A Great Laugh

I was terribly emo this morning, maybe it was the gloomy weather and the exam papers stress. Oh well, maybe it's PMS?! I have decided to just keep very silent and very alone. Just to isolate myself.

Thank God for a kind soul who cheered me up by imitating trumpet/brass band playing the graduation melody, then made slightly out-of-tune music from Star Wars. God is good to bless me with kind souls. I had a good laugh that stimulated some sort of funny hormones into my blood stream.

You know who you are. It's really great to have ya around. Thanks! (If the person is my blog reader...)

Planning for Birthday

I'm turning 27 in 6 days time. OMG! For a teenager, they probably can't imagine being 27. Umm... when I was 17, I couldn't imagine being 27. Arghh! Time flies. Okay, I forgot, I have teenage followers too!

Alright, planning for birthday is VERY NOT DONE! All I know the list of sisters who are freeing the night for me will be: MelNic, MelAud, Jo Hiu, Aunty Cecilia, Dot Leong, umm... did I miss out anybody? I hope not... List is not permanent though... More to come, more to come... Oh yeah, not forgetting Fiona, and hopefully Lidz can come. If not I'm going to smuggle her to CB in the afternoon somehow.

Where to go? Unsure yet. All I know my day should be roughly the same, since I've pledged myself to attend Rosary and Novena in SHC and of course, it's always an All Saints' Day eve. So... YAY! I always celebrate my birthday with a Mass alright. The highest form of worship.

Alright, people, I need ideas, the fresher the better. Help me plan my birthday!!!!

I like surprises, but I can't expect me-self to plan a surprise for myself, right? That will be so.... NARCISSISTIC! Ok, not that planning for my own birthday is not. LoL! For the fun of it, and to foolproof it, so that I won't be disappointed before or after my birthday.

Let's see the histories of joys, and disasters, in the recent years of my birthdays...
2005 - My junior who had promised me to watch movie with me decided to inform me on my birthday that he would hang out with his bunch of friends, and I was not included, because they didn't really know me. So I went for movie marathon and saw my junior and his friends in the same cinema. DANG! And had dinner on my own. This was one of those ALONE moments. Sigh! Worse thing was the guy whom I liked (disclaimer: not my junior for sure!!!)... He was... what shall I say, had a different preference for relationship? He's normal now. Thank God.

2006 - I had to attend Potter and Clay and people almost forgotten that it was my birthday until another group of people brought it present for me. Thank God for these people. HUGGIES. Not quite a disaster, but as usual, I spent the whole day -- ALONE. Did I need to be that pathetic!?~

2007 - It was the best birthday ever. I had a day off, so I went for lunch with my bestest friend then, then decided on either movies or @tmosphere after mass. Mass was great. I opted for @tmosphere, and the staffs surprised me with a Birthday song and a slice of cheesecake, on the house. Oh my! I was in 7th heaven... BUT, the worst part was some people decided that it was their personal affairs to spread the good news of who I went to @tmosphere with and created GOSSIPS and SCANDALS that I had never heard of. Me holding my bestest friend's hand?! Oh my, blasphemy!!! My the other bestest friend in KL that time confronted me on MSN a few days after my birthday. How great a birthday eh?

2008 - I loved surprises, and my ex-bestest friend (because of some reasons and underlying lies, we fought and life was never the same anymore for us) designed a surprise when my CG decided to celebrate my birthday during Life Nite. Wonderful surprise and I was so touched, though I know my ex-bestest friend wouldn't have done it on his own accord because of our difference of opinions that time. I felt so touched because he would still design the surprise despite our differences. BUT, the worst was me being "scolded" via smses by some concerned individual because of my message of gratitude on his FB profile causing her to feel I was ungrateful and think that he was my only friend. Goodness! I think I cried for a week, and I had to confront her for all the questions of why she would do that to ruin the happy moments of my life. Even now, I have mixed feelings when I recall the event. The sms ruined my beautifully painted picture.

2009 - to be discovered soon enough.

Though there were some disasters which followed all my birthdays in the recent years, I thank God that I survived so many birthdays... And this one... There won't be any sms from my dad telling me that he loves me, though I know he still does though he's no longer physically on earth. God bless his soul. I had the greatest dad, a dad who would send me text messages telling me he loves me. Wonderful, isn't it? Now he's with Daddy God, even more wonderful, because he finally can see Him face to face.

Yeah... I'm hoping to reach 200th post on my birthday. I see if it's possible. And my dream birthday with huge bouquet of white roses with a single red rose... Ahakz! Still standing firm, but no cute, good looking dude available for now... Ahahahahaha!

Time to sleep. It's 1 am now. Adios amigos!

It's Time... Timely... Timeless...

Time. Whenever I think of this word, I think of endless "busyness" that kept us from being love. We often say, "I have no time" and "I'm busy at the moment". How much time a day have you stopped, reflected, and perhaps just breathed in the air to experience life? A busy life kept us from thinking, probably helped us from facing some difficult moments in certain areas of our lives. But are we living at present time? Are we living in God's time for us? Do we have time for Him? Even if it means sacrificing five minutes from whatever things we do?

Timely. Sometimes we say, "Oh, the promotion was timely". Sometimes we exclaimed, "How timely you come!" When is the right moment that is "timely" for you to meet God? Have you ever pondered whether God has been exclaiming the same thing over and over again whenever we meet Him in prayers, "Oh great! How timely you've started talking to Me! I've always been waiting!!"

Timeless. Sometimes we hear that what-and-what is absolutely timeless. For me, the only relationship on earth that is timeless is my relationship with Jesus. He stays faithful for eternity. What does that mean? His faithfulness is timeless. No matter how long it takes for us to turn from where we are to face Him, finally, He remains there, waiting for us with open arms. And what is that all about? That His love for us lasts for eternity, and it's timeless.

So, what I can do is to link these three words into a sentence -- It's a timely time to have a timeless relationship with a loving God who is waiting for us to return Home to His embrace.

Have a blessed Sunday. God bless and good night, my dear readers.

Ask and You Shall Receive

Last night as Tity was giving her talk on Faith during Life Nite, I read the verse after the verse she quoted, taken from the Gospel of Mark:

"So I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
~ Mark 11:24 ~

I find this verse always ever so encouraging, especially when I start to pray and then start to doubt again. In times of doubt and worries, this verse helps by reminding me that prayers work wonders, and it is through prayers that miracles can happen.

I see changes in people that I'm praying for, I see spiritual revival for the people I'm praying for... And all these can happen because God is there, listening to all my ramblings, all my prayer petitions, everything that I say. He's just that understanding and considerate.

I hope that all of you will be encouraged by this verse. Somehow, 24 hours a day for me seems to be not enough. Probably I tend to feel tired more often than not... I'm praying that my thyroid glands are functioning normal, and all these fatigues, swollen glands (visual sign) are just because of my weird food intake where fish is rarely seen in my diet. Gotta change my eating habit. I believe God will heal me if it is His will to heal.

Maybe I worried too much. Ahakz. I still believe ask and I will receive. Amen.

God bless!

Fear of Intimacy

Just now before everyone left the staff room, some teachers and I began a chat over walking dogs to lose weight. The conversation was veered to the point that some dogs have psychological issue about intimacy. Apparently the teacher who has two dogs mentioned that one of the dogs would get jealous over the other and starts biting the other when that dog gets more attention from its owner. However, the dog would walk off if the owner decides to give a fair share of love to it.

As I reflected on the issue of the psycho dog after they left, I started to wonder if humans, too, have the fear of intimacy... And yes, I think I do have somewhat that fear that accompanies codependency in terms of human relationships. Not to mention I'm like a dog, but I could relate to this "psycho" issue. I sometimes would start wondering if I'm less likable compare to the other people when others decidedly be talking more to another person instead of me. Then what happened was I would get frustrated. But when the person gives me attention, I would make things worse by being nasty or critical, making a mess out of the relationship. Maybe some of you who finds a possible chance that you too may have fear of intimacy can comment on it?

Maybe I do have psycho issue, like the dog of my friend. Or maybe, I just need help to correct my distorted, disillusioned outlook of relationships. Like how Lasik can correct short-sightedness.

This blog has a few readers who are my students. I sometimes wonder at what point should I disclose how I feel about things.

So What If I'm Fat?

Some real life situations ignited my intention of writing about this topic. Many people are struggling with this issue of being overweight, fat, obese -- self-image. Males, who use their visual instinct to judge beauty by nature, assess females based on their "checklist" of fatness in different parts of female body.

Hence the real topic behind the title is: What is the worth of physical beauty?

Personally, physical beauty is the first impression of one individual towards another. For example, I find men with straight nose and broad shoulders more attractive than the rest of the men. However, I find that what appeals me to continue befriending these men with possible straight nose and broad shoulders would be their personalities and characteristics. If they are good looking but their characters kanasai-ed (kana = like, sai = sh*t), would you continue being attracted to them?

What I truly believe is the nature of Christ to those who know Him will be within the individuals, no matter they are flat or round or tall or short! In 1 Corinthians 11:1, St. Paul encouraged the people in Corinth by these words: "Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ." What I understand is all of us must imitate Christ and His nature, just as how St. Paul imitated Christ. If we want to follow Jesus, we must die to our old-self and embrace the new-self... Like what's written in Galatians 2:20, "and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

So, the issue of physical beauty is void if we see each other in a deeper level, where Jesus becomes the Person we see in our brothers and sisters in the Lord. Well, to end this entry, I have to admit that I am also struggling with self-image and self-esteem. I have finally come to senses that God loves me no matter how round, how fat, how tall, how short, how thin I am. He loves me for who I am, and accepts all my flaws. Without those flaws and cracks in my life, how would He be glorified then?

May God's holy name be glorified, now and forever. Amen!

Pax et bonum.

A Dream Birthday Surprise

Everybody loves surprises. Me? Of course! Well, there is a dream birthday surprise which I concocted the other night prior to bed after which no longer a surprise after publishing it online. Still, I hope one day a somebody would actually do something so sweet like this for me. Hehe!

Let's see, the story goes like this:

When the clock strike 12 am on 31st October, a cool, cute-looking dude walks excitedly to the girl's doorstep and ask for her. So when she comes to the door, all she can see is a HUGE BOUQUET of ROSES with two legs! Yup, you're laughing, all right! Roses... a huge bouquet of white / ivory roses with a single stalk of red rose in the midst of it. And there-you-go! So this cool, cute dude will pass it to the girl a card with a mysterious map on it, muttered happy birthday shyly and left.

The girl will be left standing at the doorway hugging the huge bouquet of roses, stunned & jaw-dropped. After regaining her posture, she gives it a thought and peeps at the card and decides to check it out the next evening.

.......

In the evening, the cool, cute guy is busy getting ready for the second surprise. With the help of his buddies, they lighted about 100 coloured candles around the basketball court nearby his place. And this guy is filled with anxiety and nervousness.

"What if she doesn't turn up??" was filling his brain space of thoughts... And the buddies give him some friendly punches and shoo him off the court pondering. As he is walking around, he sees the headlights of a tiny car and informs his buddies. They hide well, and the cool, cute-looking dude stands in the middle of the burning candles with a lovely cake waiting nervously for the girl.

.......

All the girl feels is surprise within a surprise. Looking at the cool, cute-looking but very extremely nervous dude, she feels so honoured, so loved, and so touched.

So what do you think? Good plot? Hehe! My colleagues said it sounded like a fairy tale. What say you, my dear readers? :P