Ancient Pillow

I guess at one point of our lives, especially when we were young, there would be an existence of a pillow. The special one which no one can touch. The one you sniffed. Haha. I've not outgrown that though my mom threw the original one away while I was at school. I eventually adopted another, and another. This one is the one which accompanied me all through my adulthood so far. Sadly, its stomach burst open a week ago. Being allegedly busy with my dissertation, I slept every night with the knowledge that I might wake up covered with ancient cotton though I do have the pillow cover as protection. I just can't take it anymore I guess. Waking up at 4 plus and getting ready by 5 plus, all freshed and breakfasted, I wanted to set to work on dissertation. I saw my poor poor ancient one with its guts half-spilled in the pillow cover. I just had to fix it, despite my "nightmare before Christmas" sewing skills. At least its guts are back into the body and I have a peace of mind about sleeping with the pillow. I wouldn't want to have an ancient fur ball in my nose or mouth cavity!

However,  I'd have to tell my future partner this:
Dear whoever you may be,

Please dont expect me to be a traditional woman my mom (and your mom) is. I'd send all your torn-at-the-wrong-place shirts to the dustbin, your torn pants and shirts to the tailor or use a sewing machine. I can sew back a button & do cross stitch for fun, but not using my Form 3 Home Economics sewing skills to embarrass you (and me) in front of your colleagues and friends. I can cook you meals, if you wash the dishes and throw away the garbage. But don't expect restaurant-style, chef-level menu. That's probably what you might expect from a forensic geneticist cum future biological anthropologist can do for you. I might improve. We'll never know. And oh... I'd need a washing machine too.

Oh well... another 45mins the library would be opened. Today isn't a day to work at home. Ha ha ha!

Life is... Love is.... Wonders of My Mind.

The titles were the three old blogspot blogs which I've closed down. I'm supposed to either sleep or write my dissertation, I know, but I'm doing neither right now. Back to the blogs.. I sort of read through what I wrote, especially about the past pseudo relationship I had with this one guy some years ago back in 2005/06. I thank God that we didn't work out though I was very hurt back then. What I wrote was absolutely idiotic! What in the world was I thinking????!!! Thank God nothing really happened between us. I guess everyone went through the period when we go gaga over some unworthy individuals who treated us like thrash. Ok, maybe not everyone. Some end up marrying them and be unhappy spouse. Some chose to divorce them. Some stayed because they have no where to go. As for me, I thank God I'm where I am right now. It'd have been crazy if God didn't intervene. I met Jesus right before I told myself I had enough and slowly though painfully, we drifted away from each other. I'll wait for the him to appear. By then, probably I'll know and I guess he'll know too if we are meant to build a life together. For now, my own journey continues. Yeah, live the life of a dreamy wanderer, running after the God who aligns my desires to His mission for me :)

My Idea of Romantic

This post is inspired by someone whom I chatted with this morning... I have no idea how the issue of being a romantic came into our conversation. But, here's what I have to say...

My idea of what romantic is all about... Being mooneyed for someone not based on their looks but based on who they truly are. These days, many of my friends are getting hitched and starting new relationships. Being the one single lady wandering around searching for what God has in mind for her ain't that special anymore. Friends are highly compassionate, always telling me that the one would eventually appear. Being here in European grounds, they are encouraging me to find an "ang moh" instead, then I can have cute babies. However, despite what they said in effort to comfort me, I do think that unless this someone could appreciate me despite my "beast" appearance and still love me, there's no way one would draw near. Sometimes I wonder, do I have what it takes to build a relationship? Of course, when I wonder out loud, my friends will answer YES. Such kind friends I have!!

If you are one of my compassionate friends, then pray for me that the one God has in mind for me, He'll prepare him well to be a man after His own heart. A man who loves God will love who God places in his life. This is what I believe in. And pray for myself too, that I can be a woman after His own heart, and be trained to be the helper to the man in all areas of his life, while being who I am called to be.

Three Weddings

This is the wedding post!! I've done a couple of wedding posts previously, about a friend's wedding, marriage proposal, wedding bouquets, and wedding montage! And some other related wedding posts which don't seem relevant here. Oh well, I don't even know whose wedding montage it was. Should be something I grabbed from Youtube because my friend shared it with us back then when she was prepping her wedding.

Let's see, I've been asked on when I would be back since early this year because this year seems to be a season to be married or to start a new relationship!! Haha. Minus me of course. Let's see, I missed at least three weddings, or maybe four (or five?) since September 2012 when I flew off to UK. I got three unofficial wedding invitations right now waiting for me to decide if I can make it... I have Amy's wedding on 31 Aug in KL, Sharon's wedding reception on 21 Sep in Singapore and Jess/Ray's wedding on 28 Sep in KK. At least I have successfully attended ONE wedding - Gosia/Tomek's wedding in Tarnow, Poland (Photo below).

Ohhh... I'm so excited for all of you!!! I wish I could be nearer to share the fun of prepping, and help to de-stress the bride-to-be. But God is in control of my life, and yours. So, chillax when you get cranky with all these details you have to face.

There might be fear, worries of tomorrow, and family pressure. Just be YOU, dears. You gonna do alright. What matters most is the moment when you walk down the aisle and knowing you're going to marry the right man. Whatever else, dump it aside. So, the best thing to do is to spend tonnes of time with the utimate GUY up there. God will open doors He has planned for you, and He will close those which are not good. So, since God has opened the door for both you and your him, He will make sure you walk down the aisle, dazzling with joy.

One thing which many brides overlooked is caring for your skin prior to your weddings. You may be on diet, working out, learning up your first dance, choosing the right music for wedding reception and mass, dress-fitting, guest list and table arrangement, flowers, manicure, pre-wedding photo shooting, wedding gifts, house decoration, renovation of your parents' houses, beddings, honeymoons, shoes, etc. You name it, and it is there! But one biggie you might miss out is REST. Yes, a pretty bride is a bride whose complexion is good, so that the makeup (which will be thicker) will be one with your face, and not like a "V for Vendetta" mask. So, get lots of sleep and beauty treatment. Over-caring for skin may not be a good thing, so DON'T sleep with your hydration mask on. If you do have some extra cash, go to a beautician, get advice and do monthly treatment. There are still around two months for you to get all that done. And oh... Bring the groom-to-be for skin treatment too. They are as stressed out as you are. So a proper massage or a facial won't kill their masculinity!

Remember, you DO have a maid of honor, and your family to fall back to. So don't be shy to get them to help you with things. I know we, girls, want this special (extra special) day to be extremely perfect. My married friends would say, no matter how you tried, it'll never  be perfect. And they would laugh at all the hiccups during the wedding. But just be sure you don't get Patrick Demsey-ish version of MoH or you might end up a runaway bride.

I've Come So Far...

And giving up is no longer an option.

The moment I said yes to the Erasmus Mundus scholarship offer, it is already the plan that I'd complete my studies end of this month. Here it is, the final few days of tension and that's the end of it. Perhaps deep down inside me, I didn't want it to end, that's why I didn't want to complete the dissertation. No will, no way. That's why there's a saying, "Where there's a will, there's a way".

Maybe, I fear the unknown, uncharted future lying ahead of me. I thought I was going to Cambridge for my Ph.D, all seemed so planned - the timing at least, when the scholarship which I applied to informed that the results would only be out in September. But... But... The offer for Ph.D. would start on 1st October. Ermm... If they only inform me in mid-September that they are willing to sponsor me, would I have time to apply for a student visa within two weeks? And to find accommodation?! The only option is to defer to the next term (January 2014), and be fattened up for three months in Malaysia (like I'm not fat enough now). Ok, that's not the point... The point is... uncharted waters means there would be possible sharks in it, possible dolphins too. Oh yeah, I like dolphins. Again, I'm missing the points. I'm just... scared.

According to what I know, there are at least 365 phrases of "Be Not Afraid" in the Bible, one for each day. I just need to trust. Yeah, just trust that if God brings me to this, He'd open the doors hindering it. Nothing to lose to go home. Who knows, something interesting is there. And yeah, singing with the English Choir for Christmas once again would be awesome. Thank God I left my files and all with my friend in Kota Kinabalu. That's something to look forward.

Ok, I missed the whole point of my title for this entry. I should try to finish up my dissertation because I CHOSE TO DO THIS MASTERS! End of discussion. LOL!

I Knew You Were Trouble

As I sink deeper into my dissertation stress, I needed some distractions, and my close friend, Josephine, really welcomes me to talk to her and be amazed at what God revealed to me as I spoke. I, for one, need to spend time with the people who matter to me. Rare love language, and tough challenge for me. But thank God, Jo speaks my language as well. That's why she's one of my inner circle of friends whom I share my "adventures" with.

We discussed about something which eventually turned out to be something I refused to admit but because of the discussion, it was revealed. EEEKKKS! Yeah, I know that would be trouble (in good sense) eventually. Haha. I hated her for a second just because she spelled it out loud and clear for me to hear, but because I love her even more, so that one second became a laughing point. She said right now I couldn't see it, but years from now, I'd be thankful. Well, we shall see...

We were laughing over the Taylor Swift's I Knew You Were Trouble song (the chorus part), and it was crazy for me. Oh well, girls' talk is always fun when I'm so stressed out with my dissertation. I know I'm rambling here and probably nobody would understand why all these were amusing. Obviously because I didn't share the gist of it. Not in this blog post for me. Maybe... in future. If the trouble becomes a blessing instead.

Success is NOT Everything

'Twas back in 2005 that I learned that success IS NOT everything in life. For years and years I lived (or tried to live) up to my parents' expectations, always with a need to be successful in everything I did. I became very critical with myself, in fact, even up to now I have the tendency to be critical. My mother expected me to perform well in school, always with indication that my schoolmates were better than I was in studies. It was like a rat race, student version, in an all girls' school which was already the top three schools in my hometown many years ago (and still is the top three now!). THAT, of course, occurred because I didn't want to be in some other class besides the one I was already allocated on the first day of my secondary school based on entrance exam. Yeah, even though we were accepted to the school, we had entrance exam for class streaming. So, I was placed with a bunch of super girls, excellent in all areas. We had quite a few all rounders all gathered in the same class from different primary schools. Imagine that. And yeah, the constant worry of our average exam scores and positions in class. Even a 0.5% would cause us to have a shift of positions. Bleeekkkkk... I wonder how I got by THAT. Ugh.

Life in university was generally awesome. I met some nice people. There were heartbreaks, backstabs, whatever. But I lived through it too. And oh... someone asked me that very question which caused me to think... "If the whole achievement in your studies so far were to be taken away from you, what would you be left with?" I was speechless.

I guess that's when God started working with me more. Like how aurora borealis in Iceland would tend to have increased activities during certain seasons, certain years, the same with me. And indeed, I learned, if all were to be taken away from me, I am still left with God.

Now in the last few days of submitting my dissertation, and I'm nowhere near the end, I had a good sleep from 5 am to 10 am, yet I woke up still feeling dizzy and stressed, despite the extension given to me. I'd have to work through it somehow. Instead of keeping the stress... I took an hour plus to just read daily Scriptures, wash my face and DO a clay mask to chill and clean my face, blog a little. And yes, time to get back to work.

All will be well, this I believe. I just need to try my best, and God will do the rest.