living within the Christian dating box, the demands of righteousness can come as a shock. Suddenly, it's not about checking all the boxes on the list, but about being intimately attuned to the Holy Spirit, even as we are growing closer to another person. Sometimes we are surprised at the unexpected places where sin lurks in our hearts. And that's not the only tough thing we encounter when we stop guarding ourselves against people and start guarding against sin.


Take a Risk, Take a Chance, Make a Change
As hard as it is to fully expose my heart to God, I find one thing more difficult: exposing my heart to other humans. That's probably because I have known God for as long as I can remember and have found Him completely trustworthy. Humans — not so much. I think this is the hardest part about dating and marriage. In order to get to the point of making a lifelong commitment to love someone, we must open ourselves up to (at least one) sinful person who will hurt us. Somehow, I think we've taken the Christian relationship books to mean that if we follow all the steps, we can avoid the hurt, but it just isn't so.


I don't number myself among those who believe that God takes a risk in loving us. But because we lack His sovereignty and omniscience, I think we necessarily take risks when we imitate His sacrificial love. Or, as C.S. Lewis puts it in The Four Loves, "There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken ... The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."6 


Conventional church wisdom sometimes tells us otherwise: Do not invest yourself too deeply in anyone until you know that person is "The One." I know, I know. To anyone who hasn't dated within Christian culture, it sounds absurd, but many Christian singles have bought this line. They're the ones who say, "I only want to date the person I marry." They live in fear of accidentally giving an irretrievable piece of their heart away to someone they might not wed.
Certainly, marriage is undermined when we have given our hearts and bodies away haphazardly to those we didn't end up marrying. But at the other end of the spectrum, the desire to "save everything for my future spouse" can translate into practical paralysis — we are simply unable to move forward in a relationship where the end is not known.


Who's Guarding Your Heart?The problem with this approach is that it demands that God give us a guarantee of "happily ever after" before we ever become vulnerable with someone we care about. But because marriage is always between two sinful people, it will always be a leap of faith. And for two God-followers considering the possibility of marriage, there will often be fears, misgivings and hurts as we grasp what it means to be an imperfect person who deeply loves an imperfect person. And this, I think, is the core of the heart-guarding issue. We may say we're guarding our hearts to honor God, but if we're really honest, we're trying to keep ourselves from getting hurt.


Instead, we ought to see dating and courtship as a time of trusting uncertainty. We find someone who could potentially be a godly spouse. Sparks fly — hopefully for both people — and somehow or another (depending on which books we've read), we become intentional about getting to know each other.


If we guard our hearts against sin, we save ourselves loads of pain and regret should the relationship end. But at some point, the road to marriage requires making ourselves vulnerable to someone we have not yet committed to marry. That's a scary thing, but at that point we have a choice — guard our own hearts, and, in our self-protection, lose our ability to really love. Or, let God guard our hearts, trusting that even if we are abandoned by humans, He will hide us under His wings and make us whole again.


Pain is Productive
The Christian dating culture seems to rebel against the idea that God might lead us down the relationship road far enough to get hurt, but not so far as marriage. We will go to great lengths to avoid this excruciating state of limbo. But what if this pain is fully within God's plan for us?


It's like the blind man in John 9. He didn't suffer because he sinned. He suffered so that Jesus would have an opportunity to glorify the Father through his healing. So, if you wind up investing in a relationship that doesn't lead to marriage, don't see it as a moral failure (unless you have actually failed morally). Don't see it as the thwarting of God's plan for your life. It could be that God is refining you with His fire, painfully burning away your impurities — bringing healing to you and glory to Himself as He does so.


I'm sure Hosea wondered many times why God would ask him to go through the pain he suffered in his marriage. But he honored the marriage covenant, made himself open to his wife and trusted God with his heart. Because of his obedience, we have some of the Bible's most tender words from Christ, the bridegroom, to us, His bride:


I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness ... (Hosea 2:19-20, NIV).


What better safety could our hearts find?

Europe Countdown: Day 02 - The EVE

I bade farewell to Kota Kinabalu yesterday morning. I felt so strange saying goodbye to the land which I called home for the past nine years. It had been a wonderful 9 years there in KK. My church friends are more like family than friends, and I met so many wonderful women of faith in church. These ladies had made a difference in my life, and I'm sure they too will make a difference in all other people whom they will encounter. My choir master and wife, Fred and Gloria, both of them are my friends whom I saw through the times they care for each other enough to start dating, then engaged, next married and now, starting a young family. Throughout these important periods of their lives, I somewhat was there and am there. The Christmas and Easter Choir practices were always my priority and I truly enjoyed the moments spent with them... Then there are Felix and Yvonne, who had been there since I first joined Lifeline Ministry until this moment. Their kindness reflects the love of Christ to the people around them, and I have been honoured to have met them both. Indeed, God is good to all! There are so many people who have touched my life in KK that if I start to recount, it shall go on and on and on.....

Here in KL, I have a wonderful friend who had put me up everytime I visited. She's Jennifer Lau from Lifeline Ministry SFX. Now I'm blogging from her house while checking if my DVD burner and HDD are working before taking off from Malaysia tomorrow. Seems like I haven't found the right program to play DVD on my Windows 7 basic. Besides Jenn, I have Kiwi, who has never failed to meet me up every time I come to KL. He's like one of the nicest guys I've ever met - the way he pampers me and all.. High chance is he doesn't know it, and I doubt he ever reads my blog. Once in a while I still wonder how come he's so nice to me and yet we never thought of wanting a relationship with each other. Yet I know, God has a plan for me which I need to explore His goodness in my life.

It's getting late. Though there are so much which I'd like to share here, but I guess tonight I'd have to rest a bit. There's the morning taxi to catch later, then check-in at KLIA, and finally the flight to Doha. Bidding goodbyes isn't easy.. Just now I said goodbye to Kiwi on the phone and I felt very sad when I think of leaving behind things and people that I'm familiar with... Yet I know His plan is greater than just this...

Please pray for all World Youth Day Pilgrims who will be going to Spain for this event!

Two Weeks of Holidays..

It's the first Tuesday of the mid term + Raya break, and it feels like I've been having holiday forever. I'm currently blogging from my bro's old Dopod 818 Pro which I brought back with me to KK. A totally fabulous hand-me-down item I'd say, something comparative to a mini netbook, minus the keypad. It comes with wifi, and bluetooth, and infra red devices. Definitely something rare back in the year this phone was produced. Without a simcard, i can still access to internet on the newly installed opera mini. Kinda like it, but there are some errors in this system which requires some aid. High chance the phone has to undergo major brain surgery to get its Windows Mobile reformatted. Now that's tricky..

I'm supposed to be volunteering for the Archdiocesan Youth Festival (PBK) but I realize that things aren't right in my own life. I'm not going to bore you with details of what has gone wrong though. Let's see put it in simple format: God, work, relationships with others. The only thing that's alright and stable is family. Just got back from a weekend in Kluang for my dad's 1st death anniversary (25-29 August), things are ok at home, mom has the company of my relatives, especially my aunty, whose late husband was my mom's brother. So she's doing alright there. My bro's alright too, has a daytime job and some side business in collecting collector's shirts...
So what's with my relationship with God? I need Him more these days, but I sorta become mute after a meetup with a dear friend on National Day. I am put to test when he said I don't know what is real Christianity, and the truth of Salvation. So now I'm on the quest of truth and love as per Jesus' teachings. The 'self' is weak, often tempting me to care for 'self' instead of others. But my deliberate isolation from the previous group of people I used to hang out with is for the sake that I may see clearer of things in life without being judgemental and overly harsh on myself. My previous group of friends are certified good people, but I was crushed by their opinionated suggestions on how I should lead my life and what decisions I should make. So I take leave of the circle but still loving them all the same.
In this new phase of work, I've been tested all the time! From a simple complaint of a teenager leading to the mom's wrath upon me and the head of the school doing nothing but allowing his own staff be humiliated in front of him, to the shock of finding out how much certain individuals are trying to make me leave my workplace. It's no longer a place of joy. Yet ministering to the teens is such joy! Complicated and mixed I have here about my job, really. I do wonder why adults are so complicated! If only we all have the simple faith of a child of 3 years old, completely trusting our Father for protection. Instead, we tend to rely on our ownselves (self-reliance) and enjoy gossiping away our days. Backstabbing too. We do all these out of fear of losing our earthly treasures - position, money, etc. But what do we gain? A sure place of condemnation in hell if we don't repent.
God is love and all about placing us in His plan of salvation. Yet that doesn't mean He will not punish us for our wrongdoings. He sent Jesus to die for our sins, and by His resurrection we are saved. Yet again, our sins committed daily drag us away from Him who saves the world! So daily repentance is required. Our hearts are hardened by sins so sometimes it's hard for us to comprehend His love and the need for repentance plus discipline from God as we are His children. It's all for love...

So this is where I am at.

Pax vobiscum.

P/S: JOANNE, I miss your presence here. I'm glad you update your blog always. Have a great time in Melaka. God bless!

ROOT CAUSE

I wrote this story for a beloved friend of mine, a friend who has walked with me at the point of my dad's death a year ago. He has proved that a friend in need is a friend indeed. I hope he is well there, whatever that keeps him busy at the moment...

ROOT CAUSE

One day, as Snail crawled along the trail he takes daily to the Old Tree, he saw a tiny worm by the side, resting. Wormie, the tiny worm, looked exhausted, so Snail asked: "What have you been up to all night that you look as though you had worked so hard in the mine?"

Wormie smiled quietly and answered, "Oh, nothing special, just doing what I can do best."

Snail continued his journey towards the Old Tree, where his friends and him gather daily. When he arrived his destination, he saw his friend, Torita, the tortoise, weeping woefully. Not knowing what to do, Snail sat next to Torita until she stopped weeping. In between the sobs, Snail gathered that something seems to be wrong with Old Tree, and nothing could be done. Snail was perplexed but there was nothing he could do at that moment, but to wait.

Robbie the rabbit came hopping, and in tears, exclaimed, "OH NO! OLD TREE IS DYING!! WHAT SHALL WE DO?? OH NO!"

Now, Snail finally got the whole picture. Their beloved Old Tree, the gentle giant in their community, is dying. He is the stronghold of this whole community of animals. Snail was worried about his friends, but he had to get to the Old Tree as soon as he could. Many others were weeping together to mourn for the still-standing-tall Old Tree, and nobody was doing anything. Snail was in a confusion, but he went away to the side, and remained silent, occupied with his thoughts.

"Old Tree looks fine to me. There is no browning of leaves, no branches falling off. How could he be dying? What is happening?"

Snail went to the back of Old Tree where it was quieter to listen. In quietness, he heard a gentle shh... shh... shh... sound. He searched for the sound but he could not find the source. Torita and Robbie joined Snail, and when they started talking, the shh-shh sound disappeared. So Snail brushed it off his mind, as he thought he was thinking too much.

"So what shall we do now?" asked the still-sobbing Torita.

"We need to find a new place for our daily gathering. Old Tree would have to be abandoned," Robbie said decisively. But Snail would not agree to the idea of abandoning their Old Tree.

Morning came. Evening came. Time to return home to rest. All the animals dispersed and went back to their respective homes. Snail was the last one to leave. Taking one last look at Old Tree, he muttered quietly, "Tell me what happened, my friend."

Wormie was crawling towards Old Tree when Snail left. Although Snail was curious, but he was too tired to ask.

The next morning, Snail found Wormie sleeping under the rose tree by the side of the trail. As exhausted as the previous day. Snail couldn't help but to ask, "Wormie, what have you been up to the whole night?"

Wormie, with a gentle smile on his tired, said, "Nothing much. Just doing what I can do best, as usual."

Snail continued his journey to Old Tree, where lesser animals gathered. Some had left for the expedition to find another place of gathering led by Robbie. Torita was serving coffee to those who gathered around when Snail arrived. As what he usually did, he went to the back where he heard the sound yesterday. Sitting quietly, he heard the sound again, somewhere under his feeler. And he could feel vibration. Calling out to Torita, he asked, "Who told you that Old Tree is dying?"

Torita answered, "Wormie."

Rushing towards Wormie, Snail asked in urgency, "How did you know Old Tree is dying?"

"There is a group of nasty termites refusing to leave his roots for they need food for the Queen. I tried to persuade them by bringing them food every night, but they feast and make merry with the food I brought. Still they refuse to leave every morning. Oh... I don't know what else I can do! I am so exhausted!"

Wormie burst into tears after telling Snail.

"Wormie, you have to tell others about this, maybe somebody will have a way to chase them away!" exclaimed Snail.

"But... I'm afraid they will not believe in me," answered Wormie.

"Don't worry, I am with you. Trust me." Snail comforted Wormie.

Together, they crawled back to the Old Tree, and spoke to the animals who were gathered there about the root cause of Old Tree's foretold death. Polly, the Porcupine has a distant cousin, a giant pangolin, Giga, who worked as a bug controller. Polly went off immediately to invite her cousin over to assist them.

After a series of negotiations, the termites still insisted that Old Tree belonged to them. So Giga had no choice but to exterminate them with his special tool.

All the animals cheered and celebrated when Old Tree was fully restored to health, and thanked Giga for his kind assistance.



Sometimes, our lives are like Old Tree, we fall sick, get hurt, and unable to function as who we are called to be. God gave us people around us, to minister to our hurts. God wants to heal us so He sent us His Spirit as our Guide. And as we find the root cause of our pain, we will be healed if we allow God to go deep enough to touch the part which hurts us the most. It is painful, but in His time, our mourning will turn into dancing, our sorrow into joy.

Many times, we keep silent, thinking that we will be able to solve the problem eventually, just that it will take us a longer time (Wormie). Sometimes, we wail and cry and hope that something will happen (Torita). Sometimes we run away, moving forward from one place to another, thinking time will help us to heal (Robbie). Yet, as we move forward, or so we think we are moving forward, we are taking three more steps backward. Into our comfortable nutshell of darkness. Healing comes when we sit quietly, and we bring the hidden part of our hurting self to God, reach out to the people around us for help (Snail).

Nobody is perfect, and though we're called to be perfect for God is perfect, our perfection comes when we finally see God face to face. Being a child of God, totally loved and cherished by Him, to the point He willingly sacrificed His Son for us, we have to look beyond and celebrate the hurts we go through. For in all these, He will be made known, He will be glorified. Yes, we are afraid, we are weak, but Jesus promised that He will be with us until the end of time. He promised that His grace is sufficient for us. So, be not afraid.

All glory and honour and praise be to Christ, our Lord and Saviour. Amen.

Guard Your Hearts

There is a light shining through in my terms with darkness, and these two verses reflects exactly why the light shines through:

"Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
~ Philippians 4: 6-7 ~

There is this man whom I was attracted to for the past few months, whom I was waiting for to return, and there are these friends who advised me to let him know that I was waiting for a certain period of time. I wasn't sure of this urging from them, but after praying and asked for His guidance, I decided to let him know I'm indeed waiting for him because of how I've been attracted to him. It wouldn't hurt to take that risk, because either way, I would lose him, since I had made it clear to myself I would stop waiting if he doesn't come back on the particular date I have set for myself. I'd rather be in knowing position than not knowing.

And in his responsible, clear and honouring manner, he responded to my "information" via our only channel of communication. In a very respectful manner, I was told the feelings are not mutual. For once, I'm not embarrassed nor ashamed to share with you who read my blog about this, because this is a part of me whom you have to know. I am saddened by this loss of hope in forming a lasting relationship with him, but my heart is guarded and there was no anger nor disappointment against this brother in Christ. He, too, has guarded my heart in our friendship with each other.

What more, I have to thank God for allowing me this opportunity to experience such a friendship with a man who respects me as an individual, honours me as a lady and loves me as a sister. I can be certain and assured of this. And it is very responsible for him to let me know and stated very clearly his decision without leaving any empty space in between.

How many men would leave some empty spaces so that if any other relationship they have with other women doesn't work out, they would still have a "spare tyre" who may be waiting for them? Definitely more than this rare case of godly man.

Though I'm sad because I've been rejected, but I feel thankful that I finally met a responsible man who rejects my feelings of admiration for him in a way which honours and respects me. And our friendship still stands valid. God is our Witness in Heaven for sure. I trust that God knows what I need best and not what I desire most. If my desires match His designated plan for me, they will be granted. If it is not good for me, I know He will protect me from all harms and dangers. That is my God. By His grace, I will be healed. I shall take my time to mourn over my loss. It is important that I do, because this knowledge is also a liberation for me. Thank You, Lord God.

Boyfriends on Sales in Shopping Mall

In conjunction with the recent Valentine's Day and my conversation with a friend on FB, hence the post.

Many people may think that I'm attached to some guy out there, and even if I tried to explain in lengthy details that I am NOT attached but AM very single, nobody ever really believed me. Perhaps that explains why no man ever approaches me romantically for fear for hearing, "Sorry, I'm not interested." or "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." from me. This is funny, but it is true that males do have issues with the word "NO" most of the times. However, I also have to admit that females also have the similar issue with the word "NO".

Back to my topic of the day. My friend was telling me to go and find a boyfriend, which leads me to think and review my life as a single, working young adult. Throughout my teenage years and these few years working, of course I have met some interesting male characters who stayed in my life for a while as a faithful male companion, and I did take interest in them at that time. However, somehow, it didn't work out. The recent male companion decided to go abroad rather suddenly, and now I'm in the mode of waiting until the end of March.

Many people think it is important to have a relationship and then move on to marriage, etc. Well, I think so, too, no matter how strong from outside I look like. However, another thing which I love and find it important at this moment, is to be really single and embrace singlehood properly before being in a relationship. This is probably my weakest link at the moment, but I am learning to embrace singlehood and enjoying every moment of being single.

As for being available for relationship, I have to admit sincerely that I would like to be truly available, but I'm not exactly there yet. But if the right man comes and approaches me, I trust that the Holy Spirit will stir me from within and a sense of peace and security will come unto us to trust each other and to want to know each other deeper and better.

As for now, I truly believe that I have to be complete in Christ Jesus. I desire to be complete in Him and I pray my future spouse will also be a man after God's own heart who is also complete in Christ. When there is a secure relationship independently with God, two persons will be drawn nearer to each other. That's the concept. And I believe that the "he" who really is interested in me will approach me when it is the right time.

As for the boyfriends on sale in shopping mall theory, I guess I don't quite get it. I trust that boyfriend/spouse is a gift from God and I have to know the Giver properly and completely before I can enjoy the gift without turning my back against the Giver. Like what struck me in today's first reading:

"But if your heart turns away, if you refuse to listen, if you let yourself be drawn into worshiping other gods and serving them, I tell you today, you will most certainly perish; you will not live for long in the country which you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess."
~ Deuteronomy 30:17-18 ~

It is important that we know our God and set our hearts on this God who loves us so much that He sent His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to save us by death on the cross. If we are not cautious about this and we don't take heed from the Word of God, we will end up worshiping the very gifts that God gives to us in order to fulfill His plan in our lives. Then the good plan will take a longer time to be fulfilled and our lives may probably have more disastrous issues than we want. So we must always remember God in all that we do, and put Him first in our hearts. One of my favourite verses is:

"Take delight in the Lord alone, and He will give the desires of your heart."
~ Psalm 37:4 ~

Yet, we must also remember that God, in His mercy and by His grace, knows what we need most and will give us what we desire and is good for us, but not what we desire which is bad for us. He definitely will be in terror if we ask for a person whom He knows will be abusive to us in future. Or we ask for a car which He knows will eventually cause a terrible accident and maim us for life. No father on earth would do that, so our Father in heaven will even more not do that. Therefore, we must first learn to find delight in Him first and allow Him to take His time to give us what's the "bestest" for us!

So, come what may!

How Does It Feel?

As I was browsing FB photos and reading blog updates (I do have a few blogs which I check regularly), I started wondering how an individual dating someone public would feel. "Someone public" includes celebrity (locally/internationally known), pastor/church leader, politician... (the list can be rather endless, anyway, so I shall end it before I get too long-winded!)

Just some questions that popped into my mind...

• Will it be easy to always have the relationship be in the limelight of the public?
• Will it be easy to see the boy/girlfriend always working alongside with the opposite gender?
• Will it be easy to have a committed relationship where most of the time the public one has no time for the other?
• Will there be doubts on the social circle of the opposite gender?
• Will the partner be ever secure of the commitment level of the public one?
• Will it be awkward being stared at when they go out on a date in public place?
• Will they actually have time to date?
  

Well, it just dawns to me that it seems difficult to date somebody who is a public figure. It really will train a person to practise 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 forever... Is it possible? Ok, with God it is possible, but we're mere mortals who fall.

So what say you?

Mr. Darcy - An Ideal Life Partner?

As I was browsing through the comments for the trailer in Youtube, I saw people saying "Does Mr. Darcy exist?" and things like "it is amazing that even though Mr.Darcy was created century ago, he is still the ideal man for most women today."

When I watched the movie and having lots of "short-circuit" moments, mostly laughing and amused with the emotions of the characters were displaying, I couldn't help but wonder if Mr. Darcy exists in modern world, TOO.

Well, my impression of Mr. Darcy in the movie... Rather imprudent, but very loyal. Not good with words, and loves with his action. He's a person of dry humour I guess. It reminds me of somebody I know but a moment later, to realize perhaps Mr. Darcy doesn't exist after all. Or perhaps, my very own version of Mr. Darcy is lurking somewhere, stalking me unknowingly? Maybe... Maybe... Maybe... Or maybe my Mr. Darcy is "in the making" now? Maybe... Maybe... Maybe... Actually... Actually... I'd like to have a Mr. Darcy too! LOL!!!

Oh well, I'm a sucker for romance actually, though I rarely show that part of me by telling others. Haha! This is the first time I'm admitting publicly that I love romance. OMG! Well, I can't force others to like what I like, neither can I brainwash anybody to like what I would dropdead for. I'm just me, though imperfect, still loved by God.

Here's an interesting link to a P&P website which stated the endings of the movie... The version that I have with me doesn't have the ending at Pemberley. The version I have ended here:

Longbourn Library - Day (last scene)

Pemberley - Night (Last scene for US edition)

I actually saw the Pemberley night scene in cinema when I watched this movie for the first time. I liked how the movie was directed, saving the best for the last. Rarely I saw any movie these days without a "kissing scene", but this is one of the very few movies that has only ONE kissing scene at the end of the movie (after the credits).

Before I end, I think there is one important point of me writing here is the essence of the movie... Well, personally, I find the movie speaks loudly to me about how sometimes the first impressions on individuals may be wrong, and sometimes, we may have built up prejudice towards another. And when we realize that we're wrong, it is hard for us to admit so, because of pride. That's what I see of Mr. Darcy and Lizzy...

Mr. Darcy thought Lizzy was "barely tolerable" the first time they met, while Lizzy thought of him as pompous and proud (probably cold) too. Then when Mr. Darcy discovered that he found Lizzy irresistable and loved her, Lizzy rejected his proposal because of the prejudice she had about him (the statement she heard him made, his act of breaking up Mr. Bingley and Jane, her sister, what he thought about her family etc.). Yet after her rejection of him, she realized that deep down inside her, she actually found herself loving the man she hated. She wouldn't bring herself to admit that, until the end of the movie where she could resist him no more.

I guess I do have some part of "Lizzy" in my life that I need to work it out... I just couldn't understand how come it is so hard to build a bridge across two individuals who are so different from each other!!! Practically no similarity...

Time to sleep... A long day to go, tomorrow that is.

God bless!

It's Time... Timely... Timeless...

Time. Whenever I think of this word, I think of endless "busyness" that kept us from being love. We often say, "I have no time" and "I'm busy at the moment". How much time a day have you stopped, reflected, and perhaps just breathed in the air to experience life? A busy life kept us from thinking, probably helped us from facing some difficult moments in certain areas of our lives. But are we living at present time? Are we living in God's time for us? Do we have time for Him? Even if it means sacrificing five minutes from whatever things we do?

Timely. Sometimes we say, "Oh, the promotion was timely". Sometimes we exclaimed, "How timely you come!" When is the right moment that is "timely" for you to meet God? Have you ever pondered whether God has been exclaiming the same thing over and over again whenever we meet Him in prayers, "Oh great! How timely you've started talking to Me! I've always been waiting!!"

Timeless. Sometimes we hear that what-and-what is absolutely timeless. For me, the only relationship on earth that is timeless is my relationship with Jesus. He stays faithful for eternity. What does that mean? His faithfulness is timeless. No matter how long it takes for us to turn from where we are to face Him, finally, He remains there, waiting for us with open arms. And what is that all about? That His love for us lasts for eternity, and it's timeless.

So, what I can do is to link these three words into a sentence -- It's a timely time to have a timeless relationship with a loving God who is waiting for us to return Home to His embrace.

Have a blessed Sunday. God bless and good night, my dear readers.

Freedom in Boundaries

On this day of your life, Cindy, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are only as free as you imagine yourself to be.
	There is nothing ''out there'' that's holding you down, - you are limiting yourself only with your own imagination. And your greatest limits are not even the ''cannot'' and the ''should not'', but the places where your imagination hasn't yet gone at all. There has never been a better time for you to open your eyes, let the imagination soar and see what more is possible.

Recently I'm attracted to this application on Facebook that generates message everyday supposedly what God wants people to know... I do pray that the people behind this application are praying very hard to discern the messages "God wants us to know" and not fall into the trap of the evil one.

Oh well... It seems that whatever written for today is applicable to my life... (It is beginning to have a lookalike thing - similar to horoscope reading!) It is pretty nice, but in the Scriptures we're reminded to be careful of false prophets too. So, people, sometimes, people who are nice all the time may not be too nice after all. Hmm...

Alright, getting back to my topic of the day... Freedom in Boundaries. What is freedom? What are boundaries? I'm beginning to see myself as a boundaryless person running around all my life and that isn't too nice to be revealed. But this truth is helping me to solve bits and pieces of the "mysteries" enshrouding my whole life. It may be amusing to some of you, but have you ever wondered why is everyone living in boxes that you can see but cannot open? If you do, perhaps you're like me somehow. I'm not trying to scare you here, but do give it a serious thought. Maybe you may see more light out of it.

Two years ago, the theme of Lifeline's Freedom Camp was "Beyond the Lies" and the verse behind this was John 8:32. I never really fully understood the deep meaning beneath this verse until recently. Let's take a look at the verse (taken from Good News Bible):

"You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
~ John 8:32 ~

How true that is! I finally found the many truths withheld from me in my "multiple sclerosis" which has deteriorated to a stage where I began to realize there are so much pain in my body that it is not functioning normally. Hence, the search of truth begins...

By reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, I start to realize the "boundaryless" attitude in my life of 27 years and how it had crippled me in the sense of responsibilities and commitments. I'm still in the process of seeking truths and lies about my life... So there will be more to come about this. But one this is for sure, that boundaries will bring freedom.

I would like to take this opportunity to first give a big hug to thank a friend who triggered me to seek my boundaries after our boundaries conversation last Monday. (You know who you are if you read this entry, so I need not mention your name. I know you enjoy high level of privacy and mysteries!) Besides that, I also want to thank Melissa Nicholas, Melissa Audrey and Josephine Hiu for our journey in our on-going Retreat with St. Therese. Also to Derek Chong, SHC Youth Worker, who is currently my life coach. And lastly, to thank the God who loves me to eternity.

God bless & Pax et Bonum.

P/S: I'm trying to get my own copy of the book "Boundaries". So if anyone sees it in the bookstore, please call me immediately. So far I've checked in Salvation Bookstore in KK, Capstone Bookstore in Iramanis, but no avail. Thanks!

Lost & Found

What really struck me during Archbishop John Lee's homily last night during Holy Thursday mass was Jesus instituted the Eucharist before He died because He can continue to be with us through the Eucharist.

Besides that, here are some other points I managed to jot down last night:

• When we eat His body and drink His blood, we're in Jesus Christ. The church is the body of Christ, thus if we commit sins, we're kicked out of the body.
• Breaking the commandments of God is equivalent to breaking the relationship in the community.
• Yesterday's readings were taken from Exodus 12:1-8, 11-14 and 1 Corinthians 11:23-26. Bishop brought us to an understanding how these two readings are closely related. The reading of Exodus was about how the Lord instructed the Hebrews to prepare for the Passover meal prior to their flee from Egypt, while the reading by St. Paul to the Corinthians was about the institution of the Eucharist by Jesus Christ on Holy Thursday. The lamb in OT (Old Testament) was a symbol of Jesus, the Lamb that was killed in the NT (New Testament). The blood put on the doorpost & lintel in OT was the blood of Jesus Christ on the cross in NT. The people fleeing from Egypt when they were liberated was exactly how we are being set free from sins by Jesus who died on the cross.

• There was a prayer mentioned by Bishop that is to be said during Holy Week. After Google-ing I found that prayer in a Holy Week daily lent prayer website under the general intercession part. Here's how the prayer goes:

Let us pray to Christ our Saviour, who redeemed us by his death and resurrection:
Lord, have mercy on us.

You went up to Jerusalem to suffer and so enter into your glory,
- bring your Church to the Passover feast of heaven.
You were lifted high on the cross and pierced by the soldier's lance,
- heal our wounds.
You made the cross the tree of life,
- give its fruit to those reborn in baptism.
On the cross you forgave the repentant thief,
- forgive our sins.

• Bishop mentioned that by His death on the cross, we receive life. By the celebration of the Eucharist, He transformed the Passover into His own passover, which is the New Covenant.
• Another point worth mentioning which struck me was the reading from Gospel of St. John. The account of the Washing of Feet by Jesus. St. John focused on the washing of feet prior to the institution of the Eucharist. What Bishop mentioned was that the washing of feet is the real meaning of the Eucharist - the service towards one another which Jesus stressed so strongly at the washing of feet. So the consequence of receiving Jesus Christ through the Eucharist is service to others. Without the service, our Eucharist is without meaning at all. Thus, the love for one another is part of the communion. If we do not serve, we miss the meaning of the Eucharist.
• Bishop also mentioned that the Apostles had understood the meaning of the Eucharist wholly when Jesus instituted the Eucharist on the night before His death via their actions as found in the Acts of the Apostles to the early Christians. In chapters 3, 4 and 5 all accounted how the Apostles and the early Christians had lived a lifestyle of sharing and caring. Besides that, they served the people by healing the sick, giving to the poor and the needy. If the early Christians had followed the commandment of Jesus, so must we.

One thing that would relate the images together with Bishop's homily is this: the movie I watched (an old movie from 90's, starred by Kelly Chen & Takeshi Kaneshiro) is about people being lost in the world, seeking and searching for lost hope, while the other is a picture of a guy with a travelling backpack sitting on a bench with Jesus. Through Jesus, hope is found, love is gained. Through Jesus, the lost will be guided back to the right path and be found in communion with God.

One of my students told me that a non-Christian will know that we're Christians by our acts, not our words. The acts and lifestyle of a Christian will clearly proclaim the name of Jesus loud and clear, by portraying the compassion and love of Jesus to His people. So, in the midst of our fast & abstinence, let's reflect upon our lives, whether we have been seeking Jesus and following this path of compassion of Jesus towards the people around us. I know I'm still far behind track, but I also know I'm still on the right track now.

Thank You Jesus for Your love to the cross for us and our sins. Amen.