Can I Have A Glass of Water?

In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus said these two verses to His disciples:

"If anyone gives you a cup of water to drink because you belong to Christ, then in truth I tell you, he will most certainly not lost his reward. But anyone who is the downfall of one of these little ones who have faith, would be better thrown into the sea with a great millstone hung around his neck."
~ Mark 9:41-42 ~

Have you ever offered a cup of water to a little child? Or have you done enough damage to one? I have to admit there are times when I should have used better phrases against my own students (who supposedly to have fragile heart syndrome due to hormonal influences), but somehow I, too, fall to this trap of the Satan... to get irritated and eventually become sarcastic and angry. Yet, what JC (acronym of Jesus Christ) taught us to offer more than what we have to others because in every other person we come into contact with, there is Christ dwelling in them. So it is fair and square when JC said that he who offers a cup of water to the one who belongs to Him will not lose his reward (whatever that may be).

Besides, in v.42 JC warned His disciples (did you know that includes US too?) that if we jeopardize one's faith or cause downfall to the people with child-like faith for God, we will also receive punishment. He would love us, His followers, to live with a heart of compassion for everyone and offer all that we can give to those around us. And that is how we can pass on the faith by expressing faith through love (cf. Galatians 5:6).

What are you thinking right now? Are you doing what you think you are doing? Or are you in tune with what God is calling you to do? Fr. Stan touched my heart deeply and stirred my heart to serve His people when he sang the song "Here I am, Lord" during the two-day Youth Rally in Foo Chow Hall, KK in his last session. And the song's chorus sounds like this:

Here I am, Lord! Is it I, Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if You lead me,
I will hold Your people in my heart.

Have you answered His call tonight? Have you done what He asks of you tonight? Do you have fears to plough through the darkness, not knowing what is the next thing God has in plan for you? No worries, you're not alone in this journey. I also share the same issue about taking steps of faith, no matter how tiny it may be, in order to answer that call that He has shown me since I was a teenager. I have done what I can for the past one year, and God is asking for more (I think maybe God likes to drink Pepsi - you know, Ask for More!) than just what I have been doing. It is going to take me great courage to swallow huge ego and lotsa pride in order to voice out my desire to the rightful "authority" on earth so that I can plough through my plains in His light.

May His everlasting light shine upon us as we sleep through the night and work through the day (or study). God bless all. Pax et bonum.

P/S: Comments are always welcomed. The more the merrier! :P

Metamorphosis

Ever heard of the word "metamorphosis"? This is the definition given by TheFreeDictionary:

met·a·mor·pho·sis

n. pl. met·a·mor·pho·ses

1. A transformation, as by magic or sorcery.

2. A marked change in appearance, character, condition, or function.

3. Biology A change in the form and often habits of an animal during normal development after the embryonic stage. Metamorphosis includes, in insects, the transformation of a maggot into an adult fly and a caterpillar into a butterfly and, in amphibians, the changing of a tadpole into a frog.

4. Pathology A usually degenerative change in the structure of a particular body tissue.

Do you think that as human beings, we also go through metamorphosis? I think we do, in one way or another... Definition-wise, when human beings undergo metamorphosis, we'll be categorized under the second definition, which a marked change in appearance, character, condition, or function... Maybe some of you, my dear readers, often undergo metamorphosis, like a chameleon... But for many, it is tough to change something which has been in them, with them, like FOREVER~

I know it is hard for me to change an attitude that had been with me forever, but I know I gotta try this time... To wake up and emerge from the cocoon as a butterfly in springtime. I was a caterpillar, ugly and full of furry, itching hairs to protect myself. Now, I'm inside the cocoon, a season for change... I can't stay in a cocoon forever, and I can't revert back to the caterpillar stage. I'm IN it for the transformation...

And I hope you out there also are IN for a season of metamorphosis.

A bible verse that I'd like to share with you about metamorphosis is from the letter of St. Paul to the Romans:

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God -- what is good and acceptable and perfect."
~ Romans 12:2 ~

God bless and have a wonderful day at work (for many of you, including me!) or in school!

Book Cafe Dream

taken from http://www.flatm.kr/work/sukara.html/

I started dreaming last week... That instead of working my ass off everyday for some sort of income at the end of the month, I dream of having a book cafe of my own (due to the increasing amount of books stored in my dirty, dog-nested, rented room). A haven for readers, especially books with Christian themes. Good cuppa coffee/tea/hot cocoa and delicious snacks... Yups, cakes, home-made cakes & brownies. Selling good, worth-for-money books, even 2nd hand ones... Right in the middle of a busy down town street, a haven of peace and love. Definitely with comfy couches and big, oversized pillows on the floor... and yes, wooden floor boards. And brown, orange, yellow, red... Warm cozy coloured walls of different colours... And brown book shelves and a sleek bar counter. Good music, P&W music, Jazz, RnB... And a good, loving partner to care for the cafe. Not forgetting loyal, Christ-like employees... With blackboard & chalk kind of menu board.

Any possibility? Me with no savings and no boundaries at the moment, I can't imagine too far away... But yes, I have always wanted my own business in future...

Here's What I'm Reading

Well... There are so many things that can keep me up until 3 am in the morning these days... One of these will be...

Yeah... reading. And yes, thinking. Now it's 313 am, and I'm both hungry and thinking. Not a great idea when the only eatable stuffs are raw vegetables and frozen chicken meat. Dang! I'm very hungry now.

This is a great issue to be dealt with. What have I landed myself into?

Enough with my ramblings. Just trying to make numbers on my entries. Maybe I should switch off all my handphones and the internet for a day or two. Just to play invisible man. Well, not that I'm very visible these days. LOL! Oh well... Just another low-glucose rambling. Don't take it to heart, dearies.

Roger n out.

R.I.P. My Beloved Dad

This is an overdue entry... I should have written this long ago, but I never really talked myself into really writing it. Anyway, to start with it, I think my mom is going to kill me if she ever finds out that I took photos in funeral parlour. Finally I feel at peace of writing it, because his death is a symbol of eternal life with Christ, and with this, we should rejoice and cast out the fear of death. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not grieving or I'm alright and able to move on from the loss of my beloved dad. I know where he is right now is definitely better than what he had been through for the past 6 months battling with advanced gastric cancer.

My dad was rested in a pure white coffin, and everything was just so pristine.

His sufferings were joined with Christ's. I liked the arrangement where the Cross was in front before my dad's coffin. It is like my dad laying down to rest at the feet of Jesus.

Though it seemed bare, but my dad had lived a dignified life for sure.

His favourite flowers were orchids, so I got Aunty Kat to put orchids for his basket of flowers and around his photos.

Now it's story time... My dad's name is Augustine Chan, and he was born on 12 November 1947 and died on 26 August 2009 at the age of 62. A teacher by profession since the age of 19, he had many students as a government school teacher would have. Besides teaching, he also did counselling and discipline, and had been a full-time counsellor before for about 4 years in government school.

Here's a snippet of what I had written during on of those mornings of 17 August 2009 (about 10 days before his departure). I did not do a eulogy for my dad during his funeral mass, and I felt I owed him this...

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All girls' first love is their fathers! And how my dad is will always be a guideline of how I should choose my future husband.

My dad is not a perfect man, but he's a man worth my utter respect and love. All these years, both my parents persevered to keep the family together. There were endless arguments, but never physical fights, only hurling of words (not-so-nice ones). There were frustrations, but there were also many happy moments. I remember the fishing trips to the rivers, the trips to Tioman Island where my dad would catch us tiny crabs and put them in glass bottles, the fireflies he would catch for me and kept in cassette boxes, the visits to his school libraries to borrow a stream of Enid Blyton's books. Not only that, the visit to Sabah in 2004 was pure fun though there were "situations" (the Kancil I rented broke down half way to Pekan Nabalu and had to ask for help from a lorry to tow it to the workshop in Kundasang).

My dad never failed to amaze me with his talents -- he could dance, probably sway and jazz and cha-cha and quick steps and samba, he could play music - organ, guitar, harmonica, probably drums and tambourines too. He could write lovely essays as an English teacher, he draws water colour drawings without the need to use a pencil to sketch. He too has green fingers, where all plants come alive with his touch. He's an athlete - swimming, chess player... My dad has a heart of gold, will never leave a person who needs help behind.

All these are basics for me to look at a future husband material. Besides that, that man would have to love his parents and family too. Where do I find such a man? Only God can give me such a gift. No one else but Him alone.
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Yeah, my dad was a talented man, jack of all trades for sure. He knew a lot and many friends of mine who had the encounter talking to my dad would say that he's a wise man with a lot to share. Of course, my relationship with my dad sometimes could be more sour than sweet... We're so alike, and shared the same stubbornness that will make a mule faint. LOL! Well, despite the clashes, he's still my loving ol' man. It was painful for me to let him go, especially after the Inner Healing & Transformation Seminar, I was ready to set into the "building & renewing my relationship with my dad" mode, only to find him diagnosed with advanced gastric cancer (stage 4) confirmed on 3 March 2009 via intraoperative method. But I knew that the Lord has a plan to prosper me and not to harm me (cf. Jeremiah 29:11)... And definitely for all others too, including my dad.

Oh yeah... To my friends who are concerned about me being single and all who happened to be reading this... Yes, I AM searching for a life partner, but until this moment nobody actually comes up to me and tells me, "Know what, Cindy, I like you and would like to enter into a courtship for marriage with you for who you are." I would love to have this kind of marriage proposal, but God decides, God leads the right man into my life lahh! Hence, stop being curious about me. Ahakz! I will trust in the Lord my God continuously, who brings me through it when He brought me to it. Whatever circumstance it may be, because He had proved Himself a Loving Father, a faithful God.

If a person asks, "How are you?" or "How have you been?", there is always an answer of "I'm ok" or "I'm not ok". Don't be cheated by my composed outlook at many times, somewhere deep inside me, I'm as human as you are. (In case you think I'm an alien in disguise. LOL!)

Freedom in Boundaries

On this day of your life, Cindy, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are only as free as you imagine yourself to be.
	There is nothing ''out there'' that's holding you down, - you are limiting yourself only with your own imagination. And your greatest limits are not even the ''cannot'' and the ''should not'', but the places where your imagination hasn't yet gone at all. There has never been a better time for you to open your eyes, let the imagination soar and see what more is possible.

Recently I'm attracted to this application on Facebook that generates message everyday supposedly what God wants people to know... I do pray that the people behind this application are praying very hard to discern the messages "God wants us to know" and not fall into the trap of the evil one.

Oh well... It seems that whatever written for today is applicable to my life... (It is beginning to have a lookalike thing - similar to horoscope reading!) It is pretty nice, but in the Scriptures we're reminded to be careful of false prophets too. So, people, sometimes, people who are nice all the time may not be too nice after all. Hmm...

Alright, getting back to my topic of the day... Freedom in Boundaries. What is freedom? What are boundaries? I'm beginning to see myself as a boundaryless person running around all my life and that isn't too nice to be revealed. But this truth is helping me to solve bits and pieces of the "mysteries" enshrouding my whole life. It may be amusing to some of you, but have you ever wondered why is everyone living in boxes that you can see but cannot open? If you do, perhaps you're like me somehow. I'm not trying to scare you here, but do give it a serious thought. Maybe you may see more light out of it.

Two years ago, the theme of Lifeline's Freedom Camp was "Beyond the Lies" and the verse behind this was John 8:32. I never really fully understood the deep meaning beneath this verse until recently. Let's take a look at the verse (taken from Good News Bible):

"You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
~ John 8:32 ~

How true that is! I finally found the many truths withheld from me in my "multiple sclerosis" which has deteriorated to a stage where I began to realize there are so much pain in my body that it is not functioning normally. Hence, the search of truth begins...

By reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, I start to realize the "boundaryless" attitude in my life of 27 years and how it had crippled me in the sense of responsibilities and commitments. I'm still in the process of seeking truths and lies about my life... So there will be more to come about this. But one this is for sure, that boundaries will bring freedom.

I would like to take this opportunity to first give a big hug to thank a friend who triggered me to seek my boundaries after our boundaries conversation last Monday. (You know who you are if you read this entry, so I need not mention your name. I know you enjoy high level of privacy and mysteries!) Besides that, I also want to thank Melissa Nicholas, Melissa Audrey and Josephine Hiu for our journey in our on-going Retreat with St. Therese. Also to Derek Chong, SHC Youth Worker, who is currently my life coach. And lastly, to thank the God who loves me to eternity.

God bless & Pax et Bonum.

P/S: I'm trying to get my own copy of the book "Boundaries". So if anyone sees it in the bookstore, please call me immediately. So far I've checked in Salvation Bookstore in KK, Capstone Bookstore in Iramanis, but no avail. Thanks!

I'm Back

It has been ages since I updated my blog... And many things had happened since.

1. School holidays were from 22nd - 31st Aug 2009. I flew to KL on 22nd night.
2. Dad was admitted to UMMC on 23rd night and I met him on 24th morning.
3. After a 6-month struggle with advanced gastric cancer, my dad finally returned Home to the Lord on Wednesday, 26th Aug 2009, 7.38am (as per medical doctor). It was a peaceful death.
   
4. Funeral mass was held in St. Louis Parish, Kluang, Johor at 10 am on 28th Aug 2009. It was also the feast day of St. Augustine of Hippo, my dad's patron saint (Dad's baptism name was Augustine).
5. The English prayer group from my church came to say prayers at home on 7th day of my dad's passing.
6. The Chinese prayer group came on Wednesday, 2nd Sept 2009, to pray for my dad. They will go to my house for prayers for seven consecutive Wednesdays. Good for my mom!
   
7. Stayed back until 3rd September to help with preparation of documents. Flew back early in the morning. Friend fetched me from airport and decided to check out the kidz at school.
8. Managed to take pics with my 5 Compassion. Timing was just right. Yay! At least Form 5C was not "orphaned" when taking class photos.
9. Started the endeavor of correcting heaps of exam papers. Got angels and demons in them for sure. Need lots of grace from God... Wish I wasn't that disappointed at the outcome! Oh well, sometimes I just can't force them anymore to do better. They are almost adults... Have sensible minds to think I'm sure!
10. Had Yoyo in Lintas on Saturday with friend and met with long-time-no-see neighbour, Clement. Time to catch up!
11. Went to MV Doulos with Irene on Sunday. Olga Wiebe, a crew of MV Doulos gave us a personal tour beyond the unrestricted area of the ship. Visited the engine room, the dining hall, and the laundry room... And walked along the deck (a long corridor at the side of MV Doulos). Lovely!! Bought two CDs while I was there - Brian Doerksen's You Shine and Stephen Curtis Chapman's All Things New. I was so excited about the Brian Doerksen's CD because I had been looking for it for the past two years. Finally, I owned it! Yay!
12. Watched CSI: Miami and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective while marking the last of the papers after my visit to Stella Maris Blessed Sacrament. Ace Ventura is indeed a good movie! Jim Carrey does have a rubber face! He's pure funny as Ace Ventura. Had good laugh before sleep.
13. Woke up just on time in the morning after a tough time to doze off last night. It was good day, but rather stressful at school. Hopefully everything will be alright.
14. Attended Alpha follow-up at night and headed to Stella Maris Blessed Sacrament. Got a sms from my Leo president demanding my passport size photo when I was praying and decided to cut short my quiet time because it is important... On my way back, near KWSP's traffic light, a Mercedez decided to bang on my bumper, causing my reverse sensor to be out of place. Thank God there were only few scratches on my bumper... So far it is still intact. Tomorrow would have to make a trip to meet the driver who banged my car to get the car fixed. He promised to pay the full cost. I estimate it won't cost him a lot, unless my whole wiring system gone haywired tomorrow morning... I'm trusting God fully in this matter.
15. Had a chat with Derek Chong and decided it is time to enrol myself for some coaching sessions by Derek.
16. Reflecting on the past few weeks and now penning down what I think is appropriate on this blog.

So till the next time... Thank you for reading and thank God for His grace upon us.

God bless.