Messed Up and Confused?

I have to admit that I am rather messed up these few days. Badly lacking of rest for my brain, I started having difficulty to sleep when it is time to sleep and difficulty to wake up when it is time to wake up.

And my emotions... Haha! Erupted like a volcano - wrong time, wrong venue, wrong person. And then, I had to remember the teaching on meekness of Jesus and apologised to the person, though it was only half my fault that emotions eruption occurred. Well, who wouldn't, if being shouted like a child being scolded by an abusive father in a working environment? Talking about professionalism. Maybe I should post an entry on professionalism soon!!

I was so tired mentally that my emotional health, spiritual health and physical health seemed to be giving way. Almost paid deposit for a property which could be troublesome to solve the legal issue. Then suddenly, a voice reminded me what my coach told me before - "Never make any decision when you're down." This is so true, and thank God for the reminder. And always consult God on any decision, big and small ones. He will lead us to the right people, right situation, right time. I finally am appreciating the amount of professional friends I have around me, with a sound mind, wise judgement. Definitely better than my "dumb bimbo" mind on certain areas. Thank and praise God for the gift of friendship!

I guess everybody has a "dumb bimbo" area and it is ALRIGHT to be. Well, that's how and why we need different people in our lives. Like how the Body of Christ consists of different members with different giftings.

"Now you are the body of Christ, and each of you is a part of it."

~ 1 Corinthians 12:27 ~

Time to go home. It is almost 5pm. It was a long day outside of the comfort of airconded environment. Phew! Hope the puppies will cheer me up more.

Save the Last Dance (2001)

As I've posted earlier on, I found my old stack of burned CDs somewhere in a paper bag covered with dust. How glad I am to have found that precious collection of movies of mine! I love watching movies, and there are some which will forever stay as my constant favourites. Well, one of them is "Save the Last Dance" starred by Julia Stiles and Sean Patrick Thomas. What I really like about this movie? Like what the movie tag I saw on the image: "The Only Person You Need to be is Yourself."

Many-a-times, we tend to be "plastic people" even in our own home and ministry. Last night as I shared with a sister after LifeNite, it was like a sudden realization how "plastic" we can become as we mature into adulthood. And without a channel to let out all these plasticity in life, we will eventually become human wax. Why so? When the sun comes out and shines upon us, our personality melts, like how wax melts under intense heat about the melting temperature of the wax. What is left is a puddle of formless wax dried up when the sun goes down in the midst of nowhere. And there goes our life!!!?! No way I'd be the human wax!!! I made a decision to choose a different path (like how Robert Frost described his life journey in "A Road Not Taken"). I chose to remain real even when it means people think of me otherwise.

Perhaps many will say I'm just a fool, but I'd rather be a fool for God than to be a plastic people. I may be misunderstood often, but I know my life will never be faked, even when people accuse me of being temperamental and strange. I know I am me, and I'm known to my Father in Heaven as who I'm called to be. Though life can be a struggle, but it is beautiful to struggle for a reason as big as meeting God at the end of the journey in life. And I want to be prepared for such a meeting with Him when it is my time to meet God.

So, dear friends, be who you are, because that's all you need to be. As what Jesus said immediately to His apostles when they were terrified seeing him walking across the lake one night, "Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid." (cf. Matthew 14:27), we should not be afraid to be ourselves. It will not be easy, but all things are possible with God (cf. Matthew 19:26).

Till then... God bless!

Again and Again... A Decision to Make

"Another day has come to an end. What fun is there if there's no You in my life? I guess no fun at all though I probably will be having "fun" yet don't feel it at all. Numbness shall surround my body and I'll go looking around for the reasons to live. Yet, with You, all things become possible, all things become holy. You alone becomes the rock that I stand firmly on. You alone becomes the alcove of refuge when I am lost and sad. Yes, only You will come for me, again and again... THANKS, LORD JESUS."

I'm still procrastinating to do something drastic. Yupe, due to uncertainties, fears, and endless "what-ifs". As I came back from daily mass, had wholemeal bread with tuna while waiting for my ABC soup to heat up in the wok, I checked my MSN and my blog to find two particular individuals who had posted a message which I think is from God to me. A friend on my contact list posted a shoutout of "Do not fear" and Emily Sutherland blogged an entry entitling "Live Fearlessly".

What was posted that really hits me is this part:

Looking around, it may seem that no one else has insecurities quite like you do. But believe me, they do. Very likely, they believe you are the one who is fearless. So rise to the occasion. Live fearlessly. Be the bold, hopeful voice the world longs to hear. It starts with looking people in the eye, making decisions that give you room to grow, choosing not to use the filter you once used that stopped you in your tracks. Choose a new filter… one that does not allow insecurity to be a deciding factor. Just do what you know you need to do. Live moment by moment, don’t worry about where the next ounce of courage will come from. It will be there when you need it.

What I highlighted really empowered me to do what I need to do. I think it is time. And I pray it will be according to God who wills all things to happen because He loves me so. And I pray this decision will give me room to grow. When time is ripe, I will disclose what decision I made so far.

Till then, you-who-read-my-blog, please keep me in prayers for strength, courage and faith to follow the Guide, who is the Holy Spirit, who was there with Jesus and God in the beginning.

Notice for Readers

Hi people... Sorry for not updating my blog much these days... FYI, I might not be posting so many entries in the days to come. Many things are happening in my life, especially my family, so in the times of uncertainty, my emotions become hazzled, and I think certain thoughts of mine are unsuitable for public view. I'll try to update as often as I can though... We see how God leads me to share...

Hmm... Something struck me as I checked on my Friendster... I had stopped FaceBook already... I probably will be able to declare that I'm "clear" from FaceBook after this 19 February 2009 (90 days clearance). Currently I'm still quite active in Friendster, and a private group that I'm in. I used to be the founder but due to certain unforseen circumstance, I had to give it up to another until further notice. I notice some recent "disturbances" that will eventually cause me to stop checking FS group.

"I just want peace, leave me and my comfort zone alone, intruder! You have your zone already, so please leave me and my zone alone, I beg you!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Please pray for me. That intruder's shadow is getting on my already-weakened nerves! :( To avoid it I stopped FB completely, now have to consider stopping FS because of the same cause. Dang!

I'm like a withered sunflower these few days. I pray God will save me fast before I sink into the sea of emotions... God help me!!!!!!

Reflection: Psalm 139: 13-14

Do you know God loves us? Do you accept His love? Do you love Him? Do you want to be loved by Him? Do you accept Him? Do you allow Him in your life? Reflect upon it... Seeking God is a journey of a lifetime. Make that decision to start NOW! God Bless!

Osteoporosis - How I'm Linked to It?

Tonight I'd like to bring to your attention about OSTEOPOROSIS, big word, isn't it? I just found out recently that my dad's second sister, who is my aunt, has osteoporosis and she broke her ankle some time back. As a rather junior member of the extended family of my generation, I'm rather concerned about genetic inheritance of certain diseases. (I'm a graduate in Biotech, naturally I know about all these inheritance stuffs... also there was an article in Dec '08 issue of Readers' Digest about inherited diseases!) All these while I know about osteoporosis, a disease that infects many women above 40 years old by "giving" them fragile, porous bones. In other words, this disease causes gradual loss of bone mineral density... Here's an excerpt I "ctrl+c" from Wikipedia...

Osteoporosis is a disease of bone that leads to an increased risk of fracture. In osteoporosis the bone mineral density (BMD) is reduced, bone microarchitecture is disrupted, and the amount and variety of non-collagenous proteins in bone is altered. Osteoporosis is defined by the World Health Organization (WHO) in women as a bone mineral density 2.5 standard deviations below peak bone mass (20-year-old healthy female average) as measured by DXA; the term "established osteoporosis" includes the presence of a fragility fracture.^[1] Osteoporosis is most common in women after menopause, when it is called postmenopausal osteoporosis, but may also develop in men, and may occur in anyone in the presence of particular hormonal disorders and other chronic diseases or as a result of medications, specifically glucocorticoids, when the disease is called steroid- or glucocorticoid-induced osteoporosis (SIOP or GIOP). Given its influence on the risk of fragility fracture, osteoporosis may significantly affect life expectancy and quality of life.

Osteoporosis can be prevented with lifestyle changes and sometimes medication; in people with osteoporosis, treatment may involve both. Lifestyle change includes preventing falls and exercise; medication includes calcium, vitamin D, bisphosphonates and several others. Fall-prevention advice includes exercise to tone deambulatory muscles, proprioception-improvement exercises; equilibrium therapies may be included. Exercise with its anabolic effect, may at the same time stop or reverse osteoporosis.

(For more info, please click here --> Osteoporosis)

What's my precaution to prevent myself being a victim of this disease that kills silently? So they said, intake of high calcium products, e.g. milk, helps to delay the onset of osteoporosis. As I had been slightly disturbed about it and noticed that I suffered minor backache after dance practice yesterday (yes, aren't you surprised, teddy & phoebe??), I've decided to do something about my lifestyle, on the food consumption part. Firstly, try to eat at home as much as possible although I still think cooking for one person is such a hassle, but I'll try myself to accommodate. Secondly, to do more exercises and lose a few kgs to reduce the burden of my heart and skeleton. Thirdly, the purchase of this:

LOL! I bought the 19-50 "version" of Anlene in Servay Likas on my way back from Yvonne Teo's house. We had fun working out on her dance mats. Thanks Von dearie!

Oh! It's 10pm already... I wanna watch TV... Since when I become a TV Buff? Always had been, just never wanted to be a TV Addict (I'm so prone to it, duhz!). Oh No! Tomorrow has dance practice at night... Can't join caroling... "To go or not to go, that is the question..." (Copy-meow-ed from Hamlet)

Till then... Merry "advance" Christmas!!!

What is Wrong Timing?

I'd say that "wrong timing" is when another person thinks he/she is at the position to conclude and make believe that it is THE right timing to do something which was conventional yet unacceptable at that particular time frame by which doing that thing will cause more wreckage rather than bandage.

I've just experienced a super wrong timing scenario last night. I guess everything starts from zero again, including renewal of the decision I've made on 18 November 2008. I hope I won't need to stop Friendster as well... If required, I will do it. Even blogging too if that helps me.

I know God is with me in this. He has been with me through all the dumps in my life. This one is just a slightly larger pothole for Him, but together we'll go through it. That's the promise He has made to me, to us all. And in response I will say, "The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want." All because I know, Jesus the Good Shepherd, is breaking my legs so that He can carry me over His shoulders when He found me stuck somewhere in the rocky ground. Though it hurts, but it is for me own good. God will never forsake His sheep. Don't you ever tell me that you don't think God is with me.

To whom it may concern:
I guess my decision stays until further notice. There is no point informing me through third party that you are willing to receive and welcome anybody when you were the one who chose to run away in the first place and shift your heart elsewhere. And there is no point that the third party being so patronizing, expressing your thoughts to me. The third party is only creating more chaos in an already chaotic scenario.