Lisbon: Revisiting Memories

As I walked on the streets of Lisbon, tracing my footsteps back to ISCSEM, the graduate institute I spent a semester in, and be reminded by Swarm/Foursquare of my last check-ins here and there since July 2012, it is like reliving my memories as an Erasmus Mundus student: where I had been, what I had done, who I had come to know, why I had decided to do what I did and am doing. This short weekend of refocusing will definitely recharge and refresh my mind for the hectic weeks ahead. I think the sunshine, blue sky, good food and water body (Rio Tejo) are very helpful. And yes, the temperature. I've to be careful not to be burnt though.

Excited. Lisbon.

The last evening in Lisbon was 30th July 2012. I took the long distance bus and left to Barajas Airport in Madrid to fly to Stansted Airport. I never thought one day Stansted Airport would be my first option if I were to fly off to soothe my itchy feet. But it did, and will be in the near future.

It's been almost three years since I've been back to Lisbon. To be exact, I've not been back to any of the cities I studied in since I left. My attempt in 2013 to return to Lisbon had to be cancelled due to the priority of my Masters dissertation. It was worth it if I focused on the outcome of my Masters *wink*

I went through my stash of city maps I collected as I traveled and found my good ol' map of Lisbon, and map of Sintra - a place I've always wanted to go but never did when I was there as a student/resident. Another opportunity to return to this city is definitely exciting.

Finally, the true Pasteis de Belem. Finally, another scope of Santini ice cream. Finally, another breathtaking chillax session with my friends. Finally, another English mass in Igreja do Corpo Santo Lisboa. Finally, I am returning to Lisbon. Thank God for the opportunity.

From my huge stash of photos of Lisbon - Ponte 25 de Abril, taken on Sacred Heart Feast Day 2012 from Cristo Rei Sanctuary

Finally, It's Finalised!

Yes, it is finally official. Both supervisor and department transfers were completed (hence the program too!). After almost six months, there's finally a sense that something had moved. Thank God.

Cold, Cold, Go Away!

The worst things that can happen in the life of a graduate student include explosion of the laptop filled with data which we forget to backup, equipment used for experiments decided to break down in the middle of a crucial experiment, internet gets disconnected when a large data file is 90% uploaded with 10% to go, our pet microbes die in sleep during the weekend, incubator loses control of its temperature causing our pet to die of frost or heatstroke, and last (but not least) to catch a cold when an awfully important presentation is due in the same week. The list can go on forever... PhD comics would have a bunch of well-illustrated experiences for sure.

As for me, I'm down with the idiotic cold this week!! Of all the weeks... the silly bug visits me this week!!!! First the sore throat, then the infamous runny nose and built up of mucus in sinus cavities, finally the dizzying cough. The worst of all is I have a crucial presentation tomorrow afternoon (which is almost done but not so!). I'd have expected a cold around this time of the year, it's always before, during or after my birthday. Somehow the busyness caused me to forget to take extra precautions. Thank God I wasn't sick on my birthday!

Let's see what I've tried so far to hasten the recovery:
1) Over-saturation of Vitamin C
2) Chicken soup
3) Honey water (warm)
4) Loratidine (abandoned after two doses)
5) Pseudoepinephrine (somehow working so far)
6) Nasal spray
7) Steam vapor to dislodge mucus in sinus cavities
8) Sleep and stay home

FYI, lemon or whatever form of lemony stuffs don't work for me at all. I tend to get sicker after doing lemon. Strepsils don't work too. It might work for general public but not for Cindy.

Let's see if it helps me to get things done tomorrow morning for a good presentation in the afternoon. I've gotta seal the deal. It's either present or perish. I'm not quite done with Cambridge so I hope I can nail it.

Tomorrow alone activities are lined up like a beeline. First the session with college counsellor, then fire safety talk, finally the presentation. I need a miracle, which can only come from God alone. May the Lord walk me through this tough but interestingly challenging period.

Amen.

Irony of Life: Family?

One interesting statement: Family is supposed to be the closest to oneself even when one feels like stabbing them all the time.

It is supposed to. But is this statement valid for everyone? Maybe. Maybe not.

An early birthday gift is the knowledge that no one in my so-called family bothers to keep contact with me to the extent that they don't even have my contact number here in the UK because my only brother reformatted his mobile phone. Good for him.

Should I bother to give them my number again? I wanted to know if I mean anything to them, so I stopped calling home since end of July. Guess what? After three months, they are finally trying to find out what the heck is my mobile number. Apparently, I exist perhaps only once in a blue moon. No wonder from the age of 23, I was told crudely that they assumed I got married in a faraway land just because I chose to stay in a place I was most comfortable and loved. No wonder I was described as a stranger whom my mother no longer knows as daughter. I can give my mobile number a thousand times, but if I am the only one trying to work things out, there's no point. Does anybody even care I am alive or dead?

I am dealing with many things at the moment. Unnecessary accusation that I abandon the family, etc. just because I didn't call home is going to bring me down to the pit.

You can choose to judge me as an ungrateful brat. Honestly, I am too exhausted to want to talk about it anymore. God knows my heart best.

Proposal Amendment

I took a dip two days ago, and finally came up with the first draft. My college graduate tutor, Dr. David Coomes, went through the first draft and suggested I should include references. I knew the draft was written shabbily so I've decided to rewrite the whole draft. A full page with references on the second. Thought it was sort of better.. Sorry but this is a possible PhD proposal, so I minimised it on purpose.

Second draft outline

Only to receive a joyous return of a bunch of firecrackers. To be honest, for the past nine months of being so insignificant, I was glad to receive something to be amended. I am humbled to know that I still have room for improvement. It comes as an affirmation that I do have a voice that can be heard, though right now, only my tutor hears it. Soon, the day will come. I don't know how but I can only trust in God that I will not be left in darkness forever.

Suggestions for amendment of my second draft

I guess I'm no longer hiding under the stone that I am in deep trouble with my current PhD and need a huge and possibly arduous change. There's no way it would work out if I try the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That's insanity. So said Albert Einstein.

I don't want to be a stupid fish my whole life.

Source: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ49-YGZ-bJt1nIElQKwIeejBoN4S-tXDrSOZ9slhmjJ0WHBBOHgOf1y3gWikWApWPoeoXtePSUX7dHQ9mom2eFNSo_u5RKUYdkle5c1YGrLzHGYHgaMP8Kuxh2YvCnt0XSLDewlDAeJUM/s1600/AlbertEinsteinQuotes+pics5+genius+judge.jpg

Life as a Struggling PhD Student

My home workstation today, for the first time after nine months of struggles

Being at Cambridge is definitely a blessing in disguise for I know anywhere else, I would probably be asked to push through a subject which I couldn't grasp after the long nine months of struggle. Today is the mark of the start of my 10th month here. An embarrassment that half the time I was too depressed to work on anything, a quarter of the time I spent worrying how to cope with the strangely foreign subject of human evolutionary genetics. I thought I love genetics enough to do anything, even if it means working on bioinformatics of a highly foreign subject of evolution. It was humbling to know that I had overestimated my ability to cope with research interest which is not of mine.

I spent a month struggling to make sense if I should just give up on doing a PhD. At the moment, I don't even know if I could make a swap despite being assured by my supervisor and college graduate tutors that it is totally understandable if I really couldn't cope. If I am accepted by Cambridge, it means I do have the qualifications, so I am not stupid. Indeed, I am sick of feeling stupid all the time.

For the past one week, since a proper chat with a new friend about his research group and what they are doing, I became more hopeful that maybe I am not so stupid after all, and that I do possess something which makes me someone worthy of Cambridge education. It is a second chance to research on something which was so close to my heart since university days. After a week of thinking through and reading up, it is time to wet my feet and start swimming.

I learned something about myself today when it comes to research. If I am bad at it, I can eventually be good enough, but I will not excel in it. If I fell in love with it because I have come to know it and am good at it, then there is a possibility to excel in it. Good enough is not enough. I may not be the creme of the top, but I don't want to be the bottom of the food chain forever. PhD research is a marathon, and the journey is long and winding, yet limited by time. If I do something which doesn't make my heart stirs right from the start, I will just probably be so-so (bottom of the food chain) and eventually drop it after a while. If it were to be the delight of my heart, no matter how hard life gets, the love will keep me going.

Source: http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php?f=1414

I guess it is similar to marriage and relationship. I may not have experience enough to describe how it is like, but it's probably like a PhD.