When Things Are Difficult...

What do you do when things become difficult?

I'm no saint, it is obvious. And I'm human, even more obvious. Definitely I'm not a bot which operates the laptop and starts writing long entry for blogs. Hence, I have emotions and sometimes, uncontrollable, because of the events occurring in my life. So what can I do about it?

I have choices. I can choose to sweep it under carpet (which many people do) and pretend I'm alright all the time. Or I can choose to display it and scare people off. Or I can keep to myself and simmer it like a pot of stew. I can also choose to get away from situations and keep to myself and safe people around me. Or I can choose to tell it out to safe friend and get healed with their support.

Some people choose to pretend they are alright when they are not. This is the way of the world, telling others they are alright when things are messed up in their own lives. By living a life of plasticity, maybe others will think they are fine and well off in whatever they are doing. However, when deep inside is badly messed up, one is not whole, nor complete.

Will you fast according to the Law or will you do what is according to God? Will you choose the way of God instead of the way of the world? Again and again, books and articles often quote Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of yours minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God -- what is good and acceptable and perfect." This is a reminder from Apostle Paul about the difference between God's way and the way of the world. Which one will eventually be our choice? God gave us freewill to choose. Are we going to choose wisely?

Today's reading from Isaiah struck me at these verses:

"Is not this the sort of fast that pleases me: to break unjust fetters, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break all yokes? Is it not sharing your food with the hungry, and sheltering the homeless poor; if you see someone lacking clothes, to clothe him, and not turn away from your own kin? Then your light will blaze out like the dawn and your wound be quickly healed over."
~ Isaiah 58:6-8 ~

I have to admit, I'm no saint. Last night I had a terrible time on the phone with my mom. Not verbally, but inside my heart, I died of multiple hurts and abandonment. There was anger, and I never wanted to talk about it. This reading struck me like lightning rod. I called her back today. Told a white lie, but she feels good. I died, but He will raise me up. What I'm left is the hope I place in Him, because He knows best all that I'm going through. Yes, I'm no saint. But I know God calls me to be holy as how He is holy (cf. 1 Peter 1:16).

So whoever you are, judge not and you will not be judged.

Boyfriends on Sales in Shopping Mall

In conjunction with the recent Valentine's Day and my conversation with a friend on FB, hence the post.

Many people may think that I'm attached to some guy out there, and even if I tried to explain in lengthy details that I am NOT attached but AM very single, nobody ever really believed me. Perhaps that explains why no man ever approaches me romantically for fear for hearing, "Sorry, I'm not interested." or "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." from me. This is funny, but it is true that males do have issues with the word "NO" most of the times. However, I also have to admit that females also have the similar issue with the word "NO".

Back to my topic of the day. My friend was telling me to go and find a boyfriend, which leads me to think and review my life as a single, working young adult. Throughout my teenage years and these few years working, of course I have met some interesting male characters who stayed in my life for a while as a faithful male companion, and I did take interest in them at that time. However, somehow, it didn't work out. The recent male companion decided to go abroad rather suddenly, and now I'm in the mode of waiting until the end of March.

Many people think it is important to have a relationship and then move on to marriage, etc. Well, I think so, too, no matter how strong from outside I look like. However, another thing which I love and find it important at this moment, is to be really single and embrace singlehood properly before being in a relationship. This is probably my weakest link at the moment, but I am learning to embrace singlehood and enjoying every moment of being single.

As for being available for relationship, I have to admit sincerely that I would like to be truly available, but I'm not exactly there yet. But if the right man comes and approaches me, I trust that the Holy Spirit will stir me from within and a sense of peace and security will come unto us to trust each other and to want to know each other deeper and better.

As for now, I truly believe that I have to be complete in Christ Jesus. I desire to be complete in Him and I pray my future spouse will also be a man after God's own heart who is also complete in Christ. When there is a secure relationship independently with God, two persons will be drawn nearer to each other. That's the concept. And I believe that the "he" who really is interested in me will approach me when it is the right time.

As for the boyfriends on sale in shopping mall theory, I guess I don't quite get it. I trust that boyfriend/spouse is a gift from God and I have to know the Giver properly and completely before I can enjoy the gift without turning my back against the Giver. Like what struck me in today's first reading:

"But if your heart turns away, if you refuse to listen, if you let yourself be drawn into worshiping other gods and serving them, I tell you today, you will most certainly perish; you will not live for long in the country which you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess."
~ Deuteronomy 30:17-18 ~

It is important that we know our God and set our hearts on this God who loves us so much that He sent His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to save us by death on the cross. If we are not cautious about this and we don't take heed from the Word of God, we will end up worshiping the very gifts that God gives to us in order to fulfill His plan in our lives. Then the good plan will take a longer time to be fulfilled and our lives may probably have more disastrous issues than we want. So we must always remember God in all that we do, and put Him first in our hearts. One of my favourite verses is:

"Take delight in the Lord alone, and He will give the desires of your heart."
~ Psalm 37:4 ~

Yet, we must also remember that God, in His mercy and by His grace, knows what we need most and will give us what we desire and is good for us, but not what we desire which is bad for us. He definitely will be in terror if we ask for a person whom He knows will be abusive to us in future. Or we ask for a car which He knows will eventually cause a terrible accident and maim us for life. No father on earth would do that, so our Father in heaven will even more not do that. Therefore, we must first learn to find delight in Him first and allow Him to take His time to give us what's the "bestest" for us!

So, come what may!

Model Christian

Any idea what a model Christian is like? Recently a concerned individual reminded me that the eyes of all my colleagues are on me because I've been appointed as the Religious Knowledge Coordinator of my school, hence I'm expected to be a "model Christian teacher".

Who am I to have such an honour that all my colleagues must have their eyes on the way I behave myself in front of these people? And all these whiles, I thought that everybody who is a Christian (doesn't matter Catholics, Orthodox, Evangelical Protestants, Adventists, etc.) has the same role to play -- to be a role model to the world base on the Christian values which we are supposed to live out. So what exactly was the intention of this concerned individual to remind me of these eyes who have been staring at me since the first day I received my new job description?

Today is Ash Wednesday, the start of Lenten season. The first day of the 46 days before Easter. A day of fasting and abstinence from meat. The gospel reading today (Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18) in fact answers my question of the "model Christian" issue which had been bothering me for a few days. St. Matthew in his gospel spoke about how we should behave when we give alms, pray and fast. And all was summarized here:

"Be careful not to parade your uprightness in public to attract attention; otherwise you will lose all reward from your Father in heaven."
~ Matthew 6:1 ~

It is a call to learn meekness and humility from Jesus through His life on earth. It is a call to spend time with God. And God sees all our actions and thoughts, whether we like it or not. Yet, with His love, all our flaws are forgiven. In fact, He sometimes uses our flaws as His tool to shine His light to the people around us. Let God use us to the fullest in this season of Lent.

As for me, yes, I will work on being a model Christian, and live my life for Christ's sake, but I'd also invite everyone else who profess he/she is a Christian to do the same, instead of criticising how another Christian should live his/her life. Like what Jesus said, "Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." (cf. John 8:7)

Perseverance Unlimited

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. What is YOUR plan for tomorrow?

What I know it is a day of fasting and abstinence from meat. A day of obligation. The start of Lenten season. Some people do 40-day fast in this season of preparation for Easter. What about YOU?

As for ME, I do plan to only have one full meal a day. Will it be heavy lunch but no dinner? Or should it be heavy breakfast, no lunch and moderate/light dinner? Perhaps the latter. I still have a day to consider my fasting/abstinence plan. Maybe I should follow my puppies' diet of rice and fish only. They seem happy eating that day-in day-out. I know that the road to happiness is to be contented with what we have. Enough is good and sufficient is grace from God.

Planning is great, as always. But will I be persevering in this 40-day plan of fasting/abstinence? How many times we plan great things, with full of desire and passion, but end up limping because of lack of perseverance? Today when I opened my copy of The Light (daily readings), it struck me that the Church is preparing God's people for the season of Lent which will start tomorrow.

"Blessed is anyone who perseveres when trials come. Such a person is of proven worth and will win the prize of life, the crown that the Lord has promised to those who love him."
~ James 1:12 ~

Indeed, it is also written some down the chapter that,

"Everyone is put to the test by being attracted and seduced by that person's own wrong desire."
~ James 1:14 ~

During Lenten season, we're still living our normal lives. The difference is this season is with the knowledge that we must remember the road that Jesus took in order to redeem us from our sins; in order to save us, He died the scandalous death. Are we going to just sit here and do nothing about it? Or instead, are we going to wait for His resurrection at Easter by dying daily to our sins and carry our daily crosses, yet remain joyful with trials and cling onto the Rock when tempted to go astray? We can be easily tempted because of our own desire. Sometimes, passion and desire can blind us.

James wrote that "by His own choice He gave birth to us by the message of truth so that we should be a sort of first-fruits of all His creations" (James 1:18) as the end of today's reading. God has given us, by His choice, His message of truth. As we are all children of the Father of all light, we receive His truth and hence should be the salt of the earth, light of the world (cf. Matthew 5:13, 14).

You can decide how you want to lead your life. Pray more? Pray less? Your decision.

May the grace and love of God be with you all on the 3rd day of CNY. May perseverance in prayers be your strength when in darkness and may the light of Jesus be the direction of your lives.

God bless!

How Does It Feel?

As I was browsing FB photos and reading blog updates (I do have a few blogs which I check regularly), I started wondering how an individual dating someone public would feel. "Someone public" includes celebrity (locally/internationally known), pastor/church leader, politician... (the list can be rather endless, anyway, so I shall end it before I get too long-winded!)

Just some questions that popped into my mind...

• Will it be easy to always have the relationship be in the limelight of the public?
• Will it be easy to see the boy/girlfriend always working alongside with the opposite gender?
• Will it be easy to have a committed relationship where most of the time the public one has no time for the other?
• Will there be doubts on the social circle of the opposite gender?
• Will the partner be ever secure of the commitment level of the public one?
• Will it be awkward being stared at when they go out on a date in public place?
• Will they actually have time to date?
  

Well, it just dawns to me that it seems difficult to date somebody who is a public figure. It really will train a person to practise 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 forever... Is it possible? Ok, with God it is possible, but we're mere mortals who fall.

So what say you?

Jason Mraz - Lucky

I like the tune...


"Lucky" Official Video With Colbie Caillat

Jason Mraz | MySpace Music Videos

Sorry

According to The Free Dictionary, the word "sorry" has THREE meanings:

1. Feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret: I'm sorry I'm late.

2. Worthless or inferior; paltry: a sorry excuse.

3. Causing sorrow, grief, or misfortune; grievous: a sorry development.

But in Malaysia, you probably will find the FOURTH meaning.

Now let me tell you an encounter I had this evening which describes this particular definition of the word "sorry".

Location: W Store in 1Borneo, Workers A & B of W store and me.
Me: Excuse me, do you have any more stock of this (referring to Colgate toothpaste which has special discount, buy 2 twin packs for RM16, and there is only one twin pack left on the display shelf)?
Worker A: Umm... It's out of stock (after worker B checked out the store).
Me: It's alright then.

Disappointed, I decided to pick up my usual Fresh 'n' White toothpaste which can last me long enough until I go to Servay to pick up my twin packs (I'm an economist when it comes to buying toiletries).

While waiting to pay at the counter, Worker D decided to pay for her purchase (the exact same twin pack which I was looking for). Very loudly, here's what I could hear while standing behind her.
Worker D: Sorry ler, sorry ler. Apa boleh buat? Lambat. (Translate to: What to do? Late.)
Worker A: Dia tedi sedang cari tu (refering to the twin packs that Worker D was paying for // Translate to: She was looking for it just now).
Worker D: Sorry ler, sorry ler...
(In order to avoid direct unpleasant circumstance with that loud Worker D, I walked off to the other paying counter of Worker C).

Me: Umm... Lain kali minta pekerja kamurang jangan cakap macam itu, very impolite. (Translate to: Next time please ask your workers not to talk like that.)
Worker C: Ya... Ok...
Me: Seriously, it will ruin the image of W store. It is actually really very rude.
(I walked off from W store with my paid item after thanking Worker C feeling ridiculous at the ill-behaviour Malaysian workers are displaying to their paying customers. I know it is unfair that Worker C had to listen to my complaint about this, but I hope she will help to "correct" this kind of behaviour in her workplace)

That's how the word "sorry" is used in Malaysia by some of those individuals who felt smug by outwitting others in purchasing discounted products. It is definitely a victorious moment to be the last to get the special discounts, but it is bad for company's image if you happen to be wearing company's uniform and act like a smug in your own workplace in front of a customer, chiding the customer.

I am really disappointed with the ill-behaviours of Malaysian employees in many service outlets. FYI, I've decided to "assist" in the improvement of the W store by filing a proper complaint via their webpage.

I'm not angry, just felt ridiculous how people can use the word "sorry" to act like some ridiculous, uncivilized people from the jungle, just because of two twin packs of toothpaste with the cost of RM16. I pray that the company will do something to train their staffs to be more aware of their behaviours which may improve or deteriorate the business of the company which pays their bills at home (indirectly).