Will You Follow Me?

A friend from the UoL Christian Union shared this on the ULCU Facebook page, and I think it is an awesome reflection for Lent. It stirred my heart into answer and action. What about you? Will you follow HIM?

Month of May, A Leisure Month

The last time I blogged felt like a thousand years ago. This is a very slow month, with about 14 days of holidays for me coming up soon next week. How could a packed Masters course be so vacant? I have no idea. Perhaps ill combination or poor time management from the authorities. However, it happened so. I have planned 10 days of vacation in the UK, and this will be my 3rd trip there. I enjoyed my previous two trips a lot, despite the rain and gloomy days, especially during the winter break.

Everybody has wants and desires. Being human, I, too, have wants and desires. A desire for a final year project which I am passionate about, a want of tech-savvy gadgets, a dream which I want it to come true. The other day I was chatting with a Malaysian friend living in Lisbon at the moment about my dreams. Yeah, I come to realize that I have a lot of big dreams, and at the same time, by God's grace, many dreams are coming true. Living in this world as who I am for almost 30 years now, and to have many big dreams coming true, indeed, heaven is on earth!

Counting my dreams which are coming true:

1. Being paid to travel - I hold a scholarship given by European Union right now, enough for me to live, study and travel without worries.
2. Living in Europe for at least a year - This program is a two-year program in three different European countries
3. Studying Forensic Science - I have always wanted to study Forensic Science...
4. Furthering my studies to Masters and PhD (yet to come true at this moment) - I am studying Masters now, completing first year in July...
5. Traveling to Rome - I was in Rome for 4 days last summer
6. Attending World Youth Day - Last summer in Madrid was the WYD, and I was there with my team from Sacred Heart Cathedral, Kota Kinabalu. Thank God!!
7. Pilgrimage to Fatima - I have signed up for the pilgrimage in May organized by the Irish Dominican Parish whose church I'm attending mass on Sundays. Thank God!

I may have more dreams which are coming true but I have overlooked as I write... Now it's time for priorities setting. I want a DSLR since forever! And a tablet, and a i3/5/7 dual core, anti-glare lappy... I actually am able to afford all three if I don't consider every other factor. So priority goes to keeping my "children" in the bank and seeing them grow... This is for the sake of my unknown future. Being a planner by nature, and visionary too, I want to paint a nice picture for my future, be it as a single or married person.

Serving with God's people... At the moment, I feel I am doing nothing much. And I truly look forward to spend more than 6 months with the Christian Union students in Lincoln, praying and praising together with a community of believers. And serving God's people. Everytime I think of this future, I miss my team in KK. It had been a wonderful time, through thick and thin with them. Though there were moments which drew me apart from the community, I was blessed, and am still is blessed by those who hold on to me even when I pushed them aside. For this, I thank God with my whole heart. They are my spiritual family indeed. Now I'm praying very hard for divine intervention for the project I desire. And the thought of knowing somebody out there is always with me in prayers comfort me a lot. Not only one somebody, but many of them. Thank God!

Monument of Cristo Rei, Almada

Discovery tower in Belem

Famous Portuguese egg tarts, Pasteis de Belem

The front of the famous Portuguese egg tart cafe

Ponte 25 de Abril

Wall of Castelo de Sesimbra

Castelo de Obidos, with Agnes from Hungary whom I met in church :)

64 Days to Christmas

There are 64 days to Christmas and I am still struggling with everything in the world. I lose sight of my original vision and frankly speaking, sometimes I wonder if what I am doing right now is really what I am called to do. I came with a certainty that this is where God is calling me to be, but Europe is large enough to question myself, "Where exactly in Europe?" The place I want to be might not be the place I'm called to be. Only God knows. Sometimes I feel like the cross on my shoulders is heavy and there's a temptation to leave the cross and walk off into the world... But these few days the readings have been about mission in life, about perseverance. It was the feast day of St. Luke the Apostle some days ago, and I was reminded by the story that Luke stayed with Paul when everyone else fled. And it's almost a reminder for me to hang in there. More an encouragement than a reminder I'd say... I'm hopeful for the next two semesters, in Lisbon then in Lincoln. The thought of attending English Sunday masses keeps me going for now, though I'd like to gain enough knowledge in Spanish language to be able to understand a little bit of what the parish priest of Iglesia San Salvador y Santo Domingo is saying weekly during masses and before Adoremus. It's a pity because I know he's saying something really beautiful to God's people in church...

The biggest question these days is "Am I ready to receive Baby Jesus when He comes on Christmas?"

Well, are you ready?

Lord, we thank you for having died on the cross for us.Most fortunate is the person who walks by the way of Calvary, following Jesus our redeemer, for if we suffer with Christ now, we shall reign with Christ in the glory of the Father.Those who suffer tribulations, suffering, persecutions, and are despised for the love of God are helping Jesus Christ carry his cross. If they persevere, they will be partakers of his glory in heaven.Let us be glad when we are afflicted and the cross is most heavy on our shoulders, because then if we suffer with the patience of Christ we will begin to be his disciples.

- St. Paul of the Cross -

Europe Countdown: Day 39

I wrote this on 30th June 2011 morning....

Oops.. I missed out DAY 40. It was yesterday. Okay, now the official announcement which was meant for yesterday....

I RECEIVED OFFER TO STUDY ERASMUS MUNDUS MASTERS IN FORENSIC SCIENCE, SO I AM LEAVING MALAYSIA TO EUROPE OFFICIALLY ON 8TH AUGUST 2011.

This is a JOYFUL news for me, as I have always been good with my research skills and would love to return to research... For five years I have contemplated about leaving the country due to the many excuses I gave myself. Yet, beyond all the excuses I have made, I knew that deep down, God's plan is greater than what I can see. So, this time round, I found myself without any excuse to say NO to Him again. Instead, I give myself the chance to trust in God's plan in my life.

Last year September, I had a long chat with Felix and Yvonne, two great friends who have been there for me since 2006 when I first joined Lifeline Ministry. It has been a long and wonderful journey with them both. The chat with me caused me to think further and deeper in my future. My question then was "Am I doing what I am called to do?" and also "Have I been using my talents which God has given to me?" Sadly speaking, I did not. I started making steps towards living my life to the fullest, which  means I have to live and use the God-given talents I have to let His light shine through me. I know I am capable to get my further degrees done if I want to. And yes, I have been passionate about my research projects etc, so I know eventually, I will be happier if I follow the passion I have...

There's this story about the Baby Camel and the Mama Camel which I heard from Derek Chong, our church youth coordinator cum my life coach during Jumpstart seminar.... It's applicable to all wild animals kept in zoo. We, the human beings, want to keep them safe and provide chances for our future generations to see these endangered species. Yet, we forgot that God creates each animal to be special and specific to their living environment. When we are put in a place where our specific talents are used, we thrive despite difficulties, and we will be happy. When we are not, then the opposite occurs. It is not that I am not happy being a private secondary school teacher, but I know there is more than just this in me. So, I need to start exploring them once again.

I applied to both Gwangju Institute of Science and Technology in South Korea and also Erasmus Mundus programs (in fact I applied for three Erasmus programs). I was pretty sure I will be going to Korea as I was in the reserved list for EM Masters in Forensic Science when the results was out in April. Yet, the Lord has His plan for me. In mid May, I received an email from the program coordinator asking if I am still interested to take up the grant offer. I took the chance since I did not hear anything from GIST yet. Only by end of May they informed me that the position is mine and all I need to do was to proceed with visa application. For the information My naive mind thought that going overseas was as easy as ABC, and I was very wrong as there are many bureaucratic steps to be taken and trips to KL had to be planned and executed.

Now, I am in the process of getting my Certificate of Good Conduct from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and the Non-Objection Certificate from Ministry of Higher Education so that I can proceed with the visa application with the Embassy of Spain. Fingers crossed that I will be able to get the certs when I go to KL in mid-July. Though worried, I know now I have to rely on God for His divine intervention. With God, all things are possible.

Another problem arising which I hope I can somewhat solve prior to my flight to Madrid will be the location of my extra luggages. I hope I can place my luggage in Cordoba (where I shall be for the first 6 months of my studies), but keeping them in Madrid will be equally sufficient. In fact, I'm on the "as long as there is a safe place to keep my luggage for 1 month" mode... Another challenge will be to get everything settled prior to my last departure from KK on 6th August morning - the car, the boxes of stuffs, extra clothes to give away, things to send back to Johor, bills and letters from insurance companies, mobile service providers, Streamyx... A LONG list of things to do in fact. Is there anyone who can assist me please???

So now, in the midst of all these I still have work to do. And now, to break the news to the students so that they will not be too surprised of my depart. Oh well, knowing them, they wouldn't care. But I still have the responsibility to inform them. So, nope, I am not abandoning them. It's just that I have something which my priority in life right now. And I want to know what God has in His plan for me.

Europe Countdown: Day 52 (Part 02)

Just now I attended daily mass in St. Francis Xavier church in PJ. The priest preached with fervor and charisma, I'd say. He said that it's only in moments of weakness that we would come to recognize that God is in control. In fact, God is always in control. So, we need to have a new way of seeing things, and to recognize that we truly need God in moments of weakness, because God is essential to our lives.

Yeah, I have to admit I need Jesus so much right now. Like I said, it's also very hard for me to walk the talk of being Christ-like. My family relationship isn't so great after all. The patience wears thinner than with new people or at work place. It's harder to love when rejections are norm; judgmental and critical statements are usual. It's even more painful to accept that my family members were the only one who don't congratulate me or even know what I will be doing within these coming six months when I have obtained something which will cause a person to "Wow! It's so good to know that. Congratulations!!" Yet, Jesus said, love one another as I have loved you. And forgive, and you shall be forgiven. Only Him can help me now. Indeed, I am in such a need for Him to help me now!

One of my favorite verses was in the gospel reading for today... What is the treasure which you keep inside your heart? What is the direction which you refer to when you make important decisions in life?

Today's bible verse for reflection:
"For wherever your treasure is, there will your heart be too." (Matthew 6:21)

Lenten Reflection: Wrestling with God

Currently I'm at Beringgis Resort's main lobby after morning walk at the beach... And I read out loud the readings by the seaside. What a calm, cool and clear morning, listening to peaceful whispers of the ocean!

Here's the reflection I have done of today's 1st reading taken from the book of Jonah, chapter 3, verses 1 to 10....

Everyone has a time when they wrestle with the Lord so that they can do what they think is the best for them. The thing is God doesn't need to wrestle with us, but He will allow us to do what we like, because of the free will He gave us. Yet, there will always be a time when we will realize that what we have chosen is the path we desire. This is not necessarily a path that leads to a full and complete life. And, second chance is always given to us free by God. Again, it's up to whether we want to be obedient this time or still remain stubborn and self-sufficient.

I had my time wrestling with God when it comes to my future planning. I wanted so badly to stay where I am now that I gave up the offer that GIST's professor presented to me in the middle of my internship. If I had taken the route, I'd have gotten my Ph.D by now. Yet, the Lord is once again presenting me with this chance of furthering my studies. Like Jonah who was obedient to the Lord (c.f. Jon 3:2-3), this time I am certain I must go - be it GIST or other places. Not only that I have to give up all that I think I possess here for now, like the king who took off his robe, put on sackcloth and sat down in ashes (c.f. Jon 3:6).

How I wish there is an easy way out of this! How I wish I can retain all these! Yet, I know things will change. The only thing that remains constant is change.

At the same time, I'm wrestling with God about a person... This person knows God too, and me, he knows well. And he refuses to see me, to keep in touch for whatever reason. And when he's like that, I know there is no possibility to see him, except by divine intervention. Yet, I badly want to follow God's timing... When it's time according to His watch, I'm certain God will let us see each other again...

Just Another 30 Days to 2011

It's been a LONG time again since my last post, and thousands of apologies to those who look forward to reading my rambles. Life's been UP and DOWN, as usual, though not as "dramatized" as it used to be. Thank God!

I have some plans for next year, but it is not the right time to disclose what exact plans are they, but it is definitely a step, or maybe steps, forward. I really hope my plans are according to His great plan for me. Now I'm taking things step-by-step, hoping that all will fall into the right places at the right time.

It is the 2nd week of my school holidays, as a teacher, but I'm still craving for a time of rest. It had been a whirlwind even before the school year ended two weeks ago. There were school graduation night, meetings for Protem Committee of Learning Center, minutes of meetings, various odds and ends to tie up before the school year ends (and I still have stuffs to do tomorrow at school!!!), planning for Youth Alpha "crash" sessions (to fit the schedule, due to bad planning!! :( my bad!), executing my steps to the life-changing plan in 2011, etc. In between I had movie outings, dinner outings... Umm... The whole October, I was outstation practically every weekend (I realized that I love my lazy weekends!!) for spiritual retreats. Come to think of it now, I wouldn't be able to go through all these without Him supporting me all the way. My God is awesome!

I've been missing daily masses (apologetically...) and I wish I can spend more time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, at least when I attend daily mass. With the holiday season, and all the activities, it is definitely a challenge for me to drive to church for mass every evening. I have to make my list of priorities!!!

Well, food and movies have been a constant companion to me, as usual, and I have a new group of friends to eat with. Thank God for the companionship He provides me with. Sometimes I do miss hanging out alone. Crazy, but true. I guess I'm heading towards singlehood with a better perspective these days. Thank and praise God!! And yeah, I'm still learning to balance between quality time spent alone and quality time spent with friends... I am still swinging from one extreme to the other, like a pendulum. Haha.

One good thing that is going to happen is a paid vacation to Northern Vietnam with my mom this coming mid-December. I heard about the winter (without snow!), and the need for warm clothings. I had been hardworking in researching the weather and all... Hopefully the trip will be fun, fun and more fun!!

I'm excited to let the whole world know that the Youth Alpha in BM that we are running in Youth Prep Centre Alamesra just passed the Holy Spirit sessions (a benchmark that we are finishing this first round) today. It went on great. Though there are only 7 youth joining the YA in BM sessions this school holiday, we're very happy for them that they received the Holy Spirit during prayer ministry. Praise God for His good works. We do hope to run more rounds of YA in BM in YPC Alamesra in future to come!

Photos will follow after my trip when I have time to edit them. Oh yeah, I got myself a Casio Exilim Z90 recently. Pretty decent compact digital camera!

Time for a clay mask and beauty sleep.

May the love of Christ be with you always. Amen.

Ephesians 5:19

The readings for today are taken from Proverbs 9:1-6; Psalm 34; Ephesians 5:15-20 and John 6:51-58.

What struck me most this weekend is from the second reading, Ephesians 5:19-20...

"As you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, singing and making melody to the Lord in your hearts, giving thanks to God the Father at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (New Revised Standard Version)

"Sing psalms and hymns and inspired songs among yourselves, singing and chanting to the Lord in your hearts, always and everywhere giving thanks to God who is our Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (New Jerusalem Bible)

These two versions are similar, yet to me, a bit different... From what I understand of verse 19, there are two roles we have to play when it comes to worship... First one, in community, we have to always remember to sing songs inspired by God (spiritual songs) and hymns and psalms, a.k.a. Praise & Worship session... Second part, when we're alone, when we're not with our community, we still have to remember to sing to our Lord in our hearts... This act of worship doesn't stop when we leave our community gatherings. Instead, this act of worship goes on and on until we meet again during the next gathering...

Most churches, including our Catholic church, have prayer meetings, community gatherings, Life Nites (specially for Lifeline and Lifeteen)... Once a week. So what do we do from the P&W session of that week until the next week?

Yes, we worship the Lord with songs and melody in our hearts... But how? Make it a point to at least do one of the things listed here, or more: Listening to scripture-based, or God-inspired worship/praise songs more than listening to worldly music, pray daily, do daily readings (Catholic church we have a set of daily readings, other denominations may follow some other weekly devotions), attending daily masses, praying the rosary... and so many other ways where we can worship God in our daily lives.

As for me, I set aside 30 minutes a day to attend daily mass, as my daily walk with Christ. Through the Eucharis, I have received numerous healings and forgiveness. And I know the Real Presence of Jesus is in the Eucharist... It is not merely symbolic, but He is indeed truly present in the Eucharist. And as you progress with your walk with Jesus, you'll realise how insatiable He is.

Like what Mary said in Luke 1:46-48,
"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour; because he has looked upon the humiliation of his servant..."

Indeed, God is worth all our proclaimation of His goodness and especially, His Salvation, because He came down and saved us all even when we're sinners. He loves us all so much that He who has no sins died for our sins.

I thank God for everything, and in everything, I would like to encourage you all to make worship a lifestyle.

Have a great week ahead. God bless!

My Ideal Bridal Bouquet

This is one of my idiosyncratic moments... So here I am, revealing to you all my "ideal bridal bouquet"... I envision myself having a bouquet of sunflowers for my wedding in future... I have not much of an idea why I'm so attracted to sunflowers~~ Don't you think sunflowers seem to be smiling at you everytime you look at them? Haha! No idea when I'd get married since there's no boyfriend in my life now, but I guess it does nobody any harm of imaging my bridal bouquet yea? Hehehehe!!!

There was this song I learned back in the 90's... The first line is like this... "Like a sunflower that follows every movement of the sun, I will turn to You, to follow You, my God..." Apparently, the sunflower will rotate according to the location of the sun (probably due to the auxin in their stems I think)... And that's how our lives as Christians should be... To follow every movement of the One who gives us life - God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit. God creates us in His own image of love, Jesus gives us back our inheritance as sons and daughters of God by coming down to earth and dying for us on the cross, and the Spirit leads us into living the life God has given us. The sunflower receives sunlight from the sun, thus it follows the movement of the sun. Then us, even more, should follow the movement of God.

Here are some samples of bridal bouquet with sunflowers as the main flowers... Aren't they gorgeous, unconventional, yet so bright and beautiful??? *smiles*