Europe Countdown: Day 14

It is finally less than two weeks before I leave Malaysia for two years. I'm still blur at work and very unhappy with the things I observe there. I wish I could do something but there is practically nothing I can do... Yeah, like what the vice principal said, "It's beyond your control". In fact, I am hurt by what he said. The more I tried to do things for the school's well being, the more oppressed I felt as an individual battling against a battalion of soldiers. After being there for almost four years, I find that I did nothing that change the perspectives of my co-workers on the importance to live out the Christian faith in school as an educator. Tonight, I felt embarrassed and disappointed at my lack of achievement to change the lack of empathy in the school. I shall literally shake the dust off my sandals when I leave the staff room. I had tried, though I failed, but at least I know I had done my part. Time to fine-tune my pendulum swings...

I am clear that there have been students whom I had ministered to throughout these years, and seeing them grow, it became a known purpose that what's important is to focus on the calling God has for us all. Just now I had a chat over dinner with Jonathan Tse, another awesome friend, youth pastor, musician and local artiste. Seeing his fervent effort to reach out to the young people, I am encouraged by that, and hope that I can continue answering my call to reach out to the young people of my surroundings as I travel along. Like what my neighbour, Dominic, said when I went over to their place the other night, "NEVER LOSE YOUR FAITH". It's a strong reminder that I should be the difference in the society where Christianity is no longer popular. It's never a shameful thing to be a follower of Christ at young age. I pray I may have the strength to persevere and the power to change the outlook of what Christianity is. I know God has been the pillar of my strength and the divine Provider to my circumstances... Never lose faith... Never lose faith... Never lose faith...

It's indeed hard to say goodbyes. People who have always been around me I will have to bid farewell. I got emotionally when I sent off Karen and Irene in the airport last night for their trip to Europe. It took me by surprise when Irene leisurely mentioned "Don't cry ah", and I cried. Haha. That's the funny part... But I know after this, I won't know when I will return to KK to hang out with her. Gee... Thinking about me brings about another bout of sadness. Time to zoom out from this topic.

It's getting very late now. I better turn in after typing some stuffs on Smart Notebook software for tomorrow's lesson.

Have a good day/night!

Europe Countdown: Day 17

Suddenly, it is less than 3 weeks before I leave. I have another 5 working days and then it is the end of my working life for the time being. Being a student is always both a challenge and leisure. I do hope being far away from my homeland will make me a stronger person. I know I shall enjoy the moments of learning and absorbing knowledge, and also the exploration of Europe herself.

As I move towards the end of July, I find myself with so many unsettled things - transfer of billing and mailing address, unpaid bills, phone package transfer, things to buy and pack, things to bring home and give away... the list goes on and on, and most of them require a sufficient amount of money (which I don't have right now). The smart organization which I am working now decided to pay my salary only on the last day of this month (my original pay date is 22nd of the month). This leaves me broke and stuck without the ability to do anything else this weekend. I guess at the moment, I can only pack my stuffs which are all over the room, and see how it goes.

I know that this challenge I will be able to pass, and God is with me. I can't describe what it means to me at the moment, with so many voices telling me that things are failing and I sometimes am disappointed with things at work etc... but I am certain that my God is a faithful God, even when I am faithless.

So, here I am, done with day 17. With 16 days at hand, many things have to be done. May I be strengthened as I journey through the final two weeks in Malaysia...

Europe Countdown: Day 23

OMGoodness! It's day 23. This also means I have another 3 weeks before I fly to Spain. I had been occupied for the past 12 days, hence the long silence. I'm unsure what occupied my mind, but it's something deeper than I knew. So, I just let it brew for a while, and then when it exploded on Thursday, it was alright and thank God for His faithfulness. I don't know what I'd do without Him, the GUY UP THERE.

This evening I'll be serving the worship for mass for the last time (hopefully not the final time though) with Felix and Praise Team. For six long years I've journeyed with Felix, Yvonne (his wife) and some others - from the time when I joined Freedom Camp in 2006 till now. They have been my friends, my siblings, my spiritual companions, my family. Sometimes we don't talk, sometimes we just let things go on and on without catching up. But they are family to me, sometimes more than my own family is. I'm pretty much emotional and stressed up now, but I know all will be put to the right place, because God is present in our midst, now and always.

We attended Lifeline's M.A.D. Camp last weekend (8th-10th July 2011) in Bundu Tuhan. Thank God for sending Martin Jalleh to minister to all of us there in the mountains. That place is known as "Valley of God" (as translated from the Kadazan word Bundu Tuhan. God is awesome as He always is. I sort of reconciled with my best friend whom I had journeyed with for a year plus as co-cell group leaders. He's like my soul mate who seemed to know me best. Yet, the soul mate who seemed to know me best doesn't know me as well as God can be. My God is THE ONLY God who searches for His sheep and knows them well. I am His sheep and He is my shepherd. Like how David put it in Psalm 23, I shall not want... It's deeper than what we normally can comprehend. It means, having God as my Shepherd, no worldly desires shall bother me, nothing in this world is greater than having God in my life... No soul mates, best friends, etc. can be compared to this God who cares so much that He gave us His son in order that we may have eternal life... (cf. John 3:16).

I was uncomfortable with the fact that there was a hawk who was eyeing on us as I spent time with my best friend. I know some may be insecure with this reconciliation. But why so? I have no time to comprehend the insecurity I sensed, because every minute spent with my best friend counts... Maybe I was insecure too, especially after my best friend told me he not really had missed me throughout the two years of silence between us. Well, I am trying to care not on how he feels, but to work out on my own. Yet I know, we share too many similarities to ignore each other for too long. LOL. That... I thank the Lord, my God.

Day 23 started with long-needed laundry day - there are so many pieces of clothes which require personal attention (a.k.a. hand wash). I have a lunch appointment at Irene's place. She's going to cook wild boar curry. Yummy..... Haha! Mass in the evening, and hopefully can catch a movie together with some friends...

Tomorrow is another traveling day. This time I shall be staying with Karen Chin, one of my kidz from Whispers of Wind cell group in Lifeline two years back... Apparently, WOW doesn't exist anymore.

Europe Countdown: Day 35

Today is a day filled with surprises. I am down with flu, finally I'm sick after fighting against it since my last trip to KL. My mom was sick when I visited home during the weekend... Absent from school and wondering how are the teens doing. Really sorry for leaving the form ones on their own for three periods. Furthermore I have caught a cockroach in my bathroom since last Wednesday so that we could do the experiment on the cockroach... I guess I better let it go, or kill it. In fact, I am starving the poor insect underneath a tiny little container now :(

There are 34 days before leaving Malaysia. World Youth Day is 42 days to go... It's very exciting to know so many Malaysians are going, despite the high currency exchange rate that we have to experience. Thank God for all the blessings He's been showering onto me as the time draws near. Receiving the Erasmus Mundus grant itself is a blessing so huge that I see His hand over my life. Even when I lost focus and forgot to "fix my eyes" on Him, He remains faithful and stays with me until I see Him again. What an awesome God I have here!

There are many things which I have to get done. I finally found someone who is willing to house my luggage in Cordoba while I am away for YAI and WYD. Thank God for Maribel (a couchsurfer in Cordoba)! I have been hoping and praying that someone will say YES, and it's definitely grace from God that she agreed to it. I might even have a permanent place to stay for 6 months in her flat which is pretty nearby the university... This is to be discussed when I meet her of course.

I better go to bed now. My nose is rather blocked... Guess I need another day off from work tomorrow...

God bless.

Europe Countdown: Day 36

Ahh... Day 36 is traveling day. One day in few places at different time. Apologies for not writing for a few days. I was back in my hometown for a short weekend visit. Now I am doing sporadic visits, since I am still working while preparing to leave the country for further studies in Europe. There are many things which I am so thankful and grateful to God and to my friends and family who are so supportive of me. Many too are the things which I cannot reveal too much at the moment.

The frequent traveling is causing me to be rather exhausted and prone to disease. My throat is itchy again. I hope I won't get sick again... I've been getting sick pretty often these days :(

It was a good weekend at home... Food was good, as usual, since I have a mother who cooks awesome food. Then it was the meetup this morning with friends. I like catching up with them. Apologies that I've always been dramatic whenever we meet up. Oh well... I don't come back too often. An hour or two ain't enough actually. Hopefully on 30th July when I go back for another short weekend, I get to spend more time with them...

Time to sleep... Ahh my dry throat!!!

Europe Countdown: Day 39

I wrote this on 30th June 2011 morning....

Oops.. I missed out DAY 40. It was yesterday. Okay, now the official announcement which was meant for yesterday....

I RECEIVED OFFER TO STUDY ERASMUS MUNDUS MASTERS IN FORENSIC SCIENCE, SO I AM LEAVING MALAYSIA TO EUROPE OFFICIALLY ON 8TH AUGUST 2011.

This is a JOYFUL news for me, as I have always been good with my research skills and would love to return to research... For five years I have contemplated about leaving the country due to the many excuses I gave myself. Yet, beyond all the excuses I have made, I knew that deep down, God's plan is greater than what I can see. So, this time round, I found myself without any excuse to say NO to Him again. Instead, I give myself the chance to trust in God's plan in my life.

Last year September, I had a long chat with Felix and Yvonne, two great friends who have been there for me since 2006 when I first joined Lifeline Ministry. It has been a long and wonderful journey with them both. The chat with me caused me to think further and deeper in my future. My question then was "Am I doing what I am called to do?" and also "Have I been using my talents which God has given to me?" Sadly speaking, I did not. I started making steps towards living my life to the fullest, which  means I have to live and use the God-given talents I have to let His light shine through me. I know I am capable to get my further degrees done if I want to. And yes, I have been passionate about my research projects etc, so I know eventually, I will be happier if I follow the passion I have...

There's this story about the Baby Camel and the Mama Camel which I heard from Derek Chong, our church youth coordinator cum my life coach during Jumpstart seminar.... It's applicable to all wild animals kept in zoo. We, the human beings, want to keep them safe and provide chances for our future generations to see these endangered species. Yet, we forgot that God creates each animal to be special and specific to their living environment. When we are put in a place where our specific talents are used, we thrive despite difficulties, and we will be happy. When we are not, then the opposite occurs. It is not that I am not happy being a private secondary school teacher, but I know there is more than just this in me. So, I need to start exploring them once again.

I applied to both Gwangju Institute of Science and Technology in South Korea and also Erasmus Mundus programs (in fact I applied for three Erasmus programs). I was pretty sure I will be going to Korea as I was in the reserved list for EM Masters in Forensic Science when the results was out in April. Yet, the Lord has His plan for me. In mid May, I received an email from the program coordinator asking if I am still interested to take up the grant offer. I took the chance since I did not hear anything from GIST yet. Only by end of May they informed me that the position is mine and all I need to do was to proceed with visa application. For the information My naive mind thought that going overseas was as easy as ABC, and I was very wrong as there are many bureaucratic steps to be taken and trips to KL had to be planned and executed.

Now, I am in the process of getting my Certificate of Good Conduct from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, and the Non-Objection Certificate from Ministry of Higher Education so that I can proceed with the visa application with the Embassy of Spain. Fingers crossed that I will be able to get the certs when I go to KL in mid-July. Though worried, I know now I have to rely on God for His divine intervention. With God, all things are possible.

Another problem arising which I hope I can somewhat solve prior to my flight to Madrid will be the location of my extra luggages. I hope I can place my luggage in Cordoba (where I shall be for the first 6 months of my studies), but keeping them in Madrid will be equally sufficient. In fact, I'm on the "as long as there is a safe place to keep my luggage for 1 month" mode... Another challenge will be to get everything settled prior to my last departure from KK on 6th August morning - the car, the boxes of stuffs, extra clothes to give away, things to send back to Johor, bills and letters from insurance companies, mobile service providers, Streamyx... A LONG list of things to do in fact. Is there anyone who can assist me please???

So now, in the midst of all these I still have work to do. And now, to break the news to the students so that they will not be too surprised of my depart. Oh well, knowing them, they wouldn't care. But I still have the responsibility to inform them. So, nope, I am not abandoning them. It's just that I have something which my priority in life right now. And I want to know what God has in His plan for me.

Europe Countdown: Day 41

One day 24 hours. It is considered half a day is gone when 13 hours had passed. I didn't blog last night because I was at my friend's grandpa's funeral wake. My condolence to the Shim family for the loss of their grandpa. I met grandpa Shim once last year when I visited their family house in Kudat. He was a very nice, chirpy old man, who cared for his grandchildren a lot - especially when it comes to their marriage. Haha. I remember that night he nagged about his eldest grandson to his grand daughter, my friend. I'm sure grandpa Shim knew and was assured about the girl the grandson has chosen to be his future wife.

I went out with some Couchsurfing friends, Tom from UK and Elena from KK last Sunday. After Sunday mass, I brought Tom for some local Indian food in Sri Latha, then met up with Elena to tag along to Kadazan wedding reception. Tom had never been to a local wedding, hence the visit. It was fun. After that, we went to 1Borneo for a short walk, and then to UMS jetty and ODEC beach to await the sunset. It was awesome day out, concluded after dinner in Emperor's Delight. Yummy dumpling, and hand-made noodles.

Yesterday was a normal day. Started drowsily as how every working day is, after dragging myself to my feet, washed up and started work... In the evening I went over to UMS to pick up a verification letter, and yummy food for "lunner" (lunch+dinner). I was drowsy again by the time it was 6pm, so I just laid on the bed while waiting for time to go for prayers for the repose of the soul of grandpa Shim.

When I was at the funeral reciting the prayers, I was reminded of my dad's funeral wake. Pretty emotional for me at that moment, but I managed to swallow everything inside then. I didn't cry much when my dad passed away. It was not because I wasn't sad losing my dad, but more like I couldn't feel much then. I was in a shock, I guess. How would I know that my school holidays which was meant to be spent with my family, turned out to be a funeral? Though terminal stage of cancer is equivalent to death itself, but my last visit home in July 2009, my dad seemed strong... So yeah... I lost the one and only extinct species of dad. And the loss is there, always. Nobody at home seemed to understand the difficulty I felt about going home. Nobody around me either. Pointing fingers became the norm of any society. Well, I can't stop people from wagging their tongues.

Two years later... Here I am, blogging about it, wondering if I am running away from my true self, and escaping from reality of life. Perhaps it's just my hormone speaking now.....

I shall continue day 41 by going to a 30-min chat with my life coach friend, then a good sleep and prayers in Fook Luk Siew for the repose of the soul of grandpa Shim.

P/S: It's DAY 40 tomorrow. Time to let the cat out of the bag!