Continuation of the Series of Unfortunate Events

As I cook my last bit of Kum Kee original chicken soup on the stove, I guess I should post a bit here. Some probably will laugh out loud and says "serves her right" when they read this, but I'm glad I'm so influential to affect their emotional stability!

Let's start with what happened today.. I got up at 530am to get ready and grabbed the 648am tram to take the 7am train to another town, Setubal, to get my residence card application submitted. Hahaha! A first world joke. The foreigners department office was experiencing visa information system breakdown. Everything seemed to be broken down there. Our appointments were undetected and we waited for 930am to see if the system would regain (which it didn't). So we were asked to go back there tomorrow. Good thing, bad thing? Nobody knows. What I know is I had to skip an important class this morning, miss another class tomorrow prior to the excavation practical on Wednesday. Now I'm blinded by the goodness of it.

It's a exhausting day to travel without purpose and miss class. I'm wondering if staying silent my whole life is the best thing to do. In response to an unpublished comment which hurt me a lot, I start wondering if I'm ever good enough at this point. Thank you, 'friend'. That's not what true friends would do though - to degrade me by saying I'm exactly the kind of person one would avoid and keep away from. I'm no longer angry, just very sad how stones are finally overturned to find the corpse hidden beneath. I may be attention seeker and imperfect and annoying, but I'm sure somewhere deep inside I have something good in me. Why is it so hard to see me in brand new unstained glasses instead of stained glasses of the past? It's an expensive lesson learned. For 10 days of my life I was feeling sorry/guilty I made everyone waited for me with the delay and flight cancellation and missed buses and spent £345 and euros. I cherished all the good times I had with many people I met, but it's hurtful to recount this part of my travels at the moments. Today I want to throw the guilt I feel for those people involved into the dump. Enough of feeling sorry.

I just returned from Fatima yesterday. I went for weekend pilgrimage with the English speaking church here. It built me up, reminding me that God is merciful and Jesus seeks not for the righteous but for the sinners. I know Jesus is seeking for me. I want to be found. I want to hurt no more because of negative insignificances like such. I want to win the battle with devil by the strength not mine but of Jesus. I'm weak and full of weaknesses. But I know God still loves me.

Judgment

Who am I to judge? For I'm constantly judged. I can only tell you what I am going through, who I am and things or situations which I had been. An anecdote here and there. I never meant any harm but too dark was my past which I know will never leave me because it's a part of me. Yet it will also be this darkened past which will be used to attack me.

I can't be what everything to everyone. All of you can choose to see me with the coloured spectacles of my past or look beyond find the real me. Im just blessed with many stories to tell. Im just blessed with eloquence of words. Im just blessed that I have many achieved dreams. Yet I'm never better than anybody because everyone is equal.

In the past I had to try very hard to find topics to make people look at me. I was insecure. Now if I find they aren't interested, I just need to step away because I don't need to try so hard. I learned. But I can't help being friendly to people. It's just me being me.

Judge me as you like. It's free of charge anyway since I don't charge any fee :) Happy judging!

End of My English Vacation

It has been a week of trials and temptations though I had enjoyed most of this break. Meeting new Sabahan friends and their spouses, learning new social dance, eating out like there is no tomorrow.

I can only give credit to God who has been showering me with friends and random people who have been so kind to me. Every tear I cried He wiped it away. Every worry and sorrow He turned into joy and happiness. Indeed God is the One I can depend and trust 100%.

There's a short anecdote which reminds me of my old self. I was a jealous person, and unable to share my friends and things with others. Recently I encountered someone who is like the old me. Now I can understand the helplessness people felt when they tried to handle the issue which stemmed from a root cause deep within me. Today I felt helpless too when I didn't know how much I should fade out so that this individual can have every attention to himself. Yet I also know that I have all rights to build friendships with anyone I meet. I can give way but doesn't mean I have to give up my right to befriend friends of my friends. This becomes an important lesson to me.

Books..

This is an element that never left my side when I travel. For once, I had no reading materials which I brought along on this trip. All those extraordinary experiences told me in a tiny but persistent voice that I will meet God in a reading material.

As I browsed in WHSmith in the airport aimlessly after getting my UK sim, I saw an interesting book which speaks about Dinah, the daughter of Leah and Jacob. She's mentioned briefly in the book of Genesis where she was raped by a foreign man. It's categorized as fiction, but I know God speaks in so many different ways and methods. Im on page 15 right now.

I would continue reading at the coach station rather than sitting here in the terminal 1 of Manchester Airport...

Touching Down in Manchester Airport

It was a moment of relief when I finally boarded the plane, only to find out 20 minutes later that my flight was delayed due to multiple reasons. First there was missing passenger then the unloading luggage and finally some sort of technical error of the plane. I kinda got worried that my plane wouldn't take off again! There was nothing I could do and only could leave everything in the hands of my Lord Jesus. I sought intercession of Our Lady via Rosary, a pretty messy one though. The miracle is the plane started moving at the 4th decade!! Praise God!

Now another moment of relief that I'm FINALLY here in the UK for my English vacation. Of course, the next thing which really shook me was... I missed my bus to London despite being there two hours before. The bus let its passengers down and drove off without me. Perhaps it was partially my fault for not waiting right outside at the stand too. The bus driver too, as he didn't wait. So I saw the bus drove off without me. I managed to get some help from the nice station manager and I called the customer service and they managed to get me a seat to London after midnight.

Now I'm camping in the airport terminal. Im going to get my meal and then a book. I will stay alert this time round.

Thank God for all His grace and mercy!! Im glad He's with me. If not, I probably would have given up and gone home. Now, I expect anything to happen at anytime but with God I will be alright somehow. This is the most optimistic me this year so far.

Dear God, what are You trying to tell me??

An Unexpected Turn

I was supposed to be on a plane heading for my English holidays of 10 days, BUT I'm blogging here in Novotel Lisbon right now from my mobile...

The story goes like this... I was informed yesterday there is an air traffic controller strike in Lisbon airport and I was hoping that I would be able to fly to Manchester despite the strike. First, it was rescheduled to earlier time, so I was in the airport earlier. Then as the time approaching, there was an announcement saying that our flight was delayed until further notice which would be given at 3pm. At 2pm, the flight was canceled. Then the confusion and waiting for what's next started. LOL. The airline is supposed to provide us with food and lodging. So here I am! Novotel Lisbon. It's quite good place to stay. Finally I'm lying on a king size bed watch AXN. Thank God! Hopefully tomorrow we will fly on time to Manchester as I have a lot to catch up my trip..

Ugly but Striking Luggage

It'll be a joke if u miss this bag anywhere! LOL