When is the Right Time?

Like how my nights are turning out to be after three days into work in school again... I first posted a few entries to my Bio Blog, then checked my official email, next thinking of what to write on this blog. After stopping the frequent visits to Facebook, I noticed I have more time at hand to focus on many areas in my life, including prayer time, study time (actually is lesson-preparing time), and rest time... With additional time, I checked out my friends' blogs, and noticed one particular entry in one particular friend's blog which acted like a short circuit to my heart... Let's not focus on what she had blogged about... Focus more on what's wrong with me, being all so emo and all... LOL! Narcissistic quality of mine now!

Ever since letting go of leadership, more than once I'm feeling left out by the group whom I used to hang out with. Ever since letting go of leadership... It was as though I'm no longer really a part of anything that happened in their lives anymore. This is the time when all their birthdays whom I used to celebrate for, I'm deprived of even knowing that a birthday celebration took place, unless I go and stalk blogs or stalking in FB (of which I currently don't do). This is also the time when retreat or meetings for leaders are no longer my concern or in my schedule anymore. There was a time when I actually had tears flowing down when I thought of all that. Pretty depressing, isn't it? Okay, I'm not asking that you, my readers, symphatize with my conditions. I'm just expressing how I really am doing right now, as a normal human who let go of practically everything at the moment because I need to focus of seeking God's love. Only now I realize, sometimes leaders are so busy that we forgot to remember about all others things, except for meetings and retreats and birthday celebrations and sharings and hanging outs with other leaders.

I know God is calling me for something even deeper than just this skin-deep depression and murmur on my deprivation of leadership and "keistimewaan" of leaders. I know His plans are just too perfect for my imperfect eyes to see. I know that there are still sunshines and rainbows beyond the grey clouds looming around me (fyi, it's also drizzling now). I'm reminded again and again about His promises, only I have to be patient...

When is the right time that God will bring me back there again? Patience... Patience... Patience...

"Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him; do not fret over those who prosper in their way, over those who carry out evil devices. Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath. Do not fret - it leads only to evil. For the wicked shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land."
~ Psalm 37: 7-9 ~

And as I continued searching on Google for all verses on patience, here's one that struck me:

"When God made a promise to Abraham, because he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, saying, "I will surely bless you and multiply you." And thus Abraham, having patiently endured, obtained the promise."
~ Hebrew 6: 13-15 ~

Now I feel so much better, being assured by God's Word that He's going to do what He has promised to do. And all I can do is to be patient... For His right time is never my right time. His time is better than mine. I know He's watering the seeds He has planted in me these days. Even for a normal plant to start growing, it takes patience, sunshine, water and soil, in waiting for the shoot to sprout from the seed.

Thank You, Lord, for the grace and mercy to all Your children, including a tiny me here. Amen!