Walking the Talk

These days I've been reading an interesting blog while dealing with the mounting dissertation stress which freezes me completely. It's an interesting read as I find him a mirror image of me. This is for the first time in my life that I'm acknowledging that there's a person out there who's the male version of Cindy. I feel it when I read the criteria of his future spouse. I have my own version which is so similar to his that I felt spooky reading it, unable to believe that this could be true. So I'm not crazy setting such criteria for my future spouse :) That's a comfort definitely.

I posted a comment to him that a heart that seeks God is never a lonely heart... and I'd rather be a fool for God than to end up with broken marriage or a wrong guy beside me by praying for my him. Indeed, these few days I've started my prayers for a godly husband once again after a few years of abandoning the hope of ever getting one, despite my doubt if I would ever find my him. In the depths of doubts, I choose to hold on to Him even when I can't feel him.

I'd need to walk the talk of godliness. For every criterion I have for my future spouse, I too should be able to fulfill the criterion myself. My first criterion is a man after God's own heart. So, the first thing to do on my part is to seek God once again. This morning, I hope I could appreciate Jesus the way Kari Jobe sang "What Love is This" and my relationship with Jesus can once again flourish. Indeed, of all the things in the world, I'd rather be a fool for Christ for it brings joy to my life.

Jeremiah 29:11

Two years and two months ago, upon discernment and rather careful planning, plus a "YES" to God to venture into uncharted waters, I resigned from a rather stable 5-day job and bade goodbye to teaching career upon completion of the 3-month notice. It was a strange day where nobody seemed to care. Yet, I knew I was doing exactly what I was called to do, and going to exactly where I was called to go.

It was a miracle when a month after the scholarship results was out and I was on reserved list (which literally means, "with sincere apologies we would like to inform you that you are not selected to be in our scholarship program) that I was offered that very scholarship again. I could only attribute this miracle to God and His plans for me. I was on a roller coaster when I said the second yes.

The first yes was to attend World Youth Day in Madrid, Spain, when I didn't even have financial means to pay for my flights nor registration fees. The second yes was to accept the scholarship and stayed back in Spain rather than to fly back. It would be a brand new chapter in my life. Two sides of the same coin - adventurous and scary at the same time.

I'm a planner by nature, so I've decided that I should travel a bit before the studies commenced. To end the chapter of a working young adult and jump into the chapter of a mature student. By April 2011, I had almost everything worked out - where I would go after WYD, where to leave my 25 kg luggage (all that I could bring for my two-year or more stay in Europe), transportation and accommodations during the Eurotrip, etc. I got really good bargain for my Rome accommodation, and managed to visit a fellow Couchsurfer in his family home in Crailsheim, Germany, and my two South Korean friends in Freiburg. So my journey started on 9th August 2011 when I left Malaysia (with the rest of the WYD team) until further notice.

Upon arrival to Madrid, I took the train down to Cordoba and met with the flatmate of the CSer who housed my luggage for a whole month while I traveled with my Deuter 45L backpack. From Cordoba, I took a bus to La Linea and met up with the group and walked over to Gibraltar where we spent almost a week there for the pre-WYD event. It was spiritually awakening indeed. From Gibraltar, we all took a bus back to super hot Madrid for WYD and yeah, I met Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI in Madrid during the weekend. After WYD ended, I bade goodbye to my church friends and started the solo travel to Barcelona on overnight bus. I arrived very early in the morning, took a train to Manresa and walked to the monastery where I stayed for three nights. I was blessed with the presence of an American Vietnamese priest, Fr. Tri Dinh, who guided me on personal retreat for a day. I never knew that the La Cueva was where St. Ignatius of Loyola stayed and wrote the Spiritual Exercises until I arrived and was given basic information of the monastery. So, for three nights I spent in silence getting enough rest, and be amazed by the love of God. After recharging myself, I met up my old classmate and her friend in Barcelona for two days to catch up and walked around the city of Gaudi. From Barcelona, I flew to Rome and spent four amazing days there. From Rome, I flew to Basel and took a train to Germany. Finally, I returned to Basel after about 5 days in Germany to fly to Spain again - to start my studies.

I'm on Erasmus Mundus Masters Course (EMMC) Scholarship, so every semester I moved to another country where my host university is. September 2011 we started in Madrid, by February 2012 we moved to Lisbon. I went back to Malaysia for the summer, spending about 3 weeks in West Malaysia and the other three in East Malaysia, and attended a close friend's wedding in Kota Kinabalu before I flew back to our 3rd country - the UK - in September 2012. I'm blessed with the opportunity to work on a project here in the UK so I'm here for the whole academic year. By November 2012, I started making enquiries about PhD vacancies. I know I have to get a PhD anywhere before I return to my homeland to start contributing again to the society, or anywhere God leads me to. Out of all the applications and enquiries, only Cambridge is all the way with positive answers...

Currently, I am shy of the financial assistance. I'm almost there, just the money which is stopping me from telling everyone that I'm going to Cambridge for PhD in October. It all got very exciting when Fitzwilliam College added me to the FB graduate group and started knowing who are the ones who would be in the same college as I do, and reading about the traditions of Cambridge. Yet, I'm right now in the 2nd phase of consideration for a scholarship which may fund my 3-year studies. I'm nervous, I'm worried, I'm scared. I'm just being human. Yet I know, I have done all I could. I had completed the documentation they needed, and emailed them right before I started writing this entry. Now, only God is left. If it is His will that I will receive some Cambridge education, there I will be, just on time, not a day early, not a day late.

As much as me being a stubborn mule, this time, may God's will be done in my life. For I know that His plans are greater than mine, more intricate and better than what I have in mind. And all His plans are to prosper me, not to harm me (c.f. Jer 29:11).

Selfies with my Lappy and Mobile

Photo from my Samsung Galaxy S3 front camera

Photo from my Samsung Series 3 NP370R5E

Obviously the phone camera's quality is better than the lappy's. But yeah, good enough for Skype I guess :) So far we've skyped without problem.

I gotta go home. I was just informed by the lab manager that they will be shutting down the power supply at 6pm to fix the power supply problem. But right before I go... I was told that I should keep a copy of my Chronicles and probably published it one day as a book. I never thought of that. Those chronicles which I wrote as Facebook statuses. Haha. We'll see.

Time to go home, get some good dinner and set to work on my dissertation again.

Wedding in Poland

It was an honour indeed that my Polish friend, Gosia, invited me to her wedding last weekend. In fact, the moment of knowing her in Igreja Corpo Santo, Lisbon, right after her engagement was a gift from God.

This trip brought out two extremes of emotions - the somber mood in Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp and the joyful experience of Polish wedding celebration.

Friday, 28th June 2013
I was with two Couchsurfers, Magda from Poland and Adam from Australia, on this visit to Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camps. It was a very somber trip, with the drizzle adding to the ambiance. What hit me most is how human beings could be so cruel towards another race, just because they were taught of the superiority of their own race. Basic morality was nullified in the concentration camps. Indeed, where was the love? I was completely in awe when I passed by the starvation cell where St. Maximillian Kolbe was kept for two weeks without water and food, yet remained alive and then killed by lethal injection. Never had I thought I'd be visiting the place where a martyr of the Church was murdered. His life story was one of the few autobiographies of the saints of the Church which I read, without knowing that one day I'd stand outside the cell where he once lived and died. The tour brought us not only to Auschwitz but also to Birkenau, where there were remnants of larger and more "sophisticated" gas chambers as well as the camp itself. Some parts were destroyed, some remained standing as a history lesson to all who know about the Holocaust during World War II against the Jews. My heart breaks for all the souls who were lost in this period of time, and their surviving family members.

This was placed at the entrance of the gas chamber in Auschwitz concentration camp.

The road in Birkenau camp.

Saturday, 29th June 2013
On the other hand, my main objective of visiting Poland for the second time was to attend the wedding of Gosia and Tomek in Tarnow. I met up with her friends (after falling at the pavement and scrapped my knees) and went to Tarnow on 29th June to attend their wedding mass in church at 2 pm. After the wedding, we were all gathered in Hotel Marion for the traditional Polish wedding reception. I was seated with her hometown friends, Ulka and gang. The truth is I was actually in pain almost the whole time due to the scrapped knees and slightly twisted ankle. Yet, I thoroughly enjoyed the 12-hour celebration (4 pm to 4 am) which consisted of eating, drinking and dancing. I had the opportunity to practically try all the traditional Polish cuisines for wedding, drank few shots of vodka and danced a lot with everybody. These three things were beyond the boundaries of language. By the time I got home with Ulka and rested, it was 5.30 am. The birds were chirping and the sun was up.

Gosia and Tomek in the church walking down the aisle as husband and wife.

Gosia looking at Tomek cleaning the broken glass. One of the traditions in Polish wedding is the wedded couple would drink champagne from glasses tied together with a ribbon and then throw the glasses behind them. I'm not sure if the "cleaning up" part is part of it. But it was really adorable.

Gosia and Tomek picked me up from Ulka's place after midday on Sunday and I spent the afternoon in Gosia's family home, attended Sunday mass with them and Gosia's bro-in-law, and had supper of zurek (traditional Polish soup) with bread, and finally they sent me to Krakow on their way back to Katowice. I was honoured to be a part of their lives and be invited to witness this sacred moment of their lives.

May God be their Guide in their lives as married couple from now until the end. Amen!

Finally, Krakow. Again.

My previous entry is all gone. Aww man.. I've arrived safe and sound in the hostel after the long train travel from Lincoln to Stansted, braved through the congestion in the airport. Didn't know which bus to take when the one I was supposed to take does not run after 10pm. But I met the pilot who flew us from Stansted to Krakow and he showed me the way and we had a little chat in the bus. Interesting Irish man. Reminds me of Eamonn for some reason.. He's friend of my another friend from northern Ireland. Maybe it's the Irish accent. Anyway, since it's 1am in Krakow now, I should sleep. A long but interesting day ahead!

Tiramisu with Love

Obviously it is not prepared with love, but my love for dessert and the sudden craving drove me to drop by Sainsbury's Local nearby to pickup this lovely dessert. Yummy. I had one just before I wrote this entry. Half a day gone and another half a day to go before travelling. The things to do pile up faster than I could spell my own name... I probably need to simulate my packing later tonight to ensure I could fit all I want to bring into my laptop bag, plus my laptop, for this five-day trip to Krakow for my friend's wedding. If not, I'd have to purchase luggage allowance from those cheap airlines I'm travelling with. I'm sort of cheapskate right now, though my allowance for this month is finally deposited yesterday.

So yeah, after the yummy supermarket dessert, work time :'(

Trip to the State of John Paul II

Tomorrow I'll be flying to Krakow in the evening. I haven't packed, haven't printed out any of my itineraries, haven't done the work I planned earlier. I'm not even sure if I should go on a trip, but I know I probably will rot at home wondering how would it be if I were to be there. So, what I'd do is to bring my lappy with me to Krakow, and hope I have time now and then to get going with something.

Yet, I want to go on a walking tour around Krakow nonetheless. Maybe the 3pm walking tour? Haha. We'll see about that.

Another morning working from home. Going to the lab in the afternoon. Let's see how things go...