R.I.P. My Beloved Dad

This is an overdue entry... I should have written this long ago, but I never really talked myself into really writing it. Anyway, to start with it, I think my mom is going to kill me if she ever finds out that I took photos in funeral parlour. Finally I feel at peace of writing it, because his death is a symbol of eternal life with Christ, and with this, we should rejoice and cast out the fear of death. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not grieving or I'm alright and able to move on from the loss of my beloved dad. I know where he is right now is definitely better than what he had been through for the past 6 months battling with advanced gastric cancer.

My dad was rested in a pure white coffin, and everything was just so pristine.

His sufferings were joined with Christ's. I liked the arrangement where the Cross was in front before my dad's coffin. It is like my dad laying down to rest at the feet of Jesus.

Though it seemed bare, but my dad had lived a dignified life for sure.

His favourite flowers were orchids, so I got Aunty Kat to put orchids for his basket of flowers and around his photos.

Now it's story time... My dad's name is Augustine Chan, and he was born on 12 November 1947 and died on 26 August 2009 at the age of 62. A teacher by profession since the age of 19, he had many students as a government school teacher would have. Besides teaching, he also did counselling and discipline, and had been a full-time counsellor before for about 4 years in government school.

Here's a snippet of what I had written during on of those mornings of 17 August 2009 (about 10 days before his departure). I did not do a eulogy for my dad during his funeral mass, and I felt I owed him this...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All girls' first love is their fathers! And how my dad is will always be a guideline of how I should choose my future husband.

My dad is not a perfect man, but he's a man worth my utter respect and love. All these years, both my parents persevered to keep the family together. There were endless arguments, but never physical fights, only hurling of words (not-so-nice ones). There were frustrations, but there were also many happy moments. I remember the fishing trips to the rivers, the trips to Tioman Island where my dad would catch us tiny crabs and put them in glass bottles, the fireflies he would catch for me and kept in cassette boxes, the visits to his school libraries to borrow a stream of Enid Blyton's books. Not only that, the visit to Sabah in 2004 was pure fun though there were "situations" (the Kancil I rented broke down half way to Pekan Nabalu and had to ask for help from a lorry to tow it to the workshop in Kundasang).

My dad never failed to amaze me with his talents -- he could dance, probably sway and jazz and cha-cha and quick steps and samba, he could play music - organ, guitar, harmonica, probably drums and tambourines too. He could write lovely essays as an English teacher, he draws water colour drawings without the need to use a pencil to sketch. He too has green fingers, where all plants come alive with his touch. He's an athlete - swimming, chess player... My dad has a heart of gold, will never leave a person who needs help behind.

All these are basics for me to look at a future husband material. Besides that, that man would have to love his parents and family too. Where do I find such a man? Only God can give me such a gift. No one else but Him alone.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, my dad was a talented man, jack of all trades for sure. He knew a lot and many friends of mine who had the encounter talking to my dad would say that he's a wise man with a lot to share. Of course, my relationship with my dad sometimes could be more sour than sweet... We're so alike, and shared the same stubbornness that will make a mule faint. LOL! Well, despite the clashes, he's still my loving ol' man. It was painful for me to let him go, especially after the Inner Healing & Transformation Seminar, I was ready to set into the "building & renewing my relationship with my dad" mode, only to find him diagnosed with advanced gastric cancer (stage 4) confirmed on 3 March 2009 via intraoperative method. But I knew that the Lord has a plan to prosper me and not to harm me (cf. Jeremiah 29:11)... And definitely for all others too, including my dad.

Oh yeah... To my friends who are concerned about me being single and all who happened to be reading this... Yes, I AM searching for a life partner, but until this moment nobody actually comes up to me and tells me, "Know what, Cindy, I like you and would like to enter into a courtship for marriage with you for who you are." I would love to have this kind of marriage proposal, but God decides, God leads the right man into my life lahh! Hence, stop being curious about me. Ahakz! I will trust in the Lord my God continuously, who brings me through it when He brought me to it. Whatever circumstance it may be, because He had proved Himself a Loving Father, a faithful God.

If a person asks, "How are you?" or "How have you been?", there is always an answer of "I'm ok" or "I'm not ok". Don't be cheated by my composed outlook at many times, somewhere deep inside me, I'm as human as you are. (In case you think I'm an alien in disguise. LOL!)

Freedom in Boundaries

On this day of your life, Cindy, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are only as free as you imagine yourself to be.
	There is nothing ''out there'' that's holding you down, - you are limiting yourself only with your own imagination. And your greatest limits are not even the ''cannot'' and the ''should not'', but the places where your imagination hasn't yet gone at all. There has never been a better time for you to open your eyes, let the imagination soar and see what more is possible.

Recently I'm attracted to this application on Facebook that generates message everyday supposedly what God wants people to know... I do pray that the people behind this application are praying very hard to discern the messages "God wants us to know" and not fall into the trap of the evil one.

Oh well... It seems that whatever written for today is applicable to my life... (It is beginning to have a lookalike thing - similar to horoscope reading!) It is pretty nice, but in the Scriptures we're reminded to be careful of false prophets too. So, people, sometimes, people who are nice all the time may not be too nice after all. Hmm...

Alright, getting back to my topic of the day... Freedom in Boundaries. What is freedom? What are boundaries? I'm beginning to see myself as a boundaryless person running around all my life and that isn't too nice to be revealed. But this truth is helping me to solve bits and pieces of the "mysteries" enshrouding my whole life. It may be amusing to some of you, but have you ever wondered why is everyone living in boxes that you can see but cannot open? If you do, perhaps you're like me somehow. I'm not trying to scare you here, but do give it a serious thought. Maybe you may see more light out of it.

Two years ago, the theme of Lifeline's Freedom Camp was "Beyond the Lies" and the verse behind this was John 8:32. I never really fully understood the deep meaning beneath this verse until recently. Let's take a look at the verse (taken from Good News Bible):

"You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
~ John 8:32 ~

How true that is! I finally found the many truths withheld from me in my "multiple sclerosis" which has deteriorated to a stage where I began to realize there are so much pain in my body that it is not functioning normally. Hence, the search of truth begins...

By reading the book "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, I start to realize the "boundaryless" attitude in my life of 27 years and how it had crippled me in the sense of responsibilities and commitments. I'm still in the process of seeking truths and lies about my life... So there will be more to come about this. But one this is for sure, that boundaries will bring freedom.

I would like to take this opportunity to first give a big hug to thank a friend who triggered me to seek my boundaries after our boundaries conversation last Monday. (You know who you are if you read this entry, so I need not mention your name. I know you enjoy high level of privacy and mysteries!) Besides that, I also want to thank Melissa Nicholas, Melissa Audrey and Josephine Hiu for our journey in our on-going Retreat with St. Therese. Also to Derek Chong, SHC Youth Worker, who is currently my life coach. And lastly, to thank the God who loves me to eternity.

God bless & Pax et Bonum.

P/S: I'm trying to get my own copy of the book "Boundaries". So if anyone sees it in the bookstore, please call me immediately. So far I've checked in Salvation Bookstore in KK, Capstone Bookstore in Iramanis, but no avail. Thanks!

I'm Back

It has been ages since I updated my blog... And many things had happened since.

1. School holidays were from 22nd - 31st Aug 2009. I flew to KL on 22nd night.
2. Dad was admitted to UMMC on 23rd night and I met him on 24th morning.
3. After a 6-month struggle with advanced gastric cancer, my dad finally returned Home to the Lord on Wednesday, 26th Aug 2009, 7.38am (as per medical doctor). It was a peaceful death.
   
4. Funeral mass was held in St. Louis Parish, Kluang, Johor at 10 am on 28th Aug 2009. It was also the feast day of St. Augustine of Hippo, my dad's patron saint (Dad's baptism name was Augustine).
5. The English prayer group from my church came to say prayers at home on 7th day of my dad's passing.
6. The Chinese prayer group came on Wednesday, 2nd Sept 2009, to pray for my dad. They will go to my house for prayers for seven consecutive Wednesdays. Good for my mom!
   
7. Stayed back until 3rd September to help with preparation of documents. Flew back early in the morning. Friend fetched me from airport and decided to check out the kidz at school.
8. Managed to take pics with my 5 Compassion. Timing was just right. Yay! At least Form 5C was not "orphaned" when taking class photos.
9. Started the endeavor of correcting heaps of exam papers. Got angels and demons in them for sure. Need lots of grace from God... Wish I wasn't that disappointed at the outcome! Oh well, sometimes I just can't force them anymore to do better. They are almost adults... Have sensible minds to think I'm sure!
10. Had Yoyo in Lintas on Saturday with friend and met with long-time-no-see neighbour, Clement. Time to catch up!
11. Went to MV Doulos with Irene on Sunday. Olga Wiebe, a crew of MV Doulos gave us a personal tour beyond the unrestricted area of the ship. Visited the engine room, the dining hall, and the laundry room... And walked along the deck (a long corridor at the side of MV Doulos). Lovely!! Bought two CDs while I was there - Brian Doerksen's You Shine and Stephen Curtis Chapman's All Things New. I was so excited about the Brian Doerksen's CD because I had been looking for it for the past two years. Finally, I owned it! Yay!
12. Watched CSI: Miami and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective while marking the last of the papers after my visit to Stella Maris Blessed Sacrament. Ace Ventura is indeed a good movie! Jim Carrey does have a rubber face! He's pure funny as Ace Ventura. Had good laugh before sleep.
13. Woke up just on time in the morning after a tough time to doze off last night. It was good day, but rather stressful at school. Hopefully everything will be alright.
14. Attended Alpha follow-up at night and headed to Stella Maris Blessed Sacrament. Got a sms from my Leo president demanding my passport size photo when I was praying and decided to cut short my quiet time because it is important... On my way back, near KWSP's traffic light, a Mercedez decided to bang on my bumper, causing my reverse sensor to be out of place. Thank God there were only few scratches on my bumper... So far it is still intact. Tomorrow would have to make a trip to meet the driver who banged my car to get the car fixed. He promised to pay the full cost. I estimate it won't cost him a lot, unless my whole wiring system gone haywired tomorrow morning... I'm trusting God fully in this matter.
15. Had a chat with Derek Chong and decided it is time to enrol myself for some coaching sessions by Derek.
16. Reflecting on the past few weeks and now penning down what I think is appropriate on this blog.

So till the next time... Thank you for reading and thank God for His grace upon us.

God bless.

Dried Cuttlefish Thief

I know it is a bit absurd to write this entry right after the post on Worship and Bible Verse, but I'm really upset with the theft of a sizable packet of dried cuttlefish I brought from home as additional flavour to make soup! Arghh!!! I had been scrimping and saving on the cuttlefish so that they can last me a year of wonderfully-flavoured chinese style home-cooked soup!!! And NOW, everything is GONE because of a petty thief in the place I've called HOME for the past five years! Ever since the new housemate moved in, NOTHING IS RIGHT! I'm so pissed with the cuttlefish thief! If it is THAT important that you should consume my dried cuttle fish, ask me and I will give. No need to resort to thiefing! Or at least, leave some for me!!

Not only that... My Ubat Cap Ibu & Anak that I bought and kept in the fridge allegedly smelled weird and was thrown away by a "concerned" housemate!!! The last time I checked, it tasted perfectly fine and was consumeable! It is pretty strange that my bottle of tonic should be thrown away without consulting me! Sigh!! What is happening to the house? Everything was perfectly fine until the latest addition to the house moved in.

I better cool myself down. This is not happening! My stuffs are missing in a place which should be safe from "robbery"! Pencuri di dalam selimut! Sigh!!! What the heck! Just leave my things alone! Arghhhh~~~~~

Ephesians 5:19

The readings for today are taken from Proverbs 9:1-6; Psalm 34; Ephesians 5:15-20 and John 6:51-58.

What struck me most this weekend is from the second reading, Ephesians 5:19-20...

"As you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, singing and making melody to the Lord in your hearts, giving thanks to God the Father at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (New Revised Standard Version)

"Sing psalms and hymns and inspired songs among yourselves, singing and chanting to the Lord in your hearts, always and everywhere giving thanks to God who is our Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." (New Jerusalem Bible)

These two versions are similar, yet to me, a bit different... From what I understand of verse 19, there are two roles we have to play when it comes to worship... First one, in community, we have to always remember to sing songs inspired by God (spiritual songs) and hymns and psalms, a.k.a. Praise & Worship session... Second part, when we're alone, when we're not with our community, we still have to remember to sing to our Lord in our hearts... This act of worship doesn't stop when we leave our community gatherings. Instead, this act of worship goes on and on until we meet again during the next gathering...

Most churches, including our Catholic church, have prayer meetings, community gatherings, Life Nites (specially for Lifeline and Lifeteen)... Once a week. So what do we do from the P&W session of that week until the next week?

Yes, we worship the Lord with songs and melody in our hearts... But how? Make it a point to at least do one of the things listed here, or more: Listening to scripture-based, or God-inspired worship/praise songs more than listening to worldly music, pray daily, do daily readings (Catholic church we have a set of daily readings, other denominations may follow some other weekly devotions), attending daily masses, praying the rosary... and so many other ways where we can worship God in our daily lives.

As for me, I set aside 30 minutes a day to attend daily mass, as my daily walk with Christ. Through the Eucharis, I have received numerous healings and forgiveness. And I know the Real Presence of Jesus is in the Eucharist... It is not merely symbolic, but He is indeed truly present in the Eucharist. And as you progress with your walk with Jesus, you'll realise how insatiable He is.

Like what Mary said in Luke 1:46-48,
"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour; because he has looked upon the humiliation of his servant..."

Indeed, God is worth all our proclaimation of His goodness and especially, His Salvation, because He came down and saved us all even when we're sinners. He loves us all so much that He who has no sins died for our sins.

I thank God for everything, and in everything, I would like to encourage you all to make worship a lifestyle.

Have a great week ahead. God bless!

My Weekend Frenzy

I think I had fun this weekend... All play and no work... Weekend came to an end when the clock struck 12 an hour ago... Since I sort-of promised Joanne to blog a bit, here's my entry... My Weekend Frenzy episode:

1. Weekend started on 08 August 2009 with a wedding to attend at 11 am. After a great movie (Tuesdays with Morrie) on Friday during Life Nite, I went home and had a good sleep. Sort of freaked out when I woke up to find my eyes swollen from the aftermath of crying (good movies make me cry). Managed to salvage the situation with The Body Shop eyeliner and mascara. While getting ready, I was making an impromptu appointment with my colleague over SMS to get some stuffs in Popular book store...
2. Arrived at Sacred Heart Cathedral almost the same moment as Fenelly (the bride) arrived in her lovely, gorgeous wedding gown. OMG! She looked so beautiful, so peaceful. I was glad I made it. Though there isn't any photo taken (I forgot my camera somehow), but the memory etched in my brain will be forever. Decided of not attending her high-tea reception in Kg. Bahang for I've made the appointment with my colleague... So I went to fetch my colleague after the wedding mass. Hmm... I just loved how couples professed their wedding vows!!~
3. Fetched my colleague and went to Popular in City Mall... Checked out and bought another Bio work book, and 23 paper file folders for my 4M Bio students. It's for PEKA use. Saw one of my students, potential scorer for Biology, at the counter for some last minute book-shopping I think. Had a drink at the food court with colleague and we shared about God and life. It was a good outing really... Left City Mall around 3pm, sent my colleague back and headed home to change and wait for Irene.
4. Irene fetched me at 4pm for our gal outing. Wanted to use the free tickets Aunty Agnes gave me, but it was for some Malaysian films and the time wasn't right... So, we watched the Proposal by Sandra Bullock. A lovely comedy romance. I LOVED IT! I wouldn't mind watching it a second time, really... Everything was creatively perfect! So girls, make sure you take some time off to catch this movie. It's funny, romantic, sweet, and just nice. After movies, we walked around a bit and ended up in NYNY for dinner... Good beef stew with mashed potatoes and sausage wrapped in cheese and ham. Super high cholesterol, but super nice! Well, that ended my Saturday.
5. Sunday started with Life Mass, where I was fully contented being the congregation sitting behind the worshippers. Worshipped along with them... But most importantly, God spoke to me that He'll provide all I need to go through this journey... He will definitely provide. The readings were loud and clear. Thank God!
6. I went to Kinarut Montfort with Irene for their open house bazaar after she met me in church after mass. Met Clement Wong, Mirina, Jason Yong, Thecla, Jeremy Pinso and of course, not forgetting Joanne and friends, and my kids (Amy, Alistair and Daniel Chiang). Amy can really sing, though I missed most of her performance. Looked forward to hear her perform again... Great vocal~ Was glad to see that everyone had fun. I HAD FUN for sure!
7. After the trip to Kinarut, I drove down to Bandar Sierra in Menggatal to visit Ms. Chong, my ex-colleague who is currently posted in Sandakan. Had a short chat with her while she's transferring some documents to my pen drive. Wish time doesn't fly, but it flew. So I had to go home. Thought of sleeping but ended up reading "What Katy Did Next?" for a while.
8. Wrote in my prayer journal a prayer request and then went out to City Mall to get it done... After doing my purchase, I dropped by Popular only to find Irene there!~ Yeah, so we had chit chat over dinner in The Hut City Mall.
9. Got home and took a cool shower.. The weather is super humid and dusty these days!!! Decided to go online and see what's been happening to the world, only to find a total of 26 deaths from A(H1N1) in the whole Malaysia... What the....!!!
10. It's 1.24 am now, way passed my bed time. Weekend's over and out. Tomorrow is the start of SPM Mock I exam and I know my students are pouring over books burning midnight oil last minutely at home, respectively. And so I pray that God will guide them when they are answering their paper tomorrow and until the end of exam. Amen.

Alright, till I have time to post an entry, Pax et Bonum, and God bless!

Sandakan Trip 01-03 Aug 2009

Despite the fever which started on Friday morning and lasted until early morning of Sunday, I took a short vacation and sneaked to Sandakan to visit my ex-housemates for a weekend...

I first was brought to Sim Sim, a village built on water...

Had nice "kon lau springy noodle" with seafood soup... Yummy!

Only to find the side of the village on water... RUBBISH!!!

A visit to the oldest stone building in Sabah - St. Michael & All Angels Church.

The Altar; Apparently I was blessed according to my friends as many times they brought their friends to visit the church but never once they managed to enter to see the inside of the church. Amen to the God who loves us so much!!!

The stone wall in the church...

Time capsule - I found it standing outside the church... To be opened on 2038 and 2088~

Next destination was Agnes Keith House

I didn't go in, so it is the nearest I could go...

The grand entrance of Puu Jih Shih, a chinese temple in Sandakan

The rich chinese culture~

Great view of Sandakan from the temple

Black pepper pork with rice, delicious!

Braised yi mien with passion green tea, nice~

Freshly baked egg tarts, thin and crispy crust

St. Mary's Cathedral, after Sunset Mass celebrated by Bishop of Sandakan
The next day... A visit to Sepilok Rehabilitation Centre

Human Skull vs. Orang Utan Skull

Monkey on food trail

"Heya! Wait up!!"

Orang Utan feeding time

Orang utans feeding... Note: A tiny monkey stealing food at the side~

Sunset on Sunday

Steamboat buffet in Ocean Steamboat Restaurant, Sandakan

Yummy~~

My favourite prawns!!!

Contented look!

Checking-in in Sandakan Airport, Air Asia counter

Interesting rooftop of the airport - Super hot morning!

Waiting area of departure hall

Time to say Good bye~~~

Lovely visit, more than words can explain. I'm thankful to Fui Man for hosting me during this trip... And her wonderful friends as companions. Despite the fever and cough, I had fun. Thank God for journey mercy, and for Lidz and Jocelyn for sending and fetching me from airport, respectively.