When 2009 Bade Goodbye and 2010 Said Hi!

My testimonial is dated 31 December 2009, Thursday, 18:05 @ Secret Recipe, 1Borneo. I wrote on the only piece of paper that I could find since my journal was left at home.

"This is the last day of year 2009. To recount what had happened in my life, it'll be an exhausting task, and with the limitation of paper now, I wouldn't want to waste by recounting every single event. There were ups and downs, so much of sorrows and joys in the whole year, so much of realization and painful times. But indeed, it is the year of the Lord. Nothing but God could have brought me through the events that happened. Letting go of ministry leadership, realizing that God has a better task fo me, ending the whole "hoping" process of a friend, getting help from Life Coach to sort out my life, to learn to love again, to have met a really sweet person, my dad's death, starting the sisters CG finally...

Only God could have led me through the darkest nights of my soul. When I felt totally lost, abandoned and rejected, He brought me people who strengthened my innermost being. Not only that, He brought me angels who love me for who I am, never letting me go and keep on praying for me when things were harsh and I became neurotic, cranky and all. When I was broken, He came straight to me, held my hand and led me straight to the wooden bench under the tree where He would cradle me and loved me with His gaze and His Word. He will always tell me He loves me and will be with me when things are tough and I seem to be not able to go on. He never lets me down. I love Him so much not because of the gifts He has showered me or the things He has done for me. I love Him because He loves me. Yes, just because He loves me to the ends of the earth. And I'm secure in this love relationship that will last forever because He promised me that, and I know He never breaks His promise.

Again and again I was tested into unbelief and into the world of doubts which brought darkness into my life. But, again and again He made things real enough so that I can come out from the world of unbelief into the world of truth - sanctified truth. And because of this, I'm set free from my chains of lies and untruths. God really made all things possible and He's continuing this project to transform me to be the wonderful woman He wants me to be, whether I like it or not.

I cherish every moment of my life with Him in it, because that part of my life becomes unexceptionally special. That is really a magical moment when He leaves His footprints in that path of mine. More often than not, I could not understand and I was blinded by tough times that His grace was not the thing I saw. Yet, very often, in fact, every time, when I sit back and looked through my journals to see my struggles with life in life, He was there, so obviously present. And that's when I sobbed real hard because I could contain no more the grace He has poured out into my wretched life!

Who am I that He should move mountains and empty the ocean for me! I'm His beloved. In His eyes, I'm flawless. And I, in moments of gratitude for Him and love from Him, am softened and I know I'm glowing in love because I'm secure and I've finally found the One who makes me feel complete."


I'm just an ordinary girl who has an extraordinary God who loves her completely and unreservingly. And I hope you, who has found Him waiting for you and accepted His love, also finds hope in Him who loves you abundantly, even when things are difficult and many important decisions to be made. And you who are still searching for Him and finding that the burdens of the world are bringing you further and further into the swirling darkness, I pray you'll meet Him by first letting down your guards about Him.

Disclaimer: This is edited from the version I emailed to my friend.