Event: Interview with Dr. Fuzhong Zhang of Washing University in St Louis

There's an event coming up this afternoon, 4pm UK time - an interview by Dr. Steve Burgess with Dr. Fuzhong Zhang on the role of cyanobacteria. Dr. Zhang's research is currently funded by NASA and it'll be cool to join them in the discussion on NASA research.

Click here to join the Google Hangout session

If you guys have watched the Martian, you probably know what this movie is one of the few which featured a botanist as a hero in a film. Dr. Zhang is researching on growing cyanobacteria in space. There are other research going around the world - including growing plants in soil from Mars, etc.

Your job will be to ask questions during the interview!

Just in case you wonder how does cyanobacteria looks like. Here's an image of it!

http://www.waterboards.ca.gov/water_issues/programs/bluegreen_algae/docs/cyanobacteria_microscope_big.jpg

Enjoy yourselves!

#syntheticbiology #PLOSSynbio #livestream #interview #cyanobacteria's role in #space #research #NASA today 4pm BST
https://plus.google.com/u/0/events/c2gnundras37n5c08pvst80cgj8

Cakes

For a while now I'm struggling because of the multiple issues which occurred at the same time. Thank God for a very supportive group of friends, I'm pretty much supported. Plus additional help from the college and the counselling services, I guess I'm hanging in alright. Not great or the best, but I'm having the right support to get me through this.

I baked a bit these days, thinking it'd be great to share with my friends. I know not everyone will like my cakes but so far nobody complained that my cakes tasted horrible. Nobody but one. As much as I know what he said isn't the truth about me, I still felt horrible and disgusted to hear that this individual (who had caused me a lot of distress and troubles these days) had once said it openly to someone that my cakes tasted horrible and he wished that a previous PhD student was still around because she baked great cakes. This very same individual actually told me he enjoyed my cake when I offered him. Now that I finally know what he had been saying behind my back to others, without checking whether the person he backstabbed me to is my friend or my foe, he's officially banned from all the cakes and food I make in future. Unfortunately, he actually commented on my cake to the one who started dating me and thought my cakes are great.

God knows all that are kept in the dark and He will reveal it in due course. I believe He has my back. This issue is not my battle alone. I've God on my side all the days of my life. My God will deliver His people and save me from injustices. This, I believe.

Forgotten

I've been struggling so much for the past two years. The health suffered a great deal. Now I am trying to fight off injustices which fell upon me for the past two months and it made no sense anymore. I no longer know what I like. I forgot the things I used to like and activities I enjoyed. Everything doesn't make much sense to me. All I want to do is to sleep and never remember anything. The boyfriend has been encouraging me whole morning through emails to come out of my cocoon but I just couldn't. Today is exceptionally difficult. I'm awake since forever but I can't seem to drag myself off the bed. Yesterday I've been so angry I was constantly thinking of methods of hurting those who hurt me. I've been so upset for so long that I forgot how to be happy for longer than 24 hours. I'm happier whenever I'm with S but the hurt is there and I feel so helpless. I know it is difficult for S to see me in despair too. But I can't do anything to stop all these right now..

Everyone thought my life is a bed of roses. Scholarship for a European masters. Traveled around different countries. Scholarship for a PhD. Not just anywhere but one of the top three giants in the world. Dating an awesome guy in many sense. What else am I dissatisfied about?

Nobody knows what lies underneath this title. Chucked aside because I am ill, don't listen to evil postdoc's micromanagement and produced results which weren't according to his "expected results". Accused of things I didn't do wrong. Tracked daily like a criminal on probation. My lab book was flipped through to find evidence of how bad a researcher I was. I was not a bad researcher at all. Distrustful glances thrown at me all the time. Chased after to explain the protocols again and again... Now I'm being kept waiting in a limbo forever. Great life indeed huh.. Thyroid hormones are finally stabilised after 16 weeks of adjusting levothyroxine level.

Now I'm battling with so much anger and sadness because of the men who caused injustice and unfair judgment upon me. And nobody seems to hear me. Hello! I'm here. I exist. Do I? Don't tell me to chill out when you don't know what hell I am going through now.

So when I travel and post photos of my happy times, perhaps it's just that tiny fraction of my happier times which I'm struggling to grasp before it vaporises again. Don't be envious and think that I'm an Asian living the dreams of many others. I am just a struggling me. That's all.

Finally, It's Finalised!

Yes, it is finally official. Both supervisor and department transfers were completed (hence the program too!). After almost six months, there's finally a sense that something had moved. Thank God.

Cold, Cold, Go Away!

The worst things that can happen in the life of a graduate student include explosion of the laptop filled with data which we forget to backup, equipment used for experiments decided to break down in the middle of a crucial experiment, internet gets disconnected when a large data file is 90% uploaded with 10% to go, our pet microbes die in sleep during the weekend, incubator loses control of its temperature causing our pet to die of frost or heatstroke, and last (but not least) to catch a cold when an awfully important presentation is due in the same week. The list can go on forever... PhD comics would have a bunch of well-illustrated experiences for sure.

As for me, I'm down with the idiotic cold this week!! Of all the weeks... the silly bug visits me this week!!!! First the sore throat, then the infamous runny nose and built up of mucus in sinus cavities, finally the dizzying cough. The worst of all is I have a crucial presentation tomorrow afternoon (which is almost done but not so!). I'd have expected a cold around this time of the year, it's always before, during or after my birthday. Somehow the busyness caused me to forget to take extra precautions. Thank God I wasn't sick on my birthday!

Let's see what I've tried so far to hasten the recovery:
1) Over-saturation of Vitamin C
2) Chicken soup
3) Honey water (warm)
4) Loratidine (abandoned after two doses)
5) Pseudoepinephrine (somehow working so far)
6) Nasal spray
7) Steam vapor to dislodge mucus in sinus cavities
8) Sleep and stay home

FYI, lemon or whatever form of lemony stuffs don't work for me at all. I tend to get sicker after doing lemon. Strepsils don't work too. It might work for general public but not for Cindy.

Let's see if it helps me to get things done tomorrow morning for a good presentation in the afternoon. I've gotta seal the deal. It's either present or perish. I'm not quite done with Cambridge so I hope I can nail it.

Tomorrow alone activities are lined up like a beeline. First the session with college counsellor, then fire safety talk, finally the presentation. I need a miracle, which can only come from God alone. May the Lord walk me through this tough but interestingly challenging period.

Amen.

Proposal Amendment

I took a dip two days ago, and finally came up with the first draft. My college graduate tutor, Dr. David Coomes, went through the first draft and suggested I should include references. I knew the draft was written shabbily so I've decided to rewrite the whole draft. A full page with references on the second. Thought it was sort of better.. Sorry but this is a possible PhD proposal, so I minimised it on purpose.

Second draft outline

Only to receive a joyous return of a bunch of firecrackers. To be honest, for the past nine months of being so insignificant, I was glad to receive something to be amended. I am humbled to know that I still have room for improvement. It comes as an affirmation that I do have a voice that can be heard, though right now, only my tutor hears it. Soon, the day will come. I don't know how but I can only trust in God that I will not be left in darkness forever.

Suggestions for amendment of my second draft

I guess I'm no longer hiding under the stone that I am in deep trouble with my current PhD and need a huge and possibly arduous change. There's no way it would work out if I try the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That's insanity. So said Albert Einstein.

I don't want to be a stupid fish my whole life.

Source: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ49-YGZ-bJt1nIElQKwIeejBoN4S-tXDrSOZ9slhmjJ0WHBBOHgOf1y3gWikWApWPoeoXtePSUX7dHQ9mom2eFNSo_u5RKUYdkle5c1YGrLzHGYHgaMP8Kuxh2YvCnt0XSLDewlDAeJUM/s1600/AlbertEinsteinQuotes+pics5+genius+judge.jpg

Life as a Struggling PhD Student

My home workstation today, for the first time after nine months of struggles

Being at Cambridge is definitely a blessing in disguise for I know anywhere else, I would probably be asked to push through a subject which I couldn't grasp after the long nine months of struggle. Today is the mark of the start of my 10th month here. An embarrassment that half the time I was too depressed to work on anything, a quarter of the time I spent worrying how to cope with the strangely foreign subject of human evolutionary genetics. I thought I love genetics enough to do anything, even if it means working on bioinformatics of a highly foreign subject of evolution. It was humbling to know that I had overestimated my ability to cope with research interest which is not of mine.

I spent a month struggling to make sense if I should just give up on doing a PhD. At the moment, I don't even know if I could make a swap despite being assured by my supervisor and college graduate tutors that it is totally understandable if I really couldn't cope. If I am accepted by Cambridge, it means I do have the qualifications, so I am not stupid. Indeed, I am sick of feeling stupid all the time.

For the past one week, since a proper chat with a new friend about his research group and what they are doing, I became more hopeful that maybe I am not so stupid after all, and that I do possess something which makes me someone worthy of Cambridge education. It is a second chance to research on something which was so close to my heart since university days. After a week of thinking through and reading up, it is time to wet my feet and start swimming.

I learned something about myself today when it comes to research. If I am bad at it, I can eventually be good enough, but I will not excel in it. If I fell in love with it because I have come to know it and am good at it, then there is a possibility to excel in it. Good enough is not enough. I may not be the creme of the top, but I don't want to be the bottom of the food chain forever. PhD research is a marathon, and the journey is long and winding, yet limited by time. If I do something which doesn't make my heart stirs right from the start, I will just probably be so-so (bottom of the food chain) and eventually drop it after a while. If it were to be the delight of my heart, no matter how hard life gets, the love will keep me going.

Source: http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php?f=1414

I guess it is similar to marriage and relationship. I may not have experience enough to describe how it is like, but it's probably like a PhD.

Happy 5th Anniversary in Heaven, Dad!

Source: http://a1.s6img.com/cdn/box_005/post_15/626250_5475478_lz.jpg

This was the psalm I read to my dad 5 years ago when we know it could be his last night on earth. This was the only bible passage one could find hanging in my family home. Yet, it is the same psalm being one of the bible passages which keeps me going after 5 years. The knowledge of his cancer diagnosis shattered me from within, accompanied by some weird allergy rashes daily for that 6 months of his battle with cancer. At that time, I could only let him go if it was his time, as much as I didn't want to. I know he would be in a better place. Nevertheless, grief and sorrow persisted within. Who would guess a person with such strong forefront like me would be heartbroken and in pain? Not even family members who hurled vulgar words at me would understand me I guess. With the strength from God, and the support from some very close friends of mine, I carried on with life.

My dad left us at 7 am, 26th August 2009. Life without him is never the same. He was that silent pillar of mine, shielding me and protecting me from many things which were only uncovered after he was gone. There are many things which I couldn't share publicly. But yeah.. I did love my dad, despite the heated arguments we used to have back home. I still do love him.

He was a multi-talented man: not just an English teacher, but also a swimming instructor, an artist, a chess master, a carpenter, a linguist, a counselor, a breadwinner. From him I received my gift of faith in Christ through his conversion to Catholicism when I was 6. I was baptised together with everyone else in my immediate family. He was a good man with an awfully soft and kind heart. He was my dad and I would always be his baby girl I guess.

A gift I appreciate from my dad was his selfless act of finally letting me go and accompanying it with his blessings when I asked if he'd allow me to go and further my studies when he was sick. It was just another random what-if chat I had with him. I used to have a long-time standing offer to do my MSc. whenever I wanted to from a research institute in Korea. He said he gave me his blessings even if I wanted to go. Of course, I didn't go immediately. I was teaching back then anyway. Though the decision I took to continue working in KK did cause me to know who were my real friends, and who were just thrash whom I discarded. It was a few months later that I lost him to stomach cancer.

Maybe everyone in my family would think I'm pompous and selfish to think this way... Yet, I am very certain my dad would be thrilled if he knew I got the scholarship to further my studies in Europe from Sept 2011 to Sept 2013, and now another funded opportunity to do my PhD here at Cambridge. I could imagine how excited he would be for my achievements. I could imagine how he would want to pick up Skype, email, Facebook, Whatsapp, etc., so that he could communicate with me even if I'm so far away, unlike my current situation now. My dad would be annoyingly persistent about visiting me in Europe for sure. This is only what I could imagine, and I have limited imaginations.

I know he's with Daddy God, praying for me. This brings comfort to me, knowing my dad is with God.

One of the last few photos I took with my dad, back in November 2007. It was nearing his birthday (might be on his birthday), so I bought him a very tiny cake. We already had a birthday dinner some days ago.
Photo courtesy of Victoria Ang, a great friend of mine since forever.

 So yeah...

Happy 5th Anniversary in heaven, late Mr. Augustine Chan Kiew Chai, my beloved dad! Till we meet in heaven, pray for us here on earth.

Korean Lunch

Overcoming the fear to tell the "Man Above" of my thoughts though he doesn't quite share my passion to look into a more industrial-forensic-ish route of PhD project deserves a reward. For a while, I forgot the need to reward myself when I achieve a milestone, no matter how insignificant it seems to others. I need to start this once again. A proper sorting out of my messed up life I'd say. I ain't proud of the condition of my room. My coach used to tell me that the condition of my room/place I live tells the condition of my heart. Rather messed up state of heart I'd say. So, work out from the inside to the outside.

Step 1: Reward myself for facing him despite the fear. Walked into the Korean restaurant I passed by many times. Got a good lunch. Yay.

More steps to follow.

Life, These Days

My life these days has become extremely simplified. Besides the bugging knowledge that I have to produce some "results" to pass this 6-month hurdle, I'd need to pack enough knowledge to even start producing something. The pressure is helpful, but sometime can be derogatory and keeps me away from being productive. I need to channel this pressure in the more productive manner and start helping myself to help the man above to understand me. Right now, I'm kinda stuck with "the boss" who probably has difficulty to help me help myself.

Sorry, boss. My bad for not helping you to understand my learning habits.

I guess the best way is to produce a Gantt chart to help him understand why I am doing what I am doing and when I am doing it. I know I am still on the right track for now, but I am unsure if he knows that I know what I am doing and when I am doing it.

Source: http://www.docstoc.com/docs/52576338/Project-Timeline%C3%A2%E2%82%AC%E2%80%9DGantt-Chart---DOC

Relaunching my PhD Blog

I'm separating personal and work updates from now. I've officially relaunched my Wimpy Scientist blog, mainly for the purpose that I could track my progress, and note how far I've gone by the time I'm done with the thesis. And of course, the enhancement of the philosophical side of a doctoral degree student. PhD in sciences aren't awarded just on the Science part of it. Remember, it is a Doctor of Philosophy degree. Oh well...

Exactly a month ago I blogged about quality time management and how far off I was when it comes to managing my schedule to work. I was away for silent retreat in Isle of Wight during the Easter weekend, and the mail from my boss that "we need to talk" was nerve-wrecking throughout the weekend though I had spent some quality time with the Lord too. Once I got back, I somehow got a grip of reality, and with some decisions made about transportation, lifestyle, things got better.

Everything seems to be progressing, but I'd need more time to dwell in the realm of my #1 challenge right now - to get things started. I'm still interested in forensics, while my team works more on evolutionary biology. I'm looking at how I could fit this area into my team. More fun time to look forward for sure. I see this as a process of learning, though right now I do experience back pain (definitely a backbreaking hobby!) and muscle ache.

Time to waddle into the duvet tortoise shell.

Quality Time Management

This is my third month as a PhD student and I'm still struggling with time management. Living 30-40 minutes walk away from the department didn't help, nor in a room with dim warm white light instead of the norm of cold white light back in Malaysia. However, all hope is not lost, and I've been slowly deleting worries in my life to narrow down to the only priority of focusing on my PhD.

Since the change of time to British summer time, I've had hard time trying to wake up early. The earliest I could drag myself off the bed and not be groggy was an average of 10 am, and naturally I can only fall asleep at an average of 2.30 am. Today a success of waking up half an hour earlier than yesterday. A small step to my target of waking up at 8 am. Oh well... student life versus sleep = battle of the day!

This week the aim is to create quality time schedule. An hour or so of morning reading to gain knowledge of this vast but new field. A few hours at the department in the afternoon for to pick up computer skills. An hour or so in the evening for my literature review. The ultimate goal is by June I can start the real work for the project.

I was too anxious earlier on to start but having no skills is absolutely useless to be in that condition. Been there, done that. Though it seems to move relatively slowly, it doesn't mean I'm not progressing. I should learn by now to be gentler with myself. Being harsh and hard on myself doesn't really work. Maybe to some people, it does. This is for me. I'm sure you guys out there would also have your own formulae to complete your projects.

Anyway, this is just me, a first year PhD kid at Cambridge writing about the struggles.

Overwhelmed Yet Precious

Tick tock! Tick tock! Tick tock!

My last entry was last year, before Christmas. And today is officially April Fool's Day. It's been ages, indeed. Many people posted wondrous entries on Facebook in conjunction with this day. I had a peek at Wikipedia and I liked this part...

In Chaucer's Canterbury Tales (1932), the "Nun's Priest's Tale" is set Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two. Modern scholars believe that there is a copying error in the extant manuscripts and that Chaucer actually wrote, Syn March was gon. Thus, the passage originally meant 32 days after April, i.e. 2 May, the anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia, which took place in 1381. Readers apparently misunderstood this line to mean "March 32", i.e. April 1. In Chaucer's tale, the vain cock Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox. (source: Wikipedia's "April Fools' Day")

Many people are joking about their relationship status. One posted that he's officially dating someone, another posted he's getting married. I wonder if it would be a true event (worth celebrating), or a big joke pulling everyone's leg. One of my ex-student who decided to drop out of the university last year joked about being accepted to MBA program. As much as I knew he was joking, still at a point I thought it was real. Indeed, April Fool's Day and its jokes!

A little updates on my life since I returned to the UK...

Officially, I graduated with Erasmus Mundus Masters in Forensic Science and won the school prize for Best Overall Performance for the program in University of Lincoln. Graduation ceremony was held in Lincoln Cathedral on 22 January 2014

A photo with the coordinators and lecturers: (L-R: Dr. Jose, Dr. Ruth, myself, Dr. Mark and Dr. MariPaz)

The two darlings, Joyce and Eden, who hosted me during the times I was "homeless" in Lincoln and during my graduation trip back to Lincoln. The backdrop is the Lincoln Cathedral, where the ceremony was held.

Not forgetting Nick Wong, who traveled all the way from Southampton to Lincoln just to attend my graduation ceremony. It was an honour to have met him through another dear friend of mine last year. When we met up, there would always be an Amazing Race. Thanks for being there, Nick!

The next chapter in life for me started upon my return to Cambridge from the graduation ceremony. It was a period of discovery and settling down. Met new friends, started and ended a short-lived phase of life, more settling down, and finally, a jumpstart into my PhD project.

The Scripture meditation group at St. Edmund's College nearby to my college. A good assortment of graduate students coming together to meditate on the Word of God together weekly. Their friendships with me would be one of the precious ones I'd cherish my entire life. Hopefully more good times will come, spent with these people in the coming years.

Another precious group would be the Cambridge University Malaysian Society graduate students (also known as CUMaS Plus). We had our formal dinner at Fitzwilliam College last month to bid farewell to the graduates who are returning home for their fieldwork, as well as to celebrate the end of Lent term. More good times to come I pray...

Finally I experienced punting at Cambridge. This is the Bridge of Sighs of St. John's College. Legend has it that this bridge was connecting the college accommodation to the exam hall, hence students who walk over the bridge for exam will let out sighs on the bridge. Interesting time spent.

A good sunny day last Saturday, so I went out with the bunch of CUMaS Plus to Grantchester for some clotted cream scone and tea in The Orchard.

So far, so good. Social life at Cambridge can be colourful and amazing, but sometimes a distraction to what I'm here for - my PhD project... I wouldn't say I'm performing at my optimal condition for now. Let's just continue praying and walking towards the ultimate goal that I can complete the PhD by Dec 2016. Many would say it's a wishful thinking, but I'm more hopeful that if God is with  me, who can be against me? I am trusting in the God of impossibles, and as long as I work towards the goal, I will eventually arrive at the checkpoint.

http://stayfitbeactive.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/20140224-160406.jpg