Tribute to Kaijian Lin

He was my ex-student some years back when I was teaching in a private high school. I didn't teach him any "serious subjects", so our communication was mainly an exchange of words during the times I met him in school foyer or when I got them rounded up for Youth Alpha.

A smart, A-star student, with excellent behaviour and humility. I was proud of his achievements and his big dream. Our last conversation was a few Facebook comments during his birthday and he mentioned his desire to study overseas one day. It isn't easy to find out that he's no longer in this world and the cause of death remains unknown. Many people who didn't know him took it at face value when news reported his case as being categorised as suicide by police. We who knew him know he's not that kind of person who'd seek death to deal with issues in life. I do hope that the police and forensics would find the truth and not brush it off just like that.

Kaijian, thanks for the encouragement you gave me on your birthday earlier this year. I pray that your soul will be at rest with God now and your family would be given a closure by the findings of your cause of death. May Jesus shine His light upon your soul and lead you home. Amen.

Relaunching my PhD Blog

I'm separating personal and work updates from now. I've officially relaunched my Wimpy Scientist blog, mainly for the purpose that I could track my progress, and note how far I've gone by the time I'm done with the thesis. And of course, the enhancement of the philosophical side of a doctoral degree student. PhD in sciences aren't awarded just on the Science part of it. Remember, it is a Doctor of Philosophy degree. Oh well...

Exactly a month ago I blogged about quality time management and how far off I was when it comes to managing my schedule to work. I was away for silent retreat in Isle of Wight during the Easter weekend, and the mail from my boss that "we need to talk" was nerve-wrecking throughout the weekend though I had spent some quality time with the Lord too. Once I got back, I somehow got a grip of reality, and with some decisions made about transportation, lifestyle, things got better.

Everything seems to be progressing, but I'd need more time to dwell in the realm of my #1 challenge right now - to get things started. I'm still interested in forensics, while my team works more on evolutionary biology. I'm looking at how I could fit this area into my team. More fun time to look forward for sure. I see this as a process of learning, though right now I do experience back pain (definitely a backbreaking hobby!) and muscle ache.

Time to waddle into the duvet tortoise shell.

Quality Time Management

This is my third month as a PhD student and I'm still struggling with time management. Living 30-40 minutes walk away from the department didn't help, nor in a room with dim warm white light instead of the norm of cold white light back in Malaysia. However, all hope is not lost, and I've been slowly deleting worries in my life to narrow down to the only priority of focusing on my PhD.

Since the change of time to British summer time, I've had hard time trying to wake up early. The earliest I could drag myself off the bed and not be groggy was an average of 10 am, and naturally I can only fall asleep at an average of 2.30 am. Today a success of waking up half an hour earlier than yesterday. A small step to my target of waking up at 8 am. Oh well... student life versus sleep = battle of the day!

This week the aim is to create quality time schedule. An hour or so of morning reading to gain knowledge of this vast but new field. A few hours at the department in the afternoon for to pick up computer skills. An hour or so in the evening for my literature review. The ultimate goal is by June I can start the real work for the project.

I was too anxious earlier on to start but having no skills is absolutely useless to be in that condition. Been there, done that. Though it seems to move relatively slowly, it doesn't mean I'm not progressing. I should learn by now to be gentler with myself. Being harsh and hard on myself doesn't really work. Maybe to some people, it does. This is for me. I'm sure you guys out there would also have your own formulae to complete your projects.

Anyway, this is just me, a first year PhD kid at Cambridge writing about the struggles.

Weird Encounter

Just some fancy creative writing on a slow-mo day at work... Do let me know if you like the story I whip out of boredom.

A girl met a boy. They liked each other.

Boy asked Girl to go out with him.

Girl liked Boy, so she agreed.

Issues arose from daily conversations.

Girl found herself unable to "complement" Boy's demands.

Nor could she be at peace with being who she is.

Incompatibility of lifestyles became topic of argument.

Girl decided to call quit, and told Boy.

Boy got into erratic mode.

One moment Boy hurled names at Girl.

One moment Boy asked forgiveness and wanted to be friends.

So short-lived a friendship, a pity indeed.

Yet, Girl found the liberation of being herself.

Decision was made, no regrets.

Boy continued with name-calling, despite having asked for forgiveness from Girl.

Girl wondered if Boy was merely faking it out.

Girl moved on, despite being disturbed.

Boy remained angry and name-calling.

A bad story to end.

With new beginning to look forward.

A prayer indeed.

A hope indeed.

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Overwhelmed Yet Precious

Tick tock! Tick tock! Tick tock!

My last entry was last year, before Christmas. And today is officially April Fool's Day. It's been ages, indeed. Many people posted wondrous entries on Facebook in conjunction with this day. I had a peek at Wikipedia and I liked this part...

In Chaucer's Canterbury Tales (1932), the "Nun's Priest's Tale" is set Syn March bigan thritty dayes and two. Modern scholars believe that there is a copying error in the extant manuscripts and that Chaucer actually wrote, Syn March was gon. Thus, the passage originally meant 32 days after April, i.e. 2 May, the anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia, which took place in 1381. Readers apparently misunderstood this line to mean "March 32", i.e. April 1. In Chaucer's tale, the vain cock Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox. (source: Wikipedia's "April Fools' Day")

Many people are joking about their relationship status. One posted that he's officially dating someone, another posted he's getting married. I wonder if it would be a true event (worth celebrating), or a big joke pulling everyone's leg. One of my ex-student who decided to drop out of the university last year joked about being accepted to MBA program. As much as I knew he was joking, still at a point I thought it was real. Indeed, April Fool's Day and its jokes!

A little updates on my life since I returned to the UK...

Officially, I graduated with Erasmus Mundus Masters in Forensic Science and won the school prize for Best Overall Performance for the program in University of Lincoln. Graduation ceremony was held in Lincoln Cathedral on 22 January 2014

A photo with the coordinators and lecturers: (L-R: Dr. Jose, Dr. Ruth, myself, Dr. Mark and Dr. MariPaz)

The two darlings, Joyce and Eden, who hosted me during the times I was "homeless" in Lincoln and during my graduation trip back to Lincoln. The backdrop is the Lincoln Cathedral, where the ceremony was held.

Not forgetting Nick Wong, who traveled all the way from Southampton to Lincoln just to attend my graduation ceremony. It was an honour to have met him through another dear friend of mine last year. When we met up, there would always be an Amazing Race. Thanks for being there, Nick!

The next chapter in life for me started upon my return to Cambridge from the graduation ceremony. It was a period of discovery and settling down. Met new friends, started and ended a short-lived phase of life, more settling down, and finally, a jumpstart into my PhD project.

The Scripture meditation group at St. Edmund's College nearby to my college. A good assortment of graduate students coming together to meditate on the Word of God together weekly. Their friendships with me would be one of the precious ones I'd cherish my entire life. Hopefully more good times will come, spent with these people in the coming years.

Another precious group would be the Cambridge University Malaysian Society graduate students (also known as CUMaS Plus). We had our formal dinner at Fitzwilliam College last month to bid farewell to the graduates who are returning home for their fieldwork, as well as to celebrate the end of Lent term. More good times to come I pray...

Finally I experienced punting at Cambridge. This is the Bridge of Sighs of St. John's College. Legend has it that this bridge was connecting the college accommodation to the exam hall, hence students who walk over the bridge for exam will let out sighs on the bridge. Interesting time spent.

A good sunny day last Saturday, so I went out with the bunch of CUMaS Plus to Grantchester for some clotted cream scone and tea in The Orchard.

So far, so good. Social life at Cambridge can be colourful and amazing, but sometimes a distraction to what I'm here for - my PhD project... I wouldn't say I'm performing at my optimal condition for now. Let's just continue praying and walking towards the ultimate goal that I can complete the PhD by Dec 2016. Many would say it's a wishful thinking, but I'm more hopeful that if God is with  me, who can be against me? I am trusting in the God of impossibles, and as long as I work towards the goal, I will eventually arrive at the checkpoint.

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Aleph

Very rarely I could complete a Paulo Coelho's book (no offense, Mr. Coelho. It's just me), this book, Aleph, too. From Lincoln, the book tagged along to Manchester, flew to Dublin, did a round trip of Dublin-Connemara-Galway-Killarney-Cork-Kilkenny-Rosslare Harbour, sailed back with me to Pembroke Dock, headed south via train to Southampton, to Basingstoke, got onto the flight back to Malaysia. I read only one-eighth of the book and decided to give it a break. The "not my cup of tea" motion indeed.

God usually prompts me in His own mysterious methods. After a good cuppa macchiato, knowing I wouldn't be sleeping till the break of dawn, I went through my night owling routines: watched a YouTube video of a Korean entertainment show, wrote an entry on my private blog and cried buckets due to the grieving process of certain issue, and felt the need to read a book. I dived into the box of my novels and dug out a book I read some years ago.

Apparently that's not the book I ended up reading. Out of no where I recalled I brought this book back and it's still in the paper bag in the big luggage bag, so off I went to pick up the book and started from where I left. Surprisingly, tonight the genre suited me and I chewed on the gist of the book rather easily.

This part of the book is what God has in mind for me, perhaps to aid in my grieving and healing processes. A prayer...

'I forgive the tears I was made to shed,
I forgive the pain and the disappointments,
I forgive the betrayal and the lies,
I forgive the slanders and intrigues,
I forgive the hatred and the persecution,
I forgive the blows that hurt me,
I forgive the wrecked dreams,
I forgive the still-born hopes,
I forgive the hostility and jealousy,
I forgive the indifference and ill will,
I forgive the injustice carried out in the name of justice,
I forgive the anger and the cruelty,
I forgive the neglect and the contempt,
I forgive the world and all its evils,
I also forgive myself.

May the misfortunes of the past no longer weigh on my heart.
Instead of pain and resentment, I choose understanding and compassion.
Instead of rebellion, I choose music from my violin.

Instead of grief, I choose forgetting.
Instead of vengeance, I choose victory.
I will be capable of loving regardless of whether I am loved in return,
Of giving even when I have nothing,
Of working happily even in the midst of difficulties,
Of holding out my hand even when utterly alone and abandoned,
Of drying my tears even while I weep,
Of believing even when no one believes in me.

So it is. So it will be.'

(Quoted from Aleph, Paulo Coelho, pgs. 169-170)

Christmas Is Near!!!

It's been eon years since I posted anything on the blog. My apologies for those who had been checking it. Please don't give up on me! I'm just going through some quieter times of my life online. Probably offline there were dramas. As usual. My life without dramas won't be Cindy's life, frankly speaking.

I'm currently back in my hometown, leisurely hanging around doing nothing. I've been back from UK for almost 7 weeks now... So another 6 weeks and I shall be back to embark into a new chapter in Cambridge. Exciting and worrying at times. I guess all is set, now it's time to start wondering what to do with myself :)

First step, physical clearance. I sent back boxes of stuffs from my room in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, some two years ago before I left to Europe to start my masters. Now I'm done with my masters, and shall start my PhD soon, the boxes of stuffs (and junks) are still sealed. Obviously, the junks too.. Let's see what magic I can whip out through this weekend.

Currently I'm writing from a nice independent cafe with a cheesy name, Cheese U, in Kluang, Johor. A sneak peak of Si Putih and my cuppa macchiato in the cafe.

Blessed first week of Advent! May the Hope of God be with you always!