Once in a while, all students AND teachers express the same emotional statement as above. Yeah, you got it right... I too experienced the same emotion as you do... Why so? Because I'm as human as you are. Facing some issues with the place I associate with for 8 hours a day, it's easy to feel exhausted with the political situations which I still find it ridiculous!
I never understood how much I have hurt people unintentionally, and the more I could not understand why people like to dislike me so much. It does disturb me, knowing that there are people who would enjoy seeing me fall and walk into traps. And it disturbs me even more when these people enjoy stabbing me behind my back while pretending to be innocent in front of me. Again and again I fall for the same trick and trust the "wrong people" who eventually stab me till my blood runs dry. I never want to hate these people, for they too are so broken that life means something to them when they can stab another person from behind. But I do detest their attitude A LOT. It irks me most when it happens in non-profitable organization where no one will receive extra money by putting down another person.
A friend suggested that I could also create the worst gossip to destroy them once and for all. But I do realize that this doesn't work well. I'll be better off telling the truth and only the truth when it comes to this. As much as I'm upset and angry and disappointed with these gossip mongers, I'm better off focusing on those individuals whom I'm paid to focus at.
Here's the claim they made to the person sitting on the highest hierarchy at the moment:
"We're afraid to work with Cindy because of her mood swings."
And here's my response:
I'm MORE afraid to work with you whom claim I'm like that because I don't know how many knives you keep under your sleeves. I'm sure anyone would be upset when they ask for assistance but what they get is a series of "I don't know.", "I don't have.", and "You should know what to do, right?" So why blame me when I am upset and frustrated? And why accuse me when I tell you the truth about how I feel? Any problem with me being real?
Frankly speaking, I have refrained from posting any entry since forever because I was so afraid that tongues would wag when I write. Seriously, the world has conformed to the shape where people have to wear masks in order to survive. Any tinge of being real means death sentence, anywhere in the world. And yes, most of the time, it is unacceptable to express dislike when confronted, but gossips are acceptable because it's just hearsay and hence will not get people into real trouble.
But even St. Paul said "do not be conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..." in Romans 12:2. Renew the mind... Time to open to changes and willing to look outside the box and take charge according to responsibility... I do wonder how come we're more capable in gossiping than in being real and start taking responsibilities as prescribed in our job scopes?
Students aren't being students anymore... Instead of studying and getting involved in healthy activities, the most they could do are not studying, getting involved in vices, complain about teachers and parents.... Teachers aren't being teachers anymore... Instead of teaching the right values to the students, all they could do is to blind their eyes towards all the ill behaviors of the students, and pointing fingers at another person saying it's his/her responsibility to report and correct such behaviors. Then complain about it to every other person they know, or selling gossips like hotcakes. Humans aren't humans anymore... Instead of building real relationships with another, they check on one another's facebook profiles for updates and comment on their photos, then whine on Twitter and Facebook that they are lonely.
When will we evolve to be more responsible? If we have, then I wouldn't need to run around like my tail caught fire these two days. So yes, I am frustrated, but no, I won't dwell on it once I posted this entry.
Don't gossip about me anymore. Enough is enough. I won't be there for long. Good riddance for me on these petty people who give nasty statements about me.
I know I'm not holy, that's why I go to church, I read the Word of God. I fall but I'm just human so I need God. So stop using this accusation against me: "Call yourself a Christian when you behave like this."
If you don't get it, then I pray one day you shall grow out of being Pontius Pilate and start being Peter. I mean, the truth is right there. We can choose either to see it, or remain blinded by the lies and see not the truth.
Good night.
Here's the reflection I have done of today's 1st reading taken from the book of Jonah, chapter 3, verses 1 to 10....