Frozen in Time

Currently, I should be writing my dissertation, not blogging. Yet, I felt the need to share something which is close to me heart right now, this time, in a open space, rather than my usual fix of private blog. In fact, these are areas which I greatly need any form of prayers...

Soon, this will be what's happening. My tenancy ends on 14th August, so I will be leaving Lincoln into the unknown. This has been bugging me for a while, but only today I've decided to seek for some advice from a friend. I was touched that Nelda would love to help me but they are currently refurbishing their home so there would not be storage space to help me. Their previous acts of kindness towards me and their thoughts of helping me are enough to assure me that I am loved by them. I wish I could return their kindness one day for all the love shared by both Nelda and her husband Mike. I truly appreciate their friendship, not just because of their acts of love to me, but because they are both very inspiring people, motivating me to one day open my house to friends who need a temporary shelter. When I have a home and a willing partner who shares the same direction with me of course. Nelda told me I could find storage space in Cambridge while waiting for the outcome of my scholarship application and see if it would work out.

Then comes the next big thing in my life which is currently unknown (and I trust this part is safe in God's hand). I have indeed nothing to lose, since I had nothing to begin with. Nothing much to lose out if I don't get it, and everything which comes will be a blessing from God in my life. I'm planning to further my Ph.D. education in University of Cambridge, if it is according to God's plan for me in my life. I have officially accepted the offer to continue my education there, but I have yet received any scholarship which would fund my education for the next three years, and I won't be able to pay for it myself. It would sum up to around £100K for the three years there. Yes, prestigious university with a high price to pay - both physical money, and the mental challenge - to get a "P"ermanent "h"ead "D"amage. This is my passion, locked within my heart ever since the moment I stepped into University Malaysia Sabah for the first time to get my very first tertiary education degree - BSc. (Honours) in Biotechnology.

Only God knows how shattering it was for me when I had to discontinue my attempt for MSc. back then, and how I was humbled by that traumatic experience. Yet, I know that my relationship with Jesus started off because I had nothing else to lose back then when I went to Bundu Tuhan to experience Him with the rest of the Lifeline College Students and Young Adults Ministry of Sacred Heart Cathedral, Kota Kinabalu. It was a turning point in my life, when all things changed and Jesus truly came into the picture. The guy whom I was interested and seemed interested in me quickly sensed His presence in my life and how it frustrated the relationship back then. He eventually married someone else. Right now, looking back, even my heart was absolutely broken, I thank God that He took away all that weren't in His plan for me. I could have been married and unhappy, than now, single and seeking the path which is aligning my desires with God's plan for me.

Right now, I'm training the dragon of my dissertation. No more trying to slay the dragon. Finally, after writing this out, I'm gaining momentum of the writing. I know I'm way too far behind if I were to compare with my fellow coursemates who are awesome scientists already when I first met them, be it now we're on talking terms or not. I'm always trailing behind them, wishing I could have the motivation and the energy they portrayed. In fact, I learned a lot for each and every of them, and since we're completing our masters officially in few weeks' time, I sincerely wish them all the best in their future undertakings and thanks for being there when I was difficult. It is my pleasure to have met all of you! Till our paths cross again, I shall miss you all, especially the ones currently based in Spain and Portugal.

Erasmus Mundus Masters in Forensic Science Cohort No.1, 2011-2013.

Front: Georsophila lolipogaster aka George aka Jorge

2nd row: Victor the Great aka Cachi, Haider mi abuelito, Isaac mi mejor amigo

3rd row: Smart and laidback Sammy, la presidente Lia Vania Dewi aka Audrey, Dorothy, Juvi, Dewy, the pretty and sophisticated and smart clinical pharmacist Mia, my ex-roomie cum awesome biologist Suzana aka Sue, smartie Umair who would never cease arguing with Sammy all the time, seriously calming CSI Jonathan, my first ever EM friend who is serious yet fun to be with, Eliza aka the vice president, and me

Last row: the very tall and gentle Jamal who introduced the "chop my money" dance

Okay, it's time for me to get back to the one real thing in my life. The answer to my prayers indeed (minus the backbreaking writing up marathon these coming few days)... I shall hold on to God for now, I have nothing else to lose anyway...

Europe Countdown: Day 02 - The EVE

I bade farewell to Kota Kinabalu yesterday morning. I felt so strange saying goodbye to the land which I called home for the past nine years. It had been a wonderful 9 years there in KK. My church friends are more like family than friends, and I met so many wonderful women of faith in church. These ladies had made a difference in my life, and I'm sure they too will make a difference in all other people whom they will encounter. My choir master and wife, Fred and Gloria, both of them are my friends whom I saw through the times they care for each other enough to start dating, then engaged, next married and now, starting a young family. Throughout these important periods of their lives, I somewhat was there and am there. The Christmas and Easter Choir practices were always my priority and I truly enjoyed the moments spent with them... Then there are Felix and Yvonne, who had been there since I first joined Lifeline Ministry until this moment. Their kindness reflects the love of Christ to the people around them, and I have been honoured to have met them both. Indeed, God is good to all! There are so many people who have touched my life in KK that if I start to recount, it shall go on and on and on.....

Here in KL, I have a wonderful friend who had put me up everytime I visited. She's Jennifer Lau from Lifeline Ministry SFX. Now I'm blogging from her house while checking if my DVD burner and HDD are working before taking off from Malaysia tomorrow. Seems like I haven't found the right program to play DVD on my Windows 7 basic. Besides Jenn, I have Kiwi, who has never failed to meet me up every time I come to KL. He's like one of the nicest guys I've ever met - the way he pampers me and all.. High chance is he doesn't know it, and I doubt he ever reads my blog. Once in a while I still wonder how come he's so nice to me and yet we never thought of wanting a relationship with each other. Yet I know, God has a plan for me which I need to explore His goodness in my life.

It's getting late. Though there are so much which I'd like to share here, but I guess tonight I'd have to rest a bit. There's the morning taxi to catch later, then check-in at KLIA, and finally the flight to Doha. Bidding goodbyes isn't easy.. Just now I said goodbye to Kiwi on the phone and I felt very sad when I think of leaving behind things and people that I'm familiar with... Yet I know His plan is greater than just this...

Please pray for all World Youth Day Pilgrims who will be going to Spain for this event!

Europe Countdown: Day 49

Another 7 weeks to my Europe trip. Frankly speaking, I am lacking of confidence that I would get everything settled on time. Another 6 weeks in school. I am trying so hard now to forgive those who had intentionally informed everyone in the school, including the students that I am going away. In fact, I don't need such promotions. All I want is some serenity to get things done instead of delaying things because of unwanted questions from everyone. I am just tired of explaining myself all the time.

I left KL with a rather heavy heart. I have friends who are battling with something tough and stressful right now. I could do nothing for them, except prayers to be offered for them daily now. Yeah, I wasn't really a good friend, like what she said, when I told her I felt awkward with the silence. I've never really been good with silence, due to my boundaries issues. I really hope that after a while, things will be alright for her and her family.

Yeah, speaking about boundaries issues, now I know I'm at the peak of it. Or am I in the valley? Either one, it means I am struggling with boundaries. One end of it, I want to just be on my own and I can do my stuffs according to the timing I want. On the other end, I hope I can experience kinder and more considerate people. Perhaps I just want some concern from somewhere that is. I am contradicting myself at the moment.

Today's bible verse for reflection:
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you or forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Europe Countdown: Day 53

Wow. Another day had passed. I started the day by eating two delicious-looking half-boiled eggs with toasted wholemeal bread, and cocoa drink. The eggs were prepared by Jennifer (thanks, Jen!). After breakfast, she sent me to Kelana Jaya LRT station, and from there I took LRT to Ampang Point. It was rather amusing that I finally know that my GPS in the phone actually works perfectly when I used it when I came out from Ampang Point LRT station. I walked for about 5 minutes to reach the Embassy of Spain. Rather interesting because this is the 2nd time I went to an embassy (my first time was the Embassy of Malaysia in Seoul). It took me about 15-20 minutes in the embassy to fill in some forms, and I was so relieved (thank God!!!) when Mr. Julian said that it takes about two weeks to get the visa. However, my cert of good conduct and also cert of good health are pending. And also the cert by Ministry of Higher Education too.

After that, my friend, Kiwi picked me up from Kelana Jaya LRT station and went for lunch in this Indian restaurant. Haha. I had a plate of Briyani Bukhara Mutton! Yummy, yummy!!! The best Indian food still has to be sought in West Malaysia... I'm still missing ABC on my list. Had a good laugh in the afternoon when Kiwi brought me along to meet his workmate-friends for a drink. The thought of Bollywood-style pre-wedding videography caused me to erupt into a bout of unstoppable laughs. And it's kinda weird to know that my friend of 8,9 years never heard me laugh out loud like this when we spent time together back then when I used to travel to KL and "passed by their house for a visit". I guess we must have forgotten much of our past, or I change quite a bit within our seven years of not keeping frequent contact.

Oh yeah, I had dinner with my senior Rose and her friend in the Gardens, and I bought a nice 15 European languages phrase book. Essential ones, of course, published by LonelyPlanet. I also purchased Periplus Spanish phrase book. Really felt blessed by so many people these few days. Thank you, dear Lord Jesus!!

I'm pretty tired now. Time to sleep.

Today's bible verse for reflection:

"In your prayers do not babble as the gentiles do, for they think that by using many words they will make themselves heard. Do not be like them; your Father knows what you need before you ask him." (Matthew 6:7-8)

Europe Countdown: Day 54

Finally, Putrajaya part was completed just now. Everywhere seemed so far away in Putrajaya. Thank God for friendly taxi driver who waited for me while I got my things done in the various locations. I'll describe more soon!

It's always so comforting to meet long-time friends. Apart from staying with Jennifer Lau whom I had not seen for two years, I met up with Kiwi for a long long chat. For the past 7 years, we did not really meet or talk to each other. After so long, he's still such a comfortable person to pour my heart to. A friend in need is a friend indeed! Shared a lot on our pasts, presents and future plans. More to chat about... I haven't really spent time to chat with Jenn though...

I'm so sleepy now, but really thank and praise God that He becomes the reason of my direction. No longer I'm so lost whenever unhappy and depressing things happen in my life.

Bible verse of the day:

"When you pray, go to your private room, shut yourself in, and so pray to your Father who is in that secret place, and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you." (Mark 6:6)

Europe Countdown: Day 57

I am leaving on 8th August 2011. Today is 12th June 2011. There are 57 days left, including today. I shall try to blog as much as I could, counting down the everyday I have in Malaysia. I never thought I'd leave my homeland, but I have always yearned to know how it is like to live in another foreign country.

Indeed, God is good and He answers to our prayers. It is a prayer answered, though I have no inkling of what challenges are waiting for me after 8th August 2011. In fact, I don't have an idea what lies beyond today, or beyond this very minute. It sounds a bit depressing, but I know beneath the depression I'm experiencing right now, there is bubbling excitement. I am spending a lot of time alone this year, the loneliness is beyond comprehension at times. But it is also a time for me to wonder the reason of me being placed in such a condition. Did I choose to be alone and isolated? Or my mind has chosen to reduce the pain of leaving this place?

Gosh. Nine years ain't a short time. My youth I spent wandering in the desert of hope and love. Yet, I know I have been strengthened, even when I thought I did not change a single bit. Last night I met up with some friends whom I did not see for years. We moved on in our arena of lives, and we seem to live well without one another. Then, we were all linked together in a vicious cycle for three years or more, by one single person who wanted to conquer the best of both worlds. Yet, this person collapsed in the end and lives now in an automated world of making money as the sole purpose of life while being married to a lady who loves him like maniac. The other one is in his own imaginary world in a foreign land, while the two of us found Jesus respectively as we journey along the path of healing. We changed, for better or for worse. Definitely we no longer belong to the same vicious cycle. Thank God for the catching up, knowing that this friendship remains, but lives go on.

In less than 24 hours, school reopens and I have to ask for 3 days off from work because of my future plans. I can't really tell out loud, because it is not yet the time. Yet, those whom I am close to in real life I hope I have informed properly of the good news which also brings heartaches. Both side of the same coin, I kept reminding myself...

Happy Pentecost!

Today's bible verse for reflection:

"For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Just Another 30 Days to 2011

It's been a LONG time again since my last post, and thousands of apologies to those who look forward to reading my rambles. Life's been UP and DOWN, as usual, though not as "dramatized" as it used to be. Thank God!

I have some plans for next year, but it is not the right time to disclose what exact plans are they, but it is definitely a step, or maybe steps, forward. I really hope my plans are according to His great plan for me. Now I'm taking things step-by-step, hoping that all will fall into the right places at the right time.

It is the 2nd week of my school holidays, as a teacher, but I'm still craving for a time of rest. It had been a whirlwind even before the school year ended two weeks ago. There were school graduation night, meetings for Protem Committee of Learning Center, minutes of meetings, various odds and ends to tie up before the school year ends (and I still have stuffs to do tomorrow at school!!!), planning for Youth Alpha "crash" sessions (to fit the schedule, due to bad planning!! :( my bad!), executing my steps to the life-changing plan in 2011, etc. In between I had movie outings, dinner outings... Umm... The whole October, I was outstation practically every weekend (I realized that I love my lazy weekends!!) for spiritual retreats. Come to think of it now, I wouldn't be able to go through all these without Him supporting me all the way. My God is awesome!

I've been missing daily masses (apologetically...) and I wish I can spend more time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, at least when I attend daily mass. With the holiday season, and all the activities, it is definitely a challenge for me to drive to church for mass every evening. I have to make my list of priorities!!!

Well, food and movies have been a constant companion to me, as usual, and I have a new group of friends to eat with. Thank God for the companionship He provides me with. Sometimes I do miss hanging out alone. Crazy, but true. I guess I'm heading towards singlehood with a better perspective these days. Thank and praise God!! And yeah, I'm still learning to balance between quality time spent alone and quality time spent with friends... I am still swinging from one extreme to the other, like a pendulum. Haha.

One good thing that is going to happen is a paid vacation to Northern Vietnam with my mom this coming mid-December. I heard about the winter (without snow!), and the need for warm clothings. I had been hardworking in researching the weather and all... Hopefully the trip will be fun, fun and more fun!!

I'm excited to let the whole world know that the Youth Alpha in BM that we are running in Youth Prep Centre Alamesra just passed the Holy Spirit sessions (a benchmark that we are finishing this first round) today. It went on great. Though there are only 7 youth joining the YA in BM sessions this school holiday, we're very happy for them that they received the Holy Spirit during prayer ministry. Praise God for His good works. We do hope to run more rounds of YA in BM in YPC Alamesra in future to come!

Photos will follow after my trip when I have time to edit them. Oh yeah, I got myself a Casio Exilim Z90 recently. Pretty decent compact digital camera!

Time for a clay mask and beauty sleep.

May the love of Christ be with you always. Amen.

THANK YOUs

Thank you to all who remembered my birthday and sent me wishes via text messages and also Facebook. My birthday was a great one, though not a blast in the sense of the world. I was away for a spiritual retreat deep in the mountains with some teachers from our sister school of the complex and it was a wonderful experience to know them and to love them all (Fenny, Clare, Bian and Boo). The ladies are considered my new friends, while the men have been my friends since 2006. The bonding was awesome. Though there was no mobile reception there in the retreat center, it was totally alright for me.

The best experience was the individual blessing by the priest with the Blessed Sacrament. The moment Jesus was nearing to where I was sitting in the chapel, I was in awe of Him, totally. I wonder with amazement how could Jesus, the Son of God, came down on earth, and now, right in front of me, wanting to know me, love me, be with me, forever. The highlight was when the priest blessed me with the Blessed Sacrament, I was filled with bliss of being at the feet of my beloved Christ. That is "the moment".

I got home about 4 something in the afternoon, played with my neighbour's Snowy and Browny (the pups) and then dropped down to sleep until choir practice. After practice, I had a simple dinner at Upperstar while waiting for John, my friend, to meet me up. Yesh... the nearest to birthday cake was Coffee Bean's cheese cakes. LOL.

After All Saints' Day mass yesterday evening, we went to Sailors' Cafe in Grand Millenium. It was awesome, the food was great and the company was even better...

Jason and Jeremy had a number of dishes, ranging from soup of the day to meatballs of the size of a golf ball, salad, chicken wings. Fabian had NZ lamb shoulder while Tity had creamy pasta. I had fish and chips. The deco was lovely too; I like the black wall with chalk writings and photos from the places the owner visited in the past. Here are some photos taken there...

Jason's soup of the day

Bian's NZ lamb shoulder

My fish and chips

Tity's creamy spaghetti

Meatballs

Worship the Lord

What are we created for, my friends?

To please others, to make others "feel good" and that's it? Or is there anything more than just being a people-pleaser. I read it somewhere that when we try to please everyone, everyone else is pleased, except ourselves. So, what are you doing right now? Trying so hard to please others, or trying harder to please God?

I was browsing through blogs, and am encouraged that people are moving closer to God, and some are doing very well in their careers. These were the people whom I called friends. Now that they are doing really well in whatever they are doing, I'm glad I was a part of their lives in the past. People indeed move on, and unfortunately, I'm no longer a part of their new lives. I, too, moved on. Though this path I have chosen is a bit lonely, but I know well that my Lord is guiding me.

Yet, here I am, telling you a story on my blog. We are created to worship the Lord. Nothing else but that. Stop pleasing people if you are doing so in order to be accepted. By the power of the Cross, we have been redeemed. Jesus chose to die for us all, in order we're accepted into the Kingdom of God when it is time. What else do we need?

Guard Your Hearts

There is a light shining through in my terms with darkness, and these two verses reflects exactly why the light shines through:

"Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
~ Philippians 4: 6-7 ~

There is this man whom I was attracted to for the past few months, whom I was waiting for to return, and there are these friends who advised me to let him know that I was waiting for a certain period of time. I wasn't sure of this urging from them, but after praying and asked for His guidance, I decided to let him know I'm indeed waiting for him because of how I've been attracted to him. It wouldn't hurt to take that risk, because either way, I would lose him, since I had made it clear to myself I would stop waiting if he doesn't come back on the particular date I have set for myself. I'd rather be in knowing position than not knowing.

And in his responsible, clear and honouring manner, he responded to my "information" via our only channel of communication. In a very respectful manner, I was told the feelings are not mutual. For once, I'm not embarrassed nor ashamed to share with you who read my blog about this, because this is a part of me whom you have to know. I am saddened by this loss of hope in forming a lasting relationship with him, but my heart is guarded and there was no anger nor disappointment against this brother in Christ. He, too, has guarded my heart in our friendship with each other.

What more, I have to thank God for allowing me this opportunity to experience such a friendship with a man who respects me as an individual, honours me as a lady and loves me as a sister. I can be certain and assured of this. And it is very responsible for him to let me know and stated very clearly his decision without leaving any empty space in between.

How many men would leave some empty spaces so that if any other relationship they have with other women doesn't work out, they would still have a "spare tyre" who may be waiting for them? Definitely more than this rare case of godly man.

Though I'm sad because I've been rejected, but I feel thankful that I finally met a responsible man who rejects my feelings of admiration for him in a way which honours and respects me. And our friendship still stands valid. God is our Witness in Heaven for sure. I trust that God knows what I need best and not what I desire most. If my desires match His designated plan for me, they will be granted. If it is not good for me, I know He will protect me from all harms and dangers. That is my God. By His grace, I will be healed. I shall take my time to mourn over my loss. It is important that I do, because this knowledge is also a liberation for me. Thank You, Lord God.

Life is Beautiful

As I'm reflecting and waiting for the time to drive to church for penitential service and confession, I suddenly remembered what my friend had commented back in August about my view of life after knowing me for four days...

He said that I packaged everything beautifully. Though he meant to say I'm being unrealistic, I saw it and still see it as an affirmation. Life can be both ugly and beautiful. I'm merely trying to be more positive in all the negative things in my life. I have to remember that my temper and emotions are colourful, meaning I have 101 emotions and sometimes I lose the patience of controlling them. When I see things in a more positive angle, though too ideal at times, I'm a happier me. Why not, then?

Life is cruel, but with God, all things become more beautiful. In this season of joyful celebration, we got to realize the cruel-but-filled-with-enormous-love fact that Jesus was born some 2000 years ago to redeem us from sins, and He still does, in year 2009.

Just now as I checked my Facebook, there was a message from a Canadian who has just come to KK as a diving instructor. Being new and looking for friends, somehow I was asked to be a friend - well, it was a "total disaster" for him, I think! He got uncomfortable chatting with me when it comes to God as the center of the topic. In other people's eyes, I'm too "religious" and hard to communicate. In other words, being "stuck up". Perhaps this Canadian guy was looking for a fling with some local girl, that is why it was very uncomfortable to talk about the Creator. It is easy that we profess that we're Christians, but our way of life is no way near to being Christ-like. How many of us here can feel it? I can. I'm no angel, nor am I religious. I'm a sinner, like you guys out there. What made him so uncomfortable with me, then? Because I took the courage to share about God to him. When we're striving to be Christ-like, we're called to be His witnesses. Nope, God never promises us that it will be easy to be Christians, but He promises us that He will be with us as we speak of Him.

I have my fun side, I have my knowledgeable side. It is just a matter of whether one chooses to see me as who they want to see me as. I am blessed to know that many choose to take the path of accepting me for who I am, not who they chose to see me as. And I'm blessed with those who love me for who I am, even I'm imperfect. In God, I become complete. That's what I want to be. That's what I strive to be. I'm still faraway from it, but I know that He will complete me for sure. If you find me somebody hard to speak with, maybe it is because we're of different wavelength. But that doesn't mean I love you less. Or maybe, we choose to see each other in our own eyes, and not with the eyes of God.

I know I'm being transformed daily. About three years ago, my coursemates ever commented that I should "get a life". Well, I did have a life back then, but I was not fulfilled having such peaceful life. Now, I do have a life - no matter how boring it may sound to many of you who are used to something else. Life can be as simple, yet as beautiful as this: To wake up in the morning listening to birds chirpping outside the window, a simple breakfast/brunch of bread with campbell mushroom soup, attending daily mass, shopping for christmas gifts in shopping mall and lastly end the night with fried noodles, mamak style, and a movie at home. Though it sounds like some lonely people, but I know I'm not the only one doing so. Many do that, quietly, and pretending they are alright to others but completely frustrated why they are doing all these all alone, feeling lonely and all. I do what I've just described, and I praise God that I have the opportunity and freedom to do that, and I'm perfectly at ease to know my life is simple, yet wonderful. This is my season of singlehood. Who knows how long this will last before God calls me to another season of my life on earth? So I got to enjoy every minute of my singlehood because He knows what's best for me.

I kinda miss my friend at this moment though... I wonder how is he doing wherever he is?

I hope you who feel as though life has to be more than what you have now to take courage and start living and breathing in the life that you already own. God bless!

"Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. GOD, your God, is with you every step you take."
~ Joshua 1:9 MSG ~

Freedom in Boundaries

On this day of your life, Cindy, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are only as free as you imagine yourself to be.
	There is nothing ''out there'' that's holding you down, - you are limiting yourself only with your own imagination. And your greatest limits are not even the ''cannot'' and the ''should not'', but the places where your imagination hasn't yet gone at all. There has never been a better time for you to open your eyes, let the imagination soar and see what more is possible.

Recently I'm attracted to this application on Facebook that generates message everyday supposedly what God wants people to know... I do pray that the people behind this application are praying very hard to discern the messages "God wants us to know" and not fall into the trap of the evil one.

Oh well... It seems that whatever written for today is applicable to my life... (It is beginning to have a lookalike thing - similar to horoscope reading!) It is pretty nice, but in the Scriptures we're reminded to be careful of false prophets too. So, people, sometimes, people who are nice all the time may not be too nice after all. Hmm...

Alright, getting back to my topic of the day... Freedom in Boundaries. What is freedom? What are boundaries? I'm beginning to see myself as a boundaryless person running around all my life and that isn't too nice to be revealed. But this truth is helping me to solve bits and pieces of the "mysteries" enshrouding my whole life. It may be amusing to some of you, but have you ever wondered why is everyone living in boxes that you can see but cannot open? If you do, perhaps you're like me somehow. I'm not trying to scare you here, but do give it a serious thought. Maybe you may see more light out of it.

Two years ago, the theme of Lifeline's Freedom Camp was "Beyond the Lies" and the verse behind this was John 8:32. I never really fully understood the deep meaning beneath this verse until recently. Let's take a look at the verse (taken from Good News Bible):

"You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
~ John 8:32 ~

How true that is! I finally found the many truths withheld from me in my "multiple sclerosis" which has deteriorated to a stage where I began to realize there are so much pain in my body that it is not functioning normally. Hence, the search of truth begins...

By reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, I start to realize the "boundaryless" attitude in my life of 27 years and how it had crippled me in the sense of responsibilities and commitments. I'm still in the process of seeking truths and lies about my life... So there will be more to come about this. But one this is for sure, that boundaries will bring freedom.

I would like to take this opportunity to first give a big hug to thank a friend who triggered me to seek my boundaries after our boundaries conversation last Monday. (You know who you are if you read this entry, so I need not mention your name. I know you enjoy high level of privacy and mysteries!) Besides that, I also want to thank Melissa Nicholas, Melissa Audrey and Josephine Hiu for our journey in our on-going Retreat with St. Therese. Also to Derek Chong, SHC Youth Worker, who is currently my life coach. And lastly, to thank the God who loves me to eternity.

God bless & Pax et Bonum.

P/S: I'm trying to get my own copy of the book "Boundaries". So if anyone sees it in the bookstore, please call me immediately. So far I've checked in Salvation Bookstore in KK, Capstone Bookstore in Iramanis, but no avail. Thanks!

Ok, confession time!

Well, I broke my fast from Facebook a couple of minutes ago, for about 5 long minutes, to send two messages to two separate individuals on my FB Friends List. You might say FB is not harmful enough to have caused me to start the abstinence since 19 November 2008, but I guess you're just not me. It wasn't about addiction, it was more than just that. I've been more than okay without FB in my life to be frank with you. I have no idea why but I'm just so free without FB. Well, it was hard at first, but as the first 30 days passed, it became easier and easier. More than 6 months I survived without FB. Hehe!

Well, I'm definitely looking forward for my 3-day trip to Kuching, Sarawak, to visit my old pals which I met through YCS (Young Christian Students Movement). I really hope to see this friend, Cuthbert, when I'm there, and the only way to inform him is via Facebook. Hence, the breaking of fast.

Well, I'm renewing my abstinence today, 26 May 2009, that I'll hibernate from Facebook until further notice. Till then, keep up with me via my blog and perhaps Friendster, if I'm "hardworking" enough to update it. ** No offence to those who use FB a lot. I have nothing against FB or any authorities concerning this social networking. It is for my own personal growth and walk with Jesus that I require this abstinence.**

Alright, time to get back to work. God bless you all! Have a wonderful night.

P/S: A Night at the Museum 2 is a hilarious movie. Grab some popcorns n chill with your friends! :)

Notice for Readers

Hi people... Sorry for not updating my blog much these days... FYI, I might not be posting so many entries in the days to come. Many things are happening in my life, especially my family, so in the times of uncertainty, my emotions become hazzled, and I think certain thoughts of mine are unsuitable for public view. I'll try to update as often as I can though... We see how God leads me to share...

Hmm... Something struck me as I checked on my Friendster... I had stopped FaceBook already... I probably will be able to declare that I'm "clear" from FaceBook after this 19 February 2009 (90 days clearance). Currently I'm still quite active in Friendster, and a private group that I'm in. I used to be the founder but due to certain unforseen circumstance, I had to give it up to another until further notice. I notice some recent "disturbances" that will eventually cause me to stop checking FS group.

"I just want peace, leave me and my comfort zone alone, intruder! You have your zone already, so please leave me and my zone alone, I beg you!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Please pray for me. That intruder's shadow is getting on my already-weakened nerves! :( To avoid it I stopped FB completely, now have to consider stopping FS because of the same cause. Dang!

I'm like a withered sunflower these few days. I pray God will save me fast before I sink into the sea of emotions... God help me!!!!!!

Love Phobia (도마뱀)

I watched a korean movie just now on an online movie website, which I think is a beautiful love story and I'd like to share with you all some of the images I searched online. It reminded me of a korean guy who had created some beautiful memories with me some years back. There wasn't anything between us, and now we've lost contact totally, yet, the memories of this guy was pure and untainted. You can read some info on the movie by clicking at the link to IMDb --> Domabaem (2006).

P/S: I know I probably will never get to contact this korean guy again in my life, but I thank God for giving me this part of my life, because it was truly a beautiful memory that brings smiles to my face everytime I remember him. I know he doesn't know of my blog, but I'd still like to take this opportunity to thank him for the memories he had given me, plus the two korean books he gave me as a farewell gift.

호근오빠,고마워!

New Year's Eve in Jude/Samson Malinggang's House

Dot, Karen and myself went over to Jude/Sam's house after mass in St. Simon... I'll post a separate entry on the Feast of Mary, Mother of God and my reflection... Here are some snippets of what happened...

Jude was BBQ-ing chicken wings and hotdogs for us in front of his house

I think Dot was fairly warmed by the red wine offered by Sam's daddy

Brown, the runaway dog residing in Sam/Jude's house... Apparently his name was "lai fu" (来福) and he used to stay in Christina Liew's house... LOL! He looked tiny in the photo, but actually he's not that small after all~~ LOL! Oh yeah, something special about him, he never allows anyone to touch him...

Another dog, unknown of her origins. She's just there to join the party I think... LOL!

This was how Karen and I looked like after a cup of wine... Hehe! Muka mabuk but actually tak mabuk... :P My "kidz" is growing up... Haha!!! Now can drink already~~~

Jude and me... Just for fun~~ Hehe!

Malcolm, lighting the mercun (firework) inside the plastic bottle...

Nahh... Caught in action ~ Bian n Simon with the bunch of fireworks...

Malcolm, success was written on his face~~~ LOL!

Another shot of Karen and me...

Dot n me... Haha! I do look a bit red here... LOL! Dot, how many cups of red wine alrdy?? Lol!

The foggy group photo...
(Front left: Jude, Marianna, Harold; Behind left: Sam, Lilian, Karen, me, Dot, Simon, Malcolm, Bian)

Clearer pic...
(Front left: Jude, Marianna, Harold; Behind left: Bian, Karen, my, Malcolm, Dot, Simon)

Pretty self explanatory yeah? It was fun all right... Hehe! I really enjoyed the night with you guys... The companionship was great, the food was delicious, the drink was nice, the music was entertaining~ Thanks for the invitation~ Thanks, Dot, for asking me along... Heheheh!!! :)

Christmas 2008

I bet you guys had seen the photos on Christmas Eve... Now it's all about what happened after that night... LOL!

This year was an unexpected Christmas Day, despite the fact I couldn't really remember what happened after Christmas mass last year, including where I was or who I was with. It's a short-term memory loss I guess. Perhaps that memory was somewhat important to me, enough to hurt me because of its importance. So I guess until the time comes for me to remember what happened during Christmas 2007, let me focus on Christmas 2008...

So what did I do? Nothing much, in fact... I served with others in choir for Christmas morning mass, attended "The Father's Love Letter" by SIB Skyline in Sutera Harbour, was at home to watch a few episodes of "1L of Tears", went out with Felix, Yvonne Teo + sister, Valerie and Brenda to Archbishop John Lee's residence, visited Chris' family's open house in Lok Kawi, went over for dinner at Gloria's house, came home and continued watching the jap drama. Looking back... Quite a lot also eh???!

The next day was 26th December... Slept in late because watch drama until quite "early" in the morning... Then went over to Joanne's house to have lunch (thanks, Joanne, for the lunch!!!) and after that went to Giant in City Mall with Joanne and Jonathan to purchase stuffs for our CG retreat. I'll blog about CG retreat after this... Hopefully! After sending all the food stuffs to Denis' house, I went to collect my "wo tie" (fried dumpling) at Lotus and headed to Joanna's house in Tanjung Aru for our Christmas Choir's Christmas Party. Lots of lovely, delicious, colourful food, and the gifts exchange, not forgetting the video watching. It was fun, laughed a lot, crapped fairly. Hehe!

Now for the pictorial description... All the way from Christmas Day to 26th Dec... Hehe!!!

After Christmas mass with my anakku sayang, Cheryl, Joanna, Koko Adrian and Joshua

Another take with them...

The Wongs and future Mrs. Wong (Gloria) :P

With my students in Magellan... From left: Shaun, Dominic, Gee, Andrew

Another photo with them... Geezzz... I do miss my students at one point...

With Aunty Cynthia (Denis' Mom) near Archbishop's Residence

The statue of Mary in front of the house

Gloria and Fred with the piglet's head... Taking photo was Adik (Gloria's brother)

And Fred says, "This is yummy!!"

On 26th, taking photos as people started coming in...

Joanna and Dot giving pressie to Joshua

Hanging around before food...

Yes! Finally after grace... Yay!!!

Singing carols for Joanna's family

Another take...

And another take... all these taken by Timmy, my future Bio student (I hope...)

Adriance, the Tenor

Conchiz, Mag n Tity

Singing Birthday song for Tity (Her birthday was on 27th~ Happy Birthday!!!)

My anakku sayang and me... after Christmas exchange...

The new addition to my bear family - Pinky Wawa and Koko Adrian... Umm... Koko!!! How can you feed Pinky with liquor??!~~ >:P

Ahh... Finally, my bear and I... Pink and pink!!

The gift is from Goloria Chiew baobao... Hehehe!! Jan marah, ya, golo~

My gift went to Cecilia~~ LOL! So ngam dis!!

The Altos after watching the choir video... Muka mengantuk dis~~

Rachel and myself at Joanna's christmas tree

Alright... that's the end of the entry!! Hope you had fun knowing my days!! Hehehehehe!!! God bless all, Merry Christmas!!!