I'm Forever Yours - Planet Shakers

This is one of my most loved P&W song... I couldn't find the vidz for this song, so I only can ctrl-c the lyrics for your view... It's a lovely song, and what struck me today was "Trusting You and not myself will always lead to blessing"... His way is not my way, but His way is always the best way. Many times we failed to see the "blessing in disguise" because whatever tough times we're in could bring us to a point of blindness. Of course, when the right time comes, He will reveal the blessings, only if we harden not our hearts and we listen to His voice! :)

I'M FOREVER YOURS (PLANET SHAKERS)
I give my all to You
Send me and I will go for You
To the ends of the earth
I'll follow after You
I want the world to know
Your love endures forever

Tell me and I'll obey
This is far greater than sacrifice
Trusting You and not myself
Will always lead to blessing
Lord have Your way in me
Not my will, Yours be done

Here I stand within Your presence
Longing for Your touch
A thousand days cannot compare
To one day in Your courts

Hold me now
And never ever let me go
My Jesus, my precious Saviour
I'm forever Yours

I will worship You forever
I will worship You

Letting Go of You

I have a fine student, who has a wondrously sharp tongue, who speaks eloquently, yet unable to spell the word "protein" properly. It is not about his flaws that I want to talk about, but a question which he asked me during the time when I relieved their class for another teacher.

This was how his question roughly sounds like:
"Teacher, how do teachers let go of their students every year? Like last year's Form 5 students, even I myself feel a bit weird without them in school..."

And this was roughly my answer:
"Well, it doesn't matter whether teachers are able to let go of the students we have, but what's more important is teachers will definitely feel appreciated when the ex-students remember them."

I feel like this student made a difference in my life at that point when he became the trigger to a question of "letting go". Well, at least he made me ponder further... Would God ever able to let me go? Never. But He allows me freewill - the ability to decide and do what I want to do. Yet, He'll always be there to catch me when I fall, to hug me when I'm depressed. I know I'd have a harder time this year to let go of the fifth formers, as I've a deeper bonding with them, but I also beginning to accept the fact that all teachers, including myself, would have to let go when these students under our care are supposed to leave so that they will have a bright future out there. It will be sweet and beautiful when they themselves remember us and love us - the ones who had made a difference in their lives somehow. Like how God made such a huge difference in my life for allowing Himself to be found by me.

That's how great God is. Thank God for the grace and mercy shown. I trust that You have heard what my heart is saying. And You alone knows my desires and wants. Thank You for being patient with me, O Lord! Amen!

Till then... God bless!

Pray for Palestinians in Gaza Strip

I was watching news on NTV7 just now and the latest updates on the bombing in Gaza Strip was on. Please, my dear readers, please pray for ceasefire in Gaza Strip and peace of the world. People got too greedy with what we have until we fail to see the treasure of life given to us from God. Please, please, pray for the victims. Pray for a change of heart of the U.S. government so that they will use their veto power to stop the war instead of opposing peace in the world.

Thanks and God bless!!!

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
~ John 14:27 (NIV) ~

His Grace is Sufficient for Me

This post is in fact a follow-up of my previous entry... I'd say God works in miraculous ways and never ever say never to anything because we'll never know how things will turn out in the end. God is greater than just this, thus it is hard to fathom His steps and plans. Yet, His plans are always to bless us, to give us joy, to love us. Even at times when He performs disciplinary actions on our wild and erratic behaviours. That's our God.

Today is the Feast of the Baptism of Jesus, and I had been looking forward that our first Life Mass of the year would be celebrated by Archbishop John Lee since like Thursday... Thank God for answering my needs and desires! He was the one... Hehe! I was more than happy not to serve in worship but to sit quietly in the VIP seat of frontest pew. If we refer to Joanne's entry, the title for Archbishop is His Lordship... One point of his homily truly affirmed me of my fear and my uncertainty about the path I should take as I continue serving my students in the form of teaching them Religious Knowledge... He mentioned that our mission is to go out and tell the whole world that Jesus is the Son of God.

"Seek the Lord while he may be found, call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake their way, and the unrighteous their thoughts; let them return to the Lord, that he may have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon."
~ Isaiah 55: 6-7 ~

His Lordship also gave an explanation on these two verses which struck me in the form of affirmation that He is with me in this situation I'm facing in school now... He mentioned that many have gone far away from God and thus we should "seek the Lord while He may be found" because there will come a time when He'll not be found. Also, regarding "let the wicked man abandon his way" is a call for us to conversion and new direction in our lives. We have to know our mission to live in this world... It seemed that as I continue seeking the Lord as this is my season to seek God first above all things, I too have to seek a new direction in the things I'm assigned at this moment. I see it as a sign of affirmation that changes should be seen to with regards to the RK teaching for MN students.

The second affirmation came from Derek when we met him after mass for breakfast... I was listening to his conversation with Joannes about knowing our calling from God... He mentioned about writing down things that give us joy in our lives daily and what areas that cause our anger... The joy in our lives is what God is calling us to, and also God will always call us in a way that will prosper us and not harm us. It affirms me of my calling, which I seemed to just know as a teenager years back. As about faith formation for youth, he mentioned about connecting with them, building relationship with them as the first importance. Syllabus and reference are also important, but we also need to understand that all that we do must eventually lead this group of youth closer to God. We ourselves also need to reflect in our lives the presence of God, our relationship with God.

The third affirmation came when Mirina, Von Koh, Jocey and myself went shopping in Karamunsing. God is so amazing and He made me speechless and filled with joy in Salvation Bookstore. It was direct answer to the dilemma I had on my mind since my first clashing with the "Baby Boomer Generation" of RK teachers. It was a book entitled: "Be the Change: Your Guide to Freeing Slaves and Changing the World". Not that I've never experienced God's direct answers, but I still am filled with awe and amazement of how He affirms us, His beloved children.

After three affirmations on the same day, I'm happy and joyful to know where I am led to by the Spirit of God with regards to this "worry". Thus, His grace is indeed sufficient for me...

"Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me."
~ 2 Corinthians 12: 8-9

Renewed Spiritual Life?

This week is "week 1" of the school academic calendar, so my battle started already... I put it as battle because I could barely sleep every night, and had to wake up early every morning. Lessons were fine, but there are some hiccups regarding Religious Knowledge teaching material.

I wonder what is the whole purpose of teaching "Religious Knowledge" all about? Showing God to the students by reading the books describing about Him? Or guiding them to personally experience God and His mighty love? Leading them to form their spiritual life? Or just going through the motion because it is easier to do so and be perfect submissive to the rigidity of the so-called "un-renewed" style of Christianity?

I'm blessed with the opportunity to be involved in my early days of youth in youth ministry. Charismatic Renewal of the Catholic Churches began somewhere much earlier than the 90's when I started mingling with CCR people in church. Yet, it made a deep impression inside my heart, causing me to realize the our God wants us to be more intimate with Him, seeing Him as our confidante in fact. As I continue my journey of life, at this moment, indeed this becomes my first purpose in life, also my utmost struggle in life. Yet, to "install" this knowledge inside the head of teenagers is even tougher than earlier. We're basically battling with all the noises of the world to lead this group of people to hear God's tiny, gentle voice in their hearts.

It seemed like yesterday when somebody ever "installed" in my heart this important message: "You have to be M.A.D. in order to M.A.D." which read "you have to make a decision in order to make a difference". And truly so, when it comes to the process of renewal of this generation of young people, if I want to play a part in leading them nearer to God, I gotta make changes and differences in my own life. All that happened in 2008... it happened. Like my previous post, I can't deny there are times when I feel left out, alone without much support from my previous "gang"... But I also can't deny of His blessings, His grace, His mercy, most importantly, His love in my life.

Now back to the point, how can I be M.A.D. enough in order to M.A.D.? Submitting to the rigidity that's been proposed and continue this faith formation in such a "knowledgeable and theoretical" way doesn't seem to reach out to the youth who have the common problem of "seeing is believing". Instead, we seem to be pushing them further and further away from us. Maybe they could be shocked with the incredible amount of knowledge about God and His plan of salvation without knowing why He wants to do so for us... The answer is plain simple - just because He loves us... And all Christians (including Catholics) should be able to transfer this love of God through our everyday lives. Yet, are we doing so? Am I doing so? Are we transfering this love that we receive from God through our everyday lives to the people we're reaching out for? Am I doing the right thing making this stand to hope to see to some drastic changes in the faith formation of my students? Or should I just stay quiet and follow all the instructions laid down together with the text book used for faith formation, just because we have to submit? Is submission an "all the time" thingy?

I've seen the submission of Christ to the cross, the submission of Mary to the conception of Jesus by the Holy Spirit. So beautiful, so noble, so impossible for human beings apparently (reminder: Jesus was truly human, Mary was also truly human). Then again, I also see how Jesus made a difference in His Father's house. How much He made a difference all the time by laying His hands to heal the lepers on Sabbath day despite the facts that scribes and Pharisees were against it, the miracles He performed out of compassion for His people, to heal the blind, to take up that cross. I wonder how long did he ponder to make the decision to perform the miracle when He attended the wedding in Cana when His mom, Mary, asked of His help. That decision He made did make a big difference in the newly-wedded's lives, forever. Imagine if Jesus ran away out of fear instead of making that difference of casting out all fears arising in Him at that moment which He knew He was going to suffer terrible death... What would have happened to the world now? Probably God would have sent terrible flood and drowned all of us, and I won't be sitting in front of my curiously surviving laptop typing this entry.

There was a reading this week that has the phrase taken from 1 John 4:18 about "perfect love casts out all fears". When I reflected and looked upon the crucifix in St. Simon that day during evening mass, this was how I felt. I think Jesus willingly died on the cross because He knows of His Father, our God, so well that He knows the love of His Father was perfect love. This love of God casts out all His fears, anxieties, worries about dying on the terrible cross in order to redeem us from sins that we've committed. And His love for mankind, was also perfect love, which in turn strengthened Him at the cross. I guess, in order to be more and more like our Creator, to be more and more like the Man who saves me by dying on the cross, I have to strongly and firmly believe that this perfect love which I'm receiving all the time from God will cast out all fears in me and guide me in making the right decision.

So I guess, since the world seems to be oppressing me to make that decision to make a difference in the lives of my students, then what I'm doing is definitely what the world hates. Thus, I should continue believing in that tiny voice in me who reminded me about perseverance (that huge word I learned when I was in Form 2).

"You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that you should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain; that whatsoever you shall ask of the Father in My name, He may give it you. These things I command you, that you love one another. If the world hate you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love his own; but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."
~ John 15:16-19 ~

Thank and praise God. Amen!

Till then... Pax et bonum.

When is the Right Time?

Like how my nights are turning out to be after three days into work in school again... I first posted a few entries to my Bio Blog, then checked my official email, next thinking of what to write on this blog. After stopping the frequent visits to Facebook, I noticed I have more time at hand to focus on many areas in my life, including prayer time, study time (actually is lesson-preparing time), and rest time... With additional time, I checked out my friends' blogs, and noticed one particular entry in one particular friend's blog which acted like a short circuit to my heart... Let's not focus on what she had blogged about... Focus more on what's wrong with me, being all so emo and all... LOL! Narcissistic quality of mine now!

Ever since letting go of leadership, more than once I'm feeling left out by the group whom I used to hang out with. Ever since letting go of leadership... It was as though I'm no longer really a part of anything that happened in their lives anymore. This is the time when all their birthdays whom I used to celebrate for, I'm deprived of even knowing that a birthday celebration took place, unless I go and stalk blogs or stalking in FB (of which I currently don't do). This is also the time when retreat or meetings for leaders are no longer my concern or in my schedule anymore. There was a time when I actually had tears flowing down when I thought of all that. Pretty depressing, isn't it? Okay, I'm not asking that you, my readers, symphatize with my conditions. I'm just expressing how I really am doing right now, as a normal human who let go of practically everything at the moment because I need to focus of seeking God's love. Only now I realize, sometimes leaders are so busy that we forgot to remember about all others things, except for meetings and retreats and birthday celebrations and sharings and hanging outs with other leaders.

I know God is calling me for something even deeper than just this skin-deep depression and murmur on my deprivation of leadership and "keistimewaan" of leaders. I know His plans are just too perfect for my imperfect eyes to see. I know that there are still sunshines and rainbows beyond the grey clouds looming around me (fyi, it's also drizzling now). I'm reminded again and again about His promises, only I have to be patient...

When is the right time that God will bring me back there again? Patience... Patience... Patience...

"Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him; do not fret over those who prosper in their way, over those who carry out evil devices. Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath. Do not fret - it leads only to evil. For the wicked shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land."
~ Psalm 37: 7-9 ~

And as I continued searching on Google for all verses on patience, here's one that struck me:

"When God made a promise to Abraham, because he had no one greater by whom to swear, he swore by himself, saying, "I will surely bless you and multiply you." And thus Abraham, having patiently endured, obtained the promise."
~ Hebrew 6: 13-15 ~

Now I feel so much better, being assured by God's Word that He's going to do what He has promised to do. And all I can do is to be patient... For His right time is never my right time. His time is better than mine. I know He's watering the seeds He has planted in me these days. Even for a normal plant to start growing, it takes patience, sunshine, water and soil, in waiting for the shoot to sprout from the seed.

Thank You, Lord, for the grace and mercy to all Your children, including a tiny me here. Amen!

The Real World at Real Time

"Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD."
~ Psalm 31:24 ~

I guess the phrase "do not be discouraged" is more appropriate for me at this moment. Something happened this morning that caused me to be late to school today. I arrived in school at 11.50 am. Another mistake made when I saw the principal... It was super late and I felt very bad missing class with my F5 students. I hope none of my students have my blog url, but I'd just like to apologize to all who were affected because of my absenteeism this morning. I guess I need to go for confession soon~~~

Yet, this phrase seems to comfort me. Knowing that God is still with me even I made a huge mistake here. As I searched for the verse online (wished my bible has such an index like a search engine at that moment), I was given so many verses on the keywords I used. In fact, another verse which helped to pacify my uncertain emotion is from the book of Tobit...

"Do not be afraid, my son, because we have become poor. You have great wealth if you fear God and flee from every sin and do what is good in the sight of the Lord your God."
~ Tobit 4:21 ~

For once, I really want to be the teacher God calls me to be at this moment. I don't know where He's going to lead me next, but if He's asking me to stay until further notice, He must have a plan that will prosper me, helping me to be who He's preparing me to be in future. I can only continue trusting in Him who created me in my mother's womb, cradle me when I'm in fear, hug me when I'm discouraged, love me when I feel unloved.

"I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
~ Joshua 1:9 ~

I pray that you who read my blog will not lose hope in this God who sometimes we think play a fool with our lives, because He does it right so that we can learn to be disciplined, well-behaved, loving children of His.

"Sanctify yourselves; for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you."
~ Joshua 3:5 ~