Fear of Intimacy

Just now before everyone left the staff room, some teachers and I began a chat over walking dogs to lose weight. The conversation was veered to the point that some dogs have psychological issue about intimacy. Apparently the teacher who has two dogs mentioned that one of the dogs would get jealous over the other and starts biting the other when that dog gets more attention from its owner. However, the dog would walk off if the owner decides to give a fair share of love to it.

As I reflected on the issue of the psycho dog after they left, I started to wonder if humans, too, have the fear of intimacy... And yes, I think I do have somewhat that fear that accompanies codependency in terms of human relationships. Not to mention I'm like a dog, but I could relate to this "psycho" issue. I sometimes would start wondering if I'm less likable compare to the other people when others decidedly be talking more to another person instead of me. Then what happened was I would get frustrated. But when the person gives me attention, I would make things worse by being nasty or critical, making a mess out of the relationship. Maybe some of you who finds a possible chance that you too may have fear of intimacy can comment on it?

Maybe I do have psycho issue, like the dog of my friend. Or maybe, I just need help to correct my distorted, disillusioned outlook of relationships. Like how Lasik can correct short-sightedness.

This blog has a few readers who are my students. I sometimes wonder at what point should I disclose how I feel about things.

Here's What I'm Reading

Well... There are so many things that can keep me up until 3 am in the morning these days... One of these will be...

Yeah... reading. And yes, thinking. Now it's 313 am, and I'm both hungry and thinking. Not a great idea when the only eatable stuffs are raw vegetables and frozen chicken meat. Dang! I'm very hungry now.

This is a great issue to be dealt with. What have I landed myself into?

Enough with my ramblings. Just trying to make numbers on my entries. Maybe I should switch off all my handphones and the internet for a day or two. Just to play invisible man. Well, not that I'm very visible these days. LOL! Oh well... Just another low-glucose rambling. Don't take it to heart, dearies.

Roger n out.

Dried Cuttlefish Thief

I know it is a bit absurd to write this entry right after the post on Worship and Bible Verse, but I'm really upset with the theft of a sizable packet of dried cuttlefish I brought from home as additional flavour to make soup! Arghh!!! I had been scrimping and saving on the cuttlefish so that they can last me a year of wonderfully-flavoured chinese style home-cooked soup!!! And NOW, everything is GONE because of a petty thief in the place I've called HOME for the past five years! Ever since the new housemate moved in, NOTHING IS RIGHT! I'm so pissed with the cuttlefish thief! If it is THAT important that you should consume my dried cuttle fish, ask me and I will give. No need to resort to thiefing! Or at least, leave some for me!!

Not only that... My Ubat Cap Ibu & Anak that I bought and kept in the fridge allegedly smelled weird and was thrown away by a "concerned" housemate!!! The last time I checked, it tasted perfectly fine and was consumeable! It is pretty strange that my bottle of tonic should be thrown away without consulting me! Sigh!! What is happening to the house? Everything was perfectly fine until the latest addition to the house moved in.

I better cool myself down. This is not happening! My stuffs are missing in a place which should be safe from "robbery"! Pencuri di dalam selimut! Sigh!!! What the heck! Just leave my things alone! Arghhhh~~~~~

Hence, A Thermometer

I paid RM12.70 for Guardian Digital Thermometer just now... Umm... I guess it's the right time for me to add on a thermometer to my collection. LOL! Oh well, my temperature was 38.5 C when I went to see doctor, and I sorta surprised the doctor and myself when he found me with that fever. I looked healthy and still able to laugh somehow... But of course, I felt tired.

I couldn't really determine the actual temperature of my body, whether or not I have fever if I don't have a measuring apparatus, so I guess this is it. Haha!

The doctor's diagnosis - possible streptococcus infection of the throat... Checked on google... You can clicked here to know more about Strep Throat on Wikipedia...

It's just plain rambling today... Not giving much thoughts on the topics... I know I'm being random these days... Gonna reply the messages from friends in FB and then head to bed... I'm flying off to Sandakan early tomorrow morning... And after that, everything is history. LOL!

My dear friends, do take care of your health as H1N1 is definitely spreading like wildfire in Malaysia, though on the news, it seems everything is cooling down... Well, you know how true mass media can be at times!

Dreamy Doulos

Earlier on, I met with a few new friends from Doulos, the book ship that sails around the world to sell books, bring hope and love to the people of the world. One lovely dream is to sail and work in Doulos for three years to experience living in a multiracial, multicultural community, serving and outreaching to the worldlings. This is a dream, the reality is the sponsorship I would have to find in order to sponsor me for 3 years working with Doulos. How I wish there's a job where I can write and earn money for living by writing about stuffs! That will be perfect. Haha! But definitely not blogging about gossips of stars in Hollywood~~ I know living and working on Doulos will a perfect experience. Please, if anybody knows of any job or sponsors who are willing to sponsor a kid like me for 3 years in Doulos, let me know!!!!!

I have a lot on my mind, but I somehow am at loss of words to write. Pray that my house's streamyx is well tonight~

McDreamy+McGirlfriend-McDog=???

Well, when there's such equation...

The answer is: T.T for a moment.

Have a great day! God bless!

Perfect Teacher

I'm not a perfect teacher, and I'll never be. This I know perfectly.

Self-Explanatory again...

Stalker Online

I just got a message on my cbox noting that my own student confessed that she is stalking me on my blogspot and Twitter.. Haha! What irony! The moment I've decided to post entries on blog, I know that it is basically public. Not to mention "my involvement" with Twitter and Facebook and Friendster... Not forgetting the comments I posted on various blogs too.. LOL! Well... I found an interesting cartoon online when I typed the word "stalkers" on Google Image. Smiles... The original idea of having this blog is for me to murmur about things, especially God and my journey to be more like Him. I welcome everybody to read me on my blog. In fact, I'm happy that my student is keeping a blog. She loves writing and I do pray she'll be a great journalist one day =)

The Pursuit of Happyness is No Busyness!!

HAPPYNESS vs. BUSYNESS!!

I know it has been a while since I posted an entry... Thanks to CY for reminder! Umm... blame it on heavy workloads all the sudden since Monday. Probably the meeting we had on Monday (in fact it was a one-day course) on PeKA Bio SPM is causing additional stress to an already weakened immune system. I'm currently having muscle aches especially on my shoulders, neck, down the spine and even parts of my abdoment and joints. It is either I'm developing early signs of arthritis or I'm totally stressed out. (I think the latter sounds more relevant though...) Hadn't been sleeping well at night, or shall I say I had been sleeping way passed 1 am since Sunday until now? Thus the "Cindy's like a dead log" syndrome is coming up fast. Sigh! Life eh?

I have sooooooo much to share but I'm currently writing up something which requires two of my brains to work in tune, but apparently after not writing scientific stuffs for almost three years by now, my brain is "crooked". Dang! Trying to understand where was the technical and scientific me while another part of my brain is trying to work out on the PEKA thingy.. This is generally known as multitasking and it doesn't help with focusing at all!! Hmm... According to the latest schedule, the SPM PeKA Head of District Assessor (Ketua Pentaksir Kawasan) will be checking our BIO PeKA in the 3rd week of July, which is 2.5 weeks from now. Well, sad to mention but it is true anyhow that this Bio teacher forgotten that it was June already when she flew off for her school holidays. So now, both teacher and my beloved students would have to work hard together to defend the integrity of school! Kids, sorry!!!

Hence, my toppest priority now is to ensure all my piling up as high as mountain sort of workload is diminished before I can commit to anything else. But my daily dosage of Jesus, the Healer, through Eucharist is still on, every Mon to Fri, 6.30 pm, St. Simon's prayer room. I guess that's practically the only thing I can commit until further notice.

*YAWN* I'm so sleepy. Better finish off with my writeup before it gets a bit too drowsy and blank for my two brains to think harmoniously. Oh craps! Just a little bit more...

I like what Joanne posted on her blog today, especially these two quotes (Joanne, pinjam ah!):

Tomorrow is the only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man.
~ Jimmy Lyons ~

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
~ Jules Renard ~

Probably because they are so me!! Yeah, sometimes laziness gets a bit out of hand with myself. Hmm... thus I need more of self-control (check out Galatians 5:22-23 on the fruits of the Holy Spirit)!

P/S: I want to watch the Pursuit of Happyness again. Anyone has the downloaded movie? Please contact me.

Pax et bonum.

Life as a Single Young Adult

I carry my heart at the tips of my fingers...



Traveling is a passion yet to be achieved...


These are things I hope to be able to afford one day...


Getting a BioJob and postgraduate degrees remain my dreams...



Enjoying the freedom of ogling at hunks... (oh, so worldly me!) But the fact is, Rain and Leehom are good looking and definitely heart-throbs!!! LOL! ^^


Eventually I have to return to the origin... God is where my heart belongs to... That's what singles are called to be, until further notice in God's time...


And this is definitely my favourite-st picture - Divine Mercy!!!


And again, if God wills it... I want sunflowers in my bridal bouquet~~~ Hahahaha!

Ok... I look forward to know what He has in mind for me... BUT...
Being single at this point is simple GREAT!


God always remembers His covenant! :)

P/S: I finally "murdered" that annoying mosquito flying around me since this evening!

Tagged by Joanne!!!!!

题目[一]写出你的择偶十个条件：
question 1 : write out 10 requirement to be your future bf/ husband.
(the hardest question of all time!)

1. A man after God's own heart
2. Love me for who I am
3. Accept the imperfect me
4. Renewed, serving Catholic
5. Mutual trust and forgiveness
6. Creative
7. Funny / Humorous
8. Romantic
9. *secret*
10. Family man

题目[二]写出你的十个女孩子朋友的名字 [排名不分先后Hor ]
question 2 : write down 10 girl friend's name (not in sequence)

1. Joanne W.
2. Karen C.
3. Mirina L.
4. Yvonne K.
5. Yvonne T.
6. Yvonne Y.
7. MelNic
8. Lidz
9. Jocelyn M.
10. Laura P.

题目[三]写出你的十个男孩子朋友的名字
question 3 : write down 10 boy friend's name

1. Felix W.
2. Jimmy C.
3. Daniel C.
4. Adrian Liew
5. Chris
6. Kevin K.
7. Joannes
8. Ernest
9. Jude Lopez
10. Denis T.

题目[四]写出十个你最近最常去的地方
question 4 : write down 10 places tat u have been visiting quite a lot recently

1. Maktab Nasional
2. My room
3. Kitchen in the house
4. Living room in the house
5. St. Simon Church
6. Sacred Heart Church
7. Servay Likas
8. Joanne's blog
9. Teddy's blog
10. Blogger.com

题目[五]写出你十个最爱吃和喝的东东
question 5 : write down 10 stuff tat u love to eat and drink the most
1. Mushroom
2. Tomato based pasta
3. McD
4. Coffee Bean's Black Forest Ice Blended
5. Starbucks' Hazelnut Hot Chocolate
6. Sweet & sour pork
7. Yogurt
8. Dim sum
9. Steam fish
10. All other types of food

最后，传给十个朋友
Lastly, tag 10 friends

My friends basically don't blog, but I could think of a few names... Donovan Funk, Jimmy Chang, Anthea, Denis (do you blog???) & Teddy! (I wanted to re-tag Joanne, but I let you off this time... Hehehehehe!!!)

I'm Back! =)

After two weeks of break from everything in KK, I'm back once again on 13th evening via Airasia. Surprisingly the flight was ok, nothing special except the announcement by the pilot somewhere an hour prior to landing woke me up from my neck-aching sleep! The outcome: Inability to sleep early after a huge supper at my favourite "mee bab*" shop in Lintas with Felix, Von Teo and Ah Boon. Smooth landing, I'd say - Thumbs up for the Captain!

So what have I been doing since 1 Dec 2008?

01/12/08

• Checked all my mails, clearing everything and packing in the morning.
• Had dinner with Mel in airport (thanks for the treat, gal!^__^)
  
• In the air for 2.25 hours and touched down safely around 11.30pm, went for supper with parents.

02/12/08

• Arrived home at 2 something in the morning. Introduction to Kiki and played with him for a moment. Realized he's not-so-chihuahua. (Update: I just checked online and 80% confirmed that he's a min pin/chi mix (miniature pinscher + chihuahua mix).
• Slept late and woke up to the sound of my aunty from Kuantan with her grandchildren (age 8, 10 and 14).

03/12/08

• Visited Batu Pahat (Including the Pantai Minyak Beku and Perigi Batu Pahat).
• Petted humongous "dragon fish" in some temple in BP.

04/12/08

• Visited organic farm (near entrance only) nearby my hometown.
• Went to Pontian to visit my uncle then headed to Kukup for a wonderful seafood meal after strolling on the tiny "roads" in between houses on water. Saw magrove swamp... and wonder why people just don't like to take good care of the ocean environment~

05/12/08

• Met up with my ex-classmate (form 1-6) who was to be married on 07/12/08 to get my invitation card. Had a chat with her and visited our ex-classmate's parents to enquire something. I was rather freaked out by the time we wanted to leave... but thank God everything was alright.
• Stayed at home at night... Just lazing around... and lots of GOOD FOOD!

06/12/08

• Met up with some form 6 ex-classmates at Heidi's to crap a while... Then left for Kluang Parade to lepak for about 45 minutes before sending everybody home and attended mass in St. Louis.
• Was rather panic when found out it was a BM Mass... Kinda weird because I rarely attend BM mass and it was once of those times when I didn't have my daily readings (The Light) with me... When I realized I do know some of the mass parts sung I was really happy... Thanks for my KBHK friends... :P
• Right after mass I went over to Bee Yean's house for a night of crapping and catching up with ex-classmates. One of them I didn't meet since 1999 after SPM (that was like 9 years ago)
• Arrived home with "white-attire" crisis because Byean wanted us to wear white attire in the morning of her wedding... Managed to solve the crisis, thanks for Mommy dear! :D
  

07/12/08

• Woke up about 6.30am... Practically dragged myself off the comfy tilam because I was totally exhausted the night before...
• Was ready and arrived at Byean's house about 7.30am. Had breakfast with bride and others...
• The groom and his team of "brothers" arrived at 9.50am (approx.), 20 mins later than the agreed time of 9.30am...
• We, the "sisters", had some fun before allowing the groom to enter the house, including the request of shouting "I love you" to Byean (she was at 1st floor), pole dancing, singing the 1st song he sang to her and some "tips" for us.
• Then we went over to groom's house, continued feasting and crapping. LOL!
• Evening came and we went for dinner reception... The food was great... Catching up was fun. I met one of my ex-classmate who shifted away after form 2. Wow! My age is catching up I guess!

08/12/08

• My aunty and her family left for Seremban after lunch. So left us at home with Kiki... Kinda bored but was acclimatizing fast with Kiki running everywhere at home. He's just too adorable!

08-11/12/08

• Life is good - just at home, waking up late, eating, watching tv, playing with puppy. I even bathed Kiki (without prior knowledge of bathing a puppy)!
• We even brought Kiki for a walk (I was holding him like a baby though) around my neighbourhood. Duhz! He trembles whenever he leaves his "comfort zone" lah!

12/12/08

• Finally decided to get out of my nutshell and meet up with Byean and Tyan Huey for a drink. I had so many types of food in a day... including super spicy thai tom yam, takoyaki, pau, fried kueh tiau, etc... Not forgetting the ice-cream in the morning!
• Tyan Huey brought her adorable baby daughter out with her when she met us up. She's so beautiful... just slightly loud... as babies are always! LOL! :D
• Arrived home in time to watch "The Little Nyonya" on Channel 8 (Mediacorp, SG) then continued on and on... LOL.
• Slept late again...

13/12/08

• Woke up late, still managed to give Kiki a bath before I bathed.
• Dickson came over at 3pm and off we went to airport. Arrived there about 4plus, had a drink and entered departure hall at 5.20pm.
• Everything went smoothly and touched down at 11plus.

14/12/08

• Woke up 10plus, washed bed sheets and blankets. Was informed by dance classmate of additional dance practice so decided to attend it, after informing my dance partner (thank God he said yes!).
• Had my most "challenging" two hours in dance school because of my poor memory on the steps (thank you, Samantha and Phoebe for revising with me and being so patient with me...)
  
• Went back for a shower and headed for mass in St. Simon, then to SHC for choir practice... Oh gosh! Christmas is coming... How would my Christmas be this year? Last year I spent it with a much-cherished companion and some other friends... I think we went to Bishop's Open House after Christmas morning mass. After that I forgot what we did, maybe just crapping at home... I pondered about that on my way back from SHC... I wonder why. Oh well, reconciliation will not come that easily because of the deep hurts we've inflicted on each other. At least for me at this moment, whatever said and done hurt me and I'm still recuperating from it. To him everything might come easily, cheerful and happy-go-lucky now... Haha! Good for him sincerely! Hope he still remembers our happy times instead of condemning me in his own ways because of ............................ Even if he doesn't, I can only wait for God's timing for His will to unfold. I just know His way is the best way... No explanation required on this statement. Just believe He'll make it right. Haha! I'm learning not to doubt... Seriously. I got serious warning during my quiet time on the mountain...
  
• Painted my nails with Elianto's Party Nail Color (Champagne Gold) after removing the "shimmering purple". For the first time in history I'm keeping long nails, painting them and having fun trying to type with long nails (got stuck in between keys a few times and kept having the accident of pressing caps lock when i pressed shift).
  

15/12/08

• Updating blog...
• Schedule including meeting up my principal in school, Dot Leong in her office for lunch, Von Teo at her house for afternoon exercise. LOL! I gotta spend time with the Lord before anything! :D

I'll upload pics later on la... My schedule is packed with activities and pre-school reopening work to do and I've to find time to compress them...

Till then... Pax et Bonum.

New Playlist

Tada! Now you have a selection of 10 songs from my cute bear bear playlist at the side bar~ :) Enjoy the selection that I love... All praise and worship songs for God to God from His people!

Getting ready for dance class in 10 minutes time... Still deciding which attire to wear since I'm serving in choir later during Christ the King mass in church. It's black and white today... Tonight I'll be going out with my CG to 1Borneo... I shall declare that I'm officially broke once we finish dinner. LOL! Thank God my housemate left me with some rice, eggs, hotdog and seasonings. So I guess I can survive 4 days with less than RM30... So besides the daily trips to St. Simon's for mass, I shouldn't be driving around too much as I doubt I'd have money to pump in fuel. A lunch with Dr. Yip on Tuesday? Should be ok... *noting down*

Oh... How I wish pay-day will come soon~~~ Another 4 days to pay-day~~~ I believe God can let me survive through all these... Jesus, I trust in You!

November 20, 2008, 11:37 PM

For the sake of Joanne, here's my part of ramblings~ I'm running out of titles for my blog entries... Maybe I should run a competition about blog entry titles???

JUST LIKE JESUS

Ok... Let's see... I finally finished reading "Just Like Jesus" by Max Lucado. It's a brilliantly-written book, with study guide at the back (which I haven't done it because I realized it only after 5 chapters away from the first). Oh well, it's giving me additional reasons why I SHOULD RE-READ the book AGAIN! Of course, for my spiritual health reason too~ You know what, my dear readers, I bought this book without knowing whether it was good or bad, because I saw the front cover and was attracted to it when I first stepped into Salvation Bookstore. Whenever I shared with others that I'm currently reading this book, I remember somebody told me she read the book... Two years ago... Haha! I never knew I was so out-dated~~ It's alright, I know God doesn't think of me that way. *Brushing off that thought now*

This IS a good book, good for my spiritual growth, I'd say... Now, every step that I'm taking, I just want to know Jesus, I just want to re-learn this process of loving relationship with Him.

Readers/Commentators Formation (Part II)
Tonight was the practical part. Fr. Cosmas gave a lengthy explanation on many things that I often wanted to know and ask, but many people couldn't answer me if I ask, thus I ended up not asking anymore. I couldn't explain in details here because I don't have the note with me. I'd say I really learned a lot from this two-day formation. Hopefully the Lifeline leaders who attended the formation will share what they had experienced to the others.

Invigilating
LOL! Two days of invigilating... Two days of berbuka puasa with others... FYI, buka puasa is my direct translation of "breakfast"! Haha! Well... Today we ate in the same shop opposite Kedai Kopi Tenom... *sob* Second attempt to eat the very-the-sedap ngiu chap but still unable to do so. The whole coffee shop was closed today!!! :( So I made myself very happy by drinking the Teh-C special with cincau again, together with food and crapping with Simon, Dot Wong, Bian and Harold Boo... Very happy and slept very well when I had a long afternoon nap. I know, it will make me fat, who cares?!

ETC
I'm attending a walk-in interview with some friends tomorrow morning. Exact details I don't think it is good to post it on such a public space for the time being. But just for the experience of it. If I get it, I praise God, if I don't, I thank God for what I have now. Just pray for me as I kinda attracted with the stuffs I saw online just now. It's at 10am. Thanks, my beloved readers.

Time to rest now. Good nite and God Bless!

It is 2.46am, Sunday, 19 October 2008

Yeah... I know, I'm supposed to be snoozing instead of blogging... I have piles of papers to correct. I'm getting the marking-paper-anxiety-disorder again. Hahahaha! I had Ice Blended Black Forest of Coffee Bean with lots of choc chips and whipped cream. I guess that's what kept me awake? Gee... Looking at the condition of "over-charged by adrenaline" excretory system of mine, I think it'll be a very very long time until I take another time of that favourite drink of mine! :( My digestion system is screaming "No-way I'm going to digest that heck lot of caffeine again in my territory! It is causing system down and my babies (cells) to suffocate in silence!!!" and my excretory system is yelling, "For gracious sake, please don't cause my babies (cells) to suffer the impossibility of absorbing water!!"

Ok... It's 3.03 am... This means I was in the washroom long enough to finish reading an article in Readers' Digest, plus the column of "As Kids See It" as well as some ads. Alright, I think I have to really reconsider coffee as my final food intake... I've been binging the whole day in fact - on fats, etc. Ya... ya... Ya... I know it is NOT GOOD... I just wanted to compensate for the days I didn't really eat... OKOKOK, I know a healthy diet is good for my stomach and prevention of gastristis...

Let's see what I had: a breakfast of kon lau mee tikus, lunch of McD, Easyway's Pearl Milky Tea, fried kueh tiau, ice blended black forest with choc chips. That's A LOT!

I'm repenting... Yes, I do... My stomach seems to be calling me for another roadtrip to release tension... I shall ber-tahan until I can't... This will be the 5th time I return to the same location~ No good, no good, no good... I hope it is not a case of bad cockles... Or Paralytic Shellfish Poisoning... Oh well, haven't heard of any HAB bloom around KK waters recently... So they should be safe for consumption...

^^|| I need home-cooked food by mothers... Anybody willing to supply me with some? Hahaha!

Alright, signing off at 3.13 am of the same day.

P/S: Joanne... my comment box also a bit cold these days...

(Comment box: "Psst...It's freezing in here!")