Guard Your Hearts

There is a light shining through in my terms with darkness, and these two verses reflects exactly why the light shines through:

"Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
~ Philippians 4: 6-7 ~

There is this man whom I was attracted to for the past few months, whom I was waiting for to return, and there are these friends who advised me to let him know that I was waiting for a certain period of time. I wasn't sure of this urging from them, but after praying and asked for His guidance, I decided to let him know I'm indeed waiting for him because of how I've been attracted to him. It wouldn't hurt to take that risk, because either way, I would lose him, since I had made it clear to myself I would stop waiting if he doesn't come back on the particular date I have set for myself. I'd rather be in knowing position than not knowing.

And in his responsible, clear and honouring manner, he responded to my "information" via our only channel of communication. In a very respectful manner, I was told the feelings are not mutual. For once, I'm not embarrassed nor ashamed to share with you who read my blog about this, because this is a part of me whom you have to know. I am saddened by this loss of hope in forming a lasting relationship with him, but my heart is guarded and there was no anger nor disappointment against this brother in Christ. He, too, has guarded my heart in our friendship with each other.

What more, I have to thank God for allowing me this opportunity to experience such a friendship with a man who respects me as an individual, honours me as a lady and loves me as a sister. I can be certain and assured of this. And it is very responsible for him to let me know and stated very clearly his decision without leaving any empty space in between.

How many men would leave some empty spaces so that if any other relationship they have with other women doesn't work out, they would still have a "spare tyre" who may be waiting for them? Definitely more than this rare case of godly man.

Though I'm sad because I've been rejected, but I feel thankful that I finally met a responsible man who rejects my feelings of admiration for him in a way which honours and respects me. And our friendship still stands valid. God is our Witness in Heaven for sure. I trust that God knows what I need best and not what I desire most. If my desires match His designated plan for me, they will be granted. If it is not good for me, I know He will protect me from all harms and dangers. That is my God. By His grace, I will be healed. I shall take my time to mourn over my loss. It is important that I do, because this knowledge is also a liberation for me. Thank You, Lord God.

Life as a Single Young Adult

I carry my heart at the tips of my fingers...



Traveling is a passion yet to be achieved...


These are things I hope to be able to afford one day...


Getting a BioJob and postgraduate degrees remain my dreams...



Enjoying the freedom of ogling at hunks... (oh, so worldly me!) But the fact is, Rain and Leehom are good looking and definitely heart-throbs!!! LOL! ^^


Eventually I have to return to the origin... God is where my heart belongs to... That's what singles are called to be, until further notice in God's time...


And this is definitely my favourite-st picture - Divine Mercy!!!


And again, if God wills it... I want sunflowers in my bridal bouquet~~~ Hahahaha!

Ok... I look forward to know what He has in mind for me... BUT...
Being single at this point is simple GREAT!


God always remembers His covenant! :)

P/S: I finally "murdered" that annoying mosquito flying around me since this evening!

Amazement of these Ph.D people

"There was once upon a time when a girl wanted so much to study medicine. As she continued growing, she dreamed of becoming a doctor of philosophy (Ph.D). Alas! Until this day, none of the two was realized. Now, she's so amazed by these Ph.D people, not only their talents and skills in research, but also their creativity."

Yeah... It was really an amazement to actually find myself searching and continue being amazed by the choreographs and the movements they made... These skills, talents and creativities... All are from God to God for His People. And yeah... WE are His People... I, in particular, love "A Molecular Dance in the Blood" by Prof. Vince LiCata, made easy to understand the whole concept of the tetramer in RBC (the hemoglobins), and also the modern dance choreographed and danced by the scientist Dr. Miriam Sach herself about cerebral activation patterns. Besides that, the other two categories (graduate student and popular choice) also performed excellently. The Physics Tango by Landry was great... I can't imagine how a person could coordinate so well their movements. Do notice that the male dancer would put his foot and changed the whole dance pattern while the female dance seemed to float smoothly passed all these. I bet they had practised for ages in order to shoot this vidz. The lovely sunshine and plum fairy in Sue Lynn Lau's vidz depicts her hypothesis of Vitamin D affecting beta cells in liver in secretion of insulin. All these stuffs, so scientific, yet so beautiful... I guess that's the real beauty of science for the benefit of mankind.

Here's the full article as taken from Biotechniques, a scientific journal which I still subscribe till now. To view the original article, please click here.

New York, NY, Nov. 20—The winners of the 2009 American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) “Dance Your Ph.D.” contest have been announced.

A panel of nine judges has selected a winner in each of the four categories from the entries posted on YouTube. The dances were judged on creativity in expressing the scientific essence of their theses through dance.

Each winner will be paired with a professional choreographer who will create a four-part dance based on one of the Ph.D.'s published peer-reviewed research papers. The four dances will be performed at the 2009 AAAS Annual Meeting in Chicago.

The winners are, by category:

* Graduate Student: Sue Lynn Lau from Garvan Institute of Medical Research/University of Sydney, Australia, for the interpretation of her advisor's paper “The role of vitamin D in beta cell function”

* Post-Doc: Miriam Sach, post-doctoral researcher, University of California, San Diego, “Cerebral activation patterns induced by inflection of regular and irregular verbs with positron emission tomography. A comparison between single subject and group analysis”

* Professor: Vince LiCata, professor, Department of Biological Sciences, Louisiana State University, Baton Rouge, “Resolving pathways of functional coupling in human hemoglobin using quantitative low temperature isoelectric focusing of asymmetric mutant hybrids”

* Popular Choice: Markita Landry, graduate student, University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign, “Single molecule measurements of protelomerase TelK-DNA complexes”

The contest was open to anyone who had received or was pursuing a Ph.D. in any scientific field or science-related fields, and challenged Ph.D.s to communicate their research through body movements.

“In my view, song and dance should be an integral part of culture,” said Lau, 2009 Dance Your Ph.D. winner, in a press release from the Garvan Institute of Medical Research. “Its how people communicated in the past, how oral traditions were handed down. Somehow we seem to have lost that participative aspect to music in our society.”

According to the organizers, last years inaugural Dance Your Ph.D. contest was very successful, and researchers from around the world were eager to compete in this years contest.

The Return of the Prodigal Son

This is what I'm currently reading... I first encountered the articles from this book in another book which I love... The Dance of Life... It's a series of articles from Henri Nouwen.

I'm sure most of you know about the bible passage on The Prodigal Son (Luke 15: 11-32). Yups, the whole book practically speaks about different perspectives of the parable that Jesus gave us... The younger son, the elder son and the father. I'm starting on the younger son today... ^^

So now I'm at the comfort of reading it... There's a part of the prologue to the book which I'd like to share with you all here...

These years at Daybreak have not been easy. There has been much inner struggle, and there has been mental, emotional, and spiritual pain. Nothing, absolutely nothing, had about it the quality of having arrived. However, the move from Harvard to L'Arche proved to be but one little step from bystander to participant, from judge to repentant sinner, from teacher about love to being loved as the beloved. I really did not have an inkling how deeply rooted my resistance was and how agonizing it would be to "come to my senses", fall on my knees, and let my tears flow freely. I did not realize how hard it would be to become truly part of the great event that Rembrandt's painting portrays.

Each little step toward the centre seemed like an impossible demand, a demand requiring me to let go one more time from wanting to be in control, to give up one more time the desire to predict life, to die one more time to the fear of not knowing where it all will lead, and to surrender one more time to a love that knows no limits. And still, I knew that I would never be able to live the great commandment to love without allowing myself to be loved without conditions or prerequisites. The journey from teaching about love to allowing myself to be loved proved much longer than I realized.

This part is one beautiful part of this book I'm reading. I'm sure I'll discover more in time to come as I continue reading. I'll update you guys if I encounter any parts suitable to be shared publicly.

Till then... Pax et Bonum.

Parts and Parcels of November 19, 2008

Morning
I was in Tshung Tsin to invigilate LCCI exam. Met Miker, one of my dance class classmates. Haha! I never knew he is studying there until today. LOL! Then after the exam, I met another friend of mine... Annie Voo, a teacher in Tshung Tsin now... OMG! I actually got to know her three years ago in St. Simon's Church just because she was sitting next to me and that particular Sunday the commentator actually made us say "Hi" and introduced ourselves to the person sitting next to us. So that's how we met... And now, she's married with a son who is already 7 months old.

Afternoon
Had lunch in one of my favourite shop with Simon and also my colleague Wilson. We went for ngiu chap in Damai, sadly... We didn't get to eat it. I guess we would have to go there early morning or with the right individual to get that very-the-sedap ngiu chap which I've been missing since July -_- But the asam laksa and the ever-so-sedap Teh-C special with cincau (recommended by some1 over two years ago) made me contented. Period. The conversation was great... It was about Simon's experience as a guest DJ in VFM. Haha! I'm thinking of trying that out... *Crossing my fingers here for the right timing...*

After lunch I was suddenly inspired to pay UMS a visit. A sudden i'm-missing-my-life-long-ago wisp. So I called a friend of mine and told her I was coming over. Dropped by at BRI and said Hi to vidarita (gosh, I never realize how much I was missing everyone!!!) and then down to Biotech Research Lab to say Hi to some seniors and junior. Then I drove all the way to Pasca office to have a chat with my beloved Dr. Zaleha, ever so bubbly and cute. Gosh! She's just so nice and wise to be my beloved lecturer. How I'm missing Ms. Teoh here also... T.T Currently Ms. Teoh is in UK for her PhD studies... What Dr. Zaleha really inspired me this afternoon as I shared with her my thought of furthering studies in future was this: "Think of what you really want before you make any decision." There is a hole which requires soil to fill in, and I know that soil is God's love. Then only I can think about furthering studies or anything else...

Evening
Went to evening mass in St. Simon's. It is one of my favourite time of the day now. Somehow, it becomes a highlight of my day... How it ends would be the mass itself. Maybe some might say I'm a fib, faking it out, what-so-ever... This is how I feel tonight... And I just want to write out loud. The more I know about the mass celebration, the more significant I feel everytime I receive the Eucharist... The communion with Christ. That feeling of sealing an agreement. That feeling of leaning on Him when all things fail. His death of the cross just because of me, a sinner?! Some people might think "ppoohhh! you think you are worth that much for the Saviour to die for you meh? dun be so stupid la... you are the worst person i've ever seen!" At this moment, yeah, I do believe Christ died for me out of love and I believe if I want (and yes, I am wanting this moment with Him), I will be healed when I call out loud for Him to save me. Well, Jesus saved Peter when he got distracted by the wind as he walked on water towards Jesus, didn't He? Though He scolded Peter as "man of little faith", He didn't leave him to sink and be consumed by the water and who-knows-what-kind of fish in it. I had a vision after communion just now... Sorry but I can't share with you all now... Later on la...

Rewind a bit... Noves parked her car by my side, but I didn't see her, so as I turned to unlock my car door, I saw a figure standing next to me and I was like "whoah~ who's that?!" look (I hope not). We went for mass and subsequently a dinner (thanks Noves, I always like to have companions for dinner) before returning to church for readers/commentators formation by Fr. Cosmas.

Night
And of course... I was late by few minutes (the most, I hope), because the food was late. LOL! Ok, fine, an excuse. A truthful one though. The whole session was great... God speaks, we respond by saying Yes, God speaks, we say Hi to Him as Jesus speaks, then we respond again by saying the Nicene Creed. Interesting. Then sealing our agreement by the Eucharist. Then as children of God, we ask via Prayer of the Faithful and then get His blessing through the priest and go forth to spread His love. Ok, please add for me, you readers who attended to session, if I miss out anything.

One thing that really amused me was how the Word can be "slaughtered" during mass. Yeah, no kidding... As we mumble our way without knowing the context of it nor understanding of the Word nor living it out ourselves... We "murdered" the Word. When we read with charism, we can move the world to Christianity perhaps... (My interpretation without any notes...) Please take note my audio skill is so bad that I normally have a hard time trying to recall what the discussion was about.

Near Midnight
Here I am blogging about my eventful day. So filled with emotions. So thankful that God allows me the chance to see so much more than I see. I even get to catch up with my coursemate, whom I'll intimately refer her as Lai. Gosh... Only God knows how long connection was being cut off... Only the Lord knows what we had been going through then and now. May God be in the midst of our lives and friendship ^_________^

Now I've something to tell someone... Kinda emo, and perhaps causing certain scrutiny of skeptical people of who I'm refering to. I plead to you all, readers, please don't speculate. Just continue praying that I can solve my jigsaw puzzle in life now. Let God be my judge, let God be our Formator. He knows what's my heart's desires best. God still knows me best...

To whom it may concerned (name withheld to preserve anonymosity):

I'm sorry if me being oblivious to your presence in front of me hurts you.

It hurts me as much as it does to anybody else for me to ignore you completely.

To pretend I don't see you when I feel your presence there without even looking at your face.

I'm not angry with you.

I don't hate you for saying all that you said to me though it hurt me much.

I hope you don't hate me too.

God knows how much I cried after hearing what you said, after reading what you said.

I just need to remain focused on what I should focus on now.

We both need this time of silence and solitude with the Lord alone.

When time comes, I still hope and believe we'll be more understanding and patient towards each other.

When time comes, God's glory will be restored and we'll reconcile.

I believe in God's plan for us.

I still believe in God who believes in us so much that God gave His only begotten Son to die for us.

The Mystery. His Love.

Good night everybody. Time to rest.

God bless!

P/S: My verse today is Revelation 4:11 "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created."

P.P/S: I'll share about my short trip to Karambunai tomorrow if my line is ok in the afternoon.

A Pleasant Surprise

Today I went out to meet a friend for a drink. She is one of the most pleasant ladies you'd ever meet, always so smiley, so hugable, so friendly, so real. A few weeks back, she told me she was praying about going to India for a period of time. Her heart's desire. God heard her loud and clear, and praise God, He gave her green light to take off. Blessings poured upon her desire, her righteous one I'd say, and today, she broke the news that she's flying off on 1st November. The day right after my birthday...

In fact, this news came as a pleasant surprise for me, though I know this day would come that her desire be granted. Thank God for His blessings upon her. I had mixed feelings for a while... A part of me being so happy for her, a part of me feels sad because my friend is leaving and only God knows when she will be coming back. But I thank God for giving me the chance to know her, to share with her my sorrows, and for such a wonderful angel He has created in her. When I'm experiencing disappointing and dejecting situation, she had been there, lending me a shoulder to cry on, exhorting me and consoling me, and often offers me Watson's pocket tissue (the so-called softest tissue you can find in the market, good for wiping off tears...). She taught me how to love myself and accept myself better.

Like what is the title of my blog, time flees, love stays. I know our friendship doesn't end just as she flies off, but it will be there always.

Dot, thanks a lot for everything. Have a safe and wonderful and eventful journey to India! God bless and be with you always. Love you lots! ^___________^

When Love Runs Out

When love runs out, where do we go?

Finding another jetty to anchor ourselves?

Or seeking God for another bowl of love?

When patience runs out for a person, where do we go?

Looking for another individual who is more pleasant to be with?

Or seeking God for grace to continue loving the person?

When strength to love the person runs out, where do we go?

Hiding behind a portrait of irritation and anguish for the person?

Or asking God for the strength to truly forgive and love the person again?

When the heart is weary, do we anchor ourselves on yet another quiet cheery individual?

Or do you choose to leave everything and take up the cross of weariness?

Why choose to hurt when we can love?

Why choose to be hurtful when we can be loving?

Why choose to end when all can be started afresh?

Why choose to anchor ourselves on yet another human's affection instead of God Himself?

I'm learning to anchor on God, how about you?

Are we still anchoring on the hope that the human's affection and in quietness will bring you to another season of hopes and dreams coming true?

Are we being foolish to think that if we desire it, God will grant it, as long as we think it is righteous?

Why do we hurt ourselves with all these endless hopes?

Why do we hurt others because of our own anguish and hurts?

Why do we change our hearts when we feel threatened?

Why do we need such a God if we want to control our own lives and live it the way we want it?

I'm learning to let Him govern my life, how about you?

Are you still struggling to find and maintain hope and affection in yet another individual?

Are you still struggling with your pride that you will never fail anybody?

Are you still struggling with your human nature?

I'm struggling too, but I know by the faith, hope and love of God, I want and desire to turn my eyes to God once again.

When God's love runs out from my own heart, I choose to let you be taken care by God.

Because I know, it is by His love that I come to know you as a companion.

And it is by His grace we had wonderful memories in the past.

And it will be by His love our hearts will be mended and healed.

And it is definitely by His strength and His inspiration I'm writing all these.

God is greater than any living creature, and I'm just another living creature.

He knows you and loves you much more than I do.

I am assured He will bring you back.

I am assured He is in this with us.

Don't falter, don't waver, don't give in to temptations.

Don't sigh, don't stress, don't be anguished with things that are happening.

God is love when our human love runs out.

And I know, we are all seekers of this love.

And I pray you are well taken care by God via His angels.

When love runs out, I will be your love -- this is His promise to us.

And us, we are just mere human beings, you and I, we can only count on God when we find ourselves seemingly busy seeking for love at all the wrong places.

And us, we being just mere humans, we can only believe and walk in faith in the misty path.

For God is with us.

And God is love.

Somewhere over the rainbow, there is hope, because there is God.

Sacred Space

God calls us to various place. Today, I'd like to share this webpage known as Sacred Space with you who read what I posted. It is a daily prayer online and the reflection is superb.

I'm going through very tough times these days and I request you who read my entries to pray with me that I will be strengthened by God who lives and reigns in my life no matter under what circumstances. I know all is worth the sorrow and pain I'm going through because He is made visible in this part of my life. The loss I'm encountering is just for this moment. I still hope this loss is just a part of a bigger joy in future. And I pray God will grant my desire in His time.

To learn to love Him is like a baby learning to crawl, walk and talk. To learn to be loved by Him is even tougher. I'd say it is like a mother deciding to carry the baby in her womb to term.