Pathetic - An Adjective

Why suddenly this topic? Because of a random pathetic blog entry which I googled and found, though I regretted reading it the moment I finished it. It was pathetic, and I think I'm pathetic enough to blog about it because I actually like the word "pathetic" as a random adjective. I used to use this word frequently enough to probably kill cells of many people, recently lesser, but definitely still a killer word. Admit it or not, some blogs are just plain PATHETIC.

LOL!!!

The definition of PATHETIC in my dictionary is cases which are not sympathetic or pitiful enough but the writer or story-teller made it sound so sorrowful, mournful, pitiful to extract my less than normal empathy.

So to say, I used to be that pathetic person, mourning about what I don't have and what I wished I have. Seems like I was never alone. Perhaps I didn't really have internet access all year round last time that's why I thought I was the only one in the universe going through that kind of issues in uni. Oh well, today I may be able to say I probably have evolved much earlier than I thought I have.

Comparing to the author of the entry, I had a better life in uni. Points I gathered from his blog were these as compared to what I was/would be (mine in green, his in blue):

1. My Maggi, books, and I. (No matter how broke I was during uni, I never allowed myself Maggi during CNY reunion. I would try spending time with people who did not have chance to return home for CNY even I was packed with exams and assignments. FYI, my uni finals were always the month after CNY, so classes were on-going even at the eve of CNY. Sigh! To think I had friends from hometown calling me to enquire about CNY reunion which I didn't even know of because I was dang faraway, in the context of local uni.)
2. No money to spend. (I never had much to spend, but I managed to go through it by having bread instead of rice and Maggi to me is luxury and health-deteriorator.)
   
3. Winter, cold, nobody around, exams, non-oriental food, no extra money, no one to laugh with. Just me, my books, my chair, my table, my bed. (Ok, I have to admit I've never suffered winter cold and non-oriental food before. But what I had was crazy seaside weather that killed all umbrellas mercilessly, unhygienic non-chinese food and super heat. I quite liked the idea of studying far away from home because I get to focus instead of going home every weekend and not revising at home. I didn't have people to be with during mid-term holidays or study weeks because everybody, near or far, went back to respective places. I managed because I just couldn't mope about it forever! I had the me, myself and I syndrome. Haha! That's when I realize VCDs and movies are so precious to me! And the mass on Sundays...)
   
4. I have been trying to show my family and friends back home how well I'm coping, travelling around, exploring cooking, the great friends I made, the great life I'm living. How happy I was. I hid so much. The truth is, I was really trying to fight depression and homesickness. But still denied anything of that sort. (I did have a rough emotional path in uni, but somehow I had coped with it throughout uni. My parents allow me to be this far not because I'm strong enough but because I tried to adapt and change. I had depression in and out during that period of time too. I hid a lot too. But I had fun exploring and travelling. Those are the stories cherished by my loved ones. And I created more so that I can tell them more of my adventures in a foreign land - my mom until now still thinks I'm outside Malaysia at times!)
   
5. So saving up money to travel around seem to be a good idea. But coming back after the adventures doesn't seem to make anything better. (Definitely coming back from adventures made me feel 100% better because my mind was charged up for another stonethrow of stress from studies!)

I guess it wasn't easy for the owner of the blog entry to go through the phase he's going through now. I pray he'd be able to walk out of it and come to believe that these are just parts and parcels of life. I apologise if anyone is offended because of my usage of the term "pathetic" to the quoted texts. Maybe I've been there, done that, that's why I would say that. I've to admit I was a pathetic fella too... What's really important is to go through the hurdles even when it's like impossible. Whether or not life in uni sucks or exciting in our hearts depends very much on our own perspectives. If we choose to think it sucks and couldn't wait for it to end, we'll end up depressed. If we choose to live it to the fullest possible, then we would wish it would go on forever and ever because of the fun and things learned. I was a strong kid, everything also could be settled. But when I arrived in uni, I became weak, but in my weaknesses, I finally found an Anchor worth more than my strength and my pride. My anchor was Jesus, and is still Jesus.

May the Lord be with all those who are preparing to go away from home for studies and for my two "gals" who are currently in uni (kc n yy).

God bless!