A Day in the Oceanarium

"All the earth will declare that Your love is everywhere,
the fields will exalt, seas resound,
hear the trees joyful cries,
praising You and so will I,
a new song I'll sing,
Lord, I will glorify and praise Your Holy Name!"

This is a song which means a lot to me, the very first few praise songs I learned in Lifeline worship team. Today I finally rewarded myself for the completion of the Forensic Botany module and the report -- with a trip to Oceanario de Lisboa. Indeed it's one of the finest oceanarium I had been so far. I was in Aquaria KLCC and Oceanarium of Barcelona. They too are good with quality collection of marine life but the open sea concept of this oceanarium is just innovative! I went round and round yet not one side is the same as the other. Ample of space for everyone to have a good look at the sea creatures. The marine life is well taken care of. This is definitely something Portugal must be proud of! All descriptions are bilingual - Portuguese and English.  I wished I have seen the one in Valencia too... I heard that is awesome too.

I thank God for the few months in Lisbon. It just feel like there are so much Lisbon has to offer that my plate is constantly full! Another few weeks before I fly home.. I still have yet seen Sintra which was described as magical by some. I want to see what someone had seen so that I know what he went through... and the zoo of Lisbon also is in my list. Not forgetting Porto too...

There are just so much... yet time is limited :) The best is the church community whom I have come to know... and starting to serve in liturgy of the Word. That's God's goodness in my life..

Sacred Heart Feast Day

"My heart is restless until I find rest in You."

I think it's a famous quote of a saint.. but I don't quite remember whether it's St. Augustine or St. Jerome.. Indeed, my heart has been restless for the past one week battling with my human nature. Only God knows the amount of pain I experienced in this wrestle. Yet, all the dark nights of my soul led me to this conclusion: that I am nothing without God. And it's by His grace that I am where I am now.

I can't ask that anyone should change for my sake neither should I change for the sake of anyone. Yet, it's within the broken  human nature to please others and be who they are expected to be.

God loves me as I am, no matter how imperfect I am. I rejoice to be called His beloved daughter. His plans and visions are beyond the comprehension of my limited mind. All I ask is He leads me to where He finds best for me to be, to my beloved whom He finds favour in, whoever that may be.

In Jesus I trust.

All of My Days

All of my days I will sing of Your greatness,
All of my days I will speak of Your grace,
All of my days I will tell of Your wondrous love,
Your love in my life... Your Love...

I have been in an emotional roller coaster since yesterday and the heavy heart is once again set within me. For the whole of yesterday everything seemed to be so blinded and so suffocating. I thank God for a friend or two who acted as His angels to walk me through the intense loneliness I felt last night. God's wondrous love ministered to me by the most unsuspecting one. He uses the most unlikely person in His time as His instrument of love. I pray this person receives as much comfort as he has given.

God is always the glorious One and when morning came, the sun rose and my heart warmed up to the sun. I rewarded myself by purchasing online in Apple Store Portugal a blue iPod Shuffle 2GB. And yes, personalized by engraving my full name on it. It's kinda weird, as initial thought was to engrave Psalm 37:4 on it. Never got around engraving such important message anywhere :/ Then running errand to the bank. Gee.. I have to run to the bank again :( The account number had an extra number.. I hope there's no transaction at the moment!!

Afternoon spent leisurely downloading praise & worship songs for gym. Planetshakers and Hillsongs of course. To prepare for the arrival of my latest addition to my gadget family :p I'm excited for his arrival the day after tomorrow bearing imprint of my name on him. Yep, my iPod shuffle is a guy. Hahaha!!! It's like tattooing my new fling. Ok, I had been loyal to my gadgets.. ermm.. somehow *chuckles*

I had been thinking a lot about how I have reacted towards some people, and what brings joy to me. Can I bring real and true joy to him/her/them through my words and actions? Or am I using him/her/them to selfishly feed my void? Even initially I had pure intention to reach out to a lost brother or sister, sometimes I lose sight of my intention, mission and ministry. I lost sight of God.

Tonight I was reminded by a dear sister, Annel, of the words from Isaiah, chapter 55, verses 8-9...
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Indeed a tight slap on my face. I have used a wrong method to minister and an even more wrong intention. Out of curiosity our friendship started. I forgot sharing life is a story of a lifetime, not a mere one, two-week short-term flings. I thank God He showed me once again the way that leads me to Him. Though a narrow gate, but a bright and shiny one, because He stands there in His righteousness.

Pax vobiscum.

Short-lived Friendship

Long time ago... someone told me about people whom we met who leave footprints in our hearts.. Some will stay just for a moment, some for a season, and some for a life time.

Recently, I met a person on virtual space whom I find very interesting to get to know. Slowly I'm getting to know the person, but through the conversations, I seem to discover a little of myself too. Perhaps constancy is not a strength of neither me nor the person... Or maybe that person has too much on the plate which has to be shared with many more in the person's social circle. Or maybe I just got bored for some reason or another. Nobody knows where this virtual friendship will cease to non-existence, as all my previous virtual friendships had faded away. Only few important ones remain... they are considered as my lifelong friends. Two of them bore a son last year, and they asked me to be his godma. That's the reward of lifelong friendships - to see each other grow old.

I do hope this is not just another short-lived friendship, though our lifestyles are completely the opposite of each other. Preferences and what we are looking for in life, too, are completely two worlds apart. What I am amazed is how God placed the person in my life. So I thank God for this challenging friendship... and seeking to know His will for placing this person right here right now.

Continuation of the Series of Unfortunate Events

As I cook my last bit of Kum Kee original chicken soup on the stove, I guess I should post a bit here. Some probably will laugh out loud and says "serves her right" when they read this, but I'm glad I'm so influential to affect their emotional stability!

Let's start with what happened today.. I got up at 530am to get ready and grabbed the 648am tram to take the 7am train to another town, Setubal, to get my residence card application submitted. Hahaha! A first world joke. The foreigners department office was experiencing visa information system breakdown. Everything seemed to be broken down there. Our appointments were undetected and we waited for 930am to see if the system would regain (which it didn't). So we were asked to go back there tomorrow. Good thing, bad thing? Nobody knows. What I know is I had to skip an important class this morning, miss another class tomorrow prior to the excavation practical on Wednesday. Now I'm blinded by the goodness of it.

It's a exhausting day to travel without purpose and miss class. I'm wondering if staying silent my whole life is the best thing to do. In response to an unpublished comment which hurt me a lot, I start wondering if I'm ever good enough at this point. Thank you, 'friend'. That's not what true friends would do though - to degrade me by saying I'm exactly the kind of person one would avoid and keep away from. I'm no longer angry, just very sad how stones are finally overturned to find the corpse hidden beneath. I may be attention seeker and imperfect and annoying, but I'm sure somewhere deep inside I have something good in me. Why is it so hard to see me in brand new unstained glasses instead of stained glasses of the past? It's an expensive lesson learned. For 10 days of my life I was feeling sorry/guilty I made everyone waited for me with the delay and flight cancellation and missed buses and spent £345 and euros. I cherished all the good times I had with many people I met, but it's hurtful to recount this part of my travels at the moments. Today I want to throw the guilt I feel for those people involved into the dump. Enough of feeling sorry.

I just returned from Fatima yesterday. I went for weekend pilgrimage with the English speaking church here. It built me up, reminding me that God is merciful and Jesus seeks not for the righteous but for the sinners. I know Jesus is seeking for me. I want to be found. I want to hurt no more because of negative insignificances like such. I want to win the battle with devil by the strength not mine but of Jesus. I'm weak and full of weaknesses. But I know God still loves me.

Judgment

Who am I to judge? For I'm constantly judged. I can only tell you what I am going through, who I am and things or situations which I had been. An anecdote here and there. I never meant any harm but too dark was my past which I know will never leave me because it's a part of me. Yet it will also be this darkened past which will be used to attack me.

I can't be what everything to everyone. All of you can choose to see me with the coloured spectacles of my past or look beyond find the real me. Im just blessed with many stories to tell. Im just blessed with eloquence of words. Im just blessed that I have many achieved dreams. Yet I'm never better than anybody because everyone is equal.

In the past I had to try very hard to find topics to make people look at me. I was insecure. Now if I find they aren't interested, I just need to step away because I don't need to try so hard. I learned. But I can't help being friendly to people. It's just me being me.

Judge me as you like. It's free of charge anyway since I don't charge any fee :) Happy judging!

End of My English Vacation

It has been a week of trials and temptations though I had enjoyed most of this break. Meeting new Sabahan friends and their spouses, learning new social dance, eating out like there is no tomorrow.

I can only give credit to God who has been showering me with friends and random people who have been so kind to me. Every tear I cried He wiped it away. Every worry and sorrow He turned into joy and happiness. Indeed God is the One I can depend and trust 100%.

There's a short anecdote which reminds me of my old self. I was a jealous person, and unable to share my friends and things with others. Recently I encountered someone who is like the old me. Now I can understand the helplessness people felt when they tried to handle the issue which stemmed from a root cause deep within me. Today I felt helpless too when I didn't know how much I should fade out so that this individual can have every attention to himself. Yet I also know that I have all rights to build friendships with anyone I meet. I can give way but doesn't mean I have to give up my right to befriend friends of my friends. This becomes an important lesson to me.