Alpha? Yes, Alpha.

Personally, I think I had posted a pathetic point of view during my last entry. And after a long period of silence, here's what had been happening in my life. Yups... As per image of the entry, Alpha course is what I've been attending rather faithfully for the past few Mondays. This course is organised by the church's Light of Jesus Christ Covenant Community (LJCCC) and I was encouraged by Aunty Agnes Kong to attend the course (on the funny basis that I need not cook on Monday evenings). What really encourages me to continue going week after week is the desire to know more about my own faith and also to go back to the basic. Many-a-times, we tend to forget our basics, the foundation of the church based on the the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, etc. This course is acting as a refreshment for me in order to deepen my relationship with God. And indeed, I hope, it is working out well.

I was in Pace Bene, Papar, for the Alpha weekend away, where we listened to the DVD talk by Nicky Gumbel about the Holy Spirit. I guess the highlight of the whole weekend was the ministry time where we were being prayed over. It was really good and I saw changes, really obvious ones, on some of my fellow group members. The obvious joy that is bubbling inside them was so contagious that spending a few minutes talking to them made me joyful inside too. The mass was celebrated by a hilarious priest, Fr. Eric Jerome. He spoke with such fervent and so much of zeal in him. He used very hilarious and down-to-earth type of examples when it comes to explaining about human relationships and our relationship with God, etc. Not forgetting the hilarious Uncle Patrick from the community who kept telling me that I have four angels with me ever since we first met him during Inner Healing and Transformation Seminar last November (2008). My friend, Irene, told me that Uncle Patrick told her he saw four angels laughing with me after I was being prayed over by Uncle Daniel Kong during the seminar in Bundu Tuhan. And he mentioned he has 10 angels with him. Amen to this uncle!

Of course, I was revealed a specific call to serve during this session. In fact, it was a continuation from the previous seminars and talks and worship sessions I had. The need of intercessors in the ministry seems to have caught up with me. I've spoken to Aunty Lucia, one of the intercessors of the community regarding the recent calls, which I personally would say, made by God through the Holy Spirit during my prayer time, worship sessions, when I was being ministered to. The short sharing with her this morning regarding my dad's condition and then about my question on "the call to be an intercessor" gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. The fuzzy and warm feeling gave me 100% assurance and comfort at the moment she smiled and started telling me how she intercedes for people. Never had I shared so openly about this call, and tonight, I actually felt the need to get it published on my blog.

So far, ever since I stepped down from Lifeline leadership, this is the first time I actually journaled openly about this call to serve. Though still in the midst of discerning and also I still need to speak to certain "authorities" in ministry about this call, I would love those who read my blog to pray for me and with me about this. The more the merrier when it comes to prayers. I'm unsure if I'm ready to share my dear sister's burden on interceding for our ministry, but what Aunty Lucia shared really encourages me to try it out. She told me that the intercessor will pray for the ministry and "transfers" the burdens transferred from the individual/ministry's shoulder to our shoulders to Jesus' shoulders. And then we will feel light and all. In fact, I would conclude from Aunty Lucia's sharing that God is more than happy to take the burdens of ministry from the shoulders of intercessors and intercessors should not take the burdens and keep them on their shoulders. I'm bad at transfering word-by-word message, but I guess this is the gist of it.

Time for me to go back to my pending work. Before leaving, I would really encourage everyone to attend Alpha course in your church (I know that many churches around the world are offering Alpha courses, including in Catholic churches!) because no matter how much we know about our church teachings, Scriptures and we have personal relationship with God and all, it is never too much to listen and understand the very basic facts on Christianity. Furthermore, we won't know when we'll meet a person who might require us to explain the basics to them. Do not fear that Alpha course may take you off from your own ministry. I, for one, still think that I'm called to be committed to the ministry that I'm already in.

Thank You, Lord God, for sending Aunty Agnes and all others to invite me to Alpha. Thank You for opening my eyes to things I've never really seen previously. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for guiding me and slowly revealing to me more and more each day. Thank You, Lord Jesus, for Your willingness to die for us because You love us. AMEN!

Pathetic - An Adjective

Why suddenly this topic? Because of a random pathetic blog entry which I googled and found, though I regretted reading it the moment I finished it. It was pathetic, and I think I'm pathetic enough to blog about it because I actually like the word "pathetic" as a random adjective. I used to use this word frequently enough to probably kill cells of many people, recently lesser, but definitely still a killer word. Admit it or not, some blogs are just plain PATHETIC.

LOL!!!

The definition of PATHETIC in my dictionary is cases which are not sympathetic or pitiful enough but the writer or story-teller made it sound so sorrowful, mournful, pitiful to extract my less than normal empathy.

So to say, I used to be that pathetic person, mourning about what I don't have and what I wished I have. Seems like I was never alone. Perhaps I didn't really have internet access all year round last time that's why I thought I was the only one in the universe going through that kind of issues in uni. Oh well, today I may be able to say I probably have evolved much earlier than I thought I have.

Comparing to the author of the entry, I had a better life in uni. Points I gathered from his blog were these as compared to what I was/would be (mine in green, his in blue):

1. My Maggi, books, and I. (No matter how broke I was during uni, I never allowed myself Maggi during CNY reunion. I would try spending time with people who did not have chance to return home for CNY even I was packed with exams and assignments. FYI, my uni finals were always the month after CNY, so classes were on-going even at the eve of CNY. Sigh! To think I had friends from hometown calling me to enquire about CNY reunion which I didn't even know of because I was dang faraway, in the context of local uni.)
2. No money to spend. (I never had much to spend, but I managed to go through it by having bread instead of rice and Maggi to me is luxury and health-deteriorator.)
   
3. Winter, cold, nobody around, exams, non-oriental food, no extra money, no one to laugh with. Just me, my books, my chair, my table, my bed. (Ok, I have to admit I've never suffered winter cold and non-oriental food before. But what I had was crazy seaside weather that killed all umbrellas mercilessly, unhygienic non-chinese food and super heat. I quite liked the idea of studying far away from home because I get to focus instead of going home every weekend and not revising at home. I didn't have people to be with during mid-term holidays or study weeks because everybody, near or far, went back to respective places. I managed because I just couldn't mope about it forever! I had the me, myself and I syndrome. Haha! That's when I realize VCDs and movies are so precious to me! And the mass on Sundays...)
   
4. I have been trying to show my family and friends back home how well I'm coping, travelling around, exploring cooking, the great friends I made, the great life I'm living. How happy I was. I hid so much. The truth is, I was really trying to fight depression and homesickness. But still denied anything of that sort. (I did have a rough emotional path in uni, but somehow I had coped with it throughout uni. My parents allow me to be this far not because I'm strong enough but because I tried to adapt and change. I had depression in and out during that period of time too. I hid a lot too. But I had fun exploring and travelling. Those are the stories cherished by my loved ones. And I created more so that I can tell them more of my adventures in a foreign land - my mom until now still thinks I'm outside Malaysia at times!)
   
5. So saving up money to travel around seem to be a good idea. But coming back after the adventures doesn't seem to make anything better. (Definitely coming back from adventures made me feel 100% better because my mind was charged up for another stonethrow of stress from studies!)

I guess it wasn't easy for the owner of the blog entry to go through the phase he's going through now. I pray he'd be able to walk out of it and come to believe that these are just parts and parcels of life. I apologise if anyone is offended because of my usage of the term "pathetic" to the quoted texts. Maybe I've been there, done that, that's why I would say that. I've to admit I was a pathetic fella too... What's really important is to go through the hurdles even when it's like impossible. Whether or not life in uni sucks or exciting in our hearts depends very much on our own perspectives. If we choose to think it sucks and couldn't wait for it to end, we'll end up depressed. If we choose to live it to the fullest possible, then we would wish it would go on forever and ever because of the fun and things learned. I was a strong kid, everything also could be settled. But when I arrived in uni, I became weak, but in my weaknesses, I finally found an Anchor worth more than my strength and my pride. My anchor was Jesus, and is still Jesus.

May the Lord be with all those who are preparing to go away from home for studies and for my two "gals" who are currently in uni (kc n yy).

God bless!

Thy Will Be Done

How many-a-times we prayed "Thy will be done" and then fret over a matter that we've been praying? Me... Countless times!! How many times we complain how we're suffering? Many of us have at least one account to tell about how life made him/her suffer, but have we ever looked into the suffering of Christ before telling our sufferings? I've done many of the above mentioned, except looking deeply into the sufferings He bore for me.

During the Good Friday's homily, Archbishop John Lee was our celebrant and he shared deeply about Christ's suffering for us. All the three readings for Good Friday (Isaiah 52:13 - 53:12; Hebrews 4:14-16, 5:7-9; John 18:1 - 19:42) spoke about how Jesus suffered for our sins. A question Bishop posted to us was this: Have you ever look at the face of Jesus? What kind of face that Jesus has in your life?

He mentioned that this face of Jesus during Good Friday is a face full of spittle, full of wounds, full of blood, crowned with thorns. He suffered so much because of our sins. Are we touched by Jesus for the sorrows of our sins? Lenten season is a season of conversion... "Have I come back? Am I touched? Are we opened for conversion? Are we coming back?" This is the day for us all to experience the saving power of God and we have to respond to the grace so that our sins will be wiped away. During veneration of the cross, we have to remember the sinful person we are and that's the cross Jesus bore for us. So if we embrace the cross, we'll be saved.

The highlight for me came at the point where Bishop touched on the issue of suffering and our attitude towards suffering. We should look at the faith that Jesus has during suffering. He did not give up even when He did not receive the answer from God when He cried out to God in the garden of Gethsamane, on the cross. He still responded with "Thy will be done", which is a total submission into the hands of His Father. All of us have sufferings even when we don't want it. We have pain, sicknesses, problems in family, etc. Many of the sufferings come from sins, but some are just there. Even when there's no answer from God, we have to look at what did Jesus do at the garden of Gethsamane and at the cross. If Jesus had waited for an answer from God and did not submit, there wouldn't be salvation in the history. Sometimes, we do whatever we can, but in the end, we have to say "Thy will be done" and that's when salvation comes. Truly, Bishop answered my question about how we should face sufferings in life...

Besides that, we must die because as stated in the bible, "Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." (John 12:24). It reminds me of somebody who ever told me about the parable of "The Seed". However, in this context, what I can understand is that the price of transformation is a total giving up of self to God and then only salvation comes and sweeps us off our feet.

Another part of Bishop's homily which made me pondered at that moment was when he mentioned about St. John's narration of the Passion in the Gospel of John. The phrase used by Bishop that really made me interested to continue listening was, "In St. John's gospel, by that passion of Jesus, He has the whole control over the whole economy of salvation and He showed His Majesty." (or something like that...) The economy of salvation... I hope I didn't get it wrongly, so people, if you were in SHC listening to Bishop's homily, correct me if it's wrong. He mentioned that St. John never narrated anything to see that Jesus isn't under control. St. John never mentioned about Jesus keeping silence, or supportive women... etc. But he mentioned about what Pilate written of Jesus' charge - "JESUS, THE NAZARENE, KING OF THE JEWS". It also showed the control of Jesus over the situation by stating that when Jesus has seen that all is done according the the scriptures, He said to the Father, "Into Your hands I comment my spirit. It is accomplished." Because all is done, thus the salvation through Jesus is completed. Jesus also gave Mary to John as his mother, and John to Mary as her son. It is, in fact, the first sign of community.

So, us, created in the image of God, should look at Jesus and ask Him to show His face to us. Besides that, we have to be grateful to the Lord and ask to be transformed to the way of God through the cross...

This is not all of what Bishop had mentioned during his homily, just bits and parcel of it. Especially parts that struck me hard. As I walked to the cross during veneration, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of man is this who had the strength to carry all the sins of the world. Imagine myself committing a sin, I'd have felt that tonnes of burdens on my shoulder already. How could this man carry the sins of the whole world, my sins in my entire life? But because Jesus is man and God, and His willingness to carry them for us all, He did it. And salvation was completed. The prophecy of old is fulfilled. Amen to the scandalous love of Christ! Amen to the salvation of mankind! Amen to our Lord who submitted and called out "Thy will be done!"