Happy 5th Anniversary in Heaven, Dad!

Source: http://a1.s6img.com/cdn/box_005/post_15/626250_5475478_lz.jpg

This was the psalm I read to my dad 5 years ago when we know it could be his last night on earth. This was the only bible passage one could find hanging in my family home. Yet, it is the same psalm being one of the bible passages which keeps me going after 5 years. The knowledge of his cancer diagnosis shattered me from within, accompanied by some weird allergy rashes daily for that 6 months of his battle with cancer. At that time, I could only let him go if it was his time, as much as I didn't want to. I know he would be in a better place. Nevertheless, grief and sorrow persisted within. Who would guess a person with such strong forefront like me would be heartbroken and in pain? Not even family members who hurled vulgar words at me would understand me I guess. With the strength from God, and the support from some very close friends of mine, I carried on with life.

My dad left us at 7 am, 26th August 2009. Life without him is never the same. He was that silent pillar of mine, shielding me and protecting me from many things which were only uncovered after he was gone. There are many things which I couldn't share publicly. But yeah.. I did love my dad, despite the heated arguments we used to have back home. I still do love him.

He was a multi-talented man: not just an English teacher, but also a swimming instructor, an artist, a chess master, a carpenter, a linguist, a counselor, a breadwinner. From him I received my gift of faith in Christ through his conversion to Catholicism when I was 6. I was baptised together with everyone else in my immediate family. He was a good man with an awfully soft and kind heart. He was my dad and I would always be his baby girl I guess.

A gift I appreciate from my dad was his selfless act of finally letting me go and accompanying it with his blessings when I asked if he'd allow me to go and further my studies when he was sick. It was just another random what-if chat I had with him. I used to have a long-time standing offer to do my MSc. whenever I wanted to from a research institute in Korea. He said he gave me his blessings even if I wanted to go. Of course, I didn't go immediately. I was teaching back then anyway. Though the decision I took to continue working in KK did cause me to know who were my real friends, and who were just thrash whom I discarded. It was a few months later that I lost him to stomach cancer.

Maybe everyone in my family would think I'm pompous and selfish to think this way... Yet, I am very certain my dad would be thrilled if he knew I got the scholarship to further my studies in Europe from Sept 2011 to Sept 2013, and now another funded opportunity to do my PhD here at Cambridge. I could imagine how excited he would be for my achievements. I could imagine how he would want to pick up Skype, email, Facebook, Whatsapp, etc., so that he could communicate with me even if I'm so far away, unlike my current situation now. My dad would be annoyingly persistent about visiting me in Europe for sure. This is only what I could imagine, and I have limited imaginations.

I know he's with Daddy God, praying for me. This brings comfort to me, knowing my dad is with God.

One of the last few photos I took with my dad, back in November 2007. It was nearing his birthday (might be on his birthday), so I bought him a very tiny cake. We already had a birthday dinner some days ago.
Photo courtesy of Victoria Ang, a great friend of mine since forever.

 So yeah...

Happy 5th Anniversary in heaven, late Mr. Augustine Chan Kiew Chai, my beloved dad! Till we meet in heaven, pray for us here on earth.

Birthday Post!

Thank God for a whole year of blessings since last birthday to this. I know He has guided me and brought me to places I never thought I would be, and the friends whom I met and became close to are His gifts for me to replace family which I have always yearned and desired. There were ups and downs from 2012 to now, but somehow He gave me strength to overcome them. A lot of patience was needed to remain sane this year, with the long wait for something to happen so that I could achieve a Cambridge dream and more time to spend in Europe. Indeed, waiting is tough, but the sweetness of the outcome was enough to cover the bitter wait previously. Although now there is more waiting due to the delay of my CAS for the visa application and all, still I know, all is ready for me to start my Ph.D studies in Cambridge in January 2014. A blessing indeed, one of those HUGE ones Daddy God has given me.

Though physically I am all alone this year, with no anticipation of anyone to spend this birthday with, I am glad to be alive and living. This much wanted rest after slogging for the past two years (with tonnes of fun of travelling too) is very appreciated. Nobody knows the future, but all I know, with God all things are possible.

All honour and praise and glory be to Christ, my Saviour and Redeemer.

Happy and blessed 31st birthday to me!

Blessed Birthday, My Friend!

Some 33 years ago, an awesome couple gave birth to their youngest son on 13th March. And today is 13th March and I thank God for the blessing of knowing a man who is after God's very own heart. On this very special day, I pray that God will always bless him with faith, hope, love and joy in life as he does all that God calls him to. He was there as a great support when I was dealing with my dad's illness and passing, and for this, I will always remember the kindness and love he had showered me. I felt less alone with his support then. And so I pray that he will find true happiness doing God's work always. Blessed Birthday and much love from me to you who are thousands of miles away!

Birthday and Disasters

This month is a birthday month... It's also my birthday month. It's strange that some people could just request what they want on their birthdays and everyone would do it for them. I'm good at planning surprise birthday celebrations for my friends... but I suck at planning my own :P 

Frankly speaking, I always have problems dealing with my own birthday. For many years it has been a comfort that my birthday falls on the eve of All Saints' Day, so I had always attended mass on the evening of my birthday. It's been a somewhat profound experience of my 25th birthday to have a dream come true, but it turns out that it was just nothing but a dream. My 26th birthday was a surprise which turned out to be a horrible disaster subsequently which left me rather scarred. My 27th birthday was the first time I celebrated a birthday without my father, and 28th birthday... I came down from Kaingaran after the spiritual retreat and had dinner alone in Upperstar as I had no plans and everybody was occupied with something somewhat on that day. Thank God I texted a new friend when I was eating and he was willing to go out for some coffee and cheese cake right before the clock struck twelve. The birthday dinner was a day later with some friends... Maybe this year I'd plan my solo visit to the zoo in Cordoba after classes in the morning. Sometimes I wish people would remember my birthday instead of me reminding them always. Haha. My dad was the only person who never forgot my birthday all these years of being his daughter :) For this, I thank God to have given me such a wonderful father.

Sorry for such a depressive entry. It's just how it is like - life is.

THANK YOUs

Thank you to all who remembered my birthday and sent me wishes via text messages and also Facebook. My birthday was a great one, though not a blast in the sense of the world. I was away for a spiritual retreat deep in the mountains with some teachers from our sister school of the complex and it was a wonderful experience to know them and to love them all (Fenny, Clare, Bian and Boo). The ladies are considered my new friends, while the men have been my friends since 2006. The bonding was awesome. Though there was no mobile reception there in the retreat center, it was totally alright for me.

The best experience was the individual blessing by the priest with the Blessed Sacrament. The moment Jesus was nearing to where I was sitting in the chapel, I was in awe of Him, totally. I wonder with amazement how could Jesus, the Son of God, came down on earth, and now, right in front of me, wanting to know me, love me, be with me, forever. The highlight was when the priest blessed me with the Blessed Sacrament, I was filled with bliss of being at the feet of my beloved Christ. That is "the moment".

I got home about 4 something in the afternoon, played with my neighbour's Snowy and Browny (the pups) and then dropped down to sleep until choir practice. After practice, I had a simple dinner at Upperstar while waiting for John, my friend, to meet me up. Yesh... the nearest to birthday cake was Coffee Bean's cheese cakes. LOL.

After All Saints' Day mass yesterday evening, we went to Sailors' Cafe in Grand Millenium. It was awesome, the food was great and the company was even better...

Jason and Jeremy had a number of dishes, ranging from soup of the day to meatballs of the size of a golf ball, salad, chicken wings. Fabian had NZ lamb shoulder while Tity had creamy pasta. I had fish and chips. The deco was lovely too; I like the black wall with chalk writings and photos from the places the owner visited in the past. Here are some photos taken there...

Jason's soup of the day

Bian's NZ lamb shoulder

My fish and chips

Tity's creamy spaghetti

Meatballs

Birthday Post

Yay! I'm finally 27!!! LoL! Many people would be lamenting for being 27 and wish that they could be 2 years younger or even maybe 5 years younger? My students probably will be having a wide-eyed expression and a thought of "wow, I can't imagine I'm 27 now eh~" when it comes to imagining they are 27 years old. Neither could I, when I was 17, frankly speaking.

I was deliriously happy throughout 30th and 31st October (my birthday) and I'm still experiencing the post-birthday joy at this moment... While trying to get my photos uploaded on Facebook, I'm also composing mentally what I should write here...

Let's see... Firstly, I have to thank the people who spent time (some even to the extent of blocking the date in advanced) with me despite their busy schedules on my birthday... Those people include a Doraemon (sorry I have to keep this person unknown because of individual's preference to remain anonymous), Yvonne Teo & Felix Wong, Lidz, Josephine Hiu, Dot Leong, Aunty Cecilia and Aunty Marie...

My chain of birthday celebrations started with a late night movie with Doraemon in 1Borneo. We watched "Time Traveler's Wife", a love drama movie... It's nice of Doraemon to pay for the movie... Hehe... So my pressie from Doraemon is a "time traveling machine". LOL! Unfortunately, I'm not Nobita~ LOL! I got home at about 140 am, happy and touched. I really praise God for sending Doraemon to friend me for movies, though I found out that it wasn't Doraemon's genre of movie for sure and poor Doraemon was fidgeting all night because of boredom (maybe!) and definitely of cold. Really thank God for such patience and loving Doraemon, who assured me (author's presumption) that we watched the movie was I really wanted to watch it so Doraemon also checked out that movie.

The next morning I had quiet breakfast of my favourite breakfast at my favourite breakfast shop in Kingfisher, reading the book "Called to Worship" about my favourite biblical character, David, and his worship... Next was my running errand time (drove to Likas to take money, then to UOB and Maybank in KK, then to Tupperware in Alamesra). After that was lunch with Von Teo. Then Lidz called and chatted with me for almost an hour after I sent Von Teo back home. Geez... I really appreciate her effort of calling me on my birthday~

Attended Novena and All Saints' Day mass in SHC prior to dinner. It's lovely to be able to attend mass especially on my birthday where the Church celebrates All Saints' Day.

Birthday celebration ended with a glass of fresh shandy at The Funks and a chat with Aunty Cecilia. I really had fun, and lots of joy and love for sure! Thank God for all His amazing love through these people who spent time with me, either face to face, or through phone calls, or even spending that one short minute typing a birthday sms to me, which cost RM0.15... I see so much love everywhere and I feel so loved by these people!

And now... It's PHOTOS TIME!!!

Pressie from myself to myself: Novel - Time Traveler's Wife, 30th Afternoon, bought in Popular City Mall. Photo taken in Fresh Cafe, City Mall by Jo Hiu (nice place to hang out)...

Watched Time Traveler's Wife with Doraemon in 1Borneo, 30th night - Late night show.

Lunched with Yvonne Teo in Coffee Friend Cafe, Tanjung Aru Plaza, 31st noon - Dangerously delicious and sinfully pleasure. Oh well, reminds me of my routine exercise!~

Ladies' Nite Out (Part I) - Aunty Cecilia & Aunty Marie in Top Rock Restaurant. I totally forgotten about taking photos of the sumptuous dinner because of my undeniable attraction and total focus on the dinner. I was, of course, deliriously happy!

Ladies' Nite Out (Part II) - Dot Leong and Jo Hiu. The menu was white rice with fried sambal kangkung, wet butter prawn (sinfully pleasure again!!), braised pork (another to-die-for dish) and homemade tofu (melt in your mouth, not on your spoon!)

Birthday cake specially from Cecilia's Home Bakery. This is one of the best butter cakes ever!

I like it this colour, looks more authentic than the original colour... I'm officially "ONE YEAR OLD"!! Wakakakakaka!!! Hehehe!!!

Blowing the candle as I wished. My wish was............ <<<S.E.C.R.E.T.>>> ........ Hahahahaha!!!

My "big bouquet of roses". Hehe! Remember my dream birthday? It didn't materialize. Nevertheless, I still get my roses! Eatable too!

It's a time to give and share the blessing and gift I received! I was so ecstatic by then! Aunty Cecilia kept saying, "she's so obviously happy." I was!!!

My accomplices for Ladies' Nite Out - missing Mel Nic and Mel Aud lahh... I hope LT Life Nite went on great... Oh well, we can have another celebration (joint belated birthday celebration), isn't that right, Mels? Hehehehe!

Second part of celebration involved bringing back the cake and got Laetitia, Maryanne and Rachel for cake-munching!!

Opening pressies time! So before I ruined anything, a shot first!

I got blue colour angel from Aunty Marie~~~

F.O.S. Butterfly Bag from Dot Leong...

Another rainbow bag from Dot Leong...

Books from Jo Hiu...

Candid shot taken when I was flipping through the book ^^

The three girls who sat patiently as I unraveled my pressies - Laetitia

The three girls who sat patiently as I unraveled my pressies - Maryanne

The three girls who sat patiently as I unraveled my pressies - Rachel

I had so much of fun that I almost couldn't sleep though I was tired... My being was filled with so much of love from God through these people who spent time with me. I noted down on my prayer journal this: My love tank is so full now, my heart is light and I desire You more than ever! My Lord, my God! I really thank You and praise You for a day so filled with love and joy. And deep inside me, I couldn't and can't stop praising You every moment! Dear Lord, who am I to deserve so much of blessings from You? And I have heard You telling me... "You are my child, the beloved."

Indeed, I feel so blissful. Thank YOU for making my day so joyful, so loving~ Even God was loving me so much that He gave me exactly the right weather at the right time of the day...

Planning for Birthday

I'm turning 27 in 6 days time. OMG! For a teenager, they probably can't imagine being 27. Umm... when I was 17, I couldn't imagine being 27. Arghh! Time flies. Okay, I forgot, I have teenage followers too!

Alright, planning for birthday is VERY NOT DONE! All I know the list of sisters who are freeing the night for me will be: MelNic, MelAud, Jo Hiu, Aunty Cecilia, Dot Leong, umm... did I miss out anybody? I hope not... List is not permanent though... More to come, more to come... Oh yeah, not forgetting Fiona, and hopefully Lidz can come. If not I'm going to smuggle her to CB in the afternoon somehow.

Where to go? Unsure yet. All I know my day should be roughly the same, since I've pledged myself to attend Rosary and Novena in SHC and of course, it's always an All Saints' Day eve. So... YAY! I always celebrate my birthday with a Mass alright. The highest form of worship.

Alright, people, I need ideas, the fresher the better. Help me plan my birthday!!!!

I like surprises, but I can't expect me-self to plan a surprise for myself, right? That will be so.... NARCISSISTIC! Ok, not that planning for my own birthday is not. LoL! For the fun of it, and to foolproof it, so that I won't be disappointed before or after my birthday.

Let's see the histories of joys, and disasters, in the recent years of my birthdays...
2005 - My junior who had promised me to watch movie with me decided to inform me on my birthday that he would hang out with his bunch of friends, and I was not included, because they didn't really know me. So I went for movie marathon and saw my junior and his friends in the same cinema. DANG! And had dinner on my own. This was one of those ALONE moments. Sigh! Worse thing was the guy whom I liked (disclaimer: not my junior for sure!!!)... He was... what shall I say, had a different preference for relationship? He's normal now. Thank God.

2006 - I had to attend Potter and Clay and people almost forgotten that it was my birthday until another group of people brought it present for me. Thank God for these people. HUGGIES. Not quite a disaster, but as usual, I spent the whole day -- ALONE. Did I need to be that pathetic!?~

2007 - It was the best birthday ever. I had a day off, so I went for lunch with my bestest friend then, then decided on either movies or @tmosphere after mass. Mass was great. I opted for @tmosphere, and the staffs surprised me with a Birthday song and a slice of cheesecake, on the house. Oh my! I was in 7th heaven... BUT, the worst part was some people decided that it was their personal affairs to spread the good news of who I went to @tmosphere with and created GOSSIPS and SCANDALS that I had never heard of. Me holding my bestest friend's hand?! Oh my, blasphemy!!! My the other bestest friend in KL that time confronted me on MSN a few days after my birthday. How great a birthday eh?

2008 - I loved surprises, and my ex-bestest friend (because of some reasons and underlying lies, we fought and life was never the same anymore for us) designed a surprise when my CG decided to celebrate my birthday during Life Nite. Wonderful surprise and I was so touched, though I know my ex-bestest friend wouldn't have done it on his own accord because of our difference of opinions that time. I felt so touched because he would still design the surprise despite our differences. BUT, the worst was me being "scolded" via smses by some concerned individual because of my message of gratitude on his FB profile causing her to feel I was ungrateful and think that he was my only friend. Goodness! I think I cried for a week, and I had to confront her for all the questions of why she would do that to ruin the happy moments of my life. Even now, I have mixed feelings when I recall the event. The sms ruined my beautifully painted picture.

2009 - to be discovered soon enough.

Though there were some disasters which followed all my birthdays in the recent years, I thank God that I survived so many birthdays... And this one... There won't be any sms from my dad telling me that he loves me, though I know he still does though he's no longer physically on earth. God bless his soul. I had the greatest dad, a dad who would send me text messages telling me he loves me. Wonderful, isn't it? Now he's with Daddy God, even more wonderful, because he finally can see Him face to face.

Yeah... I'm hoping to reach 200th post on my birthday. I see if it's possible. And my dream birthday with huge bouquet of white roses with a single red rose... Ahakz! Still standing firm, but no cute, good looking dude available for now... Ahahahahaha!

Time to sleep. It's 1 am now. Adios amigos!

Happy Birthday, Uncle

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, UNCLE!!!

Perhaps the clouds between us had gotten too dark,
perhaps this silence is required now,
perhaps our relationship ain't that perfect,
perhaps our forgiveness becomes limited,
perhaps our patience has left us empty,
perhaps our strength has gone for vacation,
perhaps our hope has been disappointed,
perhaps this is another starting point for us,
perhaps one day I can say to you face to face again,
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Uncle!"


BUT FOR NOW,
I'll just pray you have a blessed birthday,
a day to remember,
a day to never forget.
May your days be joyful,
may your days be hopeful,
may your days be pleasant,
may all you do is according to the Father's will.
God loves you so much that He's putting you through the tests you're going through,
all because He knows you can go through them all,
by His strength,
by His grace,
by His word.
Amen.

Jesus loves you, so do we all here...

What's the difference between 2008 and 2007?

Shorter hair?
Fairer skin?
Lovelier cake?

The difference is...
You made a difference in our lives.